Would you allow best man's newborn at wedding

[questionofthedaywedding]

If your best man would be father to a 1-2 month old new born on your wedding day, would you allow the newborn at the wedding, when it's generally a no children wedding ?

Is that being harsh to best man and his wife, who'll presumably only come if newborn can come?

Asking for a friend situation.

@Hmm1234

Yes because a marriage and wedding is about the union of a family. It would be seriously unreasonable to tell someone not to bring their newborn along! He should reconsider being best man

@Hmm1234 No, it's about the union of an adult couple. And even if it was the union of a family (which it's not), that is the family of the bride and groom. Not guests.

If the best man can't respect his friends and go alone, bride and groom should disinvite him. Guests should respect you and put your wishes first, for one day. If they can't do that, they are not friends.

@questionofthedaywedding

Wedding is quite far from where the BM and wife live.

The bridegroom are suggesting the best man just comes in his own and leaves wife and baby at home. They've even suggested BM can take another plus one instead of wife and baby.

Your friends are bellends if they’ve actually suggested this to their faces!!

@musicalfrog

Child free weddings depress the hell out of me. I loved going to weddings as a kid, mostly we hid under the buffet tables or cut some rug on the dance floor. My poor kids haven't been invited to a wedding yet (neither have I but I guess that's what you get for having kids later in life!)

@musicalfrog See your attitude is exactly what I mean when I say the 'type' of parent who expects their kids to be invited is exactly the 'parent' who would let their child run riot or at least not watch them or discipline them. You seem to be oblivious to what you're saying, almost like you're proud of it. It's such disrespectful and rude behaviour. If I hid underneath a buffet table I can only imagine the trouble I would have been in, a smack or at least a firm telling off. The fact you were so unwatched that you got up to stuff like playing hide and seek under a buffet table proves my point and further firms my view of the people that treat a solemn wedding like some outside redneck bbq picnic at a park, and have no respect for the occasion, for the other guests let alone for the bride and groom. There is a 'type' of parent who wants their kids invited to everything they are, and that 'type' of parent is invariably the type to not give two shits what their child is up to or to supervise them. This further proves it.

It MUST be the bride who has written this post.
We are almost 800 comments in and there's been NO reply
@questionofthedaywedding

@ChristinaXYZ Completely unreasonable. You can't expect them to leave such a new baby.

But no one is expecting 'them' to leave the baby. The wife doesn't need to be there, she doesn't need to go.

@Mfsf

I find it so weird that people do not allow children at weddings , it would be unthinkable for me to to not invite children , specially someone as important as your fiancé best friends ones . Trust me I’m not the biggest fan of others kids but I hate the way society seems to ostracise kids from important events these days

@Mfsf Or maybe it is that as society has progressed with safeguarding and putting childrens' needs first, we understand more that there are events that are simply not suitable for children. We've grown up and are more aware than we were centuries ago.

“But no one is expecting 'them' to leave the baby. The wife doesn't need to be there, she doesn't need to go.”

Sexist much. Maybe the father doesn’t want to leave his new baby to travel halfway across the country to a wedding his wife is no welcome at.

If it’s a case of staying overnight, who’s to say the wife wants to be alone with a newborn for all that time or that the husband wants to leave the baby for the first time at such a young age?

It’s reasonable to exclude children from a wedding but incredibly unreasonable to exclude a baby who is dependent.

@Emberino

Why is this even a discussion the bride and groom need to get over themselves and grow up…new born babies need to be with their mum’s especially if breast fed - should have picked a different best man if this was going to be an issue.

@Emberino No it is the best man and his wife who need to get over themselves and grow up. The best man can go, the wife doesn't even need to go. The day is about the bride and groom, the best man and wife need to grow up and stop being so selfish and get over themselves. You are right though, if the best man is going to make it all about him, instead of the groom, then the groom needs to choose another best man. One who will actually consider the groom's wishes and respect them on the groom's own day!

I would also like to state that I’m getting married and I’ve children from my first marriage, (5) children. They are of course attending and invited. But I have said no children to our wedding. This is because weddings are costly, and it was a choice made on finances. Guests understand but a newborn baby not to be allowed to come especially when it’s not any guests baby it’s the best man’s in my opinion doesn’t come in the caption of ‘why can’t parents be apart from there children for one occasion’ it’s a NEWBORN baby. Is the baby breastfed, that’s a huge factor in itself. A newborn baby doesn’t have a sit down meal so not costing silly amounts and taking up a ‘guests,’ place. So not sure what the issue is. Also i oh think majority if not all guests wouldn’t question why a newborn baby of the best man is there when there children were not allowed….Christ It’s common sense that a newborn baby being away from their mummy is not practical and quite frankly it’s the most understanding and kindest thing to do but allowing her to attend with her partner/husband with their newborn in tow.

@Tilltheend99

“But no one is expecting 'them' to leave the baby. The wife doesn't need to be there, she doesn't need to go.”

Sexist much. Maybe the father doesn’t want to leave his new baby to travel halfway across the country to a wedding his wife is no welcome at.

If it’s a case of staying overnight, who’s to say the wife wants to be alone with a newborn for all that time or that the husband wants to leave the baby for the first time at such a young age?

It’s reasonable to exclude children from a wedding but incredibly unreasonable to exclude a baby who is dependent.

@Tilltheend99 I don't think it's sexist, it's being a realist. Especially in this case where the wife has no role. It is the best man of the groom.

Besides that, unfortunately being a mother that has a baby dependent on you especially for breastfeeding, it's simply a matter of biology and reality that sometimes that means you have to miss out on something because you have a baby. That's life. Life doesn't change it's entire operating because you decided to have a baby. Life doesn't revolve around a mother and newborn. The real world doesn't work like that. Part of being a mother (or even parent) is realising that some places you cannot take your baby to.
It's how the world operates.

@Rchl86

I would also like to state that I’m getting married and I’ve children from my first marriage, (5) children. They are of course attending and invited. But I have said no children to our wedding. This is because weddings are costly, and it was a choice made on finances. Guests understand but a newborn baby not to be allowed to come especially when it’s not any guests baby it’s the best man’s in my opinion doesn’t come in the caption of ‘why can’t parents be apart from there children for one occasion’ it’s a NEWBORN baby. Is the baby breastfed, that’s a huge factor in itself. A newborn baby doesn’t have a sit down meal so not costing silly amounts and taking up a ‘guests,’ place. So not sure what the issue is. Also i oh think majority if not all guests wouldn’t question why a newborn baby of the best man is there when there children were not allowed….Christ It’s common sense that a newborn baby being away from their mummy is not practical and quite frankly it’s the most understanding and kindest thing to do but allowing her to attend with her partner/husband with their newborn in tow.

Then the mother can't go. It's really as simple as that, @Rchl86 . No one is talking about separating mother from baby. The point is, if the wife has a newborn, she can't go.

It's as simple as that. She just can't go. And as he is best man, and the baby doesn't rely on him to breastfeed it, he needs to go. She doesn't. All this carry on over the fact that the mother of a newborn naturally can't go.

@TheresOnlyOneWay

It MUST be the bride who has written this post. We are almost 800 comments in and there's been NO reply *@questionofthedaywedding*

I think so too. The vagueness about the exact age of the newborn indicates it's not the mother, but the bride who doesn't want a cute little baby stealing attention from her.

Oh please it's not about 'stealing attention from her', it's about not wanting a crying newborn disrupting the ceremony, @Cocogreen , as many people on this thread have said has happened at weddings they went to, and the parents didn't take the crying baby out and drowned out the vows. It's about practicality.

In my opinion I just think letting them bring there newborn baby isn’t a big deal and actually is the most nice understanding thing to do. You don’t have to agreed. I just think a newborn baby isn’t costing them financially as weddings are expensive especially the food and that it was pointed out what other guests may think if they haven’t been able to bring theirs and the rules have been ‘bend,’ for the best man, most in my opinion wouldn’t question it.

Without a doubt, of course we would.

@Rchl86

In my opinion I just think letting them bring there newborn baby isn’t a big deal and actually is the most nice understanding thing to do. You don’t have to agreed. I just think a newborn baby isn’t costing them financially as weddings are expensive especially the food and that it was pointed out what other guests may think if they haven’t been able to bring theirs and the rules have been ‘bend,’ for the best man, most in my opinion wouldn’t question it.

@Rchl86 It's not just the expense, it's about not wanting a crying newborn disrupting the ceremony, as many people on this thread have said has happened at weddings they went to, and the parents didn't take the crying baby out and drowned out the vows. It's about practicality. Babies cry and scream. And generally the type of parent who expects their newborn to be invited is the exact type of parent who won't take the baby outside when it starts crying. 100% bet on that, this thread has shown me that.

There's NO way my DH would have left me with our newborn to go to a wedding.

[quote Migrainesbythedozen]**@FruminariaBandersnatcheosum* Weddings should be lively, inclusive and unpredictable family affairs.*

What you are describing is a backyard family bbq or picnic at the local park. Not a weddings should never be unpredictable. I think people treating weddings as a hillbilly type joke is why so many marriages end in divorce. A wedding is a serious and solemn affair, not some trashy hillbilly thing. I truly think they are the soulless events. Proper weddings are never soulless.[/quote]
Migrainesbythedozen I think you are projecting a bit here with all the BBQ/picnic/local park stuff being hillbilly. I'm not talking about that level of extreme. I've never been to a wedding that was remotely 'hillbilly' and I'm sorry if you have.

Wow @Migrainesbythedozen judgemental much?

Just because I like children at weddings I think they should be allowed to run riot?

Jog on love ❤️

After reading quite a few of your replies to others, you seem to be extremely judgemental on those who do not share the same opinion as your own. You seem to make general assumptions on the ‘kind,’ of parents people appear to be.

Everyone is entitled to their opinion, I have mine, you have yours. They are opinions no one is right or wrong. I was just stating that I personally feel that expense for a newborn attending is not a factor and my experience planning my wedding was hugely down to cost and numbers which I’m sure plays a factor for many. As for crying newborns I appreciate that this is annoying and not desired but this is where respect from the babies mum comes in. Again my opinion!

At our wedding we welcomed all children, it was amazing and I loved having them included

BUT

Everyone has the right to choose! I went to many "no kids" wedding.

Actually my DH will attend a glorious wedding in Italy this spring. He is the best man. It is a "no kids" wedding and, having a toddler and a newborn, i cannot join.
A bit jealous about it but it is how it is.

@migrainesbythedozen have you ever had a newborn yourself? I had exactly your opinion until I became a mum. And then you realize that babies in arms with considerate parents is no issue at all and in fact ensures the other half can enjoy himself rather than stressing about wife, feeling compelled to leave early or not go at all. People with no kids yet don't get this - I wouldn't now dream of having a child free wedding... plenty of ways to entertain kids and have parents there too. If no kids is a must, babies in arms can be the exception. Selfish bride view is what I am reading into this .... and if the best man decides to put his family first by not going then good on him

@Migrainesbythedozen are you the bride? You've made your opinions clear, you're in a serious minority...crack on and lose your best man and test how important that relationship is to your fiancé by all means!

I've only ever been to weddings where those with newborns were very conscious of not interrupting the service, and ducked out from the back row at the first wail. My own slept blissfully through the whole thing in someone else's arms, so it's hardly a guarantee that a baby will cause disruption!

If you want to take the view that a wedding is a solemn, serious occasion which your (best) friends can't be trusted to remove their babe in arms from if if starts wahhhing, fine. Others see it as a joyful union which they want their nearest and dearest to witness, and would move heaven and earth to facilitate them attending.

If it's all about you, and only you, obviously the day can go ahead without your best man You'll need to find a new name to describe him by, of couse - can't imagine he'll see your husband to be as much of a friend by the time this has all gone down. Hope "the day" is worth it!!!

@musicalfrog

Wow *@Migrainesbythedozen* judgemental much?

Just because I like children at weddings I think they should be allowed to run riot?

Jog on love ❤️

@musicalfrog You actually thought it was a good thing to say you were playing hiding underneath the buffet table!!

If you don't think that's running riot, then I don't understand what you think is.

I said we were under the table I said nothing about playing or hide and seek. We sat under there and chatted, it was sometimes the only time I saw my cousins.

You are making some strange leaps and are coming across as slightly bizarre!