Page 8 | Would you allow best man's newborn at wedding

questionofthedaywedding · 2022-02-18T15:29:55+00:00

If your best man would be father to a 1-2 month old new born on your wedding day, would you allow the newborn at the wedding, when it's generally a no children wedding ? Is that being harsh to best man and his wife, who'll presumably only come if newborn can come? Asking for a friend situation.

00100001 · 18/02/2022 16:26

@SockFluffInTheBath

I mean, I don't know any men who wanted to be away from their new baby unnecessarily.

If he acts as BM he won’t be with his baby all day, he’ll be doing BM things.

Not all day...

lisaandalan · 18/02/2022 16:26

@questionoftheweddingday. Wedding is quite far from where the BM and wife live.

The bridegroom are suggesting the best man just comes in his own and leaves wife and baby at home. They've even suggested BM can take another plus one instead of wife and baby.

Are there people nuts ? as if a married man with a newborn baby will want to leave his wife and newborn baby miles away to come to a wedding with someone else.
I'd love to see Bridezillas face in a few years if this happens to her once she's had a baby, I bet she'd be fuming.
If they were my friends I'd decline the wedding and cool the friendship, if they could not see my point of view for a babe in arms, they be no friends of mine. X

mewkins · 18/02/2022 16:27

@Ionlydomassiveones

I do wonder if bridezillas who detest the mere thought of little children sullying their perfect plans go on to reflect about that decision when they themselves have the pfb and can’t bear to be parted from them. I just see all the generations coming together warts and all being what makes a wedding and cements them into the wider circle of family and friends. It’s the stuff of anecdotes and fireside family legends years later.

But yes, if I were BM, I’d be saying thanks but no thanks.

This is my opinion too. So many weddings have just become weird and overindulgent with whoever is paying convincing themselves that they have the right to treat their friends and family like shit.

I wouldn't want to go to a wedding like this. It wouldn't exactly make me feel delighted as these two egocentric people took their vows.

bunfighters · 18/02/2022 16:27

Of course! We didn't invite children due to numbers but made an exception for babies, and a couple of others for very good reasons (single parent had flown in for the wedding, a child with SEN).

LilacPaisley · 18/02/2022 16:27

Because he'll have a brand new baby and a wife who'll need his support and help?

It's only 24 hours at most. He's not emigrating. It's beyond me how a mother feels she can't manage her own 2 month old baby for this length of time. (Unless there are specific health problems) Lots of women have husbands who work away all week, sometimes longer. Sheesh.

SockFluffInTheBath · 18/02/2022 16:27

*Ok let's pretend the baby doesn't exist.

Your husband's invited to be his best friends best man. His best friend then says "oh actually, Sock can't come, but you can leave her at home and bring anyone else in the world you can think of". How would you feel?
Because ultimately babies at that age mostly sleep and they're excluding the wife for no real reason.*

But that’s not what has actually happened here, is it? They’re potentially excluding a wife who chooses not to leave her baby for a few hours because they want their wedding to childfree. That’s their choice, it’s their wedding. The world is full of people who think an exception should be made for them, but it’s not compulsory to attend a wedding.

Im guessing BM’s DW is a FTM- at 4 weeks post partum a wedding would have been horrific for me. Trying to be comfortable and look nice with the worlds heaviest never ending ‘period’ and leaky boobs?! Jesus, a wedding is the last place I’d have wanted to be.

KneadingKitty · 18/02/2022 16:27

Yes it is harsh because presumably his partner wouldn't come without the baby. I wouldn't have someone looking after my baby at that age.

AlternativelyWired · 18/02/2022 16:28

Sounds like the groom wants his best man to be able to have a good old piss up without the responsibility of the wide and baby there. The wife and baby will cramp the party vibe in the eyes of the groom (and possibly bride) and they haven't grown up enough to realise that having a baby means life changes.
My Dd was a 7 month old breastfed baby at my own wedding. A corseted dress wasn't a wise choice but otherwise no issues. I know children at weddings are very much debated on here but I'd bet it's something to do with the groom wanting his best man to be wild and free once the duties are done. I could be completely wrong of course. All the children at my wedding behaved better than the single men that's for sure.

BABAHOTEL · 18/02/2022 16:28

@bunfighters

Of course! We didn't invite children due to numbers but made an exception for babies, and a couple of others for very good reasons (single parent had flown in for the wedding, a child with SEN).

Oh get away with your perfectly reasonable and kind thinking when arranging your wedding! MN won't have that!

THEDEACON · 18/02/2022 16:28

No children means NO children

Nanny0gg · 18/02/2022 16:29

@SockFluffInTheBath

But if it's far from home they're also excluding her and meaning she's alone all night plus travel time either way both days plus the wedding itself.

Good grief. It’s a good job none of us have DHs who work away and that none of us are single parents. I think it’s the BM’s DW who is being precious here, not the bride & groom. It’s all typical PFB.

Isn't there a tiny chance that the BM's wife is also a friend of the couple? If so they are being really horrible.

LilacPaisley · 18/02/2022 16:29

implying feeble wifey can’t cope without her man for a day on her own

Quite

katienana · 18/02/2022 16:29

The point is by excluding the baby you are excluding the mother, and most people would take that as a snub if they are close enough to be in the wedding party.

girlmom21 · 18/02/2022 16:29

@SockFluffInTheBath choosing not to leave her baby? It'll be all of a few weeks old. Of course she's choosing not to leave the baby. And she's being excluded because of it.

It's obvious she's a FTM from the posts. That's not relevant. If she wasn't they could get childcare for the older kids and still not want to leave a newborn.

The bride and groom will feel like absolute dickheads if they choose to have their own kids one day.

VikingOnTheFridge · 18/02/2022 16:30

This is my opinion too. So many weddings have just become weird and overindulgent with whoever is paying convincing themselves that they have the right to treat their friends and family like shit

Yeah, it's gross.

SarahBellam · 18/02/2022 16:30

God, can you imagine how crap it would be to be to be stuck at a wedding a month or two after giving birth? You’d be exhausted, you wouldn’t be able to drink, and you’d have a baby stuck to you. Everyone would dread being stuck at your table in case the baby started crying, and it would be rubbish for the baby too - noisy, everyone trying to grab it, being out for hours in a room full of people carrying god know what…I can’t think of anything worse. The bride and groom might feel obliged to invite you but they really wouldn’t want you there.

cherryonthecakes · 18/02/2022 16:31

I understand why a "no kids" rule is easier than a "some kids" rule because you could end up offending people whose children aren't invited.

We need more info

how far away is the wedding?
does the bride have other sources of help for the day?
will the groom be annoyed if best man can't participate in pre wedding activities like the stag?

A destination wedding is very different to a local one.

cherryonthecakes · 18/02/2022 16:32

Is the wife close to the groom too?

DePfeffoff · 18/02/2022 16:33

I would certainly invite her. It would make sense to talk to them about any arrangements to help, e.g. making a room available at the reception venue if they want to take the baby out.

SockFluffInTheBath · 18/02/2022 16:33

Isn't there a tiny chance that the BM's wife is also a friend of the couple? If so they are being really horrible.

There certainly is, but OP doesn’t say that. It reads like she’s married to the groom’s mate.

Anyhoo I think I’ve made my take quite clear and will leave before I fill the thread by myself

KneadingKitty · 18/02/2022 16:33

I had loads of kids at my wedding including my own, I have hardly ever been to any weddings so if it wasn't for MN I wouldn't have realised it was unusual. I made an activity pack for them all.

LaChanticleer · 18/02/2022 16:34

They're happy for him to attend, but don't want the baby there.

Gosh, that's a bit thoughtless. They may need to find another best man ...

elizabethdraper · 18/02/2022 16:34

No children means no children

Weddings are no place for new born or childrchildren

ManicPixie · 18/02/2022 16:35

If I was the mother of a newborn I’d be too exhausted to attend the wedding anyway and would politely say I can’t make it and jet my best man husband go on his own. If I can get a relative to help out in his absence then even better.

DePfeffoff · 18/02/2022 16:35

@SarahBellam

God, can you imagine how crap it would be to be to be stuck at a wedding a month or two after giving birth? You’d be exhausted, you wouldn’t be able to drink, and you’d have a baby stuck to you. Everyone would dread being stuck at your table in case the baby started crying, and it would be rubbish for the baby too - noisy, everyone trying to grab it, being out for hours in a room full of people carrying god know what…I can’t think of anything worse. The bride and groom might feel obliged to invite you but they really wouldn’t want you there.

Why would they be "stuck"? If I were the wife in this situation, I'd either arrange things so I could leave and go back home if necessary, or take a room at the reception venue so we could escape there if we wanted to.