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Original poster

Would you allow best man's newborn at wedding

957 replies

questionofthedaywedding · 18/02/2022 15:29

If your best man would be father to a 1-2 month old new born on your wedding day, would you allow the newborn at the wedding, when it's generally a no children wedding ?

Is that being harsh to best man and his wife, who'll presumably only come if newborn can come?

Asking for a friend situation.

OP posts:
Bogofftosomewherehot · 18/02/2022 17:43

@baconroll12

I think if it meant the chosen best man couldn't attend then yes, definitely. I would assume he was picked for a reason and it would matter to the couple that he was there.
maybe this should have been discussed 9 months ago?! One assumes that a best man is someone chosen as they are important to the groom. Surely a little understanding wouldn't go amiss here? Especially if maintaining relations between the 2 couples is important.
ISmellBurnings · 18/02/2022 17:43

I find the random +1 invitation really odd.

drpet49 · 18/02/2022 17:44

The groom and bride are twats. Best man should tell them to stuff their shitty wedding.

iRun2eatCake · 18/02/2022 17:46

@questionofthedaywedding

Wedding is quite far from where the BM and wife live.

The bridegroom are suggesting the best man just comes in his own and leaves wife and baby at home. They've even suggested BM can take another plus one instead of wife and baby.

Good grief! Gather they don't want the friendship to last.

I had a childfree wedding but any baby in arms l would absolutely allow.

Chely · 18/02/2022 17:47

Of course I would, I would allow any guest to bring their baby/child though. Our best man came with his eldest child, mum chose to stay home with 2 younger ones.

burnoutbabe · 18/02/2022 17:49

could be that the bride and groom are unable to have kids and don't want to spend their wedding day surrounded by reminders of this? Hence a childfree wedding.

HelloDulling · 18/02/2022 17:50

I would allow any newborn, not just one of the wedding party’s.

LollyLol · 18/02/2022 17:50

Yes in a heartbeat

BABAHOTEL · 18/02/2022 17:51

@burnoutbabe

could be that the bride and groom are unable to have kids and don't want to spend their wedding day surrounded by reminders of this? Hence a childfree wedding.
Could you reach any further!
LuaDipa · 18/02/2022 17:51

@questionofthedaywedding

Wedding is quite far from where the BM and wife live.

The bridegroom are suggesting the best man just comes in his own and leaves wife and baby at home. They've even suggested BM can take another plus one instead of wife and baby.

I would be suggesting that he finds another BM. Awful behaviour.
redandwhite1 · 18/02/2022 17:52

People who don't invite kids are weird, I think having them at weddings is lovely and having lots of generations there is great

BABAHOTEL · 18/02/2022 17:53

@redandwhite1

People who don't invite kids are weird, I think having them at weddings is lovely and having lots of generations there is great
Totally agree!
nanbread · 18/02/2022 17:54

@Shoxfordian

No, if it’s child free then that means no children
It's quite commonplace to make an exception for babes in arms. They cannot easily be left, so in effect you are disinviting that person.
SlightlyJaded · 18/02/2022 17:56

Obviously a reverse and of course you and your baby should be invited. If they don't want you and baby, they don't get your dp/dh as their best man.

The 'no kids' thing is so people don't come to weddings, where each person is £85 a head, with four hungry teenagers attached who will be bored and sit on their phones whilst costing the bride and groom, the best part of £350... Anyone who stops says no to a newborn is an arsehole.

nanbread · 18/02/2022 17:57

@redandwhite1

People who don't invite kids are weird, I think having them at weddings is lovely and having lots of generations there is great
For me it was mostly a numbers thing. We would have had 30+ DC of relatives we'd barely (or not at all) met and who probably didn't want to be there (lots of tweens / teens), which would have meant having v few of our actual real-life good friends. We got the biggest venue we could afford.

Also I went to a very kid friendly wedding where several small DC talked and shouted ALL through the vows and no one could hear a thing.

Notjustabrunette · 18/02/2022 17:58

Yes, you should let the best man’s burn come to the wedding. I let my bridesmaid bring her baby even though it was a mostly child free event.

Boood · 18/02/2022 17:58

It really depends if making an exception would open the floodgates. Everyone has a reason to think their own child is different, or to be outraged because someone else has an exception made and they don’t. You start by saying babes in arms are different… and then you can’t treat siblings differently… and then someone can only come if they bring the kid… and then someone doesn’t even asked because your MiL said it would be fine… and then the one person who doesn’t bring their child is your best friend whose kid is genuinely sweet and well-behaved and you wouldn’t have minded having there anyway, but your friend respected your wishes and got a babysitter. And spends your wedding grinding her teeth while everybody else’s kids run around screaming.

EeeICouldRipATissue · 18/02/2022 18:01

People who don't invite kids are weird
People who are glued to their hips and won't go anywhere without them are weird
(childcare issues excepted of course)

Lollypop701 · 18/02/2022 18:02

@Boood has a point Tbf. That said if they don’t allow it then looks like bride n groom have lost their best man… and the suggestion on a plus one is so bloody stupid and insulting. Groom and best man need to have a frank chat

cherish123 · 18/02/2022 18:03

Yes.

BABAHOTEL · 18/02/2022 18:04

@EeeICouldRipATissue

People who don't invite kids are weird People who are glued to their hips and won't go anywhere without them are weird (childcare issues excepted of course)
People that don't view children as parts of family are weird!

Children aren't glued to peoples hips, they go to school, activities, all sorts.

EarlGreywithLemon · 18/02/2022 18:05

We had children at our wedding. Loved having them there. If any of them had said anything/ made noise during the vows we’d have laughed. I didn’t organise any children’s activities because I didn’t want the responsibility of anything going wrong, plus it was over budget. But they were welcome and to run around as they pleased during the day. They were brilliant, especially on the dance floor.

BABAHOTEL · 18/02/2022 18:06

@EarlGreywithLemon

We had children at our wedding. Loved having them there. If any of them had said anything/ made noise during the vows we’d have laughed. I didn’t organise any children’s activities because I didn’t want the responsibility of anything going wrong, plus it was over budget. But they were welcome and to run around as they pleased during the day. They were brilliant, especially on the dance floor.
You've just repeated the sort of thing I said.
Pedalpushers · 18/02/2022 18:08

I am very pro childfree weddings but have always been of the opinion that babes in arms don't count. And to inconvenience a member of the wedding party like that! Madness.

scottishnames · 18/02/2022 18:08

Weddings mark the transition of one stage in life to the next: from single and individual to family centred. The vows - secular or religious - are about caring and sharing; essentials for family life. They are also about taking the rough with the smooth - in sickness and health, etc etc. Another essential for a family. Most of us - all of us, probably - will know what it's like to care for a spouse/partner and/or children while they are ill. It's not glamorous, like expensive 'picture-perfect' stage-managed weddings. It's horrendous, worrying, scary. It's also mucky, tiring, even boring at times. But it is true, it is real, it is so important.

A wise friend of mine explained why he had a big 'everybody welcome' wedding. Because, he said, he wanted his partnership with his wife (a lovely person, now sadly dead) , to be recognised by their widest friendship community. They wanted to introduce and welcome everyone they knew into their love. That meant absolutely everyone, from tiny crying babies and troublesome toddlers to old people. Etc etc. Real life is made up of all kinds of people. Why should stage-managed weddings pretend otherwise?