Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you allow best man's newborn at wedding

957 replies

questionofthedaywedding · 18/02/2022 15:29

If your best man would be father to a 1-2 month old new born on your wedding day, would you allow the newborn at the wedding, when it's generally a no children wedding ?

Is that being harsh to best man and his wife, who'll presumably only come if newborn can come?

Asking for a friend situation.

OP posts:
ACNHlife · 18/02/2022 16:19

@questionofthedaywedding

Wedding is quite far from where the BM and wife live.

The bridegroom are suggesting the best man just comes in his own and leaves wife and baby at home. They've even suggested BM can take another plus one instead of wife and baby.

Oh I can see that going down so, so well. Hmm
PleasantBirthday · 18/02/2022 16:20

@SockFluffInTheBath

What are BM duties? Going to the pub before the wedding, standing at the front of the church and then some pictures and a speech?

Nothing strenuous, but his wife & babyveint he with him at those times so he can ‘support them’ - implying feeble wifey can’t cope without her man for a day on her own.

I mean, I don't know any men who wanted to be away from their new baby unnecessarily.
GirlInACountrySong · 18/02/2022 16:20

and maybe the baby's mum has form for attention seeking....and the baby will certainly gain her attention?

lunar1 · 18/02/2022 16:20

They would have sealed the deal of finding a new best man if they told my DH could bring an alternative date!

Even if they didn't though, when my babies were born he worked very long hours. His family time was precious. He might have gone to a local wedding on his own, but not an overnight at that stage. He had to do enough of f that with work.

OopsadayZ · 18/02/2022 16:20

@questionofthedaywedding

Wedding is quite far from where the BM and wife live.

The bridegroom are suggesting the best man just comes in his own and leaves wife and baby at home. They've even suggested BM can take another plus one instead of wife and baby.

They've even suggested BM can take another plus one instead of wife and baby.

😂 that's hilarious! I mean, it's truly awful.... who actually thinks likes this?!

HoliHormonalTigerlilly · 18/02/2022 16:21

What is WRONG with people?!
Of course you should let them bring their baby! Don't be arseholes.

girlmom21 · 18/02/2022 16:21

@SockFluffInTheBath

But if it's far from home they're also excluding her and meaning she's alone all night plus travel time either way both days plus the wedding itself.

Good grief. It’s a good job none of us have DHs who work away and that none of us are single parents. I think it’s the BM’s DW who is being precious here, not the bride & groom. It’s all typical PFB.

Ok let's pretend the baby doesn't exist.

Your husband's invited to be his best friends best man. His best friend then says "oh actually, Sock can't come, but you can leave her at home and bring anyone else in the world you can think of". How would you feel?
Because ultimately babies at that age mostly sleep and they're excluding the wife for no real reason.

SockFluffInTheBath · 18/02/2022 16:21

I mean, I don't know any men who wanted to be away from their new baby unnecessarily.

If he acts as BM he won’t be with his baby all day, he’ll be doing BM things.

newmum2be101 · 18/02/2022 16:22

I think it's completely unreasonable to expect him to come without his new baby and/or partner. Completely understand it's generally no children but babies are different, especially one so young. They'll be asleep most of the day!

Queeniepies · 18/02/2022 16:22

@GirlInACountrySong

the country is teeming with bridezillas i believe

so i can only conclude that the bride wants all the attention on her....newborn babies are cute and people will want a peeks hold etc

bride does not like this AT ALL

could that be it?

I do think this is often the case when a Bride is adamant even a newborn baby cannot attend her wedding. I did laugh once at a childfree wedding when the bride did not want any kids there for fear of upstaging her; the girlfriend of a guest turned up in a white frilly dress with a split so high you could almost see her knickers.
SleepingStandingUp · 18/02/2022 16:22

I wonder what the bride would say of it was her maid of honours newborn? If it would still be a no then its reasonable to say no. And the best man is reasonable to step back, not come and reconsider the relationship.

HoliHormonalTigerlilly · 18/02/2022 16:22

@questionofthedaywedding

Wedding is quite far from where the BM and wife live.

The bridegroom are suggesting the best man just comes in his own and leaves wife and baby at home. They've even suggested BM can take another plus one instead of wife and baby.

You are the wife of BM right?
lockdownalli · 18/02/2022 16:22

The bridegroom are suggesting the best man just comes in his own and leaves wife and baby at home. They've even suggested BM can take another plus one instead of wife and baby.

Are they taking the piss? They want the new mum to just sit at home whilst her babys father fucks off on a jolly?

No. Either baby is allowed, or the B&G accept that neither will be able to attend.

AxolotlEars · 18/02/2022 16:23

Yes 🥰

Poppins2016 · 18/02/2022 16:23

@questionofthedaywedding

Wedding is quite far from where the BM and wife live.

The bridegroom are suggesting the best man just comes in his own and leaves wife and baby at home. They've even suggested BM can take another plus one instead of wife and baby.

I think this sounds rather thoughtless, to be honest.

I wouldn't want to be left on my own with a newborn for that long as a new mother (I know plenty of people will say that's ridiculous, but it's perfectly valid to feel that way). I'm assuming it would mean at least one night away due to the distance.

My DH would feel torn about taking part if he was put in that position.

MindyStClaire · 18/02/2022 16:23

@LilacPaisley

Baby was breastfed so I couldn't leave her, and I wouldn't have been happy about DH leaving me for longer than a working day

Crikey.

I'm glad for you that you had an easier time adjusting to motherhood than I did. I did not find the first few months easy. DD would only sleep when held upright on one of our chests (including overnight) and cried a lot. I was exhausted, stressed and not particularly enjoying life, and in the earlier range of the 1-2 months being discussed still recovering from a c section.

I very much found it easier with DH around to take a shift with the crying baby or make some dinner. I found the days with him at work long, and would have dreaded him leaving for a wedding far away. He wouldn't even have considered it.

I know on MN that makes me weak and unmotherly, but in real life it doesn't seem unusual.

My second baby had no silent reflux and loved her sleep, and life was very different indeed (despite the two year old and the pandemic).

PleasantBirthday · 18/02/2022 16:23

@SockFluffInTheBath

I mean, I don't know any men who wanted to be away from their new baby unnecessarily.

If he acts as BM he won’t be with his baby all day, he’ll be doing BM things.

Well, if he lives quite a way away, it may be an overnight trip, or at least extended travel. He may not want to take that on leaving a new baby at home himself.
mumwon · 18/02/2022 16:23

is BM polygamous & has another (child free wife)? I can't think of any other reason for saying this... not dc is about extra seating or child running about & screaming. Babies may make noise but they are portable & therefore more controllable (aka parent just carries them out or moves at distance)

ImGoingOutOut · 18/02/2022 16:24

Does bridezilla not want the cute newborn stealing her thunder? I'd say the bride and groom have to be prepared for the best man to decline if he wanted to attend with his wife and baby, I'd find it very off that you'd feel close enough to my husband to have him as best man but couldn't care less about him attending with his family. Babies don't count in the no children rule anyway.

Weddings are a family occasion, I find excluding children pretentious. My brother in law did this, we have very young children (yougested was 6 months old and still ebf at the time) so none of us attended.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 18/02/2022 16:24

Its up to the BM and wife if he attends alone. He might not want to. Wife might be so exhausted a weekend alone is too much. But its their choice. I happily told DH to go to one alone as I couldn't face taking a four week old and a 22 month old away overnight. That was our choice. I had other back up. But it was our choice.

00100001 · 18/02/2022 16:24

@SockFluffInTheBath

What are BM duties? Going to the pub before the wedding, standing at the front of the church and then some pictures and a speech?

Nothing strenuous, but his wife & babyveint he with him at those times so he can ‘support them’ - implying feeble wifey can’t cope without her man for a day on her own.

Some women can't, because they're still recovering from a traumatic birth/the baby is high needs/the mother had a C-section/the mother suffering from PND or anxiety.... Or all of the above.

The baby could be just weeks old when the wedding happens.

LadyGAgain · 18/02/2022 16:24

Child free weddings do not extend to newborns and if bridezilla and groomzilla are prepared to alienate someone close enough to be best man they need to take a long hard look at themselves. What a load of nonsense.

Whydoiwearsomuchleopardprint · 18/02/2022 16:25

I agree with the comment that babies under 6 months don’t count as children and absolutely should be at the wedding.

SartresSoul · 18/02/2022 16:25

Yep I would absolutely allow this. Babes in arms are generally the exception to the no kids rule I have found.

Nanny0gg · 18/02/2022 16:26

@Awakened22

Yes but I would expect the mum to step out of the ceremony with the baby if they were crying or not settled.
That's perfectly reasonable
Swipe left for the next trending thread