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Original poster

School mother smells of alcohol

575 replies

Curiousaboutthoughts · 17/02/2022 16:27

NC for this as my usual account is pretty revealing. There’s a mother at school - I really like her, she’s fun and her children are great. However, several times I have now noticed that she absolutely STINKS of stale alcohol during the school run. I guess I just want to know peoples thoughts about this. I can’t really do anything and I’m not trying to be judgemental (honest!) but it’s hard to connect the part of me which really likes her to the part of me that finds this off-putting. My parents are both alcoholics so I am biased though.

OP posts:
NewYearEveryYear · 17/02/2022 17:53

I had an alcoholic parent @Curiousaboutthoughts and I too can spot a heavy drinker from 100 paces, often their smell, sometimes just 'something' about them.

Ditto heavy drug users, can spot it a million miles off.

Blue4YOU · 17/02/2022 17:54

There’s a lot of moral olympics going on in the name of safeguarding on this thread.
It’s not everyone’s obligation to safeguard vulnerable people or children- sadly. You can hope people would try to safeguard but sometimes we get things wrong.
Seeing someone very drunk once does not an alcoholic make.
Stale alcohol breath is a curious thing and relying on other’s personal experiences of the same is of dubious value. By that I mean I can tell you of one friend who only drank white wine and admitted to having an alcohol problem- went to AA etc, no children.. she would reek after drinking (from her pores as it were). She never ever caused even an argument when drunk
Her DH didn’t have an alcohol problem and rarely drank but could become vile if he drank.
Some alcohol seems to linger on breath longer than others.
Having said all that, having been someone who - about 15 years ago definitely drank too much (didn’t have children), I know when I had or didn’t have alcohol breath.
Having been on the receiving end of an SS referral for false alleged problem drinking by a hospital no less (I had a child then and it was made in the name of safeguarding but was actually an attempt to shut me up for reporting a sexual assault), I hate to hear of people just jumping to conclusions that are perhaps not warranted.
The sensible thing to do is mention it to the safeguarding lead. But it’s not something I’d do personally

NewYearEveryYear · 17/02/2022 17:54

@Handsnotwands

Perhaps she's a sommelier
Haha, this made me literally lol.
BellatrixOnABadDay · 17/02/2022 17:54

@Cakelover17

She may just drink when her children are in bed asleep, is that really worth dragging social services into her life? Do you have any other concerns about her children? Adults are allowed to drink alcohol, so if there’s no concerns about her children other than your own experience I wouldn’t be contacting the safe guarding officer or whatever.

As for her triggering you, just distance yourself from her, you don’t need to be friends and from what you’ve said it doesn’t sound like she’s being an asshole or anything? Unless there’s a big drip feed coming.

Ridiculous post.

'Adults are allowed to drink alcohol'- less but the other parents aren't turning up to the playground reeling of it are they?

PurpleDaisies · 17/02/2022 17:55

It’s not everyone’s obligation to safeguard vulnerable people or children- sadly

I can’t believe you wrote that.
Morally it absolutely is.

Gaagaa · 17/02/2022 17:55

I work in safeguarding

  • phone the school. Ask to speak to safeguarding. Or better, write an email. Tell them what you've noticed and ask them to confirm they've had the message. Don't discuss/gossip with other parents/teachers and ask that you want your identity to be kept confidential if possible. Just share the basics with the safeguarding lead.
  • in my experience the vast majority of people would turn a blind eye and this doesn't help the most vulnerable here at all, the kids.

-reasons not to

  • somehow she finds out it was you?

Reasons to tell school
-it might be helping build a bigger picture of something they've noticed anyway
-they might keep an extra eye on the kids and be aware of possible probs at home
-it doesn't have to be known that the info came from you.

  • it might be nothing- but what if it isn't and something worse happened and you never said anything?

Safeguarding is everyone's responsibility. Who knows what is really happening but I think in these kind of circs it is important to be cautious.

Bakewelltart987 · 17/02/2022 17:56

@PurpleDaisies

I would drop an email to the school safeguarding person saying you’ve noticed this and you’re a bit concerned. They are in the best position to decide whether/how to proceed.
Really? If children are being looked after properly then it's not a safeguarding issue.

Maybe she has a couple of drinks of a night once kids are in bed 🤷‍♀️

Rainbowqueeen · 17/02/2022 17:56

I’d speak to the safeguarding lead. Just because she isn’t driving them on the school run doesn’t mean she isn’t driving them elsewhere when she gets home.
There are also other ways that her DC could be at risk if she is regularly drinking to excess.
Our local hospital will report any family to SS if a child attends 3 or more times with injuries within a 6 month period. A friend of mine was reported for this reason. They investigated, found nothing of concern and everyone moved on with their lives. And no one felt terrible because there were potential warning signs of a child at risk that were not addressed.

BellatrixOnABadDay · 17/02/2022 17:57

The sensible thing to do is mention it to the safeguarding lead. But it’s not something I’d do personally

There was a lot about that post that was ridiculous. But that ⬆️ says it all really. Admitting you wouldn't do the sensible thing 🤔

Mirw · 17/02/2022 17:58

If it is a one off you wouldn't be on here. So you have a moral duty to go to the school about it as her children might be at risk. Otherwise you are a mean nasty gossip. Get to the school tomorrow.

Mrsmch123 · 17/02/2022 17:58

Just because she drinks doesn't make her an unfit parent?

PurpleDaisies · 17/02/2022 17:59

I really wish poster would read the rest of my posts and not just quote that first one.

@Bakewelltart987 I have answered your question.

If the children are being looked after well and there’s nothing concerning, nothing will happen. If worrying things are found, support can be put in place to help the family. You’re comfortable just taking the chance that all’s well with a child’s safety and happiness potentially at stake?

mnahmnah · 17/02/2022 17:59

@Mrsmch123

It does if it’s regularly and heavily enough that she reeks of stale alcohol on the school run. Which is not just a glass of wine on the odd evening. Or a big night out on a weekend.

PurpleDaisies · 17/02/2022 18:01

@Mrsmch123

Just because she drinks doesn't make her an unfit parent?
We don’t know she’s an unfit parent. We don’t know she’s drinking excessively.

We know the op is worried enough to post for advice here. The right response to being concerned is to report it to someone who can ask the right questions and help if necessary.

Original poster
Curiousaboutthoughts · 17/02/2022 18:01

I think a lot of people on here, fortunately for them, don’t have any experience of alcoholics.

I am not suggesting she is having wine at lunch. She is not driving. I am suggesting she is drinking copious amounts of an evening and smells the next day of alcohol, and the smell is so strong she must have been drinking a significant amount. And this happens frequently.

I will report. I really appreciate input and I’m very sorry @MrsRussell to hear of your experience and appreciate everyone here who understands what it’s like and isn’t flippantly saying “it’s hand sanitiser” or “a glass of wine at lunch isn’t a problem”.

I posted because I was conflicted and unsure and this thread has made me a lot more clear about myself and how I feel/what I should do.

OP posts:
Thomasina79 · 17/02/2022 18:01

The OP has said that she does not drive to the school. If she is looking after her children properly, gets them To school on time and they dont look Unkempt what’s the problem. I expect it’s from the night before. Best just to be friendly and support her that way. Unless there are safeguarding issues I don’t see what the school could do anyway?

MrsWombat · 17/02/2022 18:01

I work in a school. You should definitely report this. Either give the school office a call or send an email and ask for the Designated Safeguarding Lead (DSL) to give you a call regarding an issue with a fellow parent. (This way there will be no gossip as you are directly telling the relevant person)

Then tell the safeguarding lead exactly what you've told us here. You see her 30% of the time. She always smells of stale alcohol on those days. She doesn't appear drunk. As far as you are aware she doesn't work in a pub or with chemicals. Chances are, they won't be surprised.

FWIW I've reported very similar situations to my DSL before. Unfortunately, I can tell the subtle difference between fresh alcohol and stale/hungover alcohol too.

Original poster
Curiousaboutthoughts · 17/02/2022 18:01

@NewYearEveryYear

It’s a particular smell

OP posts:
1AngelicFruitCake · 17/02/2022 18:02

@PurpleDaisies

Yes, really. I’m a teacher. When I’ve had concerns about parents I’ve discussed them with the safeguarding person. That’s a totally appropriate thing to do. You don’t think a parent stinking of alcohol on the school run is concerning?
People turning a blind eye. Same people who will share on Facebook ‘We need to look out for vulnerable children’ etc
Original poster
Curiousaboutthoughts · 17/02/2022 18:02

Also my experience is that people who stink of alcohol don’t realise that they do!

OP posts:
motheroftwoboys · 17/02/2022 18:03

If you are the child of alcoholics - recovering I hope - then I am surprised you can't separate the person from the (potential) illness.

PurpleDaisies · 17/02/2022 18:03

@Thomasina79

The OP has said that she does not drive to the school. If she is looking after her children properly, gets them To school on time and they dont look Unkempt what’s the problem. I expect it’s from the night before. Best just to be friendly and support her that way. Unless there are safeguarding issues I don’t see what the school could do anyway?
The school can investigate to find out if there are safeguarding issues!

How many times?

itsgettingweird · 17/02/2022 18:04

@PurpleDaisies

It’s not everyone’s obligation to safeguard vulnerable people or children- sadly

I can’t believe you wrote that.
Morally it absolutely is.

Agree.

And agree with everything you've posted here.

And I'm sorry your the only one mainly getting noted for suggested it's safeguarding when many of us have.

But it's great people are noticing your posts as they are spot on.

PurpleDaisies · 17/02/2022 18:06

Thanks @itsgettingweird. I honestly can’t understand how anyone is still saying not to report concerns. I don’t mind people disagreeing with me but the thought that people are still willing to turn a blind eye to potentially worrying situations for children to be in is really quite upsetting.

dworky · 17/02/2022 18:09

@PurpleDaisies

I would drop an email to the school safeguarding person saying you’ve noticed this and you’re a bit concerned. They are in the best position to decide whether/how to proceed.
Oh ffs, woman ARE allowed alcohol, you know?