Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not sell my old flat?

492 replies

baconroll12 · 18/02/2022 10:41

12 years ago when I was single I bought a gorgeous old 2 bedroom flat that was a bit rundown in a not so nice area. I flatshared with my best friend (lets call her Becca) for most of the time I lived there and we tried our hand at some DIY/restoration and had the place looking incredible.

My DP and I bought a house 3 years ago and before that he lived with his parents. We're not married and we have a joint bank account that all bills come out of with our own separate savings and current accounts.

Becca and her DH split a few years ago in pretty awful circumstances and her and my goddaughter (4) moved back into my flat. The rent is the same as it was when we lived together.

My DP has become quite fixated on this flat. The run down area has now been fully gentrified and is one of the top places to live in the area. He told me that the going rate for rent is now 5 x what Becca pays. He's also looked into recently sold prices and told me what 'we' could do with the money if I sold the flat now. DP has a lot of excellent qualities but he is extremely greedy when it comes to money.

It's become a really touchy subject for us and he keeps saying that I want to keep the flat because it reminds me of my 'wild single days' and that I'm not fully committed to the relationship until I let go of the flat.

YABU- sell the flat
YANBU- keep the flat as you'll need it when you leave him (said in slight jest)

OP posts:
CanIPleaseHaveOne · 18/02/2022 13:23

We have a house that is (now) in an area that is insanely expensive. We have it rented at a very low rate to a nice family. Like you op, our mortgage is covered, and we are fine with that. The increase in value of the house more than compensates for low cash yield.
The family would have to leave the area, and their son would have to leave his school if we raised the rent.
It is ok to let things tick over and give other people a break in my opinion.

DePfeffoff · 18/02/2022 13:24

If you need to make improvements to your house, how about putting it to him that you share the costs 50/50, on the basis that he will pay his share from his savings and you'll put the rent on the flat up a bit to cover your share? You really are doing your friend a massive favour keeping the rent down to such low levels.

Original poster
baconroll12 · 18/02/2022 13:26

@Auntycorruption I'm not particularly interested in the home improvements he wants to make but I'm willing to contribute. 50:50 would be manageable.

I very much feel the goal is to add value on to the property rather than him actually having much interest in a conservatory.

OP posts:
ChargingBuck · 18/02/2022 13:27

You mention that your will currently leaves the flat to your godchild. What if you have children? What if your friend has more children?

Gosh, @TheYearOfSmallThings - thank goodness you came along to patronise the OP, as I'm sure she's not savvy enough to notice a small human emerging from her own body, or that when it does, she can take the unprecedented & outlandish step of ... updating her Will.

Octomore · 18/02/2022 13:28

It's not his flat, so it's got absolutely bugger all to do with him.

Tell him to stop talking about it, as it's not up for discussion.

OneBeanClub · 18/02/2022 13:28

Have you asked him why he thinks he's entitled to your savings?

TheYearOfSmallThings · 18/02/2022 13:30

Gosh, @TheYearOfSmallThings - thank goodness you came along to patronise the OP, as I'm sure she's not savvy enough to notice a small human emerging from her own body, or that when it does, she can take the unprecedented & outlandish step of ... updating her Will.

My questions were completely valid and I was not being patronising. You, on the other hand, are unnecessarily aggressive.

Arabellla · 18/02/2022 13:32

And he’s never suggested using any of his savings for this.

He really is a twat. Don't indulge his greedy ways. You're obviously very generous of heart, OP, don't let him take advantage of that.

Octomore · 18/02/2022 13:33

This really stood out to me:

"he talks a lot about what he perceives other people to have and seems quite jealous"

This trait won't go away. I know people like this, and they are bitter, grasping, dull people. They spend so much time comparing their lives to the facade that other people present on social media, obsessing about what they think they 'deserve' to have, and coming up with money making wheezes, that they forget to enjoy what they've got.

If you want to enjoy life, don't waste time on a man who sees the price of everything but the value of nothing.

Whitney168 · 18/02/2022 13:33

@Billybagpuss

I didn't want to put this in my OP as I didn't know how this thread would go down but the flat is left to my goddaughter in my will

Does he know this?

More to the point, does your goddaughter's mother (and later in life your goddaughter) know this ... ?

I reckon you might regret it if you have children of your own later, so I would hope not!

Octomore · 18/02/2022 13:34

@TheYearOfSmallThings

Gosh, @TheYearOfSmallThings - thank goodness you came along to patronise the OP, as I'm sure she's not savvy enough to notice a small human emerging from her own body, or that when it does, she can take the unprecedented & outlandish step of ... updating her Will.

My questions were completely valid and I was not being patronising. You, on the other hand, are unnecessarily aggressive.

Tbh, your questions were irrelevant. Wills are written based on the situation as it currently is. The OP has time to update her will if the situation changes, and it has nothing at all to do with her current dilemma.
Original poster
baconroll12 · 18/02/2022 13:35

@Whitney168 no, they don't know. We're not planning to have children ourselves but wills can be changed if needed.

OP posts:
Whitney168 · 18/02/2022 13:35

Sorry, cross-post, you answered questions about whether GD's mother knows it's in your will for her while I was typing ...

Would still be careful even if you don't INTEND to have children, life has a way of laughing at people's intentions.

Foxglovers · 18/02/2022 13:36

YANBU!

SpilltheTea · 18/02/2022 13:37

What absolute crap about your 'wild single day' and not being 'fully committed'. This translates as: I desperately want your money and will blackmail you until you give it to me.

HollowTalk · 18/02/2022 13:38

I can sort of understand why women on here stay with absolute twats when the alternative is homelessness, but this isn't the case for you.

He is really horrible, OP. He just has £££ in his eyes. I couldn't live with someone like that.

Auntycorruption · 18/02/2022 13:39

[quote baconroll12]@Auntycorruption I'm not particularly interested in the home improvements he wants to make but I'm willing to contribute. 50:50 would be manageable.

I very much feel the goal is to add value on to the property rather than him actually having much interest in a conservatory.[/quote]
I think you are definitely not being unreasonable to tell him to shut up about the flat then! You don't need to sell a flat for a few grand.

He wants a conservatory... you're not that bothered but if it increases value of the house and you both pay 50/50 then it's not that much of a big deal.

The emotional pressure on the other hand would be a deal breaker for me. Definitely so not marry him!

Blossomtoes · 18/02/2022 13:40

It's not that I would be after the money, but it seems... careless and not thought through.

It seems caring and very well thought through to me. It’s pretty obvious on this thread who (the minority) know the price of everything and the value of nothing.

Auntycorruption · 18/02/2022 13:40

[quote baconroll12]@Whitney168 no, they don't know. We're not planning to have children ourselves but wills can be changed if needed.[/quote]
Is this actually your choice? Or his?

Again, think carefully about what your life could be like without the constraints he seems to be applying

TheYearOfSmallThings · 18/02/2022 13:41

Tbh, your questions were irrelevant. Wills are written based on the situation as it currently is. The OP has time to update her will if the situation changes, and it has nothing at all to do with her current dilemma.

I disagree. She has mentioned it because it is relevant to her decision making.

And I repeat, I was in no way patronising, and there was no need for you to be aggressive.

Original poster
baconroll12 · 18/02/2022 13:43

@Auntycorruption is it my choice not to have children or for my friend to not know I've left DD the flat? My choice in both cases.

I didn't think anyone's question about changes re: kids was unreasonable. This is mumsnet and I didn't take anything as patronising.

OP posts:
TravellingFrom · 18/02/2022 13:44

Keep the flat.

You are not married, you are different set if assets, with a different value and different type.
You have no idea what his savings are and how much. You very rightly say it’s not your problem and nor are your assets is problem.

Re the house.
Well yes you could use some of that money from the flat to make the house ‘better’.
What would you do the rest? Why do the home improvements have to be done just right now?

Seriously, just build up some savings together JUST for the home improvements if this is actually a good idea or do it.
Keep your flat.
And carry in building YOUR savings - Aka dont agree to spend thousands £ just to soothe his ego. Because just now his issue is that you have more than him, something that would be classified as ‘a really good investment’ by most people and he can’t cope with it.
(If you we’re to dig out what sort if savings he actually has, I suspect you’d find he has very little to show for so many years living rent free at his parents btw)

ChargingBuck · 18/02/2022 13:46

My questions were completely valid and I was not being patronising.

Your questions were pointless, & risibly patronising.

skyeisthelimit · 18/02/2022 13:47

YANBU OP. Just keep telling him that you are not selling it and that you won't discuss it any further as your friend is happy there. Please don't marry him as he will expect a share and to be able to say what happens to it.

TravellingFrom · 18/02/2022 13:49

I’m not sure what a will (that can be changed) and the decision of having children or not has anything to do with the OP’s DP trying to guilt trip into doing something she doesn’t want to do.

It’s the behaviour that isn’t acceptable. It’s the guilt tripping. It’s thinking he can tell the OP what to do with her money.

Circumstances change in life. The OP might get a chronic illness, her DP might win the lottery or instead end up in a wheelchair.
Then you reassess the choices such as a will or selling a flat.

In the mean time, the OP shouldn’t be in a situation where her boundaries are disrespected by her DP.

Swipe left for the next trending thread