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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Baby /toddler sessions run by a man

169 replies

SleepingStandingUp · 19/02/2022 00:12

If you were looking for paid sessions for baby / toddler would it put you off if the person leading it was a man? Would your baby's age make any difference? Talking to a male friend about career options but we were undecided if it would be doable.

Yabu - no one would go
Yanbu - of course people would go

OP posts:
Thegirlwiththeeagereyes · 19/02/2022 00:17

I have two boys and I really liked it when we went to something that was run by a man - most things are female-led but I'm keen for them to have good male role models as well as female.

RedCandyApple · 19/02/2022 00:22

Why would it put people off 😕

MrsSkylerWhite · 19/02/2022 00:22

Why?

Original poster
SleepingStandingUp · 19/02/2022 00:24

@RedCandyApple

Why would it put people off 😕
We were talking with a woman who had a franchise at one of them, they had a conference and the topic came up, their concensus professionally was that women might not feel comfortable having it led by a man, as he hasn't had the same experience of them at parenting. Was curious as to whether it would translate in real life.
OP posts:
Original poster
SleepingStandingUp · 19/02/2022 00:24

Would anyone who voted yabu like to share?

OP posts:
Original poster
SleepingStandingUp · 19/02/2022 00:25

@MrsSkylerWhite

Why?
Why am I asking? Because I was telling friend he should start a baby club because he's so good with people's kids and chatting to strangers but he did the "but I'm a man" thing
OP posts:
NuffSaidSam · 19/02/2022 00:27

It's absolutely fine.

We do Gymboree led by a man.

Music led by a man.

Swimming lessons and the teacher is a man.

We've been to various one-off events also led by men.

It's never even crossed my mind.

Original poster
SleepingStandingUp · 19/02/2022 00:28

I've never actually found one led by a man I should add so hence why I'm more "WOULD people go?"

OP posts:
Macademiamum · 19/02/2022 00:28

My kids have had quite a lot of men work with them as small kids over the years. Nursery workers, sports activities, party entertainment, circus skills, music lessons, etc. I always think it's an advantage not a disadvantage for them to have a balance of genders.
Maybe not so much in the early days with a newborn, eg, I would have struggled a bit to have breastfeeding support from a man. But other than that.

Thisischarming · 19/02/2022 00:29

No I wouldn't. Our male nanny was a legend.

DropYourSword · 19/02/2022 00:29

Wouldn't bother me at all.
My DS's daycare lead was a man. It was eye opening talking to him though about how much distrust there is for men in that line of work.
I think it's a little disingenuous of posters writing on here "why would it". It absolutely shouldn't make a difference- but the reality is that it does and there are plenty of Mums who would unfairly not trust a man in a childcare type setting, simply because he's a man.

QueenGoblin · 19/02/2022 00:32

Personally I think it's great when there are some men around! An activity run by a man wouldn't put me off, if anything it's a selling point.

However, I do know some women get weird when there are men about in what they consider to be 'their' space. I've seen mums be incredibly rude to a dad out with his two kids at soft play during the week (apparently it would be fine if it had been the weekend).

On the other hand, I've noticed more dads about during the week and that's just the ones comfortable enough to go out. I know a few friends husbands that just stay home with the kids because they don't feel comfortable going to places mum would go. Perhaps if it was male run they would feel more up for going out.

DiddyHeck · 19/02/2022 00:33

@DropYourSword

Wouldn't bother me at all. My DS's daycare lead was a man. It was eye opening talking to him though about how much distrust there is for men in that line of work. I think it's a little disingenuous of posters writing on here "why would it". It absolutely shouldn't make a difference- but the reality is that it does and there are plenty of Mums who would unfairly not trust a man in a childcare type setting, simply because he's a man.
I think it's a little disingenuous of posters writing on here "why would it". It absolutely shouldn't make a difference- but the reality is that it does and there are plenty of Mums who would unfairly not trust a man in a childcare type setting, simply because he's a man.

I get what you're saying but it's not like parents are going to be dropping their babies and toddlers off with him and going home.

Original poster
SleepingStandingUp · 19/02/2022 00:34

Exactly @DropYourSword, was beginning to think it was all in my head. Talking to male nurses (I know they have more intimate association with more vulnerable children) and they were asked if they were gay as they were children's nurses and in some cases asked to be taken off treating their child. When our named nurse (we were in for a while) finally "admitted" he was gay and I didn't react other than asking appropriately nosey qns, he was visibly relieved I wasn't about to demand a woman

OP posts:
Original poster
SleepingStandingUp · 19/02/2022 00:35

@Thisischarming

No I wouldn't. Our male nanny was a legend.
I did suggest him being a Nanny!!
OP posts:
NuffSaidSam · 19/02/2022 00:38

It is hard for male nannies to find work. I think activities where the parent stays are different and people are more open minded in their thinking.

MrsSkylerWhite · 19/02/2022 00:40

SleepingStandingUp

MrsSkylerWhite
Why?
Why am I asking? Because I was telling friend he should start a baby club because he's so good with people's kids and chatting to strangers but he did the "but I'm a man" thing“

No, sorry, didn’t mean that. Meant, why would anyone be concerned? People are good with children or they’re not. Male or female is irrelevant.

Original poster
SleepingStandingUp · 19/02/2022 00:42

And yet 23% disagree with us.

OP posts:
RedCandyApple · 19/02/2022 00:44

@DropYourSword

Wouldn't bother me at all. My DS's daycare lead was a man. It was eye opening talking to him though about how much distrust there is for men in that line of work. I think it's a little disingenuous of posters writing on here "why would it". It absolutely shouldn't make a difference- but the reality is that it does and there are plenty of Mums who would unfairly not trust a man in a childcare type setting, simply because he's a man.
But the parents would be there at all times? What about male teachers? These ones that have “issues” with it wouldn’t have much choice then, personally I was delighted when my kids got a male teacher I wish there was more men in working in these roles
avamiah · 19/02/2022 00:45

My daughter is 12 now but was taught to swim at the age of 6 by a male swimming coach who still teaches now and has a waiting list for new students.She does tap and drama and singing lessons now as she attends a stage school and most of her teachers are male and very successful as well.

Thisischarming · 19/02/2022 00:48

It is hard for male nannies to find work

That's not my impression.

NuffSaidSam · 19/02/2022 00:49

@Thisischarming

It is hard for male nannies to find work

That's not my impression.

That's what the male nannies I know have told me.

I'm also a nanny.

LolaLuffnagal · 19/02/2022 00:50

@DropYourSword

Wouldn't bother me at all. My DS's daycare lead was a man. It was eye opening talking to him though about how much distrust there is for men in that line of work. I think it's a little disingenuous of posters writing on here "why would it". It absolutely shouldn't make a difference- but the reality is that it does and there are plenty of Mums who would unfairly not trust a man in a childcare type setting, simply because he's a man.
Yes, this.

I work in a nursery and every male colleague I have worked with over the years (not very many admittedly, under 10) has had at least one parent request that their child's nappy is not changed by them. I don't agree with it, if the worker is caring and trustful enough to look after their child then they should be able to participate in all areas of care.

Op, we need more male childcare workers so it would not bother me in the slightest, in fact I would welcome it. But sadly my opinion counts for nothing.

NumberTheory · 19/02/2022 01:09

I wouldn’t have thought I’d have a problem before I had kids. But after putting up with a lot of men and young, childless women talking crap when mine were babies, I might be a bit wary now. I’d be fine with a male nanny. And I’m fine with male nurses and doctors for any type of care. But stuff where people are often giving their own opinions, rather than giving research lead care, I’ve just found people who haven’t given birth are too often a pain. And that sort of thing often comes with leaders of baby groups. I left a couple because they were run by young women who talked a lot about what people “should” do and it was patronizing and not at all supportive. To me, baby groups are all about the mutual support when you’ve just had your life turned upside down.

By the time the kids were school aged (probably a couple of years before) this wasn’t an issue any more. It was just those few years when they were really young.

HiJenny35 · 19/02/2022 01:18

We had a man who ran a song group, it was packed every week, a woman ran the same on alternative days and hers was always empty also a man at drama and dance group. I prefer going to things run by a man, everything in preschool is ran by women so I always wanted my child to see men in nurturing roles too.

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