School mother smells of alcohol

[Curiousaboutthoughts]

NC for this as my usual account is pretty revealing. There’s a mother at school - I really like her, she’s fun and her children are great. However, several times I have now noticed that she absolutely STINKS of stale alcohol during the school run. I guess I just want to know peoples thoughts about this. I can’t really do anything and I’m not trying to be judgemental (honest!) but it’s hard to connect the part of me which really likes her to the part of me that finds this off-putting. My parents are both alcoholics so I am biased though.

Apologies!

Is possibly being a heavy drinker or functioning alcoholic a reason to report someone?

What do people think will happen if they report?

You can't seriously ring school and report someone for (possibly) smelling of alcohol.

The UK is brimful of functioning alcoholics. I barely drink myself but the number of heavy drinkers is massive.

@Curiousaboutthoughts

100-% alcohol - I know it very well.

Come on I’m not going to email the school. I just want to know if this is ok or not really as I said I am very biased re drinking so not sure how unreasonable my strong reaction is

So why are you asking @curiousaboutthoughts? What other options are there if you’re concerned?

[quote curiousaboutthoughts]@GADDay

Apologies. But then I’m surprised you don’t know about different types of alcohol dependencies and stale
Alcohol smell etc[/quote]
I do. That's why I am aghast at the report her replies.

On Wednesday night I had a rare glass of red wine. On Thursday morning my daughter gave me a good morning hug - she recoiled saying ewwwe mum - you stink.

I can 100% tell you I am NOT an alchoholic. I can also 100% say that drinking is not illegal. This mother might drink a bottle a night. That is her choice.

What you don't tell us is your other observations. How does she interact with her children? Do you see her at school functions? Are the children usually neat and tidy? Are they acting out - behaviorial issues at school etc.

Seriously 🙄🙄
My twenty two year old daughter rarely drinks and even if she has two beers or two vodkas, I can smell it the whole next day, especially if she doesn't eat. And especially strong in the mornings.
Mind your own business.
A different story if you were talking about seeing a mum stumble out of a pub and get behind the wheel.
This poor woman doesn't even drive, leave her alone for christs sake🙄

@Blue4you but that would be a one off. Yes, I agree, many people will have had too much to drink as a one off and as a one off it is not a safeguarding concern. But what OP is describing is a regular occurrence. Doesn't need to be daily to be regular and therefore a legitimate concern. It really doesn't matter if its just unfortunate timing and OP had only seen her the days she's been drinking, working in a bar or any other excuse. OP has a concern, therefore she really must report it.

A different story if you were talking about seeing a mum stumble out of a pub and get behind the wheel
This poor woman doesn't even drive, leave her alone for christs sake

I agree with this.

It’s not everyone’s obligation to safeguard vulnerable people or children- sadly.

It really is everyone’s responsibility.

@NinaDefoe
In what sense exactly?

CP social worker here. School have probably noticed too but I would report it.

I've worked with quite a few families where concerns raised like this exposed serious safeguarding issues. If there's no issue here then great but I'd be concerned.

@GADDay

I would like to offer an alternative to the hysterical - report her to the authorities posts.

Perhaps the woman likes a few glasses of wine and she isn't terribly hot on dental hygiene.

I cannot believe that so many of you would report her to the school. The world has GONE mad.

If you are so invested - grow a pair and talk to her directly.

🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯

This isn't about reporting her for drinking, it's about reporting a concern about the welfare of her children. It does matter how big your "pair" is, a talk from a friend isn't going to be useful because alcoholics put their need for alcohol first and are deceptive (often to themselves as much as anyone) and defensive about their drinking. You aren't going to get an alcoholic to stop drinking by approaching them and having a chat.

In a similar situation, except that parent had driven her kids to school and admitted drinking the previous say, I reported to school safeguarding. She absolutely reeked of alcohol. I felt awful because she is a friend but I would rather report. She shouldn't have been driving.

People are really naive about what a safeguarding lead can do.
In insolation, alcohol breath is a sign of neither abuse nor neglect. Drinking is legal.

If you have concerns, and she's your friend, speak to her instead of going behind her back.

There are enough women on here having several glasses an evening without being called alcoholics and having the school involved.

To be people suggesting talking to her, you mist have very limited experience of heavy drinkers and alcoholics!!!! You might as well be taking to the bottle. If it was that easy, and every alcohol just stopped drinking when someone mentioned a concern, alcoholism would be non existent over night!!!!

I would report it to the safeguarding officer. Just simply say it's something you've noticed and wantrecto make the school aware. You aren't malicious but you genuinely concerned for the children and just want to ensure someone is looking out for them. After that you have done all you can.

I reported a former friend to the police years ago as his drink driving was just so dangerous that it was a risk where he or someone else could have been seriously hurt or killed. Basically got them, he leaves for work at this time and goes this direction. He lost his license and no longer drives. That said, he is still an alcoholic and seems in complete denial and deteriorating at a great rate. I don't regret it and was motivated by two things, firstly the safety of others and secondly I thought it might help him realise the extent of the problem. Failed on the later but still happy he is off the road. I wouldn't have be able to forgive myself if there was an accident and I hadn't tried to prevent it knowing what I did. You are doing this for the right reasons.

She drives, but not to school or back. I am loathe to give too much information in case it’s identifying (also people on MN will scream “DRIPFEED”) but she regularly spends most of the morning in bed and another family member does drop off. Couple of times a week. That’s also quite unusual I think - it adds a bit to the picture (to answer the PP who asked).

@NeverChange

I agree with you re the suggestion of speaking to her. I also agree with @emmyren4 about how scarring alcoholics as parents can be. An alcoholic isn’t always someone who is downing vodka in the morning - drinking to excess several times a week is troubling.

@cherrysthename

People are really naive about what a safeguarding lead can do. In insolation, alcohol breath is a sign of neither abuse nor neglect. Drinking is legal.

What do mean? I don't think anyone has suggested the DSL can do anything other than report if there are bigger concerns, monitor within the school setting or have a phone call/chat with the parent.

No one is saying its abuse or neglect, but it is a concern. At work we have to report every tiny little concerns. 90% are easily explained and therefore no action required, but those 10% are rightly monitored long term and if needed, reported to SS/LADO.

I think you should ask at the school office to have a meeting with the school safeguarding officer and chat this through.

Lots of people here think it is overkill, none of your business or you may be wrong.

The school will take a note of the info. They might already have notes of other concerns. The child's teacher may be worried. They will contact the hub at SS and see if any other agencies have concerns. If necessary she may be offered some support. If there are no other concerns your report will be kept on file as possible info. No action.

So, reporting your concern will not lead to a major issue UNLESS it is part of a bigger picture. Trust your gut. If everyone ignored little warning signs, more children would be at risk of harm.

There was a mother in my dcs school. I never noticed her smelling of alcohol but she was stopped from driving under the influence with the children on the school run ( back home ).
Someone had obviously reported her.
I was a bit mystified that another known social climbing mother had not organised a school run with the other ( alcoholic) mother who lived on the "right" road and moved in the " right" circles. But she knew she was drinking.

What you don't tell us is your other observations. How does she interact with her children? Do you see her at school functions? Are the children usually neat and tidy? Are they acting out - behaviorial issues at school etc.

OP mightn’t know this. The school will. So they’d be the right people to deal with the information appropriately.

I wish someone had reported my alcoholic mother to the school.

@labyrinthlaziness

Is possibly being a heavy drinker or functioning alcoholic a reason to report someone?

What do people think will happen if they report?

You can't seriously ring school and report someone for (possibly) smelling of alcohol.

The UK is brimful of functioning alcoholics. I barely drink myself but the number of heavy drinkers is massive.

I don't drink at all and was also raised by two alcoholics (one functioning; one not). I'm obviously quite against drinking at all and don't even have the odd one, but the number of people who drink heavily in the UK must be huge. I clearly don't think that's a good thing, but I'm honestly really surprised at how many people think reporting will do anything much. Maybe worth doing to make yourself feel better of course, but I wouldn't be expecting anyone to swoop in and do much of anything at all, sadly.

@Curiousaboutthoughts

She drives, but not to school or back. I am loathe to give too much information in case it’s identifying (also people on MN will scream “DRIPFEED”) but she regularly spends most of the morning in bed and another family member does drop off. Couple of times a week. That’s also quite unusual I think - it adds a bit to the picture (to answer the PP who asked).

Please report this to your school safeguarding lead or directly to social care.

**
To be people suggesting talking to her, you mist have very limited experience of heavy drinkers and alcoholics!!!! You might as well be taking to the bottle. If it was that easy, and every alcohol just stopped drinking when someone mentioned a concern, alcoholism would be non existent over night!!!!

I would report it to the safeguarding officer. Just simply say it's something you've noticed and wantrecto make the school aware. You aren't malicious but you genuinely concerned for the children and just want to ensure someone is looking out for them. After that you have done all you can.**

^This