Would you allow best man's newborn at wedding

[questionofthedaywedding]

If your best man would be father to a 1-2 month old new born on your wedding day, would you allow the newborn at the wedding, when it's generally a no children wedding ?

Is that being harsh to best man and his wife, who'll presumably only come if newborn can come?

Asking for a friend situation.

[quote Noangelbuthavingfun]@migrainesbythedozen have you ever had a newborn yourself? I had exactly your opinion until I became a mum. And then you realize that babies in arms with considerate parents is no issue at all and in fact ensures the other half can enjoy himself rather than stressing about wife, feeling compelled to leave early or not go at all. People with no kids yet don't get this - I wouldn't now dream of having a child free wedding... plenty of ways to entertain kids and have parents there too. If no kids is a must, babies in arms can be the exception. Selfish bride view is what I am reading into this .... and if the best man decides to put his family first by not going then good on him[/quote]
@Noangelbuthavingfun Yes, I have, which is exactly why I understand having a newborn at a wedding is extremely risky. They cry. They drown out vows.

It's usually only the young ones with no experience of babies who say bring babies. Those of us older and with actual experience know what a nightmare and a minefield it is.

Selfish bride view
Yes, fancy the bride wanting to have her one day in her life the way she wants it, and to not have her vows drowned out. Fancy a person wanting their day their way.... how very odd! Doesn't the bride and groom realise the day is not theirs or about them? Wow....

[quote MeandT]@Migrainesbythedozen are you the bride? You've made your opinions clear, you're in a serious minority...crack on and lose your best man and test how important that relationship is to your fiancé by all means!

I've only ever been to weddings where those with newborns were very conscious of not interrupting the service, and ducked out from the back row at the first wail. My own slept blissfully through the whole thing in someone else's arms, so it's hardly a guarantee that a baby will cause disruption!

If you want to take the view that a wedding is a solemn, serious occasion which your (best) friends can't be trusted to remove their babe in arms from if if starts wahhhing, fine. Others see it as a joyful union which they want their nearest and dearest to witness, and would move heaven and earth to facilitate them attending.

If it's all about you, and only you, obviously the day can go ahead without your best man You'll need to find a new name to describe him by, of couse - can't imagine he'll see your husband to be as much of a friend by the time this has all gone down. Hope "the day" is worth it!!![/quote]
Actually @MeandT It's only on Mumsnet that people seem to take it as a personal offence that their children and babies are not invited to a wedding. In the real world, the vast majority know and understand. Mumsnet does not reflect the real world on this.

Absolutely. I think the bride and groom may regret not inviting them.

@musicalfrog

I said we were under the table I said nothing about playing or hide and seek. We sat under there and chatted, it was sometimes the only time I saw my cousins.

You are making some strange leaps and are coming across as slightly bizarre!

Exactly you were sitting under a table on which food was placed, at a wedding, and you still see nothing wrong with this? Are you having a lend or are you really serious? Where were your parents in this? Why weren't you sitting at the table with them? Why weren't they supervising you? What parent would allow their child to go and sit under the buffet table? You really can't be serious. It does back up my point though that children who aren't raised properly grow up to think that behaviour is acceptable. These grown ups then think it's ok for their children to sit under tables, run around, bump into people, go on the dance floor, etc. People who weren't brought up properly are the 'type' of parents. All this thread has done is firm my views. That you actually think sitting under a buffet table instead of at the table with your parents is even something to speak of, like it's a good thing? I still can't get over such boasting about such appalling bad behaviour. I even read it out to my mum, (she's staying over atm) she said paraphrasing 'if you did that, I can promise you you'd never do that ever again in your life, I didn't raise you like that.'

I still can't get over you weren't embarrassed about it and actually came on here and admitted you were that unsupervised and undisciplined... I just can't get over that, and I hope you're pulling our legs.

They’ve lost perspective! Even child free weddings usually make exceptions for newborns, let alone newborns belonging to members of the bridal party!

www.facebook.com/261286409515/posts/10159980822924516/?d=n

Read the responses to this xx

Not suggesting that an exception for the best man's newborn is the same as an all ages open invite @Migrainesbythedozen. But my oh my do you sound like an uptight fun sponge. Good luck to your future husband, that's all I can add at this point!

@MeandT

Not suggesting that an exception for the best man's newborn is the same as an all ages open invite *@Migrainesbythedozen*. But my oh my do you sound like an uptight fun sponge. Good luck to your future husband, that's all I can add at this point!

@MeandT Again, babies cry and drown out the vows.

And because I understand right from wrong I am a 'fun sponge'? Really? My husband of 22 years will laugh at that, as will my adult children. I'm the one that has the sense of humor.

But goodluck to any of your friendships when you grow up and get married, I doubt they'll survive if you think a newborn should be invited everywhere. Yeah, good luck with that. You'll find out quick smart that the world does not revolve around you and your newborn.

What are you going on about 'vows drowned out' its one newborn not a brass band

Newborns tend to sleep more than they're awake. Nobody is going to sit through a ceremony or speeches whilst their newborn screams.

I bet baby will sleep in a pram most if the day and cry a bit when ifs feeding time

@Migrainesbythedozen Do you not think that by ostrisizing children we are creating a society that cannot handle formal functions and behave badly at social events? By inviting and including children, by showing them how to behave we are shaping the next generation and giving them to knowledge of how to act at these events. Which they won't have by not including them!
Yes you are entitled to your own opinion, but do not twist what others have said to take further nasty malicious stabs at them and make out they are not decent people!

Yes to attending everything - with the exception of the ceremony.

That’s the important part of the day and doesn’t need to be made awkward by a potentially screaming baby…

Maybe if there’s an agreement that Best Man’s partner leaves the church with the child if it can’t be pacified that could be a compromise??

@cheekyasfish

What are you going on about 'vows drowned out' its one newborn not a brass band

Newborns tend to sleep more than they're awake. Nobody is going to sit through a ceremony or speeches whilst their newborn screams.

I bet baby will sleep in a pram most if the day and cry a bit when ifs feeding time

@cheekyasfish Have you not read the full thread? There are many posters who said a newborn started screaming in the ceremony and they couldn't hear the vows. This has been said by other people too and not just on this thread. I take it you've never been to a wedding where a newborn started screaming and the mother stayed their and didn't take it outside. If so, lucky you. Many, many of us have.

I guess my parents were too busy having fun at a wedding to care about us not causing trouble under the table. You know that concept don't you? FUN? Sadly for you it seems to have passed you by. FYI there is no requirement to sit at a table right till the end of a wedding, you're allowed to get up and move around.

Do you think you might need a doctor for that rod up your rear end?

@questionofthedaywedding

Wedding is quite far from where the BM and wife live.

The bridegroom are suggesting the best man just comes in his own and leaves wife and baby at home. They've even suggested BM can take another plus one instead of wife and baby.

Personally given the wedding is far from their home I would invite the partner and baby. Especially if BM is an important person to you, I wouldn’t want to make him feel he had to choose between attendance at the wedding and being available to his partner.

Most no child weddings I’ve known make exceptions for small babies because most people recognise that separation at the time might be particularly difficult for many reasons and small infants don’t often make much of an impact on events.

Cant the BM’s partner and baby come with him to stay, but come and go between the wedding and hotel room/grounds. You could let them know you understand she might want to avoid parts of the day or take time out of the events when she needs rest or the baby is unsettled.

[quote sunshinesandybeachclearbluesea]@Migrainesbythedozen Do you not think that by ostrisizing children we are creating a society that cannot handle formal functions and behave badly at social events? By inviting and including children, by showing them how to behave we are shaping the next generation and giving them to knowledge of how to act at these events. Which they won't have by not including them!
Yes you are entitled to your own opinion, but do not twist what others have said to take further nasty malicious stabs at them and make out they are not decent people![/quote]
@sunshinesandybeachclearbluesea Would you take children to a Hen's Night where there is a male stripper and penis straws, so children 'learn how to handle formal functions'? Would you take them to a meeting with the bank manager? Etc etc. There are some events that are simply not suitable for children. Weddings are one of them. You think it teaches them? Did you read the example above that I still can't get over, of someone bragging they were unsupervised and sitting under buffet tables? ??? It clearly didn't teach them how to sit at the table or behave at functions, did it? If parents 'showed them how to behave' that would be one thing, but the examples of people who see nothing wrong with children being unsupervised and sitting on the floor under the tables that hold the buffets shows the kids are being neglected and ignored and left to their own devices, certainly not taught how to behave properly. So you have a moot point there.
The point is, there are some events and functions that are not at all suitable for children. Even basic safeguarding attests to this. And the type of parent who thinks it's ok for their children to roam unsupervised at a wedding, and sit on the floor under tables holding food, instead of at the table, shows the type of parents who want children at weddings are the very reason more and more people now have childfree weddings.

@ArchibaldsDaddy

Yes to attending everything - with the exception of the ceremony.

That’s the important part of the day and doesn’t need to be made awkward by a potentially screaming baby…

Maybe if there’s an agreement that Best Man’s partner leaves the church with the child if it can’t be pacified that could be a compromise??

Yes this seems like the obvious solution, invite them but kindly let them know what parts you’d like quiet.

@musicalfrog

I guess my parents were too busy having fun at a wedding to care about us not causing trouble under the table. You know that concept don't you? FUN? Sadly for you it seems to have passed you by. FYI there is no requirement to sit at a table right till the end of a wedding, you're allowed to get up and move around.

Do you think you might need a doctor for that rod up your rear end?

@musicalfrog Yes you admit your parents were too busy 'having fun' to be bothered knowing where their own children are. My point exactly. You are the very reason more and more weddings are childfree. You really have no idea how abnormal your thinking and behaviour is/was.

@musicalfrog

I said we were under the table I said nothing about playing or hide and seek. We sat under there and chatted, it was sometimes the only time I saw my cousins.

You are making some strange leaps and are coming across as slightly bizarre!

Absolute lol at thinking that sitting under the table at a wedding is normal behaviour

You're missing the point. They trusted us to behave and we did.

Sounds like your kids were absolute horrors if they needed to be kept an eye on constantly!

@musicalfrog

You're missing the point. They trusted us to behave and we did.

Sounds like your kids were absolute horrors if they needed to be kept an eye on constantly!

@musicalfrog Well clearly they were wrong because you were sitting on the floor under the table where food was dished out.....

I'm sure if one of you had hot soup or something spilled on your leg they'd be upset.

My children were raised properly to know you sit on a chair, or bench or stool, you don't sit on the floor underneath tables. I had also had concerned parents who supervised and would never have let me out in public ever again if they knew I was sitting on the floor under tables! That you think your behaviour is normal is terrible. But I do thank you for proving my point about irresponsible parents at weddings. I don't think you realise people will read your example and choose a childfree wedding....

I think everyone has different experiences of weddings and expectations for what they want their own wedding to look like.

I’m from a very large family so every wedding in our family was filled with tons of children sitting under tables, skidding across the dance floor etc. So that seems normal to me, however I understand for other people this isn’t their experience or what they want of their wedding.

@Migrainesbythedozen but this isn’t “children” it’s a newborn baby…

[quote TolkiensFallow]@Migrainesbythedozen but this isn’t “children” it’s a newborn baby…[/quote]
@TolkiensFallow Again, but newborn babies scream and cry! Please read the full thread. So many other posters have given accounts of how a screaming baby drowned out the vows. Babies are as bad, if not worse than older children.

@Migrainesbythedozen

If weddings 'aren't suitable' for children, what do those of us do who - shock horror - have children BEFORE we get married do with our kids? Not invite them to something important to the whole family?

Our children made up 50% of our guest list. I even breastfed fed my son while saying our vows.

My siblings both had children
Before they were married. At their weddings they had plenty of kids, from
Babies up to teenagers. All beautifully behaved.