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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you allow best man's newborn at wedding

957 replies

questionofthedaywedding · 18/02/2022 15:29

If your best man would be father to a 1-2 month old new born on your wedding day, would you allow the newborn at the wedding, when it's generally a no children wedding ?

Is that being harsh to best man and his wife, who'll presumably only come if newborn can come?

Asking for a friend situation.

OP posts:
laura180984 · 19/02/2022 17:35

Yes - we were in the same situation and we did x

mousey37 · 19/02/2022 17:37

This and this. I cannot understand this banning children thing. Hideous.

Mumof3girlygirls · 19/02/2022 17:37

You lost me at "there's no children allowed"

Geauxtigers · 19/02/2022 17:38

If it was my wedding I wouldn't dream of saying the baby couldn't come. Even if it was a child free wedding I would definitely allow the best man's baby!!
I have been to a no child wedding when breastfeeding a 5 month old, I checked and the baby wasn't invited

MrsDrRoss · 19/02/2022 17:38

Newborns sleep a lot of the time. Best time to take a baby to a wedding. He is best man. His family is more important to him and either he doesn’t go and looks after his family or they include the best man, wife and new baby. Older kids can have babysitters not this one.

meganorks · 19/02/2022 17:38

There were two newborns at my wedding and you honestly would never have known. It's not like kids who can run about and cause havoc. A new born is pretty much going to eat and sleep. And if they cry they can just take them out for a bit. If they are really worried about them crying and ruining the important parts they could always specify that the mother takes baby outside if they cry during the ceremony or speeches

alwayssaythankyou · 19/02/2022 17:38

do you want a good relationship with these people for the rest of your life? - is so of course say yes.

Grrrrdarling · 19/02/2022 17:39

@questionofthedaywedding

If your best man would be father to a 1-2 month old new born on your wedding day, would you allow the newborn at the wedding, when it's generally a no children wedding ?

Is that being harsh to best man and his wife, who'll presumably only come if newborn can come?

Asking for a friend situation.

Newborn of that age will most likely sleep through the whole day, apart from feeds & butt changes, & I assume baby’s mum will be there to care for him/her while best man is performing his duties. It would be different if it was a toddler because as cute as they can be they are much more mobile & likely to cause a disruption to the ‘child free’ wedding. No problem in my eyes.
LolaSmiles · 19/02/2022 17:41

Of course I'd have their wife and newborn. If they're good enough friends to be best man, I'd trust that the wife would step out with baby If baby became unsettled.

The idea of not having a close friend at a wedding just in case people might notice a newborn on my special day and have 30 seconds not focusing on me seems like such a self-centred attitude to have.

SunniDelite · 19/02/2022 17:41

Wow! Of course! Can't believe this question is real!

quadrant · 19/02/2022 17:41

No baby at service,ok at reception

MrsDrRoss · 19/02/2022 17:42

@MabelsApron - I agree with other poster. Your friends and family are not ones I’d enjoy either.

Wowyouareboring · 19/02/2022 17:43

Wow thats so rude! Best man should decline

Eucalyptusbee · 19/02/2022 17:43

100%

Eucalyptusbee · 19/02/2022 17:44

@questionofthedaywedding

Wedding is quite far from where the BM and wife live.

The bridegroom are suggesting the best man just comes in his own and leaves wife and baby at home. They've even suggested BM can take another plus one instead of wife and baby.

Wow. Ridiculous bride and groom behaviour.

Friendship cancelled I think!

Ginandtonics · 19/02/2022 17:44

I think it was the child development expert Winnicott who said 'there's no such thing as a baby, there is a baby and someone...' If a tiny baby is not allowed then Mum can't really go either I'd have thought. Maybe the BM could go on his own? Depends on the situation I guess but I'd not be comfortable with saying no tiny babies, not as if they need to be catered for.

tonyl2810 · 19/02/2022 17:45

weddings are family events, never heard on on no children wedding,
very strange!

Mirw · 19/02/2022 17:45

Best man should wait until 2 days before and say "no thanks. Not coming if my wife and baby are not welcome! And thank but no thqnks for being my friend." Bring another...? The bride and groom need a good kick up the backside if they think this is the way to treat their friends. In fact, if I was the proposed best man, I would be lobbying for friends to give the whole wedding a miss so there is only family there. That would teach them that you can't walk all over friends and expect them to remain friends. But then, I can be a spiteful moo! But it works!! And life is too short for this non friend behaviour.

waitingpatientlyforspring · 19/02/2022 17:47

Yes, newborns are very little bother to those around them. I think if someone is important to being there like a best man then you have to accept their family circumstances and accommodate them.

Mamarama2u2 · 19/02/2022 17:49

My husband was an usher when our first baby was about 8 weeks old exclusively breastfed. The baby wasn’t invited. After some delicate questioning we were told we could bring the baby “if we couldn’t get a babysitter”
It wasn’t about a sitter it was about me being the only source of food for the baby!!
He was 8 weeks old, he wasn’t going to be skidding across the dance floor on his knees!! In the end I decided to stay at home, husband went and drove. It’s been nearly 10 years but I haven’t forgotten…!

picklemonkey · 19/02/2022 17:50

I would absolutely invite them personally. We had a child free wedding as the venue had a lake and we didn’t want any drunken accidents!! - but in my opinion babies don’t count as it’s a lot more wrenching to get childcare for them & we didn’t want them to be excluded just because they didn’t want to leave their baby. Likewise I was bridesmaid to a friend at a child free wedding but my eldest was 6 months then - she wouldn’t have dreamt of asking me not to bring him (& I wouldn’t have been able to go if she has asked me) He didn’t cry but if he had, we would’ve taken him out & it wouldn’t have been a disruption. You never know, the mum may prefer to leave her OH (the best man) to it anyway but excluding them could cause a major rift

sunshinesandybeachclearbluesea · 19/02/2022 17:50

From a parent point of view I think it's rude to invite parents and not children. If my children aren't invited, then I am not going to attend either because we come as a package. My children go where I go, its part of being a parent and if they can't see that then clearly there is something wrong.
Of course the best man will want to bring his partner/wife. The bride/groom shouldn't even be putting them in this situation. I should be obvious that neither parent would want to or should be expected to leave the baby.

fussyhousewife · 19/02/2022 17:51

No children then count me out. I would not want my children left out and in fact I have never been in that situation where they would be thank goodness. I take it the couple getting married will at some stage want to have children - how would they feel if they were excluded??

SpongebobHotpants · 19/02/2022 17:52

Yes of course it's ok for them to be there.
I personally had some friends' newborns at my own "no children wedding". Babies are completely different to full on grown kids. They won't be running about, you don't have to provide them with "kids meals", you don't need to provide kids entertainment and at that age particularly, they are likely to sleep through the whole thing and pretty much be so quiet you'll hardly know they are there. Again at that age, you wont need the faff of providing highchairs as they'll stay in buggy/on mum.
I took my newborn to my brothers wedding and baby was no problem at all. The elderly guests particularly enjoyed getting a chance for a quick cuddle. The tinier they are the better, they just sleep, eat, poop, sleep.

mewkins · 19/02/2022 17:53

@Mamarama2u2

My husband was an usher when our first baby was about 8 weeks old exclusively breastfed. The baby wasn’t invited. After some delicate questioning we were told we could bring the baby “if we couldn’t get a babysitter” It wasn’t about a sitter it was about me being the only source of food for the baby!! He was 8 weeks old, he wasn’t going to be skidding across the dance floor on his knees!! In the end I decided to stay at home, husband went and drove. It’s been nearly 10 years but I haven’t forgotten…!
Who gets a babysitter for an 8 week old!? Surely anyone with any common sense would realise that isn't an option Grin