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Original poster

Would you allow best man's newborn at wedding

957 replies

questionofthedaywedding · 18/02/2022 15:29

If your best man would be father to a 1-2 month old new born on your wedding day, would you allow the newborn at the wedding, when it's generally a no children wedding ?

Is that being harsh to best man and his wife, who'll presumably only come if newborn can come?

Asking for a friend situation.

OP posts:
oncemoreunto · 19/02/2022 18:33

These people are not good people to be close friends with.
I would let them find another best man they obviously don't value the friendship with the best man at all.

ZoeCM · 19/02/2022 18:34

I also wasn't allowed to drive DH and MIL to rural country house wedding venue from city we were staying in, they had to get the bus from the city with all the other guests, so no one would get distracted by baby on our arrival.

That's insane! I can't believe a grown woman would be jealous of a baby. Some women completely lose the plot when it comes to weddings.

Jessicafirsttimer · 19/02/2022 18:34

I missed my sister’s sedate afternoon tea relaxed hen do because she and organising friend wouldn’t let me bring my few weeks old exclusively bf baby. It would have been no problem judging by the photos I saw. I’m still cross about it and it was years ago.

tigerlilly22 · 19/02/2022 18:34

We had a child free wedding apart from our own two daughters and my two nieces who were our bridesmaids. However, my best friend had literally nobody she could leave her five year old with and there were two newborns there too. There has to be an exception to the rule at some point and if any of our other guests would have questioned us I'd have happily told them why these little ones were an exception too. It was our wedding and we could do what we wanted in my opinion.

IloveM · 19/02/2022 18:37

Definitely let them bring their baby
Support the newly formed family, treat them as you would wish to be treated if you had tiny baby in your life

SharonEllis · 19/02/2022 18:38

Of course, I wouldn't consider separating a child under 12 months from its parents in such a situation. If anyone had stopped me and my partner bringing our babies to a wedding we certainly wouldn't have gone and the friendship would not have been the same.

GrouchWife · 19/02/2022 18:39

Yes! If he means enough to be BM then he ought to be able to bring his wife and newborn.

WhereYouLeftIt · 19/02/2022 18:43

@questionofthedaywedding

Wedding is quite far from where the BM and wife live.

The bridegroom are suggesting the best man just comes in his own and leaves wife and baby at home. They've even suggested BM can take another plus one instead of wife and baby.

They're suggesting that the Best Man leave his wife and child behind - and bring someone who's not his wife to their wedding?Confused

Are they thick or something?

As to the "generally a no children wedding", a babe-in-arms is not 'children'. It's a small scrap of humanity that is dependent on its parents for everything. It will not be running around the venue, tripping up waiters, demanding chicken nuggets and leaving sticky handmarks on the bride's dress. It will not need a seat of its own, nor will the bridezilla and groomzilla need to pay a penny to feed it.

Or are the bridezilla and groomzilla such delicate flowers that they fear being upstaged by a small baby?

If I were the Best Man, hearing the suggestion that I leave my wife and baby behind and bring someone else to their wedding, I'd be telling them to shove their wedding somewhere intimate and painful. It's a truly tone-deaf and insulting suggestion.

RandomDent · 19/02/2022 18:46

We went to a child free wedding when my youngest was 6 months old, he stayed with my mum and we left the reception as they were moving to the evening part. Also present was the bridesmaid and her very new breastfed baby. I didn’t get snippy, of course the newborn of the bridesmaid should go with her.

Imtryingveryhard · 19/02/2022 18:47

Weddings and, just generally, events are very much more child friendly recently. Thankfully my social circle includes children of my friends who have a great time together. Tell me I’m invited with my husband but not my kids? Instant decline. Not interested in your gathering and you’ve given me the perfect excuse not to go. Thankfully I don’t have self-obsessed child free friends. I got rid of them as soon as they started the. ‘my life is so much better’ crap. Everything was better until it was just then with no kids and no one to have fun with.

Nocutenamesleft · 19/02/2022 18:47

I had this. Best friend had a child free wedding. My childcare fell through at the last min. Thought being best friend. Maid of honour etc and the fact there were children at the wedding. They might take pity

But nope. Shunned. Couldn’t go to the wedding.

Gave never forgiven them for that.

Nocutenamesleft · 19/02/2022 18:49

@questionofthedaywedding

Wedding is quite far from where the BM and wife live.

The bridegroom are suggesting the best man just comes in his own and leaves wife and baby at home. They've even suggested BM can take another plus one instead of wife and baby.

Exactly what happened to me.

No no no and no

It’s fucking horrible to do what they’re doing.

1Wanda1 · 19/02/2022 18:50

We had a 5 month old baby at our no-kids wedding because it was the baby of a cousin who had to travel a long way, the baby wasn't moving around yet, and we trusted its parents to use common sense about taking the baby out of the ceremony if it started crying.

If a "friend" expected my partner to play a key role at their wedding but wouldn't allow our newborn (and therefore also me) to attend, I'd very quickly downgrade them to "acquaintance".

2YearsOfWastedTime · 19/02/2022 18:52

If it is your ‘friend’
Then whats the point of this thread?

Is your ‘friend’ going to take any notice?

Prettymum2006 · 19/02/2022 18:54

I’m assuming the bride and groom are not parents themselves… what a selfish thing to suggest! If I was the wife of the BM I would feel incredibly hurt by this. And if I was the BM I would tell them where to stick their invite.

imamumgetmeoutofhere · 19/02/2022 18:54

Yes. Allowances need to me made and with a tiny baby then the family come as a package

NinaManiana · 19/02/2022 18:56

Your friend could ask the mum that if the baby cries or anything to take the baby out. Most newborns sleep most of the time so your mate won’t even know it’s there.

ISmellBurnings · 19/02/2022 19:00

Why are people so personally offended when their kids aren’t invited to things and then refuse to go?

I don’t mean childcare issues, that’s not the same thing.

Maybe they don’t like spending time with their OHs and have nothing to talk about. Wink

TooOldToBeAGoth · 19/02/2022 19:00

No. A child free wedding means no children at the wedding

Unfortunate timing. Such is life

FoxandFour22 · 19/02/2022 19:01

This very situation caused a huge fallout in my husbands side of the family.
We were invited to my husbands cousins wedding and children were not welcome. We asked if we could bring our then 6 week old breast fed baby and they said no! So, we didn’t go. It created a massive fallout and so yes, I would absolutely let the best man bring his baby x

gingerhills · 19/02/2022 19:02

I would. But then I loathe weddings without children.

TheHumanSatsuma · 19/02/2022 19:04

@questionofthedaywedding

If your best man would be father to a 1-2 month old new born on your wedding day, would you allow the newborn at the wedding, when it's generally a no children wedding ?

Is that being harsh to best man and his wife, who'll presumably only come if newborn can come?

Asking for a friend situation.

Of course. Presumably best man was chosen for a reason.

It’s wedding ,a few hours. Marriage is something entirely different

.

Jeannie88 · 19/02/2022 19:05

Best man, best friend, he and partner and baby should be welcome. Weddings, after the vows and meal, are basically just a piss up, so as long as they can care for the baby that's what is most important. X

TooOldToBeAGoth · 19/02/2022 19:05

And as for “babes in arms are an exception to no children”, no. They aren’t. Babes in arms are still children…..

TheHumanSatsuma · 19/02/2022 19:06

@fussyhousewife

No children then count me out. I would not want my children left out and in fact I have never been in that situation where they would be thank goodness. I take it the couple getting married will at some stage want to have children - how would they feel if they were excluded??
Exactly! The “Perfect Day” at the cost of family.