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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Baby /toddler sessions run by a man

169 replies

SleepingStandingUp · 19/02/2022 00:12

If you were looking for paid sessions for baby / toddler would it put you off if the person leading it was a man? Would your baby's age make any difference? Talking to a male friend about career options but we were undecided if it would be doable.

Yabu - no one would go
Yanbu - of course people would go

OP posts:

KatherineofGaunt · 19/02/2022 01:22

My DH would have loved this. He's a SAHD (DC now at nursery more so less time to go places) and would have welcomed even one group run by a man so there was another man around to talk to. He's found being surrounded by female carers and group leaders all day isolating as they generally ignore him.

Antsinmypantsneedtodance · 19/02/2022 01:25

I regularly attend a toddler class thst is run by a man. He does baby classes too.

If anything its a selling point to me. My DD loves him. Hes great with the children. I thibk the fact he's a man has almost become a bit of a USP. The class now often has a fair few dads attend and its lovely to have a bit of variety!

Holskey · 19/02/2022 02:00

We attend a music class run by a man. It's great to have a visible man in such a setting for a change. Does depend on the type of class to some extent though - I attended a newborn yoga and massage class (yoga for the mums) and that was very much about our bodies etc - wouldn't be right for a man.

I do think leading a class is different to a role where a man is left alone with a child. Of course most men aren't paedophiles, but the majority of paedophiles are men, and there is no shortage of them unfortunately.

RainbowCrayons · 19/02/2022 04:28

We did messy play run by a man. He was wonderful and we still keep in contact. And DS did baby gym and is still there in the bigger classes still with the same male teacher. He responds well to men and I think it's nice to get that balance as he was at home with mostly just me for most of lockdown and now all the staff at his nursery are female.

Flittingaboutagain · 19/02/2022 04:34

Wouldn't be a problem once toddlers but definitely would avoid whilst breastfeeding especially in the early days when baby latched on and off exposing me.

Cognoscenti · 19/02/2022 04:40

I'd like to go to a baby/toddler class run by a man, all of ours have been led by women which is fine, but if would be a nice change to go to a male-led one.

tcjotm · 19/02/2022 04:52

Doesn’t seem to bother toddlers that the Wiggles are a bunch of men.

A man may also have loads more experience of parenting than a first time mother. Obviously no first hand knowledge of giving birth or breastfeeding but neither may some of the mothers.

Wouldn’t bother me, though it’s probably not a very lucrative career option for him!

Momijin · 19/02/2022 05:03

Not sure why a man would need to have expert or in depth knowledge of breastfeeding and giving birth to run a toddler group!

It wouldn't affect how I feel about going to a play group. Lots of children entertainers are men in my experience and they're fab.

It would also make dads more comfortable about going I think.

haikyew · 19/02/2022 05:07

Wiggles are a band
Many would be irked because
Most pedos are men

Hellolittlestar · 19/02/2022 05:15

I went to an antenatal class run by a man. I never went back as I though he’s full of shit and couldn’t possibly relate to anything a woman is feeling during giving birth.

I would happily attend a toddler class from 18+ months. Any earlier than that, I would not have felt comfortable with it.

Twicklette · 19/02/2022 05:19

À bit different but in the secondary school where I taught there was a push to find male TAs . The majority of students with additional needs are boys. Traditionally TAs are middle aged women with a mummy approach to helping. Many boys hate this kind of support and feel so embarrassed. They reject the help and gain nothing from these TAs. Instead the school looked for male TAs, often young graduates thinking of teaching as a career. These men were so popular with classes and particularly with the young boys who required additional support. It was recognised as a successful approach to targeted learning support in classrooms.
There is a real reluctance to let men have a role in child rearing and education, amongst many women, who believe that mummy knows best. It is not healthy for boys who need support to have a 'mummy' in the classroom. Successful male role models are so important for these boys and we let them down by not recognising the part men should play in their education. The underachievement of boys in the classroom has been a problem forever. Sadly childcare roles are more gendered than ever with so many women demanding mummy replacements.
OP, tell your friend to look for a TA role initially. So many schools want men and there is often positive discrimination in place to attract men. We do our young people and children a disservice by wanting a mummy style replacement in childcare.

cuno · 19/02/2022 05:24

I'm assuming it's a play group. Would not bother me at all. He's not going to be alone with my toddler or responsible for her care so it's no different to the dads that may or may not attend being around my daughter in a setting like that, and it's not like those dads are DBS checked etc. She wouldn't be at any additional risk so I don't see what the issue is.

MuchuseasaChocolateTeapot · 19/02/2022 05:28

The best school teachers, particularly in primary that my children had were men. I felt as though they actually wanted to be there and had a passion for teaching. I felt like some of the female teachers actually didn’t like the job but it was convenient around their own families (obviously not all, they have had a few superb female teachers).

So no, wouldn’t bother me in the least. The only time I have objected to a man in any situation was the very young boy they sent to shave me for a caesarean, I don’t know which one of us was more horrified. Not sure I would have wanted a lady either to be fair. Happy to do it myself!

tcjotm · 19/02/2022 05:28

@Momijin

Not sure why a man would need to have expert or in depth knowledge of breastfeeding and giving birth to run a toddler group!

It wouldn't affect how I feel about going to a play group. Lots of children entertainers are men in my experience and they're fab.

It would also make dads more comfortable about going I think.

If you were responding to me, no of course they wouldn’t. But OP mentioned baby groups too and they can be more for new mother support and discussion and those topics can come up. That might be a bit weird for the mums. But if it’s just a singing/play type one of course that experience isn’t relevant and it doesn’t matter who teaches it..

tcjotm · 19/02/2022 05:31

@haikyew

Wiggles are a band Many would be irked because Most pedos are men

A band that jumps around singing toddler songs. Not too dissimilar from many toddler groups!

Small children are more at risk of pedophiles within their own families. Standing in a circle singing with 15 mums, 15 toddlers and one DBS checked man is hardly a risk.

Moonface123 · 19/02/2022 05:33

If anything l would prefer it.

TheGoogleMum · 19/02/2022 05:37

I think it would go down better with toddlers than babies but wouldn't necessarily put me off (in fact we used to go to a toddler sports class run by a man and he was great!)

cuno · 19/02/2022 05:38

Small children are more at risk of pedophiles within their own families. Standing in a circle singing with 15 mums, 15 toddlers and one DBS checked man is hardly a risk.

Absolutely. Or it could be singing with 12 mums, 3 dads and 15 toddlers and you wouldn't know if the other dads are paedophiles. They can see the toddler just as much as the man leading the play group, but neither would be alone or looking after the child. I don't know what difference it makes unless people don't take their toddlers out anywhere where there are men.

I understand the risk that men as a group pose, and I am very wary of men myself. I would never let any man other than my daughter's father look after her. But even an objection to male play group leader is OTT for me.

scandikate · 19/02/2022 05:43

It would make me want to go to be honest. I have a boy and find it really sad that he never sees any male adults working with children. There has never been a single male at any nursery or playgroup setting and now he's at school the only male working there is the caretaker.

Twicklette · 19/02/2022 06:00

@scandikate
Exactly my point as well. A friend of mine who is a Headteacher tried so hard to encourage applications from men for teaching roles in her infant school. There was so much opposition from mothers.
It is not healthy to have only ´mummy' type staff in schools. Look up the underperformance of boys in education and there are many who think it is because we focus so much on a female dominated approach. Men do just as well in the world of work. It is just a biased approach to mainly female teaching in primary schools that can make young boys feel lost and out of place.
I have read so many threads on here started by female TAs who think they are saintly. They are not doing boys any favours by over mothering them. In terms of underachieving boys the more men in the classroom the better.

nannynick · 19/02/2022 06:23

There will be some people who won't like it, for whatever reason.
These sorts of group often do a taster session, so people can give it a try and not sign up if they don't like it. Would a class lead by a man, vs one lead by a women get a lower conversion rate... maybe. Though with a class, where parents/carers stay with the child, the group leader is not providing intimate care of the children, so not comparable to having a male nanny, in my view.

Male nannies - the issue I find personally is that the father of the child/children is against it more often than the mother.

cookiemonster2468 · 19/02/2022 06:51

women might not feel comfortable having it led by a man, as he hasn't had the same experience of them at parenting

Wow. Such a problematic statement in so many ways. Many women have had no experience at all of parenting. Many men have had a lot of experience of parenting. What a weird thing to say.

Of course it's fine if a baby/toddler group is run by a man!

cookiemonster2468 · 19/02/2022 06:54

@haikyew

Wiggles are a band Many would be irked because Most pedos are men

Another weird comment!

Most pedos are men... therefore if the leader of my baby/ toddler group is a man... he is likely to be a pedo?

Erm. You might want to check that logic!

Mommabear20 · 19/02/2022 07:05

My DC both have a (different) male swimming teacher, as they're both so tiny I have to be in the water with them and I've never felt uncomfortable!

In all situations, I feel it is more about how the person acts and engages with you than what's between their legs! After my DS birth I had a male doctor come to do a check on my downstairs stitches as I was in a lot of pain, and honestly, I would have rather had him deliver my baby than the female doctor I did have!

Chasingaftermidnight · 19/02/2022 07:06

I’d be ok with it. But I think it depends to some extent on age of the children. I suspect some mums might be a bit uncomfortable if it’s for young babies who are still regularly breastfed. I reckon people would be more likely to be ok with it if the kids are toddler age up. I’ve got a 2.5 year old and we do swimming class led by a man and football led by a man. No one bats an eyelid.

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