AIBU to not sell my old flat?

[baconroll12]

12 years ago when I was single I bought a gorgeous old 2 bedroom flat that was a bit rundown in a not so nice area. I flatshared with my best friend (lets call her Becca) for most of the time I lived there and we tried our hand at some DIY/restoration and had the place looking incredible.

My DP and I bought a house 3 years ago and before that he lived with his parents. We're not married and we have a joint bank account that all bills come out of with our own separate savings and current accounts.

Becca and her DH split a few years ago in pretty awful circumstances and her and my goddaughter (4) moved back into my flat. The rent is the same as it was when we lived together.

My DP has become quite fixated on this flat. The run down area has now been fully gentrified and is one of the top places to live in the area. He told me that the going rate for rent is now 5 x what Becca pays. He's also looked into recently sold prices and told me what 'we' could do with the money if I sold the flat now. DP has a lot of excellent qualities but he is extremely greedy when it comes to money.

It's become a really touchy subject for us and he keeps saying that I want to keep the flat because it reminds me of my 'wild single days' and that I'm not fully committed to the relationship until I let go of the flat.

YABU- sell the flat
YANBU- keep the flat as you'll need it when you leave him (said in slight jest)

He wants the money to make home improvements but with the view that it’ll make our property worth more. And he’s never suggested using any of his savings for this.

That’s very telling.

He wants to increase the profit for you both on your current home, but only at your expense.

Given what you said about him being jealous about what other people have I bet he’s jealous of you that you have the equity from the flat and that’s not fair because he doesn’t so he wants it shared out.

Be very very careful with this man.

Do NOT sell the flat.

Tell him -
''$ (or GBP) signs light up in your eyes when you looks at me!''
(I know the look!)

I owned a house outright before I met DP , still have it. In my case i kept it because we all know relationships can fail and i didnt want to be homeless whilst looking for somewhere to buy ( i think homeless people cant buy houses in fact, pretty sure you need an address for all the paperwork to go to)
So I rent it out, I don't make a fortune but the rent is more than the mortgage and it's better than leaving it empty.
DP has never even intimated that I should sell it. Why would he, it's my lifeline and my property.

OP dont get rid of your flat. Tell him no, or if that wont help, tell him it's your pension.

It’s me that has said in this thread that his savings are none of my business, he hasn’t said it to me.

That's not right. Either you're both transparent about your savings and investments (like property) or you need to keep yours private too, so if your flat is his business then his savings should be your business.

And if you are both going to benefit financially from home improvements then he must contribute equally to the cost. Make sure you have proper legal agreememts in place and that you know what each of you would be entitled to if you split up, otherwise it may not work out the way you expect. Unless you draw up a different agreement he'll end up with half of anything you spend on the house. Why would you subsidise him like that?

Don't get into a situation where what's ours is ours, and what yours is ours, and what's his is his.

He's only your D P - remember that.

He's not committed to you enough to marry you, yet he wants his paws on your money.
I would question your relationship with him, if I were you. He sounds not nice.

@GiantHaystacks2021

He's only your D P - remember that.

He's not committed to you enough to marry you, yet he wants his paws on your money.
I would question your relationship with him, if I were you. He sounds not nice.

Neither of us are particularly interested in marriage but if he brings it up, I'll show him this thread.

I think buying a property together was a decent commitment.

@baconroll12

Just catching up:

He wants the money to make home improvements but with the view that it’ll make our property worth more. And he’s never suggested using any of his savings for this.

It’s me that has said in this thread that his savings are none of my business, he hasn’t said it to me.

We’ve owned our house together for 3 years but been together for 7.

He’s not mean with money in general but he is greedy. He will spend but always has his eye on the next thing.

We’re not planning on having children.

Mortgage payment comes out of my account and her payment goes into my account.

Becca doesn’t know that the flat has been left to her DD and I have never told her about DP’s interest in the flat. I wouldn’t want her to think for a second that her home was insecure. We do have a proper tenancy agreement in place. The rent does cover all of the outgoings.

Sounds like you are doing everything right, OP. Brava!

You've got your head screwed on. Don't let your partner bully you into doing what he wants or sharing your finances with him if you don't want to.

You're not married (and it sounds like you would be better off if it stays that way, particularly if you're not planning on having children).

What's yours is yours.

Don’t sell an appreciating asset. It’s not his flat or his money.

@Thewindwhispers

I’m kinda with DH actually, I don’t see the point in owning the flat if it isn’t bringing in market rent. He isn’t being greedy he’s pointing out that this makes no sense.

You’ve been incredibly kind to Becca but you are not responsible for her and are massively subsidising her and your god-daughter, which is very kind of you if you are wealthy and mortgage free. But if you aren’t mortgage free, then you are paying interest on money to own your own house, while also subsidising Becca. Even if you are mortgage free, the money you use to subsidise Becca could be making a profit if you invested it differently.

If you’re married and have joint assets then throwing money away is annoying to your spouse.

Why not raise the rent to something nearer market value?

There's more to life than money

Yanbu

If you can pay 50% of the home improvement bill the CF DP needs to chip out, it’s not like you’re asking him to sub you so it’s none of his business. I think you’ve hit the nail on the head with the word greedy OP but you and your flat are not a cash cow. I assume he has many redeeming features because he sounds a prize twat on this thread.

I very much feel the goal is to add value on to the property rather than him actually having much interest in a conservatory.

Yes, value to a property HE has a financial interest in, but he wants his grabby grubby fingers on your money to do it. In a round-about way you'd just be giving him a share of any flat-sale money.

As for keeping your old flat because it's a reminder of your "wild single days" and you not being sufficiently committed, that is a big red flag. It's exactly the sort of thing my ex used to say when we were together, which translated as "I want to engineer a situation where you can't leave me, even if you wanted to".

@Thewindwhispers

I’m kinda with DH actually, I don’t see the point in owning the flat if it isn’t bringing in market rent. He isn’t being greedy he’s pointing out that this makes no sense.

You’ve been incredibly kind to Becca but you are not responsible for her and are massively subsidising her and your god-daughter, which is very kind of you if you are wealthy and mortgage free. But if you aren’t mortgage free, then you are paying interest on money to own your own house, while also subsidising Becca. Even if you are mortgage free, the money you use to subsidise Becca could be making a profit if you invested it differently.

If you’re married and have joint assets then throwing money away is annoying to your spouse.

Why not raise the rent to something nearer market value?

You seem to have imperfectly understood what the OP says. They're not married and don't have joint assets. And the OP is clear that 'DP has a lot of excellent qualities but he is extremely greedy when it comes to money.' so he is being greedy.

She's also said clearly why she's not interested in raising the rent to market value or its vicinity. Perhaps read her posts again for better understanding?

Yanbu, he just wants to get his paws on your money. Don’t sell because he wants you to.

I'd ask him where he is going to get his 50% share of the money for the home improvements from as even if you sold the flat (which you are not going to do) you are not putting all of the money into your home alone without his equal contribution.

You are very sensible keeping things separate and keeping this property, it isn't costing you anything if it is washing its own face financially and you will eventually benefit massively from the increase in it's value (if you ever sell it).

If he wants to do home improvements, he can let you know what they'll cost and you can tell him if you want to put up your 50%.

You don't share income or children. Why does he perceive this flat as his asset? Esp when it sounds like he has his own savings.

He is so cheeky. Fine to suggest home improvements, outrageous to suggest you pay for home improvements. Or anything else with your proceeds from flat if you did sell.

I’m kinda with DH actually, I don’t see the point in owning the flat if it isn’t bringing in market rent. He isn’t being greedy he’s pointing out that this makes no sense.

You don't see the point in owning something that costs the OP nothing (as she has stated the rent covers all the outgoings) and is increasing in value? Why not?

It's a good nest egg or pension - what makes no sense in having it?

@TravellingFrom

Keep the flat.

You are not married, you are different set if assets, with a different value and different type.
You have no idea what his savings are and how much. You very rightly say it’s not your problem and nor are your assets is problem.

Re the house.
Well yes you could use some of that money from the flat to make the house ‘better’.
What would you do the rest? Why do the home improvements have to be done just right now?

Seriously, just build up some savings together JUST for the home improvements if this is actually a good idea or do it.
Keep your flat.
And carry in building YOUR savings - Aka dont agree to spend thousands £ just to soothe his ego. Because just now his issue is that you have more than him, something that would be classified as ‘a really good investment’ by most people and he can’t cope with it.
(If you we’re to dig out what sort if savings he actually has, I suspect you’d find he has very little to show for so many years living rent free at his parents btw)

Agree with this.

Presume that you like this guy and get along well on the whole. The flat should not be his concern. You should tell him that clearly.

Work the shrared property together.

Keep it simple.

Can I just say that you sound amazing and that I'm glad there are people in the world like you? Not only are you giving two people a home when they need it most, but leaving it to your goddaughter is just the loveliest thing.

Your values are brilliant and it's so refreshing x

@legalquestion1234

Can I just say that you sound amazing and that I'm glad there are people in the world like you? Not only are you giving two people a home when they need it most, but leaving it to your goddaughter is just the loveliest thing.

Your values are brilliant and it's so refreshing x

This. It’s lovely. We should clone you @baconroll12.

Neither of us are particularly interested in marriage but if he brings it up, I'll show him this thread.

I wonder if that will be the next part of the plan? Ring costs £ but gets him £££ ?

He's also looked into recently sold prices and told me what 'we' could do with the money if I sold the flat now

Get married start a family? Or piss it away on him? I assume it’s the second one. His guilt tripping is a red flag.

YANBU