Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you allow best man's newborn at wedding

957 replies

questionofthedaywedding · 18/02/2022 15:29

If your best man would be father to a 1-2 month old new born on your wedding day, would you allow the newborn at the wedding, when it's generally a no children wedding ?

Is that being harsh to best man and his wife, who'll presumably only come if newborn can come?

Asking for a friend situation.

OP posts:
ISmellBurnings · 18/02/2022 23:42

So what was the point ?

I guess we’ll find out when it pops up in the Daily Fail..

Buttercup54321 · 18/02/2022 23:42

Very young baby so of course it should come. Its hardly an active child is it.

RainbowMum11 · 18/02/2022 23:45

Hell yeah!
A teeny tiny babe in arms like that compared to not having the chosen best man? Definitely.

RainbowMum11 · 18/02/2022 23:47

Is this real??

Wedding is quite far from where the BM and wife live.

The bridegroom are suggesting the best man just comes in his own and leaves wife and baby at home. They've even suggested BM can take another plus one instead of wife and baby

They are bat shit and need to think about their priorities.

RainbowMum11 · 18/02/2022 23:50

I also think that this particular bride and groom are going to be absolute PFB nightmares if they have children, she will be the first woman to ever be pregnant and have a baby - no-one could possibly understand 😜

Catra · 18/02/2022 23:53

Of course I would allow the best man's newborn to be there!

Preferably you / your fiance think highly of the best man if he's chosen to fulfill this role? If so, why make life difficult for him and his partner and put obstacles in their way by excluding their baby?

I'd hazard a guess you don't have young kids?

Monopolyiscrap · 18/02/2022 23:53

Sounds like they are not bothered if the wife is there or not. Do they know the wife? If she is just a plus one, then I can see why they have only invited him.

Lalliella · 18/02/2022 23:55

Yes like a shot. But I wouldn’t have a child-free wedding in the first place, I think they’re miserable.

Lalliella · 18/02/2022 23:57

@questionofthedaywedding

Wedding is quite far from where the BM and wife live.

The bridegroom are suggesting the best man just comes in his own and leaves wife and baby at home. They've even suggested BM can take another plus one instead of wife and baby.

If my DH was BM he’d be telling them to stick it.
Cotton55 · 18/02/2022 23:58

Of course the baby should come!! It's a newborn baby not a toddler potentially having a tantrum! How could anyone refuse their best man that?! And what if the mother is breastfeeding? Or doesn't want to leave their 8 week old baby with a babysitter? It would be incredibly mean to suggest it imo and would show you didn't really care whether he was there or not and there's a huge chance he'd refuse otherwise

MabelsApron · 19/02/2022 00:05

Only a group of parents would declare someone not wanting to invite someone else’s children to their own wedding “selfish” and be agreed with.

Any friend calling me selfish for wanting to have one blooming expensive day that isn’t about babies, or filled with baby talk, when I’ve attended 20-something baby showers and first baby welcome meetings and pregnancy parties and child birthday parties… would not be considered a friend for very long.

MrsBDefinitely · 19/02/2022 00:09

@MabelsApron I completely agree. There are 3650 days to be there for your friends kids in the first ten years of your life. Let these people have just one for their wedding day, which can be all about them!

I’ve got three children and don’t think it’s selfish at all

MrsBDefinitely · 19/02/2022 00:10

The first ten years of *their (the kids) life

ScrollingLeaves · 19/02/2022 00:22

Yes I would allow the baby to come.

Divebar2021 · 19/02/2022 00:24

They sound bloody awful. I’d use it as an excuse to back out although to be fair none of my friends or family would be having a child free wedding.

MrsSkylerWhite · 19/02/2022 00:24

Yes. Obviously.

MabelsApron · 19/02/2022 00:27

@MrsBDefinitely Thank you for being understanding.

ScrollingLeaves · 19/02/2022 00:27

“questionofthedaywedding

Wedding is quite far from where the BM and wife live.

The bridegroom are suggesting the best man just comes in his own and leaves wife and baby at home. They've even suggested BM can take another plus one instead of wife and baby”

If the BM’s wife just doesn’t want to go, and she’s happy to be left alone with the baby while her DH the BM does go, then that’s fine.

But they both need to be invited with the baby imo.

PrincessFiorimonde · 19/02/2022 00:33

@questionofthedaywedding

Wedding is quite far from where the BM and wife live.

The bridegroom are suggesting the best man just comes in his own and leaves wife and baby at home. They've even suggested BM can take another plus one instead of wife and baby.

Crikey! This seems really weird to me. (I speak as one who does not have a newborn and is not planning a wedding.)
shrodingersvaccine · 19/02/2022 00:36

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ.

BunnyRuddington · 19/02/2022 00:42

I don't think the OP is coming back...

Mincingfuckdragon · 19/02/2022 01:06

It always astonishes me that people are willing to burn bridges with good friends to have "their special day" look EXACTLY how they want it. Who the fuck puts a good friend in the position of either having to pull out of an important ceremonial role after already accepting or letting down his wife who has a newborn (assuming here that the wife isn't happy for him to attend alone, otherwise there would be no issue). The poor best man can't win!

Mincingfuckdragon · 19/02/2022 01:10

And I add that I generally have no issue with the concept of child-free weddings as long as the bride and groom don't get upset if some parents decline the invitation - but the situation described here is more complicated than that and the best man has been put in an impossible position.

Bromse · 19/02/2022 01:14

@questionofthedaywedding

Wedding is quite far from where the BM and wife live.

The bridegroom are suggesting the best man just comes in his own and leaves wife and baby at home. They've even suggested BM can take another plus one instead of wife and baby.

Charming, not.

They obviously don't know much about people with young babies; if/when they have one of their own, they'll understand. The suggestion of the best man bringing someone else is quite outrageous!

The baby's mother and baby should be invited. When it comes to it, it's possible she won't want to attend anyway, depending on how she feels and if the baby is contented, easily settled, or not, but the invitation really should be extended and with good grace.

KatherineofGaunt · 19/02/2022 01:27

Yes, the baby should come. One of my bridesmaids had a 2-month-old at my wedding (I had kids of all ages there, it was great!) and I didn't hear a peep out of the baby the whole day, not that it would have bothered me. At that age, they're generally asleep or feeding, so tend to be fairly quiet (appreciate some babies are colicky or have other issues).

If you want a child-free wedding then I see no harm in babes-in-arms. But then, I wouldn't have had a child-free wedding so I suppose I can't see the other point of view.