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AIBU?

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Original poster

Would you allow best man's newborn at wedding

957 replies

questionofthedaywedding · 18/02/2022 15:29

If your best man would be father to a 1-2 month old new born on your wedding day, would you allow the newborn at the wedding, when it's generally a no children wedding ?

Is that being harsh to best man and his wife, who'll presumably only come if newborn can come?

Asking for a friend situation.

OP posts:
oakleaffy · 18/02/2022 17:21

A babe in arms is not really a ''Disturbance'' like an in your face toddler would be.
I'd definitely not have an issue with a baby that tiny.

oakleaffy · 18/02/2022 17:22

@questionofthedaywedding

Wedding is quite far from where the BM and wife live.

The bridegroom are suggesting the best man just comes in his own and leaves wife and baby at home. They've even suggested BM can take another plus one instead of wife and baby.

Best man should tell Bridezilla to take a flying f&ck!
Momijin · 18/02/2022 17:23

I think the BM should attend on his own. Inviting some children and not others can be a minefield. My ex went to a friend's wedding a few days after our baby was born. Not a problem. However, if I had been maid of honour for example, I wouldn't have been able to come without the baby as I both didn't want to leave my babies whilst so young and I breastfed them.

I've been invited to weddings both with kids and without kids. Either is fine.

Anyway, he should go on his own unless they are both happy to leave a young baby or get a grandparent to also come and stay in the hotel room

SockFluffInTheBath · 18/02/2022 17:24

Do you have children? I wouldn’t have wanted to spend a 24 hours alone with a 4-week old when I was a first time mum. You’re calling this new mum feeble. Wow.

@Mumof3confused I have 2 and coped for longer than that when DH was working away. Feeble was a play on all the posters saying she shouldn’t be left on her own, poor little thing how could she be expected to cope on her own blah blah. Apologies, I’d thought feeble wifey would clearly be read with the accompanying eye roll and not taken literally.

littlepeas · 18/02/2022 17:24

I know someone who excluded their own baby niece in these circumstances. It's just shitty behaviour and they will look back and cringe when they have their own dc (assuming they on't have any based on their horrid views on this).

Mushypeasandchipstogo · 18/02/2022 17:24

No the baby does not have to come but you might need another best man. I presume that the best man’s partner is invited though.

sillysmiles · 18/02/2022 17:26

@ManicPixie

If I was the mother of a newborn I’d be too exhausted to attend the wedding anyway and would politely say I can’t make it and jet my best man husband go on his own. If I can get a relative to help out in his absence then even better.
But there is a difference in saying I don't feel like I can go and I have family to support me if I need it, but you go on ahead DH and enjoy it

and

the B&G says you can't come but your DH should bring a replacement for the day - preferable someone fun.

Easterbunnyiswindowshopping · 18/02/2022 17:27

If people have arranged childcare and turn up to someone having a dc with them they would be pissed off.
What cut off age would you give? Babies scream. Toddlers scream. Older dc get bored and need cajoling.. Hardly a nice event for the dps or the B&G fearing noise at the crucial moments!
Surely bm would be sat at the top table anyway?

Pipsquiggle · 18/02/2022 17:27

Of course the BM's wife and baby should be invited IF they want to come. A tiny baby is a completely different kettle of fish to a 6 month old or screaming mobile toddler.

Chances are she might not want to come. She &/or the baby might be struggling with BF/bottle/reflux any number of things, particularly if it's their first baby.

I had a child-free wedding but would have invited anyone with a very young baby.

Pinkpantslady · 18/02/2022 17:28

Do you have children ?
No offence but I can imagine asking this prior to my child .

Now I have a baby I would absolutely say yes ! The mother will be looking after baby!

My newborn slept solidly for 4 months ! Of course we woke up to drink milk but he was so good.

I’d rather a cute newborn than a drunk person falling over the dance floor !!!

Imagine having a gorgeous baby , being a bridesmaid but your husbands best friend didn’t want to invite you any more !

Hathertonhariden · 18/02/2022 17:28

@Drinkingallthewine

OP, what child-related rules did this hypothetical mother and best man have at their own wedding?

Because if it was also strictly child-free with no exceptions then they can jog on.

This
ISmellBurnings · 18/02/2022 17:29

We had a 6 week old at our wedding because we wanted our friends there!

The child-free occasion just says that guests are hired extras to provide a low-maintenance rentacrowd backdrop.
Oh get a grip. We had no family children being as we were the first to get married.

Pipsquiggle · 18/02/2022 17:30

Yes the 'wife replacement' is a weird suggestion unless there is an obvious person they have in mind e.g. if the best man has a sister or brother who the bride and groom know well but didn't quite make the list

Pinkpantslady · 18/02/2022 17:30

@questionofthedaywedding

Wedding is quite far from where the BM and wife live.

The bridegroom are suggesting the best man just comes in his own and leaves wife and baby at home. They've even suggested BM can take another plus one instead of wife and baby.

I’m a calm person, polite and dislike drama . If someone asked my husband to stay at home whilst he went to a wedding he would say no thank you .

That would be the end of the friendship !

Imagine if the woman has PND? Or other children to look after ? Why should she be left .

No mature adult would
Ever suggest to their friend that they leave their wife alone with a new born !
Shocking .

Hollywolly1 · 18/02/2022 17:31

I think the best man now needs to distance himself from the wedding couple BEFORE the wedding,how absolutely insulting the couple are

pussycatunpickingcrossesagain · 18/02/2022 17:32

They need to find a new Best Man.

Shark2020 · 18/02/2022 17:32

If I was the best man and this was asked of me, I'd basically tell them to get stuffed, if I'm the best mate, you accept my wife and newborn or I don't come.

LumpyandBumps · 18/02/2022 17:33

Some posters have said that they wouldn’t want to take a young baby to a wedding, and would be happy to stay home and DH attend. That’s absolutely fine if the suggestion comes from within their partnership.
That does not appear to be the case here. The bride and groom are not only excluding the new born baby, but know that will also exclude the wife.
According to some pp she should just get on with it, find out early on that she is the default parent and her needs come after everyone else’s.
I hope that he DH steps up and says not only will he not be attending without his wife and baby, he will be re thinking his friendship with people who have so little regard for the woman he has chosen to spend his life with.

LadyGAgain · 18/02/2022 17:34

@elizabethdraper

No children means no children

Weddings are no place for new born or childrchildren

Bullshit
ChampagneLassie · 18/02/2022 17:35

Assuming your the mum to be how do you feel about all of this? I'm pregnant, if this were me I don't think I'd want to go to a wedding where we'd not been wanted. I think in general other people's weddings are a bit of a bore and I certainly wouldn't want to do it with a new born. I'd probably say to my DH I feel a bit put out and I'd expect him to decline, but if he really wanted to go and best man, I'd let him.

EeeICouldRipATissue · 18/02/2022 17:35

No kids at wedding means just that. No kids.
I say this with two kids myself but would and have had no problem with going to child free weddings, in fact they're more peaceful as you can switch off drink wine and not be on stressed out mum mode wondering what your little darling is going to get up to next lol

Jvg33 · 18/02/2022 17:35

I don't understand this not inviting children trend to weddings. A small baby doesn't cost the bride and groom anything! If the baby cries during speeches or ceremony, ask them beforehand to please take them out of the room.

Hathertonhariden · 18/02/2022 17:37

@questionofthedaywedding

Wedding is quite far from where the BM and wife live.

The bridegroom are suggesting the best man just comes in his own and leaves wife and baby at home. They've even suggested BM can take another plus one instead of wife and baby.

Is the groom hoping he'll bring the stripper from the stag as his +1? It's such a bizarre solution to the issue. Are they intending this random +1 to be on the top table?
EeeICouldRipATissue · 18/02/2022 17:40

If the baby cries during speeches or ceremony, ask them beforehand to please take them out of the room

Ha, yes because that always works! - - not--
(speaking from experience)
Wanted a childfree wedding but got that much fucking grief off extended family caved in cos young and soft back then
'' We'll take out, honest etc etc
Yelled most of the way through the vows Sad Angry
Anyone wanting a childfree wedding, stick to your guns and don't let yourself be guilt tripped!
Rant over lol

LunaLoveFood · 18/02/2022 17:41

I did, 6 week old at my child free wedding as was best man's baby.