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Original poster

School mother smells of alcohol

575 replies

Curiousaboutthoughts · 17/02/2022 16:27

NC for this as my usual account is pretty revealing. There’s a mother at school - I really like her, she’s fun and her children are great. However, several times I have now noticed that she absolutely STINKS of stale alcohol during the school run. I guess I just want to know peoples thoughts about this. I can’t really do anything and I’m not trying to be judgemental (honest!) but it’s hard to connect the part of me which really likes her to the part of me that finds this off-putting. My parents are both alcoholics so I am biased though.

OP posts:
cherrysthename · 17/02/2022 19:37

@Shuffletime abuse and neglect have come up on the thread, actually which is why I mentioned them. Other posts imply they think there's a magic wand a SL can wave as a result of this one report and then the kids will be 'saved'. Too much bias going on. Very sad stories of alcoholic parents, but they aren't really relevant to anything the OP had said (I say HAD said, because I can see there's been a bit of drip-feeding now).

adriftabroad · 17/02/2022 19:42

@PurpleDaisies

I would drop an email to the school safeguarding person saying you’ve noticed this and you’re a bit concerned. They are in the best position to decide whether/how to proceed.
WTF?
FM2013 · 17/02/2022 19:43

@Curiousaboutthoughts

Ffs yes I am sure she doesn’t work in a bar she has become a friend I know what her job is and that she doesn’t have diabetes and that she enjoys a drink.
Then as her friend you should be able to talk to her about it. She may be relieved to talk to someone about her struggle with it. My DF is a recovered alcoholic and realised he needed help when I brought it up with him. He said someone else knowing gave him the push he needed to do something about it.
balalake · 17/02/2022 19:48

I'm glad that the mother the OP refers to is not driving. I hope a conversation could be had to say that you've noticed this, better from you with an understanding/experience of an alcoholic in the family than someone who may be less tactful. Or someone who may just report her to social services.

Faywithoutane · 17/02/2022 19:48

I would say the same. Before reporting speak to her. She may need someone to talk to and if friends can't talk it it is a sad state of affairs. If no change or she won't talk then look at speaking to the school.

itsgettingweird · 17/02/2022 19:49

@StillWeRise

It’s not everyone’s obligation to safeguard vulnerable people or children- sadly.

It absolutely IS everyone's obligation
This doesn't men everyone has to form a judgement, all they have to do is pass on their concern to an appropriate person (in this case the school, in other more urgent situations it might be the police)

How many bloody times will we see a child harmed and discover lots of people were a bit worried but no one thoght it was their job to do anything

Totally agree.

We can't keep reading about these children in the media and not doing what we can to prevent it.

AliceAbsolum · 17/02/2022 19:49

I think as a responsible adult you have a moral duty to raise your concern with the school.

NerrSnerr · 17/02/2022 19:52

It's not the OP's responsibility to investigate whether she's diabetic or works with chemicals. She can report her concerns and then if the authorities are concerned they can investigate.

Blue4YOU · 17/02/2022 19:53

Next week: there’s a school dad I know who doesn’t drop his kids off but he’s seen in the pub drinking beer with his mates and drinks after playing football… said nobody ever.
Alcohol consumption is a big problem for many, many people. The drinkers and their families.
But the drip feed in this case does smell a bit of trying hard to justify a viewpoint (that is, MUM should never smell of stale alcohol). Presuming she doesn’t do morning runs .. because if alcohol though she might actually need a rest for other reasons or shock - have caring relatives who help her… or wait for it - goes to work.
I know a couple with two children. They are very very well off.
They have driven a matter of hours after drinking all night and using cocaine.
Not just once. Often.
I’ve never smelled stale alcohol on them.
Maybe this mum is in really dire straits or maybe the OP thinks/wants to think she is

NerrSnerr · 17/02/2022 19:55

My mum was (and still is) an alcoholic. It's an awful existence as a child. Really utterly shit. She may not be an alcoholic but if there's any chance she is the OP should report concerns for the sake of the children.

Original poster
Curiousaboutthoughts · 17/02/2022 19:56

@Blue4YOU

Bit of a stretch

OP posts:
Blue4YOU · 17/02/2022 20:05

@curiousaboutthoughts
What is a big of a stretch exactly?

Blue4YOU · 17/02/2022 20:05

The OP said the mum has a job

Original poster
Curiousaboutthoughts · 17/02/2022 20:09

@Blue4YOU

No, I said she didn’t work in a bar. Yet again I didn’t want to get into specifics but she worked in an office role and was made redundant and is having some time off.

It’s a bit of a stretch to assume I want there to be a problem. I like her. I have known her since the beginning of the school year and we have become friends. I think she seems like a good mother. But it’s conflicting and confusing as I said in my original post due to the strong alcohol smell and the fact that for me personally that means she is drinking to excess at least semi-frequently.

The mixture of responses on here do show I was right to be confused and conflicted though

OP posts:
chiickenandchiips · 17/02/2022 20:09

If you are worried about any come back I would create a new email address that isn't associated with you or school.
Send an anonymous email to safeguarding with your concerns and explain you might be wrong but it feels irresponsible to say nothing, and leave them to do what they feel is necessary.
Ultimately if she is drinking to excess someone needs to be sure the children are being well looked after and are not being put in any danger.

A father turned up drunk at pick up at our school once. He didn't get close to the teacher, he was at the back of the crowd of parents waiting, so she just dismissed the child to him as usual.

The caretaker was stood at the exit gate and noticed the father stunk, an incredible strong smell of alcohol, and his eyes weren't focusing properly as he walked past.
He followed them out and saw he was walking to his car intending to drive. He rushed over and said the teacher needed the child back in school as she'd forgotten something, and managed to get them back onto school grounds then didn't allow the father to leave with the child.
His quick thinking stopped a drunk parent putting their child in serious danger. It's everyone's responsibility to make sure children are ok when something doesn't seem right.

HandWash · 17/02/2022 20:10

Call me a cynic, but I think some of the 'noooo, don't report!' posts are from parents who regularly drink too much in the evenings and are worried this could be about them or them in the future.

Lots of people have such bad relationships with alcohol and they like to convince themselves that everyone does it and 'parents are allowed a drink' bla bla bla.

Do what you think is right OP.

ABCeasyasdohrayme · 17/02/2022 20:13

@HandWash

Call me a cynic, but I think some of the 'noooo, don't report!' posts are from parents who regularly drink too much in the evenings and are worried this could be about them or them in the future.

Lots of people have such bad relationships with alcohol and they like to convince themselves that everyone does it and 'parents are allowed a drink' bla bla bla.

Do what you think is right OP.

I don't really think op should report this and I don't drink at all. So you're pretty wrong there.
Original poster
Curiousaboutthoughts · 17/02/2022 20:13

@chiickenandchiips

That’s horrendous. My father is also an alcoholic and it’s obviously equally shit for both parents to be - it’s just that unfortunately women are usually the ones who are primary caregivers so It’s raised more. I spent many a Friday visiting my father cooking dinner for young half siblings as he passed out at 5pm. Awful. Tbh I should probably report him to safeguarding too, now that I think about it.

@HandWash

Absolutely agree

OP posts:
Blue4YOU · 17/02/2022 20:15

@curiousaboutthoughts
In that case you should raise it - you definitely said you knew what her job was - maybe you meant past tense.
If she’s not working eyc she’s most likely turning to alcohol more than she should

Blue4YOU · 17/02/2022 20:15

Etc not eyc whatever that is

chiickenandchiips · 17/02/2022 20:15

[quote Curiousaboutthoughts]@chiickenandchiips

That’s horrendous. My father is also an alcoholic and it’s obviously equally shit for both parents to be - it’s just that unfortunately women are usually the ones who are primary caregivers so It’s raised more. I spent many a Friday visiting my father cooking dinner for young half siblings as he passed out at 5pm. Awful. Tbh I should probably report him to safeguarding too, now that I think about it.

@HandWash

Absolutely agree[/quote]
I would definitely report it but I'd do it anonymously just to save yourself any aggro.

If there's nothing wrong, nothing will happen.

If there is something wrong then children will be supported and safeguarded, which is only a good thing.

SilverGlitterBaubles · 17/02/2022 20:18

I would report it as a concern, stating as you have said here that you believe she is a good mum and that you understand there may be a reasonable explanation. Chances are that she is already on their radar and you are not the only one who has noticed it.

Original poster
Curiousaboutthoughts · 17/02/2022 20:18

@Blue4YOU

I just worded it that way to make it clear she doesn’t work in a bar but didn’t want to be specific due to outing. But I’ve failed that now. Hopefully she’s not on here!

OP posts:
Hoplesscynic · 17/02/2022 20:19

What is so "conflicting and confusing" OP?
Yes, you've had a mixture of responses, but you've also had several responses from social workers and teachers all telling you the same thing - CONTACT THE SAFEGUARDING TEAM.
Now if you dont want to do that it's entirely your choice but bloody irresponsible. I am actually getting angry reading all your "updates" and posts here. Just report for goodness sake, if there is no problem what's to lose? If, on the other hand, there is... at least you would have done something to help.

We are talking about children's welfare here!!!

Original poster
Curiousaboutthoughts · 17/02/2022 20:21

@Hoplesscynic

Have you read my posts properly?! I’ve said I was initially confused but have since made it clear I will be reporting so please wind your neck in!

OP posts:
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