Baby /toddler sessions run by a man

[SleepingStandingUp]

If you were looking for paid sessions for baby / toddler would it put you off if the person leading it was a man? Would your baby's age make any difference? Talking to a male friend about career options but we were undecided if it would be doable.

Yabu - no one would go
Yanbu - of course people would go

I've never been to a group ran by a bloke before (I have two young children and am an avid group-goer so I have been to maaaany groups over the last few years). It definitely wouldn't put me off at all. I feel it's sad that there is such a lack of representation of men in early years stuff, good male role models are important for children. I do go to a church playgroup though that is huge and has a whole team of volunteers and two of them are blokes. It's a very popular, huge playgroup and well attended so that definitely doesn't put people off. Another church playgroup I used to go to often has the reverend around helping out which again doesn't seem to be an issue. Oh I have also been to baby/toddler music group and a drama group that I go to sometimes and both of those had a bloke playing musical instruments as part of the sessions but they don't tend to do any of the talking or other input in to the sessions, so are otherwise women led. I would say these two groups in particular had a greater proportion of dads attending with their kids than the other groups I've been to so perhaps dad's are more likely to take their kids to these types of things and might work particularly well with a male running those types of groups?

@birdy747

It would be weird. Why would he want to be around babies/toddlers We've learnt lessons about paedophilia, let's not pretend to forget them to 'be kind'.

So do you have kids? Is their Dad around? Do you assume he's a paedophile?

He has three kids, he's bloody brilliant with mine because he's caring and funny and silly, he's very approachable so he gets talked to more at group than I do. He's always worked public facing jobs and it suits him. It's really very sad that you'd see him hanging out with my toddlers (whilst I drink coffee) and assume he must want to abuse them

Wow. So it has been repeatedly shown that paternity leave where it is paid and it’s use it or lose it improves inequality for women as it helps the father to be more involved in childcare early on. Our statutory shared parental leave is fairly shit but it does exist, but I do not understand why we refuse to see fathers as equal parents. It’s not just terrible for fathers - it’s bad for mothers too!

Yes, historically these have been “mummy groups”. Yes, sometimes these are very unwelcoming towards men (and working mothers, and gay couples, and formula feeders…) But surely we should be moving forwards towards groups for all kinds of parent? If you want a breastfeeding group - great! If you want a group with other gay couples or adopted parents - amazing! If you want one run by a man - fab!

I despair of the PPs who think it’s weird for men to be interested in children, or that “all men are pedos”.

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Today 10:25 luxxlisbon

birdy747
It would be weird. Why would he want to be around babies/toddlers confused We've learnt lessons about paedophilia, let's not pretend to forget them to 'be kind'.

Why would women want to be around babies or toddlers? confused”

Indeed. I’m a mother/grandmother. My own young ones are just fantastic. I’d be a terrible play leader because I don’t particularly like other peoples babies and toddlers, just not interested.
I’m obviously not very good at being a woman

1-2% of men are paedophiles in the general population. Now, we know that paedophiles will actively seek out roles where they have access to potential victims (priests, medical staff, childcare providers, schools etc.) so we can expect that percentage to be higher amongst individuals who work in those sectors.

I would therefore always be more cautious of a male in such circumstances, even though most male nannies/nurses/priests etc. are harmless. It's natural to calculate risk and attempt to mitigate it (by, for example, choosing a female nanny).

I'd be absolutely fine with a toddler group run by a man, particularly one who had his own child - parents are aren't leaving their children unattended anyway so the risk is miniscule.

I've been to sessions run by men. I really don't understand the issue.

I’d be absolutely fine with a toddler group run by a man, particularly one who had his own child - parents are aren't leaving their children unattended anyway so the risk is miniscule.

Bit naive to think a man with his own children is automatically “safer”. As has been pointed out most abuse happens within the family.

1-2% of men are paedophiles in the general population

Are you sure? That seems very high.

I tend to see the opposite of wariness to males in early years settings. The ones I've seen are absolutely fawned over, even if they are mediocre.

I used to take my Ds to a 0-6 month baby class. Not baby sensory but similar. A man ran the sessions. He was really good...he had a very gentle, calming demeanor

Sleepingstandingup - this isn't about me or a father who wants to be around his own kids. It's about a man who wants to be around other people's kids.

My toddler would be delighted to go to a Mr Tumble toddler session that’s for sure!

We used to go to a gymnastics club run by a bloke. He was a former Commonwealth Games winner, and was brilliant with the kids, esp the toddler/preschoolers. We’ve also had a male swimming teacher lots of times.

People are weird though. I remember one of the mothers at school complained that the music teacher was a man, because her 4 year old DD had come home talking about him. He’s the nicest man in the world, two girls of his own, and is universally adored by all Year groups. She just didn’t want her DD to have any contact with any men at all.

@haikyew

Wiggles are a band Many would be irked because Most pedos are men

It's a baby session don't be ridiculous. Is no male ever allowed to cast his eyes on your child? It's a bit much, your staying with them the whole time. Understandable if it's a nursery worker changing nappies, not a bloke singing songs with a ukulele.

I didn't have a problem with male members of the maternity team, wouldn't have a problem with male leader at a baby group.
I do have a problem with baby groups in general though so avoid like the plague.

Unless it was breastfeeding support or something, it would be fine. Might be quite nice for us as a family as DH and I are both part time working and look after DD when the other is working, so it is DH who takes her to toddler groups about half the time.

Incidentally - as you mentioned male nurses on children's wards - I was in hospital as a young child and I still remember the one male nurse on the ward as he was very funny - extremely good at cheering us up.

I used to attend a mother and toddler group where one of the volunteer leaders was an older man - probably of an age to be a grandfather rather than a father. He was actually a friend of my father's. He was a widow with his own children and part of the group that ran the session. The volunteers mostly were involved in setting up, organising refreshments and planning but they were in and out of the main hall and interacting with the parents and children. The children loved him and would gravitate towards him.

Wouldn't really care because I would be with the baby all the time 🤷🏻‍♀️ if it was babysitting maybe I would think twice....

I suppose it might put some women off, if they've suffered poor experiences before then being with a strange man in a group setting with other strangers might be off putting. For me I wouldn't think twice though

Tbh I wasn't even thinking about the pedophile aspect, not like the child would be likely to be alone with the leader in this sort of group. It's more that sadly many women have experienced abuse at the hands of men be it physical, sexual or emotional and can be left with trauma or ptsd. Being in a room with an unknown man having to converse with them might be too much. You'd get some people understandably put off due to that

@Thirkettle

If someone of either gender wants 'a career option' they should consider something other than 'a baby group' which is not a career. He'll earn bugger all money from that. Choose something with a reasonable salary.

Weirdest comment on this thread.

There was a thread on here a while ago where a man had been asked to stop taking his DC to a baby class because the mothers there didn’t like it. If that can happen, there will definitely be people who won’t attend a class led by a man.

[quote SleepingStandingUp]@HaveringWavering the lack of punctuation is confusing but I see their point.

Woman A: Why aren't fathers more involved with their kids? Why do I have to do everything? Woman B: Men should be doing their fair share of child related stuff. My husband never gets up with the baby.
Woman C: My bloke can't settle the baby.
Woman D: My son's dad doesn't pull his weight. Woman E: We need more male role models for young children. It's sexist to assume that women must take all the child related duties. Men need to be more involved.

Lots of women complain men don't do enough but then you get, as shown on this thread:

Woman A: Men shouldn't be involved with children it's wrong for a man to be in a childcare role.
Woman B: I'd be really suspicious of a male nanny/nursery worker/baby sitter.

But at the same time, whilst refusing care from a male childcare worker or asking if the male nurse is gay and refusing to let him treat the kid, the same arguments circle.

Woman C: Why aren't men more involved with children?
Woman D: Why would a man want to be involved with children, they must be a pervert

Sometimes they can't win. Men should be involved but only in their own kids, and they shouldn't really enjoy it too much or want to stay home but they should do more.[/quote]
This, OP, is Mumsnet in a nutshell.

Well you wouldn't be leaving your toddler in his care it's just an activity with you there all the time so I do t see how it makes any difference who it's run by

Being in a room with an unknown man having to converse with them might be too much

I don't mean to sound unsympathetic but if a woman couldn't be in a room and converse with a man she didn't know amongst other people then she really needs to get help. I mean if that was your situation, how could you go into a shop, a cafe, an office, a doctor's surgery, your DC's school, a party...the list is endless.