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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you allow best man's newborn at wedding

957 replies

questionofthedaywedding · 18/02/2022 15:29

If your best man would be father to a 1-2 month old new born on your wedding day, would you allow the newborn at the wedding, when it's generally a no children wedding ?

Is that being harsh to best man and his wife, who'll presumably only come if newborn can come?

Asking for a friend situation.

OP posts:
noirchatsdeux · 18/02/2022 16:50

No, I wouldn't.

My wedding vows were stopped halfway through by the registrar as one of H's cousins wouldn't take their crying baby out. They knew our wedding was childfree and chose to ignore it. They turned up late and interrupted the ceremony when it had already started. Even after the registrar stopped talking they still didn't get the hint...my MIL had to tell them to take the child out. My MIL was LIVID.

Lovemusic33 · 18/02/2022 16:51

A thought one, because others might kick off if one baby is allowed but not others? Generally people don’t want kids at a wedding because babies can cry during the service or toddlers can scream. Also if I was mother of the baby I don’t think I would want the hassle of attending a wedding and trying to keep baby quiet. Can he not go without you and the baby?

Blossomtoes · 18/02/2022 16:52

All relationship s are important here including the friendship between groom and best man

And you think suggesting the BM brings another +1 would enhance that relationship?

WeeM · 18/02/2022 16:52

@questionofthedaywedding

Wedding is quite far from where the BM and wife live.

The bridegroom are suggesting the best man just comes in his own and leaves wife and baby at home. They've even suggested BM can take another plus one instead of wife and baby.

My mouth actually just fell open as I read that! Shock. Absolutely the baby should be allowed.

We were invited to a wedding when our baby was 12 weeks old, only the two of us on the invite so I assumed baby not invited. In hindsight I should’ve asked about it but didn’t. My parents booked a hotel nearby and looked after baby and I was expressing in the toilets through the day! The next day the mother of the bride said to me, oh you should’ve just brought her...! Although I did enjoy myself!

girlmom21 · 18/02/2022 16:53

@noirchatsdeux

No, I wouldn't.

My wedding vows were stopped halfway through by the registrar as one of H's cousins wouldn't take their crying baby out. They knew our wedding was childfree and chose to ignore it. They turned up late and interrupted the ceremony when it had already started. Even after the registrar stopped talking they still didn't get the hint...my MIL had to tell them to take the child out. My MIL was LIVID.

But this is a rare case of a complete and utter selfish arsehole, surely? Sorry that happened!
00100001 · 18/02/2022 16:54

@TrivialSoul

My dh was best man a couple of days after our baby was born. There was never any question of baby and I going to the wedding. We all felt that dh should be committing his time on the day to his best friend and for us that meant complete freedom from parenting duties. It's ok for him to go himself surely? A day or so away from wife and baby won't be detrimental to anyone but having baby at the wedding could be distracting from best man duties. All relationship s are important here including the friendship between groom and best man.
Soz even if you were unable to get out bed, or pick baby up because you'd had a traumatic birth, you'd be fine with DH still going away for a day or two?
Roselilly36 · 18/02/2022 16:54

Yes, of course, a babes in arms is different than toddlers & little ones. I am sure mum would have the sense to take baby outside if it should cry, while dad, the best man is doing his duties.

Tiredalwaystired · 18/02/2022 16:55

My husband was the best man in this situation. Ours was slightly older (5 months) but a bottle refuser.

Believe me we tried and tried and tried in the lead up to the wedding

In the end my in-laws came to the venue to keep the baby out of the way and I had to disappear and breast feed every so often

As soon as the wedding breakfast was over I relieved them and spent from 7pm in a darkened room with the baby while my hubby attended the rest of the wedding

It was a totally miserable experience.

WheresYourSnickers · 18/02/2022 16:55

@noirchatsdeux

No, I wouldn't.

My wedding vows were stopped halfway through by the registrar as one of H's cousins wouldn't take their crying baby out. They knew our wedding was childfree and chose to ignore it. They turned up late and interrupted the ceremony when it had already started. Even after the registrar stopped talking they still didn't get the hint...my MIL had to tell them to take the child out. My MIL was LIVID.

Surely this is the fault of ignorant parents though, not the child. How old was the baby?
Thewindwhispers · 18/02/2022 16:55

I would never ask, or even suggest that, a parent leave their newborn behind, I think it’s a horrible thing to do. And the irony when it happens at a wedding, which is supposed to celebrate love, never fails to amaze me.

HistoricMoment · 18/02/2022 16:55

People who even ^think^ about not wanting the best man's baby at their wedding strike me as really miserable and misanthropic. Even if you don't like newborns, there will be plenty of people at the wedding who do. And it's not as if you need to interact with the baby, chances are it will be sound asleep 90% of the time.

JuergenSchwarzwald · 18/02/2022 16:56

A newborn is fine, they just sleep and feed and no doubt you'd take baby out if they cried during an important bit. Completely different to toddlers running around screaming!

As for others kicking off, if they can't see the distinction between best man and newborn - and other guests and non-babe-in-arm, then they aren't very bright.

thing47 · 18/02/2022 16:57

'Please come to our wedding and celebrate us getting married. Oh, by the way, your wife can't come' Shock

Really? Who thinks that is reasonable?

BABAHOTEL · 18/02/2022 16:57

@noirchatsdeux

No, I wouldn't.

My wedding vows were stopped halfway through by the registrar as one of H's cousins wouldn't take their crying baby out. They knew our wedding was childfree and chose to ignore it. They turned up late and interrupted the ceremony when it had already started. Even after the registrar stopped talking they still didn't get the hint...my MIL had to tell them to take the child out. My MIL was LIVID.

At ours my friends little boy (BMs wife actually) ran on to the alter after escaping his mum. She had to go and retrieve him.

Priest, me and DH and all the congregation found it amusing.

I've never let him log be it down, just because he's 37 now he still needs to suffer!

passionfruitpizza · 18/02/2022 16:57

I would but also can't imagine having a child free wedding so probably biased.

Mumof3confused · 18/02/2022 16:58

@SockFluffInTheBath

What are BM duties? Going to the pub before the wedding, standing at the front of the church and then some pictures and a speech?

Nothing strenuous, but his wife & babyveint he with him at those times so he can ‘support them’ - implying feeble wifey can’t cope without her man for a day on her own.

Do you have children? I wouldn’t have wanted to spend a 24 hours alone with a 4-week old when I was a first time mum. You’re calling this new mum feeble. Wow.
Happy36 · 18/02/2022 16:59

"Allow"? We are talking about a human being, not mobile phones or weapons or other things that might not be "allowed" somewhere.

Cygne · 18/02/2022 16:59

I've been the new mother in this situation. Bride and groom knew I was pregnant when they asked DH to be best man and invited me. We planned that I would sit at the back so I could take the baby out if he started crying, and arranged to take a room in the hotel where the reception was going to happen so that, again, I could just take the baby there if there were problems. Then we had a call from the bride's mother basically saying they didn't want the baby there. DH explained that I was breastfeeding so leaving the baby behind wasn't an option, and also explained the arrangements we planned, but none of it was good enough. The groom was very apologetic, couldn't explain the change of mind but, not unreasonably, felt he couldn't override the decision. DH decided that, since they were effectively withdrawing the invitation to me, he couldn't be best man.

Coincidentally, we were guests at another wedding at around the same time. Contrary to what some people on here suggest, I wasn't too exhausted, the baby was fine - he slept most of the time - and the whole thing went really well.

Spottybutterfly · 18/02/2022 17:00

For our wedding last year we said no children except those in the wedding part. Which was a 5 year-old, 9 and 10 year-old. We also said babies under 12 month we're welcome.

We did this as we didn't want to pay for all our cousins kids to come to the wedding.

I also didn't want kids disturbing the ceremony. But anyone with a baby was just asked if it starts crying during the ceremony to go outside.

In the end only one baby came, we hardly knew she was there. Not a peep out of her all day.

However on the other hand I'm currently pregnant and we have been invited to a wedding about 5 weeks after I'm due. It's about a 6 hour drive away. I do not want to go with a newborn. So I have told the OH he can attend on his own as it is his friend.

user1471600850 · 18/02/2022 17:00

I would tell them to get stuffed! or in stronger terms FUCK OFF!

Raindancer411 · 18/02/2022 17:00

Oh gawd that young I would say yes, esp if otherwise he cannot come. They cannot expect him to leave his wife at home alone just to go.

My wedding we had kids as I didn't want it to be a barrier. I loved weddings as a kid, and they bring joy to it.

BrioLover · 18/02/2022 17:01

@HollowTalk

I find all this absolutely unbelievable. I can understand why people want a child-free wedding - it's expensive to have lots of children there and can make a lot of noise etc - but to tell your best man that his newborn baby can't attend is really awful. In my opinion, of course.
This.

Batshit that an alternative +1 has been suggested too.

Oaktree55 · 18/02/2022 17:01

What is this weird British obsession re no kids at weddings. Your friends will hate you if you say no babies especially.

It’s quite frankly weird to have child free weddings. Get over yourself.

Sarcobaleno · 18/02/2022 17:03

Generally I have sympathy with the whole no kids at weddings thing but I think it would be pretty bad if the best man was told his wife and newborn couldn't go. It's not like the baby is going to be running around causing havoc.

3peassuit · 18/02/2022 17:03

I would. Babes in arms are not not the same as a bunch of lively little runs running about.