Would you allow best man's newborn at wedding

[questionofthedaywedding]

If your best man would be father to a 1-2 month old new born on your wedding day, would you allow the newborn at the wedding, when it's generally a no children wedding ?

Is that being harsh to best man and his wife, who'll presumably only come if newborn can come?

Asking for a friend situation.

No. I would not. Babies cry and scream. Enough threads on here over the years have talked about how a baby crying drowned out the vows.

One rule for all. You can't say no children but allow crying, screaming babies that ruin the ceremony and speeches. So many on here have regretted having newborns drown out the vows. Don't do it. HE is best man. She doesn't need to attend at all.

@questionofthedaywedding

Wedding is quite far from where the BM and wife live.

The bridegroom are suggesting the best man just comes in his own and leaves wife and baby at home. They've even suggested BM can take another plus one instead of wife and baby.

This sounds good, OP. He has a role, she doesn't. She stay home I'm afraid. I agree with the bride and groom. I would never, never have a newborn at my wedding. I hope they stand firm. Too many stories of babies drowning out the vows on this site to ever convince me otherwise. Please don't let them change their minds.

In my opinion part of becoming a parent is accepting that you have to sacrifice doing errands things sometime. If you don’t want to leave your kids with a babysitter, then you don’t go to something.

I know it’s hard with a newborn but you wouldn’t go into a theatre and demand they let the baby cry through the performance so how is this any different?

I know she may want to go to the wedding but there are lots of thing I’d like to do but can’t because I can’t take my baby with me

I hope they stand their ground

*doing certain things

@Migrainesbythedozen
“You can't say no children but allow crying, screaming babies that ruin the ceremony and speeches“

This is not babies, but one baby belonging to the BM.

I have no doubt that if the mother did come having been invited, she would take her baby out should it cry at the ceremony.

If it were my wedding, and this were my BM, I’d also hire a good baby sitter to have on offer to watch the baby while it slept in another room at the reception.

@MrsBDefinitely

In my opinion part of becoming a parent is accepting that you have to sacrifice doing errands things sometime. If you don’t want to leave your kids with a babysitter, then you don’t go to something.

I know it’s hard with a newborn but you wouldn’t go into a theatre and demand they let the baby cry through the performance so how is this any different?

I know she may want to go to the wedding but there are lots of thing I’d like to do but can’t because I can’t take my baby with me

I hope they stand their ground

I know it’s hard with a newborn but you wouldn’t go into a theatre and demand they let the baby cry through the performance so how is this any different?

👏👏👏👏👏

@ScrollingLeaves How can you possibly have no doubt when you’ve never met the mother?

I’ve been to 7 weddings where babies have screamed during the ceremony. Know how many times they’ve been taken out? Zero. I know this thread is all “99% of women take the baby out” but unless I’m just statistically incredibly rare, I don’t buy it.

Nah. I would have hated a newborns presence at my child free wedding. If it's the best man that matters then who cares if his wife and kid pitch up? People with newborns are dull as, they stay for about an hour and then cry off anyway so it's a waste of their spot. Save that wife space for a friend who will stay the course.

Best man will probably still come.

[quote ScrollingLeaves]@Migrainesbythedozen
“You can't say no children but allow crying, screaming babies that ruin the ceremony and speeches“

This is not babies, but one baby belonging to the BM.

I have no doubt that if the mother did come having been invited, she would take her baby out should it cry at the ceremony.

If it were my wedding, and this were my BM, I’d also hire a good baby sitter to have on offer to watch the baby while it slept in another room at the reception.[/quote]
@ScrollingLeaves This is not babies, but one baby belonging to the BM.

That's the point. The bride can't say no to babies but allow one in. Others who left their babies at home or with a parent or sitter will notice the baby and get upset that it was allowed in when theirs wasn't. If you let one baby in, you have to let all babies in.

I have no doubt that if the mother did come having been invited, she would take her baby out should it cry at the ceremony.

But that's the problem. They don't. The many, many stories on this site where the parents of a crying baby didn't take it out is the very reason I am convinced babies shouldn't be invited. The problem is, parents don't take crying babies out. That's the entire problem! So many ceremonies have been ruined by a baby crying and the parent doesn't take it out.

If it were my wedding, and this were my BM, I’d also hire a good baby sitter to have on offer to watch the baby while it slept in another room at the reception.

That shouldn't be the problem, worry and expense of the bride. The mother should do that. The bride has enough worries as it is, without also hiring babysitters for guests.

Yes, but then I had loads of children at my wedding.

OP hasn't replied - I'm guessing OP is the Bride in this situation.

Of course I would. I'm so glad banning babies and children from weddings wasn't a thing when all my closest friends were getting married, I would have missed so many. Went to several in the first few months of dd's life. Just took a massive bag of supplies, made sure she was happy during the ceremony and speeches (would have taken her out if she became restless) and had a great time. Inviting the groom on his own with another plus 1 is awful!

100% let the baby come to the wedding. Babes in arms should always be allowed.

I had a no kids approach to my wedding, but allowed children (if parents wanted to) and let the parents decide. Most chose to come child free but a few did bring their kids. All very good.

Also exactly the same thing happened to me.... my DH was best man at a wedding, my baby was only 3 months old and EBF. the bride and groom wouldn't allow any children at all, not even babes in arms. They said 'if we allow one we have to allow all children' which I don't agree with at all. There's a huge difference between a young baby who needs their parents and a 4 year old who can easily be left with a friend or family member.

The baby should come. The mum will look after the baby. And the BM will
Still do his stuff without worrying about leaving his newborn.

@Purple777

100% let the baby come to the wedding. Babes in arms should always be allowed.

I had a no kids approach to my wedding, but allowed children (if parents wanted to) and let the parents decide. Most chose to come child free but a few did bring their kids. All very good.

Also exactly the same thing happened to me.... my DH was best man at a wedding, my baby was only 3 months old and EBF. the bride and groom wouldn't allow any children at all, not even babes in arms. They said 'if we allow one we have to allow all children' which I don't agree with at all. There's a huge difference between a young baby who needs their parents and a 4 year old who can easily be left with a friend or family member.

@Purple777 As many have said on here, babies scream and cry. Many ceremonies have had the vows drowned out by a crying baby. Babies are far too great a risk. Neither children nor babies (because of the crying and fussing) should be allowed.

I think the B&G have made the right decision to say no dc.. That needs to be listened to. Baby or not it is still a dc!! I had a tiny wedding. 2 friends invited. 1 left her dc with their df (exh). The other looking back hadn't mentioned child care. She brought her 2 dc. One is on every fucking photo on a bright fuchsia dress like Where's friggin Wally... Tbh it did piss me off.

@Ionlydomassiveones

I do wonder if bridezillas who detest the mere thought of little children sullying their perfect plans go on to reflect about that decision when they themselves have the pfb and can’t bear to be parted from them. I just see all the generations coming together warts and all being what makes a wedding and cements them into the wider circle of family and friends. It’s the stuff of anecdotes and fireside family legends years later.

But yes, if I were BM, I’d be saying thanks but no thanks.

This. Weddings should be lively, inclusive and unpredictable family affairs. Over choreographed ones are appalling to attend soulless affairs for everyone and often it is the bride wanting the perfect wedding video that makes the day a chore for everyone else but her.

Everyone is acting like the bride is being bridezilla and asking them not to bring the baby out of pure spite and because she wants to guarantee all the attention on her

Yes some people are like this but that’s a lot of unfair assumptions about her character

What’s the reason they don’t want the baby there?

As long as people know to take baby out of the room if they cry/fuss during the ceremony, then baby should definitely come if that's what the parents want!

As a photographer I've seen hundreds of weddings where there are babies and children present. 99% of the time they're great but lots of noise in the ceremony is distracting and off putting when the couple are repeating their vows .

It's a bit shit to dictate that the BM's wife can't come because they've got a newborn! If she doesn't want to, fair enough but to demand she doesn't attend is massively out of order!

@FruminariaBandersnatcheosum Weddings should be lively, inclusive and unpredictable family affairs.

What you are describing is a backyard family bbq or picnic at the local park. Not a weddings should never be unpredictable. I think people treating weddings as a hillbilly type joke is why so many marriages end in divorce. A wedding is a serious and solemn affair, not some trashy hillbilly thing. I truly think they are the soulless events. Proper weddings are never soulless.

@CandyLeBonBon

As long as people know to take baby out of the room if they cry/fuss during the ceremony, then baby should definitely come if that's what the parents want!

As a photographer I've seen hundreds of weddings where there are babies and children present. 99% of the time they're great but lots of noise in the ceremony is distracting and off putting when the couple are repeating their vows .

It's a bit shit to dictate that the BM's wife can't come because they've got a newborn! If she doesn't want to, fair enough but to demand she doesn't attend is massively out of order!

@CandyLeBonBon As long as people know to take baby out of the room if they cry/fuss during the ceremony

Except most don't do that.

but to demand she doesn't attend is massively out of order!

No it is not! It is the Bride and Grooms day, what they want is what they get. It is massively out of order for a guest to demand their baby attend. Selfish and way out of order. It's the Bride and Grooms day, not the guests' day!!

@Purple777 As many have said on here, babies scream and cry. Many ceremonies have had the vows drowned out by a crying baby. Babies are far too great a risk. Neither children nor babies (because of the crying and fussing) should be allowed.

@Migrainesbythedozen most newborns sleep in large blocks of time. I took my 2 week old to a wedding (very formal wedding) and no one even knew he was there. He slept during the whole church ceremony, the drinks reception and the meal. As he was EBF I could just feed him with a seconds notice.

If a baby is crying then the parent needs to remove the child from that setting. But babies don't cry ALL the time. Babies cry when they are hungry, so a boob or bottle solves the crying very quickly.

Toddlers and older children aren't suited to weddings in my opinion.

I took my son to a wedding when he was 6 weeks old. Honestly, he was the “best behaved” out of all of the under 18s there. He mostly slept in various people’s arms. It was sort of ironic as usually he was the most difficult to settle, high needs baby.

Bride and groom are being dicks. I would be tempted to tell them to fuck off altogether tbh.

@YouHaveYourFathersBreasts

I took my son to a wedding when he was 6 weeks old. Honestly, he was the “best behaved” out of all of the under 18s there. He mostly slept in various people’s arms. It was sort of ironic as usually he was the most difficult to settle, high needs baby.

Bride and groom are being dicks. I would be tempted to tell them to fuck off altogether tbh.

@YouHaveYourFathersBreasts No, bride and groom are not being dicks, the best man's wife is being selfish and a dick, it's not her day. Bride and groom should tell 'best' man and his wife to fuck off, and invite someone that appreciates the day is the bride and groom's day, and they don't want crying babies interrupting the day.

[quote Purple777]**@Purple777 As many have said on here, babies scream and cry. Many ceremonies have had the vows drowned out by a crying baby. Babies are far too great a risk. Neither children nor babies (because of the crying and fussing) should be allowed.

@Migrainesbythedozen most newborns sleep in large blocks of time. I took my 2 week old to a wedding (very formal wedding) and no one even knew he was there. He slept during the whole church ceremony, the drinks reception and the meal. As he was EBF I could just feed him with a seconds notice.

If a baby is crying then the parent needs to remove the child from that setting. But babies don't cry ALL the time. Babies cry when they are hungry, so a boob or bottle solves the crying very quickly.

Toddlers and older children aren't suited to weddings in my opinion. [/quote]
If a baby is crying then the parent needs to remove the child from that setting. But the parents don't do that, @Purple777 , as this thread and multiple past threads on this site shows. The parents don't take them out and let them cry. That's why there should be a blanket ban on 'babes in arms'. If parents did the right thing, it would be different. But they don't.