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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Baby /toddler sessions run by a man

169 replies

SleepingStandingUp · 19/02/2022 00:12

If you were looking for paid sessions for baby / toddler would it put you off if the person leading it was a man? Would your baby's age make any difference? Talking to a male friend about career options but we were undecided if it would be doable.

Yabu - no one would go
Yanbu - of course people would go

OP posts:
Sirzy · 19/02/2022 09:13

To say they shouldn’t be in such roles is simply reinforcing gender stereotypes. There should of course be vigorous safeguarding procedures in place whether leaders are male or female but that shouldn’t mean men shouldn’t do the roles.

More men in such roles can help fathers feel comfier taking their children to groups which can have a positive impact all around surely?

HaveringWavering · 19/02/2022 09:17

@WouldIwasShookspeared

Why aren't fathers more involved with their kids? Why do I have to do everything? Men should be doing their fair share of child related stuff. My husband never gets up with the baby. My bloke can't settle the baby. My son's dad doesn't pull his weight. We need more male role models for young children. It's sexist to assume that women must take all the child related duties. Men need to be more involved. Men shouldn't be involved with children it's wrong for a man to be in a childcare role. I'd be really suspicious of a male nanny/nursery worker/baby sitter. Why aren't men more involved with children? Why would a man want to be involved with children, they must be a pervert.
Are you having an argument with yourself?!
SlashBeef · 19/02/2022 09:18

I wouldn't send my kids to a nursery if there were male staff. That's just me being honest.
I wouldn't have a problem with groups like playgroups, gymnastics, swimming lessons, etc where the parents come along anyway.

Original poster
SleepingStandingUp · 19/02/2022 10:01

women might not feel comfortable having it led by a man, as he hasn't had the same experience of them at parenting several of the franchise are run by childless women. He has three and I think it's obvious when meeting him he's a hands on Dad

OP posts:
Original poster
SleepingStandingUp · 19/02/2022 10:02

@Alonelonelylonersbadidea

I've got three sons, if I Model to them that there are certain jobs they are unwelcome to do that makes me a sexist asshole, which I'd generally like to avoid.

I've always liked having males in positions like this. It's good for both my sons and my daughters.

And reinforces that babies and kids are women's work
OP posts:
Luredbyapomegranate · 19/02/2022 10:04

I think it would be fine. It’s a USP. I’d emphasis the idea of it being fun and active, which is what people (sexistly!) would think they would get from a man.

dashoflime · 19/02/2022 10:06

My Dad ran a very popular parent and toddler group when I was growing up.
This was back in the 80's when it was much more unusual.
It didn't seem to bother people at all. So I would think your friend will be fine.

Thirkettle · 19/02/2022 10:11

If someone of either gender wants 'a career option' they should consider something other than 'a baby group' which is not a career. He'll earn bugger all money from that. Choose something with a reasonable salary.

Tanith · 19/02/2022 10:11

It depends on the type of playgroup he was thinking of running.

Standard toddler group: not a problem (DH co-runs one with me).

The kind of sexualised dressing up that has hit the headlines in the last couple of years: no way!

Original poster
SleepingStandingUp · 19/02/2022 10:12

@SlashBeef

I wouldn't send my kids to a nursery if there were male staff. That's just me being honest. I wouldn't have a problem with groups like playgroups, gymnastics, swimming lessons, etc where the parents come along anyway.
What age do you have that rule to? Just nursery because of toileting? What if they aren't dry by reception? Not having a go, just curious.
OP posts:
TwoShades1 · 19/02/2022 10:13

I have been to a gymnastics session run by a man (he was useless, but not because he was a man!). I’m mostly just interested in the person being good at whatever it is they are doing and working well with the children. Their gender, sex, etc is fairly irrelevant surely.

Original poster
SleepingStandingUp · 19/02/2022 10:14

@Thirkettle

If someone of either gender wants 'a career option' they should consider something other than 'a baby group' which is not a career. He'll earn bugger all money from that. Choose something with a reasonable salary.
Well there's plenty of franchises where people make enough to live by or run it alongside their other job, instead of being a SAHP whilst the other partner works more standard hours etc. I didn't mean once a week 50p entry in the church hall
OP posts:
Original poster
SleepingStandingUp · 19/02/2022 10:16

The kind of sexualised dressing up that has hit the headlines in the last couple of years: no way! no, he's not considering dressing up sexily to run around after toddlers 🙄

OP posts:
Wingingthis · 19/02/2022 10:18

I wouldn’t even think twice about it really! Never really crossed my mind that it’s mostly women. Would be nice to have a man to mix things up a bit! My daughters football coach (toddlers football) was a man and he was great with the kids!

RedRobyn2021 · 19/02/2022 10:22

No it wouldn't put me off at all

Original poster
SleepingStandingUp · 19/02/2022 10:22

@HaveringWavering the lack of punctuation is confusing but I see their point.

Woman A: Why aren't fathers more involved with their kids? Why do I have to do everything? Woman B: Men should be doing their fair share of child related stuff. My husband never gets up with the baby.
Woman C: My bloke can't settle the baby.
Woman D: My son's dad doesn't pull his weight. Woman E: We need more male role models for young children. It's sexist to assume that women must take all the child related duties. Men need to be more involved.

Lots of women complain men don't do enough but then you get, as shown on this thread:

Woman A: Men shouldn't be involved with children it's wrong for a man to be in a childcare role.
Woman B: I'd be really suspicious of a male nanny/nursery worker/baby sitter.

But at the same time, whilst refusing care from a male childcare worker or asking if the male nurse is gay and refusing to let him treat the kid, the same arguments circle.

Woman C: Why aren't men more involved with children?
Woman D: Why would a man want to be involved with children, they must be a pervert

Sometimes they can't win. Men should be involved but only in their own kids, and they shouldn't really enjoy it too much or want to stay home but they should do more.

OP posts:
birdy747 · 19/02/2022 10:23

It would be weird. Why would he want to be around babies/toddlers Confused We've learnt lessons about paedophilia, let's not pretend to forget them to 'be kind'.

Pigeonpocket · 19/02/2022 10:25

Toddler sessions, fine being run by a man.
Baby sessions, would depend what it is.

Something like sing and sign would be fine. A general baby group not so much because mums like to talk about potentially vulnerable things, struggling with breastfeeding, pain, birth trauma etc. Or even just solidarity in night feeding/waking and things men are less likely to have experience of.

Baby groups are often more for the mum than the baby. Toddler groups benefit both.

luxxlisbon · 19/02/2022 10:25

@birdy747

It would be weird. Why would he want to be around babies/toddlers Confused We've learnt lessons about paedophilia, let's not pretend to forget them to 'be kind'.
Why would women want to be around babies or toddlers? Confused
RebeccaCloud9 · 19/02/2022 10:25

Depends what. Toddler play group, Baby sensory session, pre school activities etc, totally fine. Would be a welcome change I think and may encourage more dads to attend. Good to have males in this role and setting.

Newborn support group/small baby stay and play/breastfeeding cafe type thing, no way. It would feel very 'mansplainy' I think, these are very much women's spaces for woman-to-woman support in the very early days.

JemimaTiggywinkle · 19/02/2022 10:27

Tbh when you book baby groups you don’t always know who the group is run by until you turn up to the first session.
I would probably be mildly surprised it was a man but wouldn’t care. If anything I’d be pleased - most babies don’t see many men regularly apart form their dad/close relatives.

And as pp has said it’s good to have role models - not reinforcing that child rearing is women’s work.

SlashBeef · 19/02/2022 10:29

@SleepingStandingUp not something I really had to think about as my kids reception teachers were female but considering it now, no I wouldn't feel comfortable with a male teacher being involved with toileting or personal care.

SpaghettiNotCourgetti · 19/02/2022 10:34

@birdy747

It would be weird. Why would he want to be around babies/toddlers Confused We've learnt lessons about paedophilia, let's not pretend to forget them to 'be kind'.
For the same reason women might like being around babies and toddlers? Because they're cute and funny? Because it's fascinating to watch their development? Humans never learn as much as quickly at any other point in the lifespan.

OR, obviously, it could be because we're in fucking Paedogeddon.

JFC. I loathe attitudes like this. How does one cope in normal life thinking this shit?

JessicaKenny2018 · 19/02/2022 10:37

We had portage for my son with additional needs, we had the only man that worked in our area and he was amazing, other people I now know who also had him have said the same.

Justkeeppedaling · 19/02/2022 10:39

their concensus professionally was that women might not feel comfortable having it led by a man, as he hasn't had the same experience of them at parenting

I don't think that's fair at all. It's "just" the pregnancy and giving birth but that men can't do - after that it's even stevens - or should be anyway.