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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you allow best man's newborn at wedding

957 replies

questionofthedaywedding · 18/02/2022 15:29

If your best man would be father to a 1-2 month old new born on your wedding day, would you allow the newborn at the wedding, when it's generally a no children wedding ?

Is that being harsh to best man and his wife, who'll presumably only come if newborn can come?

Asking for a friend situation.

OP posts:
MrsBDefinitely · 18/02/2022 22:55

Well maybe if they reasoned it as “your kids a little shit so we don’t want them” then I would be insulted 😂😂😂

But to be fair they’d have a point as I would want any little shits at something I’d spent a lot of money organising!!

grossnessewwww · 18/02/2022 22:57

No one wants to take their children to a wedding unless they have to. But if the baby is breastfeeding and less than 6 months old you don't have much choice.

I don't get these people who say child free weddings and expect the couple with the baby to come along with one set of grandparents to babysit, stuck in a pokey hotel room whilst the mother goes back and forth (sometimes driving if wedding venue has no hotel rooms) to feed, whilst other set of grandparents look after older children a four hour drive from their actual home.

I mean who could be arsed? Just decline and stay at home watching TV.

I had all children at my wedding and I'm not even that bothered by other peoples kids. FFS.

Alwayswonderedwhy · 18/02/2022 22:57

Yes. It would be very inconsiderate to expect him not to be able to have his baby there.

Blinkingbatshit · 18/02/2022 22:58

“The bridegroom are suggesting the best man just comes in his own and leaves wife and baby at home. They've even suggested BM can take another plus one instead of wife and baby.”
THAT IS AWFUL!! In my opinion babes in arms don’t count as ‘children’ at a wedding. And as for suggesting they take an alternative plus one?! The mind boggles at how people can be so deluded & self centred!! The best man should just decline the entire invitation - this couple are not worth being friends with….you certainly won’t be in a few years time, cut your losses now!

Bywayofanupdate · 18/02/2022 22:58

Yes

Hollywolly1 · 18/02/2022 23:00

This is completely different to a couple wanting a child free wedding this is such a young baby and not everyone has really dependable childcare and not every mother feels the need to get rid of the kids for the weekend either.This couple getting married seem really suited to each other

Hydrate · 18/02/2022 23:01

No. I would expect the parents to get a babysitter or the mother not to attend.

And if I were the newborns parents I would not be bringing the baby even if it had it's own invitation, I feel I would want my newborn protected and in germ free, peaceful surroundings.

Proseccoforone · 18/02/2022 23:02

My husbands brother got married when we had a 3 month old exclusively breastfed baby, they said no children.
The venue had rooms, I asked if a relative could stay in the room with him so I could pop back to breast feed. It was still a no even though he wouldn’t of been in sight of the wedding.

I still to this day think they’re a pair of pricks.

Velvian · 18/02/2022 23:02

A big part of the problem that is never really acknowledged in these situations, is that men very often need no encouragement to shirk their parenting responsibility at the first opportunity. It can be an incredibly bruising time for a woman, doing so much of it alone and finding all and sundry wanting to test your DH's loyalty to them vs their DW and baby.

It is an unpleasant phenomenon. You're up all night with a baby, on your own all week with a baby, your MIL is suddenly expecting you to make DH sandwiches and tutting at the state of your bathroom. Your DH's friend suddenly trying to exclude you and get him away from you is another element that can often pop up.

I think DH's can be only too happy to assert their importance in the above situations. I'm projecting massively, but I'm reading between the lines that OP is feeling hurt and helpless about this.

Hollywolly1 · 18/02/2022 23:04

@Proseccoforone did you go to the weddingHmm,I hope you didn't, what an absolute bunch of absolute twats

TakeSomeMoreTea · 18/02/2022 23:05

@Lovemydoggie

So 19 pages later and the op hasn’t entered into the discussion 🙄
Really?

I'd let the newborn got the wedding. I don't care what OP decides.

CoopsMalloops · 18/02/2022 23:08

@questionofthedaywedding

Wedding is quite far from where the BM and wife live.

The bridegroom are suggesting the best man just comes in his own and leaves wife and baby at home. They've even suggested BM can take another plus one instead of wife and baby.

What is it about weddings that turn people into complete arseholes?
Hydrate · 18/02/2022 23:08

@questionofthedaywedding

Wedding is quite far from where the BM and wife live.

The bridegroom are suggesting the best man just comes in his own and leaves wife and baby at home. They've even suggested BM can take another plus one instead of wife and baby.

The plus one suggestion is not good. Single people take plus ones not married people.
Proseccoforone · 18/02/2022 23:12

@Hollywolly1

Unfortunately I did. But not for long. What made it worse was half the people there were clearly just to up the numbers!

FailureToLurk · 18/02/2022 23:15

Yes, there is a vast difference between a newborn baby in arms and a 7 year old.

But then again I never have understood this trend for "child free weddings" , luckily I've never had the issue as all the weddings I've attended have invited children so me and DS have been able to attend.

Weddings are family affairs, family members have children. 🤷🏻‍♀️

ISmellBurnings · 18/02/2022 23:25

Not all families have children. Someone has to be the first.

momls20 · 18/02/2022 23:27

Our own actual brother in law wouldn't allow my 3 month old to his wedding. Safe to say we haven't spoken to them since. Babies should not count. Tiny ones like that just sleep and eat that's it.

BunnyRuddington · 18/02/2022 23:29

Absolutely. No children doesn't usually include "babes in arms".

MrsBDefinitely · 18/02/2022 23:30

tiny ones like that just sleep and eat that’s it

Can you tell me where to get one of these babies because mine were angry little things that never slept 😂

zeg3885 · 18/02/2022 23:32

I had a 6week old exclusively breastfed baby at the time of a good friends baby shower, I was told no kids were allowed, obviously explained I couldn’t leave baby for any length of time so wouldn’t be able to make it if that was the case, I was told “aw gutted you won’t make it” Hmm I was so upset.

Ginger1982 · 18/02/2022 23:34

Hmm, I don't think I would have wanted to attend a wedding with a 2 month old. I had a childfree wedding and the bride and groom can do as they please, but if you're close enough friends for your DH to be best man then it's a bit shitty to say you can't go and he can take someone else.

On the other hand, coping on your own with your own baby for a day isn't exactly a major ask.

avamiah · 18/02/2022 23:35

@Lovemydoggie

So 19 pages later and the op hasn’t entered into the discussion 🙄
That’s what I was thinking.

So what was the point ?.

Flutterby8 · 18/02/2022 23:37

I get people not wanting children running riot at a wedding and would maybe limit numbers but to say absolutely no children, I find weird.
Especially no to babies who will clearly be feeding from mum (of breast fed) and be very relient upon the parents.
I had kids, including babies at my wedding and it was great. I'd never ever consider not having them there as they are someones family.

Monopolyiscrap · 18/02/2022 23:39

Is the mother invited to the wedding?

LittleWins · 18/02/2022 23:41

@questionofthedaywedding

Wedding is quite far from where the BM and wife live.

The bridegroom are suggesting the best man just comes in his own and leaves wife and baby at home. They've even suggested BM can take another plus one instead of wife and baby.

They sound awful.

BM should decline the offer to bother turning up.