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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not sell my old flat?

492 replies

baconroll12 · 18/02/2022 10:41

12 years ago when I was single I bought a gorgeous old 2 bedroom flat that was a bit rundown in a not so nice area. I flatshared with my best friend (lets call her Becca) for most of the time I lived there and we tried our hand at some DIY/restoration and had the place looking incredible.

My DP and I bought a house 3 years ago and before that he lived with his parents. We're not married and we have a joint bank account that all bills come out of with our own separate savings and current accounts.

Becca and her DH split a few years ago in pretty awful circumstances and her and my goddaughter (4) moved back into my flat. The rent is the same as it was when we lived together.

My DP has become quite fixated on this flat. The run down area has now been fully gentrified and is one of the top places to live in the area. He told me that the going rate for rent is now 5 x what Becca pays. He's also looked into recently sold prices and told me what 'we' could do with the money if I sold the flat now. DP has a lot of excellent qualities but he is extremely greedy when it comes to money.

It's become a really touchy subject for us and he keeps saying that I want to keep the flat because it reminds me of my 'wild single days' and that I'm not fully committed to the relationship until I let go of the flat.

YABU- sell the flat
YANBU- keep the flat as you'll need it when you leave him (said in slight jest)

OP posts:
Arabellla · 18/02/2022 14:39

@TheYearOfSmallThings

Tbh, your questions were irrelevant. Wills are written based on the situation as it currently is. The OP has time to update her will if the situation changes, and it has nothing at all to do with her current dilemma.

I disagree. She has mentioned it because it is relevant to her decision making.

And I repeat, I was in no way patronising, and there was no need for you to be aggressive.

If you're patronising then so am I because I asked OP the same questions upthread and she answered Grin
GirlOfTudor · 18/02/2022 14:42

It's your flat that you bought before you met him. Why is there even a question regarding your choice??

Blossom64265 · 18/02/2022 14:43

As long as the rent covers all the expenses associated with the flat, mortgage, repairs, etc., he really doesn’t have a leg to stand on. It’s your decision to essentially subsidize someone you clearly consider close to family plus having a reliable tenant is extremely valuable. I would agree that if the expenses start to push against the rent you will consider raising it. I would also agree that if some day your friend moves out of her own accord, you will raise the rent to market rates for the next tenant.

You really should get a formal tenancy agreement in place. It will protect your friend as much as it protects you.

Blossomtoes · 18/02/2022 14:44

You really should get a formal tenancy agreement in place.

She has.

Jonny1265 · 18/02/2022 14:47

Keep the flat. Ditch the bloke

IWishIWasABaller · 18/02/2022 14:47

He doesn't sound like a particularly nice person op. I wouldn't be marrying him at all in case he tried to get a share of your flat. I think you sound like a lovely decent person who could do a lot better for herself Flowers

Original poster
baconroll12 · 18/02/2022 14:49

@JustLyra

I’m kinda with DH actually, I don’t see the point in owning the flat if it isn’t bringing in market rent. He isn’t being greedy he’s pointing out that this makes no sense.

You don't see the point in owning something that costs the OP nothing (as she has stated the rent covers all the outgoings) and is increasing in value? Why not?

It's a good nest egg or pension - what makes no sense in having it?

It also provides two people I love very much with a stable home.
OP posts:
mam0918 · 18/02/2022 14:53

Greed is such an unattractive quality.

Its a quality I seem to lack, Im happy to live life without being a slave to the penny but DH definately doesnt feel the same... its the main thing about him that bothers me.

For all his want of money he is absoloutly shit with it, he had DOUBLE the income I had and lived with parents while I live independantly from 16 and yet has debt and is always broke and I have never had debt and have savings - the mind boggles at it.

I just make sure to keep our finances seperate, we each pay our bills and then handle the rest of our money our own way and any items (like cars etc... or in your case a house) belong to whoever bought it and we would never consider it a 'shared' sale value.

Dixiechickonhols · 18/02/2022 14:58

I wouldn’t sell it but to be renting it so cheap seems madness. You could drop hours at work, put it in pension or travel etc with difference in money. Friend is benefiting from ridiculously cheap rent. I understand she’s your friend but there’s mates rates and totally unrealistic.

affairsofdragons · 18/02/2022 15:05

You're not married.
You don't have children together.

It's none of his business, frankly, as it isn't affecting your life together in the home you share. He just greedily wants more of what's yours to pay for improvements for his life, and that would deprive you of your backup security.

Just say no and refuse to engage.

maltesers99 · 18/02/2022 15:07

@baconroll12

Just catching up:

He wants the money to make home improvements but with the view that it’ll make our property worth more. And he’s never suggested using any of his savings for this.

It’s me that has said in this thread that his savings are none of my business, he hasn’t said it to me.

We’ve owned our house together for 3 years but been together for 7.

He’s not mean with money in general but he is greedy. He will spend but always has his eye on the next thing.

We’re not planning on having children.

Mortgage payment comes out of my account and her payment goes into my account.

Becca doesn’t know that the flat has been left to her DD and I have never told her about DP’s interest in the flat. I wouldn’t want her to think for a second that her home was insecure. We do have a proper tenancy agreement in place. The rent does cover all of the outgoings.

The fact he wants you to sell your flat and yet hasn't suggested using his savings is a big red flag. Also the fact that you don't know what his savings are after 7 years but he knows the ins and outs of your flat/your will etc. I would definitely keep the flat, why put all your eggs in one basket? Also you are providing a happy home to people who will take care of it and appreciate it. Not everything in life is about money and making more of it. If he is so money oriented, consider whether he is for the long term. Sounds a bit grabby.
thenightsky · 18/02/2022 15:09

YANBU

Keep the flat!

Blossomtoes · 18/02/2022 15:11

@Dixiechickonhols

I wouldn’t sell it but to be renting it so cheap seems madness. You could drop hours at work, put it in pension or travel etc with difference in money. Friend is benefiting from ridiculously cheap rent. I understand she’s your friend but there’s mates rates and totally unrealistic.
It’s kindness. Kind people don’t want to make a profit from their friends.
irene9 · 18/02/2022 15:12

He's jealous of anything that to do with you that he has no control over.
He lived with his parents before you. Hmm.
Have you a Mummy's boy on your hands then?
Boys like that don't like other people controlling Mummy. You are his New Mummy.
He also has 'sibling rivalry' because Becca is getting treats from his New Mummy and he doesn't like that. Boo hoo it's not fair!!

RedRobyn2021 · 18/02/2022 15:14

YANBU

You said it yourself, he's greedy when it comes to money and he wants yours. Not. Cool.

Nailsbythesea · 18/02/2022 15:15

Do not sell it ever but maybe your flat needs to pay more in rent - less than market value but more than she does and make sure he doesn’t ever have any income from it - that’s yours.

ChargingBuck · 18/02/2022 15:15

@Dixiechickonhols

I wouldn’t sell it but to be renting it so cheap seems madness. You could drop hours at work, put it in pension or travel etc with difference in money. Friend is benefiting from ridiculously cheap rent. I understand she’s your friend but there’s mates rates and totally unrealistic.
Not everything is about money. But people who think it is, know the price of everything & the value of nothing.
NoSquirrels · 18/02/2022 15:15

You sound lovely.

He sounds grabby.

30mph · 18/02/2022 15:16

It's a bit of a red flag, isn't it? Be very careful if you decide to marry (you'll need a new will then btw) or merge finances further.

ScribblingPixie · 18/02/2022 15:16

Absolutely not. In your shoes I'd just say, 'No, that's my pension.' And that would be the end of it. Your arrangement with your friend is your business. When life's better for her you might want to come to a different arrangement. But I can't stress enough that you should keep this as your own investment, and it's frankly none of your DP's business.

sillysmiles · 18/02/2022 15:18

If the rent is so far below market rate, then your friend is getting used to being subsidised by you.

But if the OP has no interest in anyone but her friend living there, what difference does it make?

thinkingaboutLangCleg · 18/02/2022 15:20

YANBU. It would be stupid to sell an asset that will keep increasing in value. It’s rare to get such an opportunity, so don’t throw it away to please your greedy bf.

ScribblingPixie · 18/02/2022 15:21

Ah, I see your later post about your will. I'd definitely keep that to yourself. You don't know what life will throw at you and it wouldn't be fair for your friend to count on it.

ProudThrilledHappy · 18/02/2022 15:21

If you sold your flat to invest in your current property but later sold and split your equity, he would benefit massively while you would have lost your own asset. Definitely not worth it for you, alongside the impact upon your much loved friend and god-daughter.

Also @haikyew I admire your dedication to your username!

sillysmiles · 18/02/2022 15:21

I very much feel the goal is to add value on to the property rather than him actually having much interest in a conservatory.

I don't understand the idea of "adding value" if you have no intention of selling. Why spend money on something you don't want to add value to something you've no plan to sell?

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