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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you allow best man's newborn at wedding

957 replies

questionofthedaywedding · 18/02/2022 15:29

If your best man would be father to a 1-2 month old new born on your wedding day, would you allow the newborn at the wedding, when it's generally a no children wedding ?

Is that being harsh to best man and his wife, who'll presumably only come if newborn can come?

Asking for a friend situation.

OP posts:
00100001 · 18/02/2022 16:35

@jessy100

Jesus wept! Some people really are obsessed with thinking they can take their babies everywhere! We have one in work😑 This entitlement seems to be growing amongst new parents. I think the BM is probably being nagged by the mother of the baby to be allowed to come. Just stay at home ffs. It's not about you!!
How does that baby being around affect you?
DePfeffoff · 18/02/2022 16:36

@ManicPixie

If I was the mother of a newborn I’d be too exhausted to attend the wedding anyway and would politely say I can’t make it and jet my best man husband go on his own. If I can get a relative to help out in his absence then even better.
How on earth do you know you'd be too exhausted? Babies and parents aren't all the same, you know.
WetLookKnitwear · 18/02/2022 16:37

looks like they need to face up to the consequence of their own actions and get a different best man

00100001 · 18/02/2022 16:38

@THEDEACON

No children means NO children
Except that at some weddings it means NO children over 6months old, or kids that can't be left and the parent is very much wanted to be attendance...
Strugglingtodomybest · 18/02/2022 16:38

I would definitely allow it. I can't imagine turning round to my best friend and saying that I didn't want his baby there, and I don't even particularly like babies!

LadyCleathStuart · 18/02/2022 16:38

Weddings are no place for new born or children

Bullshit. If the couple don't want them there then fine but a wedding is a perfectly acceptable place for a baby or a child. I worked at so many while at Uni and they all had children. I find the recent trend for no child weddings to be odd.

But anyway OP come back and confirm that you are the BM wife!

LilacPaisley · 18/02/2022 16:39

I'm glad for you that you had an easier time adjusting to motherhood than I did

It was a case of having to. Husband worked away all week. No paternity leave in those days.

Merryhobnobs · 18/02/2022 16:40

Argh I think that puts the Best Man in a horrible position, it's just stressful for a parent to be away from a baby that small. I had to leave my two month old for a funeral when she was two months old. I had to leave her the whole day with her Dad and of course they were fine but it felt horrible. It was a close family member so I really had to go but I did feel very torn. I totally understand child free weddings but there has to be some leeway with tiny babies! and it's just a bit crap making him choose to either come on his own and leave his wife and baby at home and leave her feeling stuck and dismissed or for him to have to bail out completely, it sets up a lot of angst when really it should be, yes baby can come but if baby makes noise during ceremony you must go to another room etc.

DePfeffoff · 18/02/2022 16:40

Im guessing BM’s DW is a FTM- at 4 weeks post partum a wedding would have been horrific for me. Trying to be comfortable and look nice with the worlds heaviest never ending ‘period’ and leaky boobs?! Jesus, a wedding is the last place I’d have wanted to be.

Most new mothers don't bleed heavily for four weeks, and not everyone has leaky boobs.

Cas112 · 18/02/2022 16:40

They have to be very cruel people to say no to the best man's wife and baby

HollowTalk · 18/02/2022 16:41

I find all this absolutely unbelievable. I can understand why people want a child-free wedding - it's expensive to have lots of children there and can make a lot of noise etc - but to tell your best man that his newborn baby can't attend is really awful. In my opinion, of course.

ManicPixie · 18/02/2022 16:41

“How on earth do you know you'd be too exhausted? Babies and parents aren't all the same, you know.”

I know I’d be exhausted because I was exhausted throughout the newborn stage. A wedding was the last thing I’d want to have gone to.

Chrysanthemum5 · 18/02/2022 16:43

I had this - my baby was 8 weeks old when my sister got married and she expected me to leave him to go dress shopping etc and not bring him to the wedding. I was in a fog and skirting close to PND so couldn't think straight and my family were pressuring me to agree so I did. DH wanted to tell her to get lost but we went to avoid a huge family fall out. I wouldn't bother about that now - with distance I can see it was completely unreasonable

babyjellyfish · 18/02/2022 16:44

Yes of course.

lisaandalan · 18/02/2022 16:44

@questionofthedaywedding
Please come back and tell us what happens. X

ILoveYou3000 · 18/02/2022 16:44

@SockFluffInTheBath

I mean, I don't know any men who wanted to be away from their new baby unnecessarily.

If he acts as BM he won’t be with his baby all day, he’ll be doing BM things.

What are the 'Best Man' things that last all day and mean he can't possibly spend any time with his wife and baby?
Mwnci123 · 18/02/2022 16:45

I hate this kind of inconsiderate wedding. I wouldn't have gone anywhere without my new baby, so wouldn't have gone to the wedding, and in these circumstances would probably have encouraged my husband to go if he wanted to but would have resented the bride and groom. Anyway, it's their stupid wedding so you'll have to soak it up. Maybe see if your mum/ a friend can be around to help you while he's away so you don't stew too much about what tools the bride and groom are if you are super sleep deprived and struggling.

Blossomtoes · 18/02/2022 16:45

@ManicPixie

“How on earth do you know you'd be too exhausted? Babies and parents aren't all the same, you know.”

I know I’d be exhausted because I was exhausted throughout the newborn stage. A wedding was the last thing I’d want to have gone to.

Whereas I was back to normal in a couple of weeks. I’d have quite happily gone to a wedding.
BABAHOTEL · 18/02/2022 16:46

@Chrysanthemum5

I had this - my baby was 8 weeks old when my sister got married and she expected me to leave him to go dress shopping etc and not bring him to the wedding. I was in a fog and skirting close to PND so couldn't think straight and my family were pressuring me to agree so I did. DH wanted to tell her to get lost but we went to avoid a huge family fall out. I wouldn't bother about that now - with distance I can see it was completely unreasonable
No you weren't unreasonable, your sister was! You were trying your best to please her.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing, but you didn't have the benefit of that.

girlmom21 · 18/02/2022 16:47

@ManicPixie

“How on earth do you know you'd be too exhausted? Babies and parents aren't all the same, you know.”

I know I’d be exhausted because I was exhausted throughout the newborn stage. A wedding was the last thing I’d want to have gone to.

I went to a (child free!) wedding at 10 weeks with my first and a child friendly wedding at 3 weeks with my second. Both were fine.
WheresYourSnickers · 18/02/2022 16:48

@WhatAWasteOfOranges

100% baby should be able to go. Babies in arms is not really ‘kids’ is it?
My thoughts exactly! A new born is not the same as a toddler. Child free wedding does not mean no babes in arms, and if the baby is that young it's likely the parents will leave ASAP.
NorthSouthcatlady · 18/02/2022 16:49

No. Not a fan of children at weddings full stop

ManicPixie · 18/02/2022 16:50

“Whereas I was back to normal in a couple of weeks. I’d have quite happily gone to a wedding.”

Congrats, you win the world’s best mother award :-) But I would hazard a guess that for many/most, a husband’s friend’s wedding isn’t terribly appealing just a couple of weeks after giving birth.

TrivialSoul · 18/02/2022 16:50

My dh was best man a couple of days after our baby was born. There was never any question of baby and I going to the wedding. We all felt that dh should be committing his time on the day to his best friend and for us that meant complete freedom from parenting duties. It's ok for him to go himself surely? A day or so away from wife and baby won't be detrimental to anyone but having baby at the wedding could be distracting from best man duties. All relationship s are important here including the friendship between groom and best man.

Pumpfive · 18/02/2022 16:50

So you're the partner of the BM? I mean your partner could definitely go without you but I would 100% let the wife and baby come - even if I was having no kids. I think if I was having a kid free wedding I'd say a baby under 8 months is welcome if needed.