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AIBU?

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Original poster

Would you allow best man's newborn at wedding

957 replies

questionofthedaywedding · 18/02/2022 15:29

If your best man would be father to a 1-2 month old new born on your wedding day, would you allow the newborn at the wedding, when it's generally a no children wedding ?

Is that being harsh to best man and his wife, who'll presumably only come if newborn can come?

Asking for a friend situation.

OP posts:
jimmyjammy001 · 19/02/2022 21:50

It's not really fair to allow some guests to bring their children and others not no matter what their age, if they don't want children there ruining they're big day then no children means no children, I would be the same, I wouldn't want kids crying, running around getting bored and mis behaving, not to mention guests in parent mode unable to let their hair down and have a few drinks and have a good time, not to mention having to leave early to put the kids to bed

5foot5 · 19/02/2022 22:00

We had a 2 week old at our wedding as my sister had just given birth. It would not have occurred to us to say no to the baby, that would have seemed utterly ludicrous. We were just relieved she felt up to coming herself so soon after the birth.

FreezeMachine · 19/02/2022 22:01

The only people being selfish are the ones insisting the B&G invite someone they don’t want there IMO

LittleWins · 19/02/2022 22:05

@FreezeMachine

We are going to a wedding in a few weeks, my husband is an usher and we have a 4 month EBF baby (and a two year old)

It’s no children, including baby. I’m going for the ceremony and dinner and then going home early. I nearly decided to not go, but organised things so I could.

I did not get insulted or annoyed because as a guest the day is not about me. I nearly didn’t go even though I really like the couple, and couldn’t have cared less.

Did they suggest he invited someone else if you didn’t go?

That bit is so strange. Almost like they hope the BM’s partner won’t go.

FreezeMachine · 19/02/2022 22:09

I mean that bit is a bit weird and I don’t really get it, but this was suggested to us my husband would have probably enjoyed the extra company and taken his brother or something

Maybe they mean it in a “there’s two spaces for you and your wife” way but don’t make her feel like she has to come? As in they mean it in a nice way but it hasn’t come across like that

I just think when you don’t know the whole scenario you need to give people the benefit of the doubt

owlinnahat · 19/02/2022 22:11

I think B&G are entitled to say "no babies". I'd think the BM would be entitled to (and would probably expect him to) say that he couldn't make it then.

Easterbunnyiswindowshopping · 19/02/2022 22:12

We invited one half of a couple to our wedding..
Fil!!
Mil sent an abusive message to her friend about us putting fil through attending somewhere alone!!
Fil is a fully functioning man of 60!
Maybe the bring someone else was implying he may feel awkward going alone not trying to replace his dw..

Emberino · 19/02/2022 22:13

Why is this even a discussion the bride and groom need to get over themselves and grow up…new born babies need to be with their mum’s especially if breast fed - should have picked a different best man if this was going to be an issue.

FreezeMachine · 19/02/2022 22:14

Maybe the bring someone else was implying he may feel awkward going alone not trying to replace his dw.

Yea that was my thinking, you phrased it much better than me

FreezeMachine · 19/02/2022 22:17

@Emberino

Why is this even a discussion the bride and groom need to get over themselves and grow up…new born babies need to be with their mum’s especially if breast fed - should have picked a different best man if this was going to be an issue.
Yes but this is assuming the wife was pregnant when they asked him to be best man

Weddings are often a long time being planned

Also depends on when the wedding is - if it’s in august then they could potentially be asking now to give the BM & wife plenty of notice to decide what they want to do about the wedding?

restingbitchface30 · 19/02/2022 22:26

I don’t get child free weddings they are selfish. If you care about the guest coming you should care about their child. And the question is ridiculous. Of course his baby should be there.

Buttons294749 · 19/02/2022 22:26

Fwiw i attended a wedding when DS was 10 ish weeks. He was not invited but my other friend's 2 yo was. I wanted to attend as bride had done a lot for my wedding.

DS had major colic/what turned out to be cmpa so cried ALL THE BLOODY TIME. I had DH in a room in the hotel and zipped back and forth (he was also a velcro baby Hmm) it was an effort but i had no problem with making it work. I loved DFriend but appreciate babies are a pooing, screaming whirlwind (although i never had one of those quite, sleepy babies so maybe i would be more annoyed to not be able to bring one of those) i love ds more than anything but wouldnt wqnt his 10 week old screaming self at even mt own wedding!

Lindyloomillion · 19/02/2022 22:26

Yes of course the little baby should be allowed! Not the same as older children

EllaB22 · 19/02/2022 22:41

Yes of course!!

Bouledeneige · 19/02/2022 22:48

Of course! What an awful question. Are you serious?

CorpusCallosum · 19/02/2022 23:02

It's completely unreasonable to think a 4-8 week old baby shouldn't be allowed to come! Especially when it's the best man's child!!

I agree with PP babies under 6 months shouldn't be included in a no children policy at weddings, or those parents quite often simply can't come 💁🏻‍♀️

YupNameChangeAgain · 19/02/2022 23:20

@questionofthedaywedding

Wedding is quite far from where the BM and wife live.

The bridegroom are suggesting the best man just comes in his own and leaves wife and baby at home. They've even suggested BM can take another plus one instead of wife and baby.

That’s a hard no from me if I was the BM

That’s just unfair of the bride and groom

LouBan · 19/02/2022 23:27

I would allow them to bring the baby and I think if they say the baby can't come they will have to look for a new best man. Lots of child-free events exclude babes in arms so I don't see why a wedding should be any different. I couldn't have left my DD with anyone else when she was so little.

Booklover3 · 19/02/2022 23:53

@questionofthedaywedding

Wedding is quite far from where the BM and wife live.

The bridegroom are suggesting the best man just comes in his own and leaves wife and baby at home. They've even suggested BM can take another plus one instead of wife and baby.

Err… no. Where do they get off?

If I were the best man I would be bowing out.

Migrainesbythedozen · 20/02/2022 03:41

@TolkiensFallow

I think the other thing is - 99% of the time it is child free people having child free weddings which is totally understandable but it also means they have zero concept of how hard the newborn phase is for some people.

Pre-kids I would 💯 have had a child free wedding and probably lumped newborns in with that but since having them I would never do that to another person.

@TolkiensFallow From experience, it is the exact opposite. It is people getting married later in life when they've had their children so understand that there are some things children should not be at. To me, it is the silly young ones who don't understand what is and isn't appropriate for children, the logistics etc etc. The older people get, the more likely they are to have child free weddings because they are more mature and more experienced with children.
TwinMumKM · 20/02/2022 03:42

This is so silly, of course you allow his newborn to be there. Geeze, go out in the real world and meet people with REAL problems 😂.

Migrainesbythedozen · 20/02/2022 03:50

@sunshinesandybeachclearbluesea

From a parent point of view I think it's rude to invite parents and not children. If my children aren't invited, then I am not going to attend either because we come as a package. My children go where I go, its part of being a parent and if they can't see that then clearly there is something wrong. Of course the best man will want to bring his partner/wife. The bride/groom shouldn't even be putting them in this situation. I should be obvious that neither parent would want to or should be expected to leave the baby.
@sunshinesandybeachclearbluesea So you never go to a girls night meetup in a club? (without your kids traipsing along) You never go to a Hens night? (without your kids traipsing along) or a theatre night? (without your kids traipsing along) or a meeting with a solicitor or bank manager? (without your kids traipsing along) I can't imagine you have many friends, because you can't sustain close friendships while dragging your kids around with you everywhere. You sound like the obsessed helicopter parent who refuses to have a life and friends outside of children, and it's because of selfish parents like you that weddings are childfree. Some things are not suitable for children, and weddings are an example of that. Being a mature and responsible parent means knowing what is appropriate to bring children to and what isn't.
Migrainesbythedozen · 20/02/2022 03:52

That last response is also suitable for @fussyhousewife .

Migrainesbythedozen · 20/02/2022 04:07

@ISmellBurnings

Why are people so personally offended when their kids aren’t invited to things and then refuse to go?

I don’t mean childcare issues, that’s not the same thing.

Maybe they don’t like spending time with their OHs and have nothing to talk about. Wink

That's what I'm wondering. There are some very, very weird and strange women on here who have no relationships and no lives outside of their kids. It's almost an obsession, like they have to be with their kids 24/7. And the selfish indignance at anyone daring to...gasp - have a wedding how they want. The type of parents that are glued to their kids 24/7 are exactly the type of self-absorbed narcissists who think their out of control kids are fun for everyone and won't do anything when the kids are having pretend sword fights or tripping aunt Mavis up or stealing food from guests plates.
Migrainesbythedozen · 20/02/2022 04:11

@FoxandFour22

This very situation caused a huge fallout in my husbands side of the family. We were invited to my husbands cousins wedding and children were not welcome. We asked if we could bring our then 6 week old breast fed baby and they said no! So, we didn’t go. It created a massive fallout and so yes, I would absolutely let the best man bring his baby x
@FoxandFour22 Or, instead of you selfishly causing trouble and causing a huge fallout and split in your husband's family, you could have insisted your husband go. But no. You selfishly caused a fallout and have split your husband's family.