Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you allow best man's newborn at wedding

957 replies

questionofthedaywedding · 18/02/2022 15:29

If your best man would be father to a 1-2 month old new born on your wedding day, would you allow the newborn at the wedding, when it's generally a no children wedding ?

Is that being harsh to best man and his wife, who'll presumably only come if newborn can come?

Asking for a friend situation.

OP posts:
Janus · 19/02/2022 19:11

My husband was best man abroad once and I had a young baby so we didn’t go. I think that’s about the only reason for baby and wife to not be there.
If I were best man I would very much expect an invitation for my wife and then for her to bring the young baby, they really can’t be left at home when they are young and the couple be relaxed about this (I think). She may still not want to be there and pretty much be looking after the baby all day mostly on her own (if there’s the top table), sitting on her own etc, depends if she would know a lot of the guests? I’d definitely, definitely invite them all but there’s probably a good chance they may not come.

Hmm1234 · 19/02/2022 19:18

Yes because a marriage and wedding is about the union of a family. It would be seriously unreasonable to tell someone not to bring their newborn along! He should reconsider being best man

thinkingaboutLangCleg · 19/02/2022 19:26

@MRSsqueak

wow.... this couple needs to be prepared to lose more than just a best man. usually the best man is chosen because they mean something to the groom.... this shows he doesnt. at my own wedding we invited kids. i dont think half of our guests woukd have turned up at all if we hadnt. and to be perfectly honest having all my many nieces and nephews there made my day even more special. i was up on the dancefloor with them until they went home. people got some lovely pictures and they are some of my favourite wedding pictures
Same here! I’d find a childfree wedding rather odd and formal. Ours was a big fun family-and-friends occasion, with plenty of children and a cousin’s dog. Many happy memories and great photos.
FluffyMcFluffFace · 19/02/2022 19:26

My DH was best man in another country when our DS was 6 months old. I breast fed him in the cathedral, and he slept through the whole thing. All the other guests were cooing over him, and it was absolutely fine. We wouldn't have been able to go otherwise. It's not the same as having older kids who can run riot.

CorneliusVetch · 19/02/2022 19:29

@SharonEllis

Of course, I wouldn't consider separating a child under 12 months from its parents in such a situation. If anyone had stopped me and my partner bringing our babies to a wedding we certainly wouldn't have gone and the friendship would not have been the same.
I’ve said upthread I think they should invite the baby but this makes no sense. Why would they be separating the child from its parents? Either the best man could come without his wife (I’m assuming the child is often with just the mother) or they could both decline. Suggesting they’re wrenching a baby from its mother against the mother’s will just isn’t what’s going on here.
HomeHomeInTheRange · 19/02/2022 19:29

@questionofthedaywedding

Wedding is quite far from where the BM and wife live.

The bridegroom are suggesting the best man just comes in his own and leaves wife and baby at home. They've even suggested BM can take another plus one instead of wife and baby.

This is hilariously unreasonable.

This couple have a very steep learning curve ahead of them.

musicalfrog · 19/02/2022 19:42

Child free weddings depress the hell out of me. I loved going to weddings as a kid, mostly we hid under the buffet tables or cut some rug on the dance floor. My poor kids haven't been invited to a wedding yet (neither have I but I guess that's what you get for having kids later in life!)

Greensmurf1 · 19/02/2022 19:51

Babies & children were welcome at our wedding. It made the day even more special to be able to share it with dear friends and their loved ones, but if the wedding is unsuitable for kids i.e. an unsafe venue, I don't suppose anyone would truly begrudge an infant who really needs to be with its parents.

ndh1980 · 19/02/2022 19:52

Absolutely allow a newborn!!
At our wedding, it’s as no children apart from our son and nephews who were page boys; my friends new born and another friends young child. I asked other people if they were ok that they couldn’t bring children and they were absolutely fine.

nitsandwormsdodger · 19/02/2022 19:52

Mother of new baby take note , BRIDE and GROOM DONT LIKE YOU and don’t support you as parents , how you both deal with this info is up to you
Mum and baby stay home
Everyone stay home
Mum and baby stay in hotel near wedding dip in to wish them well
Wangle baby an invite ( dress baby in same outfit as bride)

Oldnproud · 19/02/2022 19:54

If someone is considered important enough to be best man, then it seems like a no brainer to me. Of course I would expect their new born to be allowed too!

Fitmumtiredmum · 19/02/2022 19:59

God I would not have wanted to take my newborn to a wedding but it is nice to have the option! I can’t imagine a newborn causing any issues and often at weddings it is no children bar a specific few who are close to the wedding party.

LadyPropane · 19/02/2022 20:00

Wtf?

Obviously fine to have a childfree wedding if that's what you really want, but to suggest the best man can ditch his wife and brand new baby and bring someone else along instead is astonishingly tone deaf.

I don't think they need to worry about this anyway because the best man probably won't want to be friends with them for much longer. They sound unsupportive and selfish.

SecretSpAD · 19/02/2022 20:01

@burnoutbabe

could be that the bride and groom are unable to have kids and don't want to spend their wedding day surrounded by reminders of this? Hence a childfree wedding.
ThiS was my sister. A few months before her wedding she was told she would never conceive naturally and she was completely devastated and couldn't bare to be around babies and children. A few people kicked off, but they were swiftly uninvited and ditched as friends.

My husband and I renewed our vows last year. We had a small, adult event and absolutely no children were welcome of any age because we don't like their company 🤣

SonicBroom · 19/02/2022 20:03

Yes 100%

cheekyasfish · 19/02/2022 20:04

Is this a reverse?

hippohippohippo · 19/02/2022 20:09

Out of interest, what age do people consider the cut off where it's unreasonable not to invite a baby/ child of a significant wedding guest? Have seen both 6m and 12m mentioned.

cheekyasfish · 19/02/2022 20:11

They sound like quite a thoughtless couple

user47000000000 · 19/02/2022 20:12

How is this still trending?

Yes, invite the baby.

bravefox · 19/02/2022 20:12

OP seems to have disappeared.

Reverse?

Suerossi · 19/02/2022 20:12

I had immediate family’s children at my wedding because they were part of our family. Friends and less close relatives just didn’t and didn’t ask. I’d just expect them to be taken out of the service if they created a distraction. Family is family no matter the age.

user47000000000 · 19/02/2022 20:12

Assuming none of the infertility issues A’s let above

OnlyAFleshWound · 19/02/2022 20:20

@musicalfrog

Child free weddings depress the hell out of me. I loved going to weddings as a kid, mostly we hid under the buffet tables or cut some rug on the dance floor. My poor kids haven't been invited to a wedding yet (neither have I but I guess that's what you get for having kids later in life!)
I feel exactly the same. I'm Jewish and weddings were (and are) always events for the whole family. I married 'out' (a non-Jewish man) and his family all have childfree weddings. It's depressing and miserable especially as I really don't want to go to them, but our kids would love it.
Beth13579 · 19/02/2022 20:20

If I wanted to maintain the friendship with my best man, then yes.
Not allowing the baby is putting them in a terrible position!

OnlyAFleshWound · 19/02/2022 20:22

P.S. I meant to say this includes close family. We've been invited to his first cousin's wedding this year - not only are our children not invited (1st cousins once removed), but the groom's brother's children (nephews and nieces) aren't invited either.

Mind you, they had a childfree wedding themselves so I guess they think it's normal. I just find it both miserable and presumptuous (we are expected to find childcare for three days as it's at the other end of the country)