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Original poster

Would you allow best man's newborn at wedding

957 replies

questionofthedaywedding · 18/02/2022 15:29

If your best man would be father to a 1-2 month old new born on your wedding day, would you allow the newborn at the wedding, when it's generally a no children wedding ?

Is that being harsh to best man and his wife, who'll presumably only come if newborn can come?

Asking for a friend situation.

OP posts:
TheresOnlyOneWay · 18/02/2022 22:06

@questionofthedaywedding

Wedding is quite far from where the BM and wife live.

The bridegroom are suggesting the best man just comes in his own and leaves wife and baby at home. They've even suggested BM can take another plus one instead of wife and baby.

I think this is really terrible. I'd be gutted if DP went and took another plus 1. I also wouldn't be able to leave my baby after a month or so. I understand it's the best man going but i'd be really hurt the bridegroom have even suggested this.
BABAHOTEL · 18/02/2022 22:07

@WeddingHangover

No. A child free wedding is exactly that. Why on earth anyone would want to take their kids to a wedding anyway I have no idea!
Because they're EBF a bottle refuser? Because they've got a very young baby and establishing breastfeeding, because they thing children are part of their family and should be at a family celebration, because they have no child care?
Carveitup · 18/02/2022 22:10

Anyone expecting my husband to be best man and requiring me and my baby to stay at home would be looking for a new best man. What kind of fucker does that?

TheBigPeach · 18/02/2022 22:14

We had a 4 month old at our wedding and two girls, my cousins daughters, all lived abroad so obviously travelled with their parents to the wedding, I would never have expected them to leave them at home.
One guest was put out that they were allowed to attend and her kids weren’t. We didn’t care, it made sense to us🤷🏻‍♀️

Rightyouarelove · 18/02/2022 22:14

They have little choice if they want to appear reasonable to their friend’s situation. A tiny baby isn’t going to cause much of a problem.

MrsBDefinitely · 18/02/2022 22:15

Speaking as someone who is current breastfeeding 2, my husbands mates wedding would not be the place I’d want to be trying to establish breastfeeding 🤪

I get people being more upset if it’s a close family member, I’d be upset if my sister asked this of me.

But at the end of the day if it was a friend, I’m not part of their family, it’s their choice who to invite and who am I to insist who should and shouldn’t come to THEIR wedding?

Yes it’s hard having to miss out but it’s one day. And with a new baby a day I’d rather be spending in PJs over squeezing my leaky boobs into a fancy dress.

It’s just a wedding, is it really the end of the world if you don’t go. Like it’s not actually that important

Obviously just my opinion but I don’t think it has to be such a big deal tbh

timeforteaforyouandme · 18/02/2022 22:16

We made it only infants ie under twos. Luckily we didn't have any friends with one under 2 and one over. We were skint though and paying ourselves

hellithurt · 18/02/2022 22:23

@MrsBDefinitely

Speaking as someone who is current breastfeeding 2, my husbands mates wedding would not be the place I’d want to be trying to establish breastfeeding 🤪

I get people being more upset if it’s a close family member, I’d be upset if my sister asked this of me.

But at the end of the day if it was a friend, I’m not part of their family, it’s their choice who to invite and who am I to insist who should and shouldn’t come to THEIR wedding?

Yes it’s hard having to miss out but it’s one day. And with a new baby a day I’d rather be spending in PJs over squeezing my leaky boobs into a fancy dress.

It’s just a wedding, is it really the end of the world if you don’t go. Like it’s not actually that important

Obviously just my opinion but I don’t think it has to be such a big deal tbh

You do realise that some people are closer to friends than family?? Not everyone has a marvellous family relationship 🙄
MrsBDefinitely · 18/02/2022 22:27

Yes I do understand that. I just think it comes across as a bit self important to make a fuss about what someone else has chosen for their own wedding, whether you would do it yourself or not. It’s not personal or the end of the world.

MrsBDefinitely · 18/02/2022 22:28

And there’s a million reasons someone may not want children at their wedding, all of which are valid because it’s their choice to make!

hellithurt · 18/02/2022 22:29

@MrsBDefinitely

And there’s a million reasons someone may not want children at their wedding, all of which are valid because it’s their choice to make!
So give me just 1000 of those million reasons?
Blossomtoes · 18/02/2022 22:34

@WeddingHangover

No. A child free wedding is exactly that. Why on earth anyone would want to take their kids to a wedding anyway I have no idea!
I assume you haven’t got children.
ISmellBurnings · 18/02/2022 22:35

Some of the assumptions on this thread about why people might have a child free wedding are batshit!

feelsobadfeltsogood · 18/02/2022 22:37

@ACNHlife

If you want to maintain any short of relationship with the best man beyond the wedding, then yes.

This is the kind of thing that destroys friendships.

Exactly this I never understand why people want to exclude peoples children anyway especially if they know childcare will be difficult It's extremely selfish we've turned down invites before now for that very reason
FantasticFebruary · 18/02/2022 22:37

Well, it would appear to be another wind up thread.

feelsobadfeltsogood · 18/02/2022 22:40

@WeddingHangover

No. A child free wedding is exactly that. Why on earth anyone would want to take their kids to a wedding anyway I have no idea!
Because people have children and want them to be included in social activities that is why It's rude to expect people to leave their kids at home
ISmellBurnings · 18/02/2022 22:41

No. A child free wedding is exactly that. Why on earth anyone would want to take their kids to a wedding anyway I have no idea!

I assume you haven’t got children.

I’ve got children and love a child free wedding. Why would I not enjoy a rare weekend away with DH? Providing we can get childcare, of course.

MrsBDefinitely · 18/02/2022 22:42

@MrsBDefinitely

Well for example I had a no child wedding because I had four miscarriages and a loss at 26 weeks in the 18 months before my wedding and our friends had a baby who was born the same week as what was supposed to be our daughters due date. We had the wedding when we did as something to look forward to I didn’t want to be a bride crying in the toilets.

I know people who were infertile and didn’t want to be reminded of babies for just one day (and have people point to their friends babies and make remarks about how that will be them next)

Family members with sensory needs such as autism who wouldn’t cope well with a screaming baby all day

A small venue inappropriate for babies/small children

They want a quiet “adult” day

Ronaldmcdonaldhair · 18/02/2022 22:43

@ISmellBurnings

No. A child free wedding is exactly that. Why on earth anyone would want to take their kids to a wedding anyway I have no idea!

I assume you haven’t got children.

I’ve got children and love a child free wedding. Why would I not enjoy a rare weekend away with DH? Providing we can get childcare, of course.

And I’m childfree and as I said on page one I’d never have a childfree wedding 😂 I don’t know why people always make the assumption people with children want to take their kids everywhere and people without children don’t want kids anywhere!
Ronaldmcdonaldhair · 18/02/2022 22:45

[quote MrsBDefinitely]@MrsBDefinitely

Well for example I had a no child wedding because I had four miscarriages and a loss at 26 weeks in the 18 months before my wedding and our friends had a baby who was born the same week as what was supposed to be our daughters due date. We had the wedding when we did as something to look forward to I didn’t want to be a bride crying in the toilets.

I know people who were infertile and didn’t want to be reminded of babies for just one day (and have people point to their friends babies and make remarks about how that will be them next)

Family members with sensory needs such as autism who wouldn’t cope well with a screaming baby all day

A small venue inappropriate for babies/small children

They want a quiet “adult” day[/quote]
I’m really sorry for your loss Flowers

We were choosing between 5 venues when we got married and couldn’t have children at 3 of them! There are so many places you can get married now which are unsuitable for children or that people wouldn’t want to bring their children.

MrsBDefinitely · 18/02/2022 22:46

it’s extremely selfish

But it’s THEIR wedding???

EeeICouldRipATissue · 18/02/2022 22:48

@ISmellBurnings
I’ve got children and love a child free wedding. Why would I not enjoy a rare weekend away with DH? Providing we can get childcare, of course
Same

MrsBDefinitely · 18/02/2022 22:49

@Ronaldmcdonaldhair yes!

And just because some people want to bring their children to every single social event they are invited to doesn’t mean anyone else is obliged to accommodate that. I would never be insulted by people not extending an invite to my children too.

(Coming from someone with three small children, two of whom I haven’t actually left with a babysitter yet 😂)

Hollywolly1 · 18/02/2022 22:55

Its not just breast fed babies that need to be with the mum formula fed babies that are really young sometimes may not take a bottle from anyone other than the mum or dad,they could become just so upset.I think it's absolutely disgusting behaviour to suggest the best man brings a plus 1,like who the hell even does that.They could have suggested they invite a friend or a helper to be with the baby if its in a hotel where the reception is and go up and down to the room.To suggest leaving the wife and new baby at home is beyond a joke and so insulting

Lovemydoggie · 18/02/2022 22:55

So 19 pages later and the op hasn’t entered into the discussion 🙄

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