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Original poster

Would you allow best man's newborn at wedding

957 replies

questionofthedaywedding · 18/02/2022 15:29

If your best man would be father to a 1-2 month old new born on your wedding day, would you allow the newborn at the wedding, when it's generally a no children wedding ?

Is that being harsh to best man and his wife, who'll presumably only come if newborn can come?

Asking for a friend situation.

OP posts:
GroggyLegs · 18/02/2022 20:09

@BoredZelda

I don’t think the OP is coming back. But is probably having fun watching you all argue about it.
That's 99% of MN isn't it?
DirtyDancing · 18/02/2022 20:10

Yes no children isn't 'no babes in arms' that's just cruel.

MrsSugar · 18/02/2022 20:17

I would absolutely allow !! In fact I did. My husbands best man (his brother) had a 7 week old baby at our wedding and I am super grateful that they came with the baby. Having a little one myself now has made me realise how it couldn’t have been easy especially as our wedding was a couple hours from home

LadyCleathStuart · 18/02/2022 20:20

Is OP maybe the bride in this situation and not liking the answers?

hibbledibble · 18/02/2022 20:23

I always thought 'childfree weddings' still allowed babes in arms. As the parents generally won't be able to attend without them, and they cost nothing since they don't need feeding.

TeenyQueen · 18/02/2022 20:24

My DH isn't a BM but he's been asked to an usher at his friend's wedding. No children invited and by the time of the wedding we'll have an older toddler and a 4 month old. We have no family locally and no childcare, the wedding is on the other side of the country a 4 hour drive away. DH will be going on his own and because there are two separate celebrations he'll be away for 4 days in total. I'm ok with it but not terribly impressed, considering that the groom is a close friend who knows our situation.

I would definitely invite the baby, our wedding was mostly child free but we did invite children of members of the wedding party and close relatives.

Frezia · 18/02/2022 20:25

"This is often true and child-free weddings are the most boring of all. I always try to get out of child-free weddings as you know they will be pretentious and dull. I do quite like a relaxed wedding but as soon as they get all serious they are best avoided."

I agree. I always found people with no children policy to be the people to take themselves way too seriously. Never been to a wedding made worse by children but I've been to a few pretentious adult-only. I also can't imagine communicating to my guests that they and partner are invited but their 6 year old is not wanted, how rude.

In this case the bride and groom are class A twats.

ExtraOnion · 18/02/2022 20:25

People don’t like children at weddings for one of two reasons 1) the cost or 2) they want all the attention (and for most it’s the second). I’ve been to lots of wedding, and the worst behaviour I’ve ever seen has been from adults ..

Changechangychange · 18/02/2022 20:26

@questionofthedaywedding

They're happy for him to attend, but don't want the baby there.
They are happy for the best man to attend? Wow that’s big of them. And he can bring another plus one - like who exactly? His other wife?

OP if you are the best man’s wife in all of this, you have my sympathy. This bride and groom sound appalling. I’d be cutting them off in your place, and it would definitely affect DH’s relationship with the groom.

NativityDreaming · 18/02/2022 20:27

I agree the OP is the bride in this scenario and won’t be coming back to defend herself and her groom.

Abraxan · 18/02/2022 20:28

@Easterbunnyiswindowshopping

Surely doing bm duties he won't have time to be with dw and dc anyway? A dc free wedding means that imo.
In my experience best man duties (and in most weddings, bridesmaid duties too) aren't actually that onerous. Only on MN and social media do they appear to take over an entire day.

Dh has been a BM a couple of times and has always been free to spend most of the evening with me (and dd at the latter one) we arrived a little before 'normal' guests but he got changed in our room, bit with the groom. He was then obviously sat at the front in church, so not with us then.
As one we were both on the top table as the BM and the bridesmaid, and their plus ones, were seated together. Second one he was on top table but dd and me were on the next table, so just across from in and in easy talking distance if we wanted to.
Once the meal and speeches were done Dh was free to sit with us and mingle as a normal guest. No additional duties.

I've been a bridesmaid once as an adult and it was very similar. The whole evening, after the meal, all 'duties' were done with.

HogDogKetchup · 18/02/2022 20:30

My husbands friend didn’t and meant I was excluded from the wedding. I had a 3 week old. My husband had a shit day as he went as briefly as was polite to get back to me, baby and toddler (id had a section).

My husband explained I wouldn’t be able to leave the baby and despite that he was asked to do a reading.

I don’t consider the couple a friend anymore, it really pissed me off, I felt totally excluded.

RJnomore1 · 18/02/2022 20:32

I definitely would. I hate this trend for child free weddings though.

Silverswirl · 18/02/2022 20:35

@HogDogKetchup

My husbands friend didn’t and meant I was excluded from the wedding. I had a 3 week old. My husband had a shit day as he went as briefly as was polite to get back to me, baby and toddler (id had a section).

My husband explained I wouldn’t be able to leave the baby and despite that he was asked to do a reading.

I don’t consider the couple a friend anymore, it really pissed me off, I felt totally excluded.

God I’m not surprised. That’s absolutely awful and I bet it has made you see them in a different light. It’s unforgivable IMO. Completely entitled and selfish behaviour. And no, just because you are getting married, that does not mean you are entitled to be selfish, cruel and mean.
Iloveacurry · 18/02/2022 20:37

The bride and groom are being ridiculous. A baby is very different to a toddler or older child. Especially if it’s a newborn and the mum is breastfeeding. Baby are very portable so the mum can take the baby out if it starts crying.

I assume the B&G don’t have kids!!

Joxster · 18/02/2022 20:40

@questionofthedaywedding

Wedding is quite far from where the BM and wife live.

The bridegroom are suggesting the best man just comes in his own and leaves wife and baby at home. They've even suggested BM can take another plus one instead of wife and baby.

“We dislike the idea of your baby so much, we’d rather pressurise you in to leaving your wife at home and bringing someone else. “

If I were the BM or the wife, I’d probably cross the bride and groom off my friends list for this. And I say that as someone who would want a child free wedding. Either they come with the baby or they don’t come at all. Gracefully accept they can’t come if there is no budging on the kid free part.

user47000000000 · 18/02/2022 20:40

100% yes.

SquirrelG · 18/02/2022 20:41

Yes. I like the idea of a child free wedding, but babies are different. It's a bit harsh to expect someone to do best man duty but potentially rule out their partner from attending the wedding due to the baby not being welcome.

SquirrelG · 18/02/2022 20:45

This is often true and child-free weddings are the most boring of all. I always try to get out of child-free weddings as you know they will be pretentious and dull.

And here's me thinking one goes to a wedding to see the couple marry and to celebrate their union!

Who knew they were actually supposed to be events where children provided entertainment for the easily bored. Hmm

EnjoyingTheSilence · 18/02/2022 20:47

I think the best man should tell the bride and groom to do one. How insulting

OakRowan · 18/02/2022 20:48

Agree about assume you will lose the friendship after. Exclude the baby and accept that the wedding will probably be the last time you spend with the BM, having deliberatley excluded his wife. They won't rush to remain friends with you, why would his wife ever want of need to spend time with you again.

ManicPixie · 18/02/2022 20:51

I like kids at weddings but I think people on here are being a bit precious about those who opt for child-free. A toddler or older is another guest and another cost, and the couple are allowed to want that spot for someone they’re actually friends with. It’s also fairer if the rule applies to everyone.

I do agree that banning new-borns is creating an issue for no reason (let’s take it as read the mother would walk out if it started bawling).

TolkiensFallow · 18/02/2022 20:51

Babes in arms are usually exempt from the “no children rule”

Also I call reverse!

Flickflak · 18/02/2022 20:54

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

EdithStourton · 18/02/2022 20:59

@TeenyQueen

My DH isn't a BM but he's been asked to an usher at his friend's wedding. No children invited and by the time of the wedding we'll have an older toddler and a 4 month old. We have no family locally and no childcare, the wedding is on the other side of the country a 4 hour drive away. DH will be going on his own and because there are two separate celebrations he'll be away for 4 days in total. I'm ok with it but not terribly impressed, considering that the groom is a close friend who knows our situation.

I would definitely invite the baby, our wedding was mostly child free but we did invite children of members of the wedding party and close relatives.

Your more noble than I would be. I'd be thoroughly pissed off. The bloody cheek of the bride and groom to essentially exclude you while wanting your husband there.
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