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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School mother smells of alcohol

575 replies

Curiousaboutthoughts · 17/02/2022 16:27

NC for this as my usual account is pretty revealing. There’s a mother at school - I really like her, she’s fun and her children are great. However, several times I have now noticed that she absolutely STINKS of stale alcohol during the school run. I guess I just want to know peoples thoughts about this. I can’t really do anything and I’m not trying to be judgemental (honest!) but it’s hard to connect the part of me which really likes her to the part of me that finds this off-putting. My parents are both alcoholics so I am biased though.

OP posts:
BellatrixOnABadDay · 17/02/2022 18:09

@PurpleDaisies

Thanks *@itsgettingweird*. I honestly can’t understand how anyone is still saying not to report concerns. I don’t mind people disagreeing with me but the thought that people are still willing to turn a blind eye to potentially worrying situations for children to be in is really quite upsetting.
I agree @PurpleDaisies, it's really is appalling all the excuses people make on here for all kinds of shitty behaviour that affect children- I find it upsetting too.

@Curiousaboutthoughts I'm sorry for what you've been through with your parents and the same for all other posters who have been through similar. It's very, very sad. I think you're absolutely doing the right thing to report a genuine concern.

Original poster
Curiousaboutthoughts · 17/02/2022 18:10

The OP has said that she does not drive to the school. If she is looking after her children properly, gets them To school on time and they dont look Unkempt what’s the problem

I mean this was my initial thought. But then I realised people could say this about my own mother (except she did drive us). And my childhood was miserable because several times a week she used to binge drink/wake me up with blaring music or the sound of her having sex or screaming arguments with boyfriends and her huge personality change, her snappiness and hangovers, her negligence when she was drunk or hungover, her escalation into 6 hour boozy lunches etc.

It’s not a pretty picture. A child not being beaten and arriving in clean uniform is not everything. This has answered my own question.

OP posts:
Abraxan · 17/02/2022 18:10

I agree that an email to school, for the safeguarding lead, would be the best route.

The mum won't 'get into trouble' just for smelling of alcohol. But it can be added to any other information, if they have any, ti build a picture if necessary. The safeguarding mentor can subtly speak with the children to check there are no issues.

This kind of thing happens all the time. At school we have emails with concerns appear regularly. They are followed up where needed and quiet observations take place. It's very clear if it's malicious or not true generally.

Since covid teachers have less direct contact with parents. We used to spend more time in closer contact than we do now. So these things can be more easily missed as a result.

Darbs76 · 17/02/2022 18:10

I don’t see why it’s deemed so awful to mention to the school. If something terrible happened you’d know that you did your bit. The school can just keep a watchful eye or act as they see fit.

PurpleDaisies · 17/02/2022 18:11

Oh ffs, woman ARE allowed alcohol, you know?

So are men. I will be having a glass of wine later.

It is not normal to turn up on the school run reeking of alcohol. You can go back and read all my other posts to see why reporting this is the right thing to do.

LG123 · 17/02/2022 18:12

I mean I've worked in bars, early in the morning too and my gosh I can reek booze. If she gets sloshed on night out though, she may just drink too much. Also some hand gels stink of tequila.

BellatrixOnABadDay · 17/02/2022 18:12

@dworky can you read? FFS.

PurpleDaisies · 17/02/2022 18:12

@LG123

I mean I've worked in bars, early in the morning too and my gosh I can reek booze. If she gets sloshed on night out though, she may just drink too much. Also some hand gels stink of tequila.
How is this relevant to the op’s situation?
Original poster
Curiousaboutthoughts · 17/02/2022 18:13

I posted because I don’t really drink (I’m not teetotal but it’s seldom and never more than a couple) due to my experiences so I’m skewed in my perception and I think in general way too many parents of small children drink. There’s a huge culture at DC’s school of “wine o’clock” etc. Which I’m assuming is why some posters are defensive of drinking on this thread. But this is really very extreme - to smell this strongly of alcohol.

OP posts:
LG123 · 17/02/2022 18:13

Also for some, even after one it sticks to your breath. I have one beer at lunch and I stink of it.

PurpleDaisies · 17/02/2022 18:14

@LG123

Also for some, even after one it sticks to your breath. I have one beer at lunch and I stink of it.
Congratulations.

You would have a conversation with a safeguarding lead and no further action would be taken.

On the other hand, if other red flags were found, you might get some much needed support and your kids might end up in a much better situation.

zeg3885 · 17/02/2022 18:14

Safeguarding from being drunk or drink driving is not the only concern though. Parental addiction or problematic alcohol use can impact a child’s well-being. There’s no way of knowing this impact without raising the concern. There may well be no impact, but sadly I think that’s unlikely.

Abraxan · 17/02/2022 18:14

Very few schools in England don't have websites.
Even if they don't then legally the essential information - and safeguarding cones under that list - should be very easily obtained through a quick internet search and/or telephone call.

There are actually rules in place that ensures such information is easily obtained. Not having a website is no excuse

LG123 · 17/02/2022 18:15

@PurpleDaisies I'm just saying there are other circumstances whereby you can smell of booze. Does the mum work in a pub or bar? I must have missed the part where her occupation has been mentioned!

Widgets · 17/02/2022 18:15

It is a safeguarding concern and something which the school would want to be aware of, even if they could just keep an eye on her and have a chat if needed. They might also have concerns themselves or be totally unaware but they should be informed.
Safeguarding is everyone’s responsibility not just social services!
Also, safeguarding is not child protection as such, safeguarding is to prevent things from happening. She would NOT get in trouble if there are no issues but best to be sure..

PurpleDaisies · 17/02/2022 18:16

[quote LG123]@PurpleDaisies I'm just saying there are other circumstances whereby you can smell of booze. Does the mum work in a pub or bar? I must have missed the part where her occupation has been mentioned![/quote]
The op has said that there are no other reasons she knows about for the friend stinking of booze.

The op doesn’t have to (and shouldn’t be) investigating. She just needs to pass her concerns on to the safeguarding lead who will do that.

Shuffletime · 17/02/2022 18:16

[quote LG123]@PurpleDaisies I'm just saying there are other circumstances whereby you can smell of booze. Does the mum work in a pub or bar? I must have missed the part where her occupation has been mentioned![/quote]

The OP has already dismissed all excuses like this.

LG123 · 17/02/2022 18:17

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Abraxan · 17/02/2022 18:17

@DiddyHeck

It absolutely is the schools business. They have a duty to safeguard children in their care (as do we all). They will be definitely 'be bothered'.

No it isn't.

It's not the school's business if she turns up sober. It's only their business if she turns up drunk or she's driving.

It's still the schools business to safeguard children if they consider the children to be in any danger or at risk, even beyond the school gates or during school hours.

A schools duty of care doesn't stop at 3:30pm

Oldraver · 17/02/2022 18:17

Well there is very little you can do unless you think she is putting her dc's atrisk (driving) or you think they are not being looked after

We had several drunk Mums at school, one being banned several times for drink driving, the most recent one being for four years, so she must have lots of offences. I just made sure I never took her up on her offers to look after/drive dc

Em8725 · 17/02/2022 18:17

Are you certain it couldn’t be from working? I work in a bar and sometimes do afternoon pick up stinking of alcohol, especially when I’ve had to change a barrel or had an unfortunate incident with an optic.

If it’s definitely not from work then I don’t think you’re wrong to report it. If there’s nothing going on she won’t get into any trouble!

BellatrixOnABadDay · 17/02/2022 18:18

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CookL · 17/02/2022 18:18

If you want to minimise her embarrassment and any repercussions on you do not speak to her or husband if you intend to mention to the school as a possible safeguarding issue. It will lead to huge embarrassment and upset with your friend. Better she thinks someone at the school noticed and you can be there to give her any support she may need as a friend. She will need friends if she has a problem she is willing to work on.

LG123 · 17/02/2022 18:18

@Shuffletime apologies I must have missed some posts.

alexdgr8 · 17/02/2022 18:19

years ago i happened to be behind a woman and uniformed young child in the afternoon.
it was a housing estate, so no through traffic.
the woman was well dressed and she kept slipping off the kerb egde, nearly falling down.
the little girl 6 or 7 maybe, kept glancing watchfully. it was s if she was the parent.
i did wonder if i should follow them to get the address and try to trace the school through the uniform.
but i didn't. thought the little girl would miss her mother if separated.
and such things as safeguarding were not phrases then. but i wonder.

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