Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you allow best man's newborn at wedding

957 replies

questionofthedaywedding · 18/02/2022 15:29

If your best man would be father to a 1-2 month old new born on your wedding day, would you allow the newborn at the wedding, when it's generally a no children wedding ?

Is that being harsh to best man and his wife, who'll presumably only come if newborn can come?

Asking for a friend situation.

OP posts:
Verbena17 · 18/02/2022 18:08

Unless it’s a teeny wedding in which case where numbers would be tight, I never understand why people don’t invite children to weddings. They make a wedding IMO.

NudieUnderTheOodie · 18/02/2022 18:09

@EeeICouldRipATissue

People who don't invite kids are weird People who are glued to their hips and won't go anywhere without them are weird (childcare issues excepted of course)
To be fair, 4-8 week olds sort of have to be glued to someone's hip, they're not really known for being able to walk very well at that age.
gogohm · 18/02/2022 18:10

Yes of course. But I would invite everyone's children so I'm not the best to ask. My DD's went to lots of weddings and loved them, under 5 I wouldn't expect food, I just gave some of mine and took snacks, older and they were fully included

EarlGreywithLemon · 18/02/2022 18:11

@BABAHOTEL it’s such a shame, isn’t it. As you say, children are part of families. It’s odd to want to hide them away.

Pedalpushers · 18/02/2022 18:12

People who don't invite kids are weird

This is just ridiculous. If you get married later than the rest of your group/are the youngest of siblings then kids can end up adding 20-30 people to the guest list, making it more expensive, limiting your venue options, leaving your dancefloor empty after all the parents have cleared out early, and possibly meaning you have to cut your guest list down. People who prioritise children who won't remember or care about a wedding are weird.

Silverswirl · 18/02/2022 18:14

What sort of shitty person, is so egotistical that they place their utter ridiculous demands over the friendship of their supposedly ‘best friend’ in all the world.
What next. Yes be my best man but sorry, you have to leave your wife, punch your mother in the face and chop off one finger. Jesus this really boils my blood. No one has the right to ask any guest not to bring their children let alone a tiny newborn.
If you don’t want the kid there then don’t ask him to be a best man but don’t expect any sort of friendship afterwards.
If anyone I knew did this to anyone else it would completely alter my opinion of them and would not be interested in continuing any sort of friendship.

Nanny0gg · 18/02/2022 18:14

@SarahBellam

God, can you imagine how crap it would be to be to be stuck at a wedding a month or two after giving birth? You’d be exhausted, you wouldn’t be able to drink, and you’d have a baby stuck to you. Everyone would dread being stuck at your table in case the baby started crying, and it would be rubbish for the baby too - noisy, everyone trying to grab it, being out for hours in a room full of people carrying god know what…I can’t think of anything worse. The bride and groom might feel obliged to invite you but they really wouldn’t want you there.
I went to a wedding with a four year-old and a newborn.

Had a lovely day (though struggled to find a suitable outfit to allow breastfeeding). Baby was cuddled by various people other child was perfectly well-behaved and played with a couple of other children after the meal. In fact one friend barely gave the baby back to me, cuddled her to sleep most of the time. (I didn't mind. I was right there!) So it's not always negative

Luckily the B&G wanted us there so not an issue (Quite right too, I'd set them up!)

scottishnames · 18/02/2022 18:16

But who says a wedding has to be in a fancy 'venue' or include an adults-only evening dance? These are both modern wedding-industry inventions. If the bride's and groom's families and friends include a lot of children, doesn't it make sense to plan something that includes them and their parents?
Or, if you want peace and quiet - have a small private wedding and a big party for whoever you choose sometime later.

HelloDulling · 18/02/2022 18:17

@redandwhite1

People who don't invite kids are weird, I think having them at weddings is lovely and having lots of generations there is great
Weird in what way?

If I wanted a grown-up cocktail party in a hotel for my 40th birthday, with fiddly canapés and a jazzy band, noone would think it odd to leave their kids at home. Why is a wedding any different? (I’d still allow a tiny baby to my fictional party).

Nanny0gg · 18/02/2022 18:17

@Pedalpushers

People who don't invite kids are weird

This is just ridiculous. If you get married later than the rest of your group/are the youngest of siblings then kids can end up adding 20-30 people to the guest list, making it more expensive, limiting your venue options, leaving your dancefloor empty after all the parents have cleared out early, and possibly meaning you have to cut your guest list down. People who prioritise children who won't remember or care about a wedding are weird.

Or, children are perfectly well behaved, enjoy the dancing (especially with their parents - not many people have family parties these days so it's more of a novelty), not everyone leaves early and if you want these people there you prioritise your budget (cut back on the fireworks and expensive favours) It can be done if you want to.

Obviously if you don't you get those who can get babysitters.

Mumontour85 · 18/02/2022 18:18

I think not wanting a potentially crying and upset newborn at a kid free wedding is fair enough, but suggesting mum doesn't go and best man takes someone else?!! These people are assholes and not your friends... friends give you an out and understand that your wedding is not the most important day to everyone else!

Aworldofmyown · 18/02/2022 18:19

Yes. Honestly, some people are so selfish.

MabelsApron · 18/02/2022 18:20

Gonna go against the grain here - neither you as mum of baby or they as childfree wedding couple ABU. It’s fair enough for them not to want babies (some of my worst examples of kids at weddings have involved babies and their parents refusing to take them out, and I’m infertile and wouldn’t want tons of painful reminders on my day) but also fair enough for you to decline and feel huffy about it.

Just decline and/or send BM by himself if you’re happy to. If you want to preserve the friendship do and if not, don’t.

VirginMedium · 18/02/2022 18:21

kids are the only people who really enjoy weddings 🤣

Mo1911 · 18/02/2022 18:21

It's a newborn, of course it has to be there!!!!

DePfeffoff · 18/02/2022 18:22

@ThinWomansBrain

seems reasonable to invite him to bring the baby - but how many other guests will be hacked off because they weren;t ably to bring their children if you do?
Easy enough to deal with - just say no children other than babies under, say, 3 months.
Mo1911 · 18/02/2022 18:23

@questionofthedaywedding

Wedding is quite far from where the BM and wife live.

The bridegroom are suggesting the best man just comes in his own and leaves wife and baby at home. They've even suggested BM can take another plus one instead of wife and baby.

I almost believed this up until you said that. That's so ridiculous this must be a wind up 😂😂😂
Crunchymum · 18/02/2022 18:24

Best man, his partner and baby should be invited.

Depending on the partner's relationship with the B&G (which doesn't sound close given they want to exclude her and the baby Shock) as to whether she accepts or not.

It really isn't good for relations for the B&G to make this call and to suggest a different +1 is downright rude.

Will be intrigued to hear how this plays out.

Who are you in the situation @questionofthedaywedding?

Sunnytwobridges · 18/02/2022 18:25

@EeeICouldRipATissue

People who don't invite kids are weird People who are glued to their hips and won't go anywhere without them are weird (childcare issues excepted of course)
I agree!

I would want an evening without the baby. I don't get why people with babies feel like they should be exceptions to a rule. It's strange! And I'm a parent.

ouch321 · 18/02/2022 18:26

Have you never heard a baby cry before?

It's incredibly loud and annoying and would drown out anything else.

Why do you think that on someone's wedding day someone else's baby should take precedence?

That's such a self - centred stance.

Ionlydomassiveones · 18/02/2022 18:27

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

newbiename · 18/02/2022 18:28

@EeeICouldRipATissue

People who don't invite kids are weird People who are glued to their hips and won't go anywhere without them are weird (childcare issues excepted of course)
Absolutely. No one thinks your kids are as fascinating as you do 😂
BABAHOTEL · 18/02/2022 18:29

@ouch321

Have you never heard a baby cry before?

It's incredibly loud and annoying and would drown out anything else.

Why do you think that on someone's wedding day someone else's baby should take precedence?

That's such a self - centred stance.

Yeah I've had two babies! I know what it sounds like. Obs!!
scottishnames · 18/02/2022 18:30

No - but it's unreal to think - at a wedding of all places - that children are not noisy or demanding and don''t sometimes disrupt plans. Weddings are about creating new families/ welcomeing new members into old. In most cases, that will include children. Why stage 'events for photos' when people pretend this doesn't happen?

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 18/02/2022 18:36

Gosh, no! What if it cries? And what if a cute baby takes anyone's attention away from the bride for one tiny nanosecond?