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Original poster

Would you allow best man's newborn at wedding

957 replies

questionofthedaywedding · 18/02/2022 15:29

If your best man would be father to a 1-2 month old new born on your wedding day, would you allow the newborn at the wedding, when it's generally a no children wedding ?

Is that being harsh to best man and his wife, who'll presumably only come if newborn can come?

Asking for a friend situation.

OP posts:
ISmellBurnings · 19/02/2022 09:53

I went to a wedding where a toddler had a tantrum through the speeches so we couldn’t hear them. The parents didn’t take them out, or do anything really.

Easterbunnyiswindowshopping · 19/02/2022 09:59

A new born /in arms is attached to the dm fair enough. Doesn't mean all the guests have to accept that .They chose to accept a dc -free wedding invite. If the baby' owner' can't do the same they simply don't attend. Surely it's that simple?

Migrainesbythedozen · 19/02/2022 10:01

Yes and it's usually the 'type' of parents who won't take their tantruming toddler or crying baby out that demand their child be invited. 'Parents' like that are exactly the 'type' of person who rails against childfree weddings.

Purple777 · 19/02/2022 10:09

If a baby is crying then the parent needs to remove the child from that setting. But the parents don't do that, @Purple777 , as this thread and multiple past threads on this site shows. The parents don't take them out and let them cry. That's why there should be a blanket ban on 'babes in arms'. If parents did the right thing, it would be different. But they don't.

@Migrainesbythedozen well I don't know what kind of weddings these are! I've been to dozens and can honestly say a wedding ceremony (or any other part) has not been disturbed, let alone ruined by a crying baby.

The parents have always been very careful of not making a fuss. Sit at the back of the church and leave quickly if needed at the first sign of fussing.

In my experience I don't see the problem with babes in arms, and I say this as who didn't want children at my own wedding.

MintyGreenDream · 19/02/2022 10:12

I take it that your the mother op?

ChargingBuck · 19/02/2022 10:13

@questionofthedaywedding

They're happy for him to attend, but don't want the baby there.
I hope they make this clear, & the best man dumps them.
Darbs76 · 19/02/2022 10:14

Of course. You can’t leave a baby that young all day and evening for a wedding

RedRobyn2021 · 19/02/2022 10:19

@YouHaveYourFathersBreasts

I took my son to a wedding when he was 6 weeks old. Honestly, he was the “best behaved” out of all of the under 18s there. He mostly slept in various people’s arms. It was sort of ironic as usually he was the most difficult to settle, high needs baby.

Bride and groom are being dicks. I would be tempted to tell them to fuck off altogether tbh.

Basically came here to say this but you've said it for me

They are dicks and I would tell them to stick it

RedRobyn2021 · 19/02/2022 10:20

@Easterbunnyiswindowshopping

A new born /in arms is attached to the dm fair enough. Doesn't mean all the guests have to accept that .They chose to accept a dc -free wedding invite. If the baby' owner' can't do the same they simply don't attend. Surely it's that simple?
The baby "owner"?

What is wrong with you?

Spidey66 · 19/02/2022 10:21

If I was organising a child free wedding I'd make an exception for babies under a year, on the grounds they're often still being breast fed, they're unlikely to need catering for, and they're not going to be running around getting under granny's feet and drinking grandads pint of bitter.

Luredbyapomegranate · 19/02/2022 10:23

Absolutely

It a tiny baby. It’s not going to run around, and the mother can take it out if it cries.

I am all for having the wedding you want, but it would be utterly unreasonable not to allow this. He’s the best man,

OrganisedChaos22 · 19/02/2022 10:23

Yes And I did. Tha baby was 5 weeks and cried through the vows. The mum took baby out. It was fine. Didn't bother anyone, even me and dh wernt fussed.

Migrainesbythedozen · 19/02/2022 10:25

@Luredbyapomegranate

Absolutely

It a tiny baby. It’s not going to run around, and the mother can take it out if it cries.

I am all for having the wedding you want, but it would be utterly unreasonable not to allow this. He’s the best man,

@Luredbyapomegranate and the mother can take it out if it cries.

But they don't take it out! That's the problem.

queenMab99 · 19/02/2022 10:27

I was not allowed to take my 4 month old baby to my brother in laws wedding, although other children were allowed, as the bride felt that the first grandchild would distract attention from her. This jealousy carried on after she had her own children. I always pretended not to notice her bad attitude, but I still remember her peevish tricks 40 years later.

CandyLeBonBon · 19/02/2022 10:32

@Migrainesbythedozen we'll have to agree to disagree. As I said, I've attended hundreds of weddings throughout my ten year career and can count on one hand the number of weddings where parents haven't properly supervised their kids or taken crying babies out of the ceremony.

I guess our differing experiences inform our responses.

Cocogreen · 19/02/2022 10:43

Of course a tiny baby should be allowed to go ( and I'm not a fan of children at weddings).
I think the bride and groom don't want a baby stealing attention from them and are being ridiculous.

Pigeonpocket · 19/02/2022 10:45

Is it really that awful if a baby makes a little bit of noise during some part of your wedding? The intolerance of babies and small children in this country baffles me sometimes.

I was not a parent when I got married. I had children at my wedding because they are part of my family /friends. A couple of the toddlers made a bit of noise during the ceremony. So what? One of them was funny and everyone laughed, it actually added to the ceremony.

OfstedOffred · 19/02/2022 10:46

I would allow anyone's newborn at a wedding. I dont classify "babes in arms" as subject to rules on childfree weddings as I think its completely unreasonable to separate a baby that young who is fairly likely to be breastfed, from its mother.

Redact · 19/02/2022 10:50

Yes I would but then I don't mind children at weddings and would want to have the children of close family and friends there.

OfstedOffred · 19/02/2022 10:50

Oh and I've been to lots of weddings where there have been many babes in arms and never once seen on someone stay put with a crying/noisy baby, they've been taken out swiftly every time. That includes 2 weddings where B&Gs own baby has kicked off and a bridesmaid/grandparent has promptly whisked them out.

Redact · 19/02/2022 10:51

@Pigeonpocket

Is it really that awful if a baby makes a little bit of noise during some part of your wedding? The intolerance of babies and small children in this country baffles me sometimes.

I was not a parent when I got married. I had children at my wedding because they are part of my family /friends. A couple of the toddlers made a bit of noise during the ceremony. So what? One of them was funny and everyone laughed, it actually added to the ceremony.

Agree completely with this.
Feetupteashot · 19/02/2022 10:52

100% and try and make a quiet room available for baby feeding if at all poss

CandyLeBonBon · 19/02/2022 11:08

Is it really that awful if a baby makes a little bit of noise during some part of your wedding? The intolerance of babies and small children in this country baffles me sometimes.

It can be very difficult to hear and or concentrate on the vows and legal affirmations required during the ceremony. I've actually witnessed one registrar request that a screaming baby be taken outside as they could not conduct the service to their legal requirements through the screaming.

It's not intolerance in those circumstances - it's so that they can legally carry out the ceremony as prescribed by law!

Zilla1 · 19/02/2022 11:11

I suggest the DP of the BM sends an apparently sincere thank you card to the bride and groom for their consideration in offering to the BM that he can bring a different plus one so he's not lonely. Most considerate.

Luredbyapomegranate · 19/02/2022 11:13

@Migrainesbythedozen

IME they do, so I must have considerate friends.

But anyway it’s easily solved in this case by saying to the best man and partner, of course bring the baby and partner just take her out if she cries.