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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you allow best man's newborn at wedding

957 replies

questionofthedaywedding · 18/02/2022 15:29

If your best man would be father to a 1-2 month old new born on your wedding day, would you allow the newborn at the wedding, when it's generally a no children wedding ?

Is that being harsh to best man and his wife, who'll presumably only come if newborn can come?

Asking for a friend situation.

OP posts:
1forAll74 · 18/02/2022 19:05

If I had a new baby, I would not wan't to take the baby to a wedding.

LilacPaisley · 18/02/2022 19:05

And what if a cute baby takes anyone's attention away from the bride for one tiny nanosecond?

I think this point is being over-egged. My own babies were totally epic, but I'm not really interested in anyone else's

FingersofFish · 18/02/2022 19:08

@questionofthedaywedding

Wedding is quite far from where the BM and wife live.

The bridegroom are suggesting the best man just comes in his own and leaves wife and baby at home. They've even suggested BM can take another plus one instead of wife and baby.

If this was suggested to me I'd assume they didn't want the best man to come!
affairsofdragons · 18/02/2022 19:09

The bride and groom sound awful based on your update. Couldn't even imagine telling someone who was close enough to me to stand up for me to leave their spouse and newborn at home, let alone add they could bring someone else with them to the wedding. Arseholes.

I'd suggest he stay home with his wife and baby if the babe-in-arms isn't welcome.

XDee56 · 18/02/2022 19:16

I had the same scenario at my wedding with my bridesmaid. The baby was invited to our child free wedding. No way could she leave a tiny newborn and I really wanted her to be their for my day xx

Attictroll · 18/02/2022 19:31

Babes in arms are different to paying for child guests and should be accepted especially if part of the wedding party. Mum should make allowances for breast feeding and taking baby out when crying etc. Seeing your partner be best man is lovely 😊

Fuckitydoodah · 18/02/2022 19:34

Yes, absolutely.

A good friend got married a few years ago and wouldn't let me take my then 10 week old breastfed baby. I'd promised to take him out the room/building if he cried. He wouldn't take a bottle, I'd tried. I managed to get through the ceremony and some canapés before having to leave and get to a very unsettled baby who was refusing a bottle I'd left in the hope he might magically take it. It still irks me now.

pollymere · 18/02/2022 19:34

Yes, yes you would. Probably on the understanding that his wife takes the baby out if it makes noise. Huge difference between a baby that will mostly sleep and eat and one running around being bored all day. The bridegroom is clearly not the best friend to his best man if he is suggesting anything else.

SeasonFinale · 18/02/2022 19:36

So basically they don't like his wife! a different plus one!! Heard it all now.

Frankola · 18/02/2022 19:37

Bloody hell Confused

Of course it's fine. This is a newborn we're talking about!

Wulfenite · 18/02/2022 19:38

Amazed at how common child-free weddings seem to be becoming. Each to their own of course, but a wedding is supposed to be about your community of family and friends, and children are part of that. If I was invited to one I wouldn't go.

Monimom · 18/02/2022 19:39

If you're asking someone to do the role you're getting a whole person - babies, partners, fluctuating waistlines...A LOT of people have an absolute fear their day will be ruined by things beyond their control and therefore try to (wrongly in this case IMO) get a handle on everything they can control. Shame to feel that way. As suggested up thread maybe BM could suggest a plan to allay fears of their day being interrupted? I say this as someone whose super cute niece tooted all the way through my ceremony and was generally hilarious. I didn't even register at the time and wouldn't change a thing. It's part of the story (and family folklore Grin)

Silverswirl · 18/02/2022 19:41

@CorneliusVetch

No one has the right to ask any guest not to bring their children let alone a tiny newborn

What the fuck?

This is symptomatic of the entitled attitude of those who think children “should” be invited to weddings. Those who are hosting and paying don’t have the right to not have every single offspring of every single guest there. Batshit.

Obviously in this case, as it’s one newborn and the best man I think they are being unreasonable. (I don’t think other guests with babies can complain that the best man’s baby can go and theirs can’t). But babies can wreck weddings and the general selfishishness of those who think bride and grooms should just suck it up really fucks me off.

Totally disagree. It’s the entitled couple who assume that the family (because usually both parents are invited) have childcare for a whole day and evening. What if the couple desperately want to attend this life event of their family or best friends but can’t find childcare for their 3 kids. Just miss out I guess but I can tell you, anyone who did this to me, I would think didn’t give a fuck about me (if they were close family or a close friend) and that would change my relationship with them forever. Why would I want to be close friends with someone who I believe doesn’t care at all about me? If children are being overly noisy then of course I would take them out. Goes without saying.
Sexnotgender · 18/02/2022 19:42

@questionofthedaywedding

Wedding is quite far from where the BM and wife live.

The bridegroom are suggesting the best man just comes in his own and leaves wife and baby at home. They've even suggested BM can take another plus one instead of wife and baby.

These people are arseholes.
Poppetlove · 18/02/2022 19:50

I guess a small baby won’t do harm apart from random crying. No way would I have felt up to a wedding at 2 months post partum though - I was totally exhausted!!

Red01 · 18/02/2022 19:50

Yes of course. We had a child free wedding, but said yes to young babies. Presumably they know the best man's partner well, and would want them there. If they say no to the baby, they are saying no to the partner and probably annoying the best man. Why on earth would the bride and groom say no? What is their rationale?

GroggyLegs · 18/02/2022 19:51

Of course.
It's not like they'll be doing knee skids on the dance floor.
I'd imagine 99% mums would be very sensitive to any crying etc and would leave before a baby could even begin to make much of a nuisance.

I suspect as soon as this bride & groom have kids they will be the centre of the universe & everyone else will be expected to bend around Agamemnon's naps and Harmonica's spirited personality.

Echobelly · 18/02/2022 19:51

We did and it was lovely. Best man's first was due right around wedding date and kind of fortunately turned came two weeks early. I think if it's a no-child wedding, babies-in-arms don't count. They're not loud, they're not eating or taking a seat, it's fine. Especially if best man's.

GroggyLegs · 18/02/2022 19:52

Leave the room I mean, not the whole wedding.

PollyPurpose · 18/02/2022 20:01

All my friends who have a no children policy, have however allowed “babes in arms”. Ridiculous anyone wouldn’t want wife and baby there. It’s likely going to sleep non stop, waking only to feed.

Sad really

HopingForMyRainbowBaby · 18/02/2022 20:02

@questionofthedaywedding

Wedding is quite far from where the BM and wife live.

The bridegroom are suggesting the best man just comes in his own and leaves wife and baby at home. They've even suggested BM can take another plus one instead of wife and baby.

If the best man has any sense he'll be saying. It's either all 3 of us or you can find someone else to be best man.
Dimondsareforever · 18/02/2022 20:03

Yes I would. A new born is a little different. They don’t take up a seat … and I’m sure the mother would take them out if they were crying. It’s not like they will be running around screaming!

anne2650 · 18/02/2022 20:06

Yes, definitely.

BoredZelda · 18/02/2022 20:07

I don’t think the OP is coming back. But is probably having fun watching you all argue about it.

ISmellBurnings · 18/02/2022 20:08

I never understand why people don’t invite children to weddings. They make a wedding IMO.

No, the bride and groom do.