Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Baby /toddler sessions run by a man

169 replies

SleepingStandingUp · 19/02/2022 00:12

If you were looking for paid sessions for baby / toddler would it put you off if the person leading it was a man? Would your baby's age make any difference? Talking to a male friend about career options but we were undecided if it would be doable.

Yabu - no one would go
Yanbu - of course people would go

OP posts:
GCNC · 19/02/2022 07:13

I would have no issue whatsoever with a male toddler group leader/swimming teacher/karate teacher/dance teacher/whatever else. Might be nice for a change! I also like to see dads out and about with kids during the week and think it’s a real shame that changing facilities etc aren’t better for both sexes as it can create a real barrier.

However, I think it’s strange to say people ‘unfairly’ are prejudiced about male nursery workers/childminders/nannies/etc. It isn’t unfair at all. Might well feel shit to the men in that field but it’s not unfair. Anyone who has worked in a field remotely related to crime can tell you that. Yes the vast majority of men are decent people who would be repulsed at the thought of abusing a child. But- at the same time, the people who ARENT repulsed by this, are almost all men. And they have a really good way of weasling into positions where they have access to kids, if that’s what they want. I personally don’t choose to ignore that fact, however unlikely. That stands totally separately to whether abuse is more likely in a family setting, in my view. Yes that’s also true, but in my view one shitty thing being more likely doesn’t stop you taking precautions about another potentially shitty thing.

Trainbear · 19/02/2022 07:25

Everyday sexism?

T00Ts · 19/02/2022 07:25

The nursery my kid attends is run by a man. His role doesn’t entail actually looking after them anymore but whenever I collect him, he’s always out with the children, covered in them, as they adore him and he adores them. I don’t think it would ever even occurred to me to have felt uncomfortable.

yikesanotherbooboo · 19/02/2022 07:25

I wouldn't mind at all. Some children have very few men in their day to day lives and this continues through primary school so I think male group leaders are a positive.

Mumoblue · 19/02/2022 07:30

Wouldn’t put me off at all. The nursery my son is joining this coming week is led by a man, and as someone who has worked in childcare all the men I have worked with have been great.

One of the guys I used to work with said that funnily enough a lot more dads had a problem with what he did than the mums did because they “couldn’t understand why a man would want to do that”.

MissLC · 19/02/2022 07:32

I would totally go. I think my husband would do weekend classes with our little one and a male class leader too.
I think it would be a great selling point if I'm honest, I've not seen any classes run by males in my area.

My husband is a primary school teacher and loads of people pull their face at that as if its unusual which I just don't get. He has a great relationship with the children and its great for their development

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 19/02/2022 07:37

My DD, now in her last months of Primary School, has never had a male Nursery staff, teaching assistant or teacher. She has had male deputy and Head teachers though.

I don't think that's a healthy balance really.

ThatsNotMyGolem · 19/02/2022 07:40

I don't think it's wrong to be suspicious of men when it's men who commit the majority of crimes against women and children.

I would prefer to attend a class led by a woman. Not a popular view, but there we go.

Alonelonelylonersbadidea · 19/02/2022 07:44

I've got three sons, if I Model to them that there are certain jobs they are unwelcome to do that makes me a sexist asshole, which I'd generally like to avoid.

I've always liked having males in positions like this. It's good for both my sons and my daughters.

89redballoons · 19/02/2022 08:12

We used to go to Gymboree classes with a male leader. He's left now sadly but he was the best leader! I think the rest of the time he was a musician and taught music lessons to kids. He was brilliant at the job, the toddlers found him really engaging and funny.

There is also a male member of staff at my DS's nursery and DS loves him.

DH and I spend equal amounts of time with our son as we each work part time, but DH is always reluctant to take him to any formal classes and I think the fact that the vast majority of leaders and parents are women is part of that. It's a shame I think.

HaveringWavering · 19/02/2022 08:12

We were talking with a woman who had a franchise at one of them, they had a conference and the topic came up, their concensus professionally was that women might not feel comfortable having it led by a man, as he hasn't had the same experience of them at parenting. Was curious as to whether it would translate in real life.

Why does someone being male mean automatically that he “hasn’t had the same experience of parenting” as women?

Surely it depends how many kids the man has had and how many the comprable woman has had, what the ages of the kids are and to what extent the man participated in childcare? That’s massively variable but you can’t say that all men have less parenting experience than all women?

The majority of kids have 2 parents, there are a lot of men out there with “parenting experience!”

DickMabutt73962 · 19/02/2022 08:17

women might not feel comfortable having it led by a man, as he hasn't had the same experience of them at parenting

😂😂😂 and a woman leading the class has? How do you know who's a parent and who's not by looking? The classes I've been to have been led by a fairly young woman, of course she may have children but there's a chance she doesn't!

SweetPotatoDumpling · 19/02/2022 08:23

My granddaughter LOVES her male nursery teacher...he is a firm favourite teacher in her school! Used to be the Year 4 teacher and moved to the nursery class in September apparently 🥰

I think more male role models are needed for younger children, not fewer.

Camomila · 19/02/2022 08:24

One of the most popular baby/toddler music groups in my town is run by a man (who I'm guessing started off as a musician)...he does sessions at local nurseries, get booked for parties, as well as running "church hall" type classes.

Mini athletics was a man/woman team as well.

Sceptre86 · 19/02/2022 08:24

I'd have no issues. I've suggested my dh do something similar everytine he suggests he is fed up with work. He's full of confidence, can sing, be engaging and is brilliant with kids.

At the baby groups I go to the facilitator doesn't talk about breastfeeding, weaning etc. They normally sing, dance and set up activities and whilst you do them she explains how they benefit baby. You might talk to the parent either side of you about this that and the other but not the facilitator. I think that's because the classes I go to are sensory based and music based. It might be different if it was a church hall type class where you just do free play with the kids, there is more opportunities for interaction in that type of set up with the facilitator.

Duracellbunnywannabe · 19/02/2022 08:26

Depends on the session. Baby social types groups or baby massage with a young bay while I was trying to get to grips with breastfeeding and talking about the postnatal period then yes it would have off putting. Beyond that no.

WorkEvent · 19/02/2022 08:29

I’d love to see more men involved in baby and toddler activities. A male class leader might encourage more dads and male caregivers to get involved too.

Madmaxxy · 19/02/2022 08:31

Wouldn't bother me. Our local music class has a new male leader joining the franchise and he came to do a test session with our class. The only thing that bothered me was that his singing voice wasn't nearly as good as the regular leader Grin

JustUseTheDoorSanta · 19/02/2022 08:34

I've no idea where that opinion would come from. One of the church playgroup round here is led by a man, he's kind and the kids love him. DS has done a few sports clubs with a male teacher too, they've been great. Not enough male teachers in schools really and should be more.

JADS · 19/02/2022 08:45

Often baby groups are for new mums rather than the babies. I didn't really like attending bf groups where men were also in attendance.

Once you get past the trauma of birth (3-6 months although for some it's longer), a man running an activity group wouldn't be a problem.

I am rather side eyeing the comments about the one male teacher/nursery worker who was the 'best ever'. They always are, aren't they? Funny how the only woman in a male dominated role is treated with suspicion.

BunsOfAnarchy · 19/02/2022 08:51

I have a DD who's 4
I would not have problem with this at all.
Even activities when she was a baby I would have been fine with it being led by a man

ChocolateMassacre · 19/02/2022 08:52

The breastfeeding/baby-focused type groups, probably I'd prefer one run by a woman. That said, I attended a baby massage class when my DS was a very little baby, and there were a few fathers there who were taking extended paternity leave and it didn't bother me in the slightest having them around.

I'd love more groups for older babies and toddlers with male involvement. My DS just loves it when his teachers and caregivers are men... he relates to them in a slightly different way, although he adores his female teachers too. And it saddens me that already he's conditioned to see men being involved with children as something special or unusual. When his daddy takes him to the playground at the weekend, he views it as some huge treat. And if we go to soft play during the week and there's a father playing with his children there, DS finds this so amazing that he'll try to latch onto them and I have to detach him and get him to leave the poor man alone.

Mumoblue · 19/02/2022 08:56

I think the “parenting experience” thing is a cop-out. I’ve worked in childcare since I was 16, and I haven’t been back since having my son and nobody was made uncomfortable by the fact I didn’t have the same parenting experience as them.
Although I would advise OP’s friend do do a course in childcare if that’s something they can feasibly do, I may have missed it but it doesn’t seem like he has an early education qualification.

LemonDrizzles · 19/02/2022 09:03

I would say it hasn't bothered me as I have attended classes led by men and our nursery used to have a man working there

WouldIwasShookspeared · 19/02/2022 09:10

Why aren't fathers more involved with their kids? Why do I have to do everything? Men should be doing their fair share of child related stuff. My husband never gets up with the baby. My bloke can't settle the baby. My son's dad doesn't pull his weight. We need more male role models for young children. It's sexist to assume that women must take all the child related duties. Men need to be more involved. Men shouldn't be involved with children it's wrong for a man to be in a childcare role. I'd be really suspicious of a male nanny/nursery worker/baby sitter. Why aren't men more involved with children? Why would a man want to be involved with children, they must be a pervert.