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Original poster

Would you allow best man's newborn at wedding

957 replies

questionofthedaywedding · 18/02/2022 15:29

If your best man would be father to a 1-2 month old new born on your wedding day, would you allow the newborn at the wedding, when it's generally a no children wedding ?

Is that being harsh to best man and his wife, who'll presumably only come if newborn can come?

Asking for a friend situation.

OP posts:
bluebird3 · 19/02/2022 17:57

Newborns should absolutely be allowed but even more so as they have to travel a distance. It's not fair for the BM to leave his wife at home with a new baby for probably at least 2 days and 2 nights. Of course she could handle it but she shouldn't have to. If they are adamant I would hope the BM would decline.

Mimi85 · 19/02/2022 17:58

I'm assuming you're posting on here to show them the responses so they start to realize how unreasonable it is to not allow the new born. A new born needs to be with their mum around the clock. If I was the best man id be furious at even a hint that the baby couldn't come!

keeptheaspidistra · 19/02/2022 17:58

I'd be furious if i were a mum to a new born and someone suggested my other half pissed off to a wedding with someone else as a plus one. In fact, i think my other half would also think this is a batshit suggestion

maturestudent65 · 19/02/2022 18:04

Have actually been in this situation - son was BM to v old friend (who had also been his BM) and was told that as it was a 'no children' wedding, his 3 month old son could not come. This also meant my D-in-L could not go as she was breast feeding and baby was reluctant to take a bottle. Son and D-in-L sort of understood but were a bit hurt. A babe in arms is very different from a riotous toddler - but on the other hand, riotous toddler's parents would probably feel a bit aggrieved if they found a baby at the wedding when their little sweetheart couldn't go - it is a bit difficult!

GreyGoose1980 · 19/02/2022 18:05

We are planning a child free wedding apart from children we are related to but are definitely inviting all babies. For us it’s just that we are having a small wedding and if all our friends brought children there would be twice as many children as adults which would change the dynamic too much. Pus we actually don’t know a lot of the children as don’t yet have our own yet so tend to do quite a bit of catching up with just the adults.

paintfairy · 19/02/2022 18:09

Absolutely absurd. We mostly had no children at our wedding. I just didn't add them on the invite (small wedding with sit down meal, therefore menu cards were sent out). I didn't actually say they couldn't attend in so many words. Night do people were told no children. But we did have some family coming a distance and staying over, therefore clearly there was no option but to let them come. If other people complained then tough and I'm lucky we didn't actually have too many friends with children. A small baby though (assuming its being fed by its mother) you can't just not bring? I probably would have made it clear that if it started screaming mid ceremony I would have expected them to take it out. But failing that- I wouldn't have minded it being there. And to expect the bloke to come with another +1 and leave his poor wife at home is a ludicrous suggestion. I think it's rude with any guest, but it's somehow worse the fact that it's the best man!

Annie202 · 19/02/2022 18:11

Yes, of course!

Bibbidybobbidybooboo · 19/02/2022 18:11

Before I had kids, I would have said no kids. We had our own wedding with as few kids as possible. Now I'm a mum of 3, if I was planning something like a wedding, I would say a big yes to kids, especially those under a year old. I didn't want the distractions, crying, etc, but now I realise how hard that was on parents to find childcare etc. Surely if the baby is only one to two months old it's obvious the mother won't come without the baby. She might not feel like going to a wedding anyway such a short time after giving birth, but to tell her she can't because her baby isn't welcome, when her other half is best man, seems more than a bit harsh!

Bugbabe1970 · 19/02/2022 18:12

Yes absolutely but I wouldn't have a child free wedding either

LizzyLegs · 19/02/2022 18:12

I had a child free wedding, but that didn't extend to babies and there were two babies that the parents needed to bring as only a few weeks old. They don't take up space, they're no extra cost, they don't change the atmosphere (it's still an adult environment), and if the parents can't bring them, it generally means the parents can't come either.

Rustler74 · 19/02/2022 18:13

Absolutely best chance to get the best man there.

DungballInADress · 19/02/2022 18:13

"He can bring another +1"

Who else is he going to bring; his Mum? A mate from work?

This is an unreasonable request. It happened to me. My husband was BM, we had a 5 month old exclusively breastfed baby and the wedding was a whole weekend affair 2 hours away. It was a no child wedding except for DS1 and another child of about 12 months old who had downs syndrome. No other parents complained, and completely understood that the circumstances of babes in arms is different to toddlers/older children.

Bugbabe1970 · 19/02/2022 18:14

@questionofthedaywedding

Wedding is quite far from where the BM and wife live.

The bridegroom are suggesting the best man just comes in his own and leaves wife and baby at home. They've even suggested BM can take another plus one instead of wife and baby.

Are you bloody serious 😳
Heart1234 · 19/02/2022 18:15

I would be asking myself.......if you say yes bring baby how are the other guests with children going to feel as they can't take their children along?

MRSsqueak · 19/02/2022 18:18

wow.... this couple needs to be prepared to lose more than just a best man. usually the best man is chosen because they mean something to the groom.... this shows he doesnt. at my own wedding we invited kids. i dont think half of our guests woukd have turned up at all if we hadnt. and to be perfectly honest having all my many nieces and nephews there made my day even more special. i was up on the dancefloor with them until they went home. people got some lovely pictures and they are some of my favourite wedding pictures

TooMuchToblerone · 19/02/2022 18:18

It’s a harsh and thoughtless decision imo. This happened to us - my DH was a best man and I had a 5 month old breastfed baby (who wouldn’t take bottle) and wedding was 100 miles away. We were told baby couldn’t come. Bride and groom adamant no children or babies. Not their problem.
In the end (and I wish we hadn’t) we took my elderly and quite unwell parents and all stayed in a hotel and I nipped back repeatedly to hotel (20 mins away) to help/feed as baby stayed with my parents at hotel.
In fact there were children at the wedding but only belonging to close family.
Utterly ridiculous to exclude best man’s baby although I respect it was their decision. I would never have stayed in a room where they were if my baby has cried.
However since then the bride and groom have shown themselves to be total t*ts in other ways, so I do wish we hadn’t bothered as it was a total (costly) pantomime for us for a couple who have continued to treat us poorly (we’ve ended contact now).

gnurse85 · 19/02/2022 18:19

Yes of course! He’s the best man, if they can’t have anyone to mind the baby or even for that matter the baby may be breastfed so it’s very attached to the mother! If they don’t want the newborn there and not giving them a choice then that just says they re only thinking of themselves and not the bigger picture. I m pretty certain most people would understand if his best man brought the baby to the wedding if they couldn’t get a minder etc I mean they may not want the baby to be minded so early either! Some parents don’t! X

Pr1mr0se · 19/02/2022 18:21

Ok, I wasn't the best man but was best friends with the bride and groom and took a few weeks old to the traditional church wedding and reception. It was fine. No-one knew there was a baby in the church to be honest, maybe we were lucky but we just made sure that feeding/ changing was done before we got there. A baby so young will probably sleep through the whole thing if it's fed beforehand. It shouldn't be a big deal.

gnurse85 · 19/02/2022 18:21

“Wedding is quite far from where the BM and wife live.

The bridegroom are suggesting the best man just comes in his own and leaves wife and baby at home. They've even suggested BM can take another plus one instead of wife and baby.”

And the most selfish bride and groom goes too…. He needs to find another best man and I hope this best man sticks with his partner and baby that night! True colours come out at weddings!

pink19 · 19/02/2022 18:22

Yes!

Mollymoostoo · 19/02/2022 18:24

@questionofthedaywedding

Wedding is quite far from where the BM and wife live.

The bridegroom are suggesting the best man just comes in his own and leaves wife and baby at home. They've even suggested BM can take another plus one instead of wife and baby.

The couple clearly has a lack of respect for BM's partner.
CelestiaNoctis · 19/02/2022 18:24

Of course they should be allowed to bring them! They'll probably sleep the whole time anyway.

timeisnotaline · 19/02/2022 18:25

@questionofthedaywedding

Wedding is quite far from where the BM and wife live.

The bridegroom are suggesting the best man just comes in his own and leaves wife and baby at home. They've even suggested BM can take another plus one instead of wife and baby.

Now you’re joking surely? If this were a friend of my husbands getting married they’d be an ex friend if they expected him to leave me alone for what sounds like minimum a day with a month old baby. At that age I was surviving the week until it got to the weekend with dh on deck too.
SausagePourHomme · 19/02/2022 18:28

I regret leaving my baby for a "child free wedding" that turned out to be full of other children plus the bride's dog.

I think for that reason they are just not a good idea, someone is always going to be put out.

Rchl86 · 19/02/2022 18:32

Yes I think even if no children are invited to the wedding then the newborn of the best man should be an exception x