AIBU to not sell my old flat?

[baconroll12]

12 years ago when I was single I bought a gorgeous old 2 bedroom flat that was a bit rundown in a not so nice area. I flatshared with my best friend (lets call her Becca) for most of the time I lived there and we tried our hand at some DIY/restoration and had the place looking incredible.

My DP and I bought a house 3 years ago and before that he lived with his parents. We're not married and we have a joint bank account that all bills come out of with our own separate savings and current accounts.

Becca and her DH split a few years ago in pretty awful circumstances and her and my goddaughter (4) moved back into my flat. The rent is the same as it was when we lived together.

My DP has become quite fixated on this flat. The run down area has now been fully gentrified and is one of the top places to live in the area. He told me that the going rate for rent is now 5 x what Becca pays. He's also looked into recently sold prices and told me what 'we' could do with the money if I sold the flat now. DP has a lot of excellent qualities but he is extremely greedy when it comes to money.

It's become a really touchy subject for us and he keeps saying that I want to keep the flat because it reminds me of my 'wild single days' and that I'm not fully committed to the relationship until I let go of the flat.

YABU- sell the flat
YANBU- keep the flat as you'll need it when you leave him (said in slight jest)

@Dixiechickonhols

I wouldn’t sell it but to be renting it so cheap seems madness. You could drop hours at work, put it in pension or travel etc with difference in money. Friend is benefiting from ridiculously cheap rent. I understand she’s your friend but there’s mates rates and totally unrealistic.

The OP is benefitting from a long, term trusted and reliable tenant covering the full cost of the flat.

Too many people underestimate the worth of that.

He wants the money to make home improvements but with the view that it’ll make our property worth more. And he’s never suggested using any of his savings for this

So the next time he starts banging on about it ask if he is using his savings to match what he wants you to spend on these renovations, it is after all improving a joint asset or is he willing to increase your share of the property in line with the added value of the renovations? Honestly I would be rethinking the relationship, do you really want to spend your life with a man who is always thinking of how he can make money off you?

With his attitude I wouldn't marry him. Your flat has nothing to do with him, and I'd shut him down next time he mentions anything about it

What you do with your flat is your business only. You are letting it so it yields some income. Tell him not to be so greedy and then close the subject.

@Dixiechickonhols

I wouldn’t sell it but to be renting it so cheap seems madness. You could drop hours at work, put it in pension or travel etc with difference in money. Friend is benefiting from ridiculously cheap rent. I understand she’s your friend but there’s mates rates and totally unrealistic.

Luckily there are people like the OP in the world whose worldview extends beyond her own pleasures. There is no indication her friend is taking the piss, the flat being now so valuable is purely due to the vagaries of the market rather than any sacrifices or hard work on the OPs part and most importantly, she is herself happy and derives satisfaction from to do this for people she loves. It sounds a very good situation for everybody. Apart from the disgruntled partner and the people who clearly think we should only look out for No 1 ( or 'our own little family)

@baconroll12 I’m completely ignoring your OP to just comment on what a lovely thing you’re doing for your friend. I think some of us who spend far too much time on here and see lots of CF behaviour, are just being very cynical!!!

Although this flat apparently has nothing to do with DP, did your ownership mean him paying 50% of second stamp duty on your joint property? If so, it has everything to do with him.

@Everanewbie

Although this flat apparently has nothing to do with DP, did your ownership mean him paying 50% of second stamp duty on your joint property? If so, it has everything to do with him.

Someone else picked up on this earlier and I forgot to clarify.

No, I paid the stamp duty as it was only me that already had an existing property and it was before the increase from 3% to 4%.

Keep the flat! Sack off the money hungry boyfriend!

Keep the flat.

I bitterly regret selling mine.

@Everanewbie

Although this flat apparently has nothing to do with DP, did your ownership mean him paying 50% of second stamp duty on your joint property? If so, it has everything to do with him.

I don't think this would mean it had "everything" to do with him; it would mean it had an amount equivalent to the amount of stamp duty he had to pay on the joint property to do with him, which sounds likely to be significantly less than the 50% of the value of the flat he seems to be angling for. In any case, why would he not have brought that up at the point of purchase, not three years after buying the joint property?

OP, all your reasons make sense to me and I think your DP's behaviour is deeply unattractive.

YANBU. Your property your choice.

Just read your updates OP

You sound like a really good person.

Have you told your partner what you're tell us? You're obviously not a person driven by money at all, if he knows that why does he keep bringing it up? It sounds like you're both doing well without upping rent or selling so it shouldn't be an issue, he should respect your wishes.

You really really need to ask him how he would raise his half of any home improvements if you did decide to screw over your friend and potentially leave them homeless so he could spend your money

He needs to get his eyes off your flat.

In these uncertain and inflationary times, we are always being told to invest in real estate. Your flat is a brilliant investment whose value will only increase. It doesn't even make financial sense to sell it unless it's to buy something else, not fritter the money away on "improvements" you don't even want.

Keep your flat. And for goodness sake don’t get a conservatory!

Don't sell and don't marry him. Explain clearly that you are the owner of the flat and you are not selling or changing the tenants and that he doesn't have a say in it.

I suspect he is jealous re your god daughter potentially inheriting it and the way to get round this is to dress it up as you two needing the money from it.

While you are at it you should explain that any improvement to your current home will be decided and funded by you both equally.

YANBU. You are providing a safe home for your goddaughter until she is old enough to care for herself. When that time comes or if your friend meets another partner then you discuss upping the rent. If it’s desirable then Im sure you’d make enough on any eventual sale to offset any rent shortfall anyway. Ultimately it is up to you to decide if you sell but I’d be legally protecting every dime if you end up marrying DP!!

YANBU

I was in a similar boat. I owned a flat prior to getting together with him. A few years later we bought a house together. I let it out for 2 years. He pointed out the second stamp duty rebate we'd get on selling it, and the rent was only just exceeding the mortgage. Higher rate tax meant i hardly received anything back. Admittedly the tenant here wasn't a friend or family. We agreed to sale to use the rebate and profit towards a wedding and general savings. It was a joint decision, just as it will be when he inherits from his relative.

I saw us as a team, and still do. I trust him, and saw my asset as our asset.

I'm sorry there is this level of distrust where you feel its a battle. Me personally, if you don't trust him, retain the flat, but I think most people would bang their head against a wall at a partner who's loyalty to their friend is doing the household out of thousands each year by not seeking market rate on the rent.

I have a small circle of friends I would move heaven & earth for if they needed my help, and they would do (and have done) the same for me.

I'm saying all this to outline how I agree with your stance in supporting your friend, to have a stable home is more important than the money grab, your DP and some posters on here are prioritising.

My opinion & love of my DP, would change if he was persistently pressurising me to make a decision that would leave my friend homeless & disinherit my goddaughter. I hope you're ok.

The only, and only way I'd consider raising the rent would be if your friend is claiming housing benefit and your rent is below the rate the LHA, which would therefore be saving the state money but not your friend, or if you can see the flat needing work in thr next couple of years (eg new boiler, kitchen/bathroom refresh) and you wanted to create a fund to do that.

Otherwise, keep it as it is. Its covering the mortgage, and if you can afford upkeep work out of the difference, then its costing you nothing to have a nest egg for the future.

If your friend decided to move on to a different property, you could put the rent up for a stranger tenant, but until then, providing her with security as her DD grows while also effectively buying yourself a pension plan is perfect.

I would think carefully about building a future with a greedy and selfish man. He seems to see his money as his and your assets as joint. Not good.

[quote baconroll12]@Auntycorruption I'm not particularly interested in the home improvements he wants to make but I'm willing to contribute. 50:50 would be manageable.

I very much feel the goal is to add value on to the property rather than him actually having much interest in a conservatory.[/quote]
Conservatorys are shit.

Personally I think they devalue a property!

Yanbu. He's completely overstepping the mark here. It's your property! If you wanted your friend to stay there rent free, it's still not his business. Having a property that you let out is a brilliant financial choice if you can afford it! I would also consider the longevity of this relationship if he's already trying to get his hands into everything you own.

OP, I've just gathered here the points from your posts which jumped out at me, re-ordered.

"DP has a lot of excellent qualities but he is extremely greedy when it comes to money."

"He has some savings but they're none of my business."

"It’s me that has said in this thread that his savings are none of my business, he hasn’t said it to me."

"He wants the money [from the sale of your flat] to make home improvements but with the view that it’ll make our property worth more. And he’s never suggested using any of his savings for this."

"I very much feel the goal is to add value on to the property rather than him actually having much interest in a conservatory."

"I'm not particularly interested in the home improvements he wants to make but I'm willing to contribute. 50:50 would be manageable."

"I very much feel the goal is to add value on to the property rather than him actually having much interest in a conservatory."

I find it very telling that he’s never suggested using any of his savings for the 'home improvements' he's proposing. You selling your flat to fund it while his savings remain untouched effectively transfers half of what you spend to him. Greedy, indeed. And not a little bit sly.

"He’s not mean with money in general but he is greedy. He will spend but always has his eye on the next thing."

"He's not typically stingy with things like gifts/holidays but he talks a lot about what he perceives other people to have and seems quite jealous."

And he perceives your friend Becca has something he wants. That makes him jealous. And covetous. And he wants it taken away from Becca and given to him, disguised as 'home improvements' that you (nor he!) actually want.

I wonder what is more important to him - taking it away from Becca, or having it himself?

"It's become a really touchy subject for us and he keeps saying that I want to keep the flat because it reminds me of my 'wild single days' and that I'm not fully committed to the relationship until I let go of the flat."

And this is where I would read him the Riot Act. The reason you want to keep the flat are nothing of the sort - and he knows it. He's just trying to find a button to press that will make you give him your money, and to hell with your friend and her daughter. Gimme! Gimme! Gimme!

I despise manipulation.

I would throw his accusations back in his face, and question his commitment to you, that he'd rather syphon money out of you and into his pockets than see you happy knowing that Becca and her daughter are well-housed. Is what YOU want so much less important than him getting his hands on your money whilst his savings stay locked away in his sole account?

His many excellent qualities are at risk of being eclipsed by his extreme greed. If they haven't been already.