School mother smells of alcohol

[Curiousaboutthoughts]

NC for this as my usual account is pretty revealing. There’s a mother at school - I really like her, she’s fun and her children are great. However, several times I have now noticed that she absolutely STINKS of stale alcohol during the school run. I guess I just want to know peoples thoughts about this. I can’t really do anything and I’m not trying to be judgemental (honest!) but it’s hard to connect the part of me which really likes her to the part of me that finds this off-putting. My parents are both alcoholics so I am biased though.

@PurpleDaisies

I would drop an email to the school safeguarding person saying you’ve noticed this and you’re a bit concerned. They are in the best position to decide whether/how to proceed.

Please tell me that you are joking?

@Chasingaftermidnight

Again, I’m sad but happy (if you see what I mean) to read someone else understands what I mean.

I know 3 school parents locally who I believe to be alcoholics (also had an alcoholic parent myself so know the signs and am perhaps hypersensitive to it) but their children weren't obviously neglected. Infact one of these children was my dd's best friend for many years. Unless you are an extremely good friend to the Mum what can you do?

Please do report it OP. I am also the child of an alcoholic. Most people would have thought him absolutely charming and a lovely person. A violent abusive monster behind closed doors.

Remember an alcoholic’s primary relationship is with alcohol and their kids need to be protected. This woman also needs support to come off alcohol if she wishes to. I wish someone had reported my parents. At the age of nearly 60 I am still dealing with the consequences.

@W00B00

💐

@Shuffletime
You are partly right (in my view).
Where’s the evidence this mother is an alcoholic?
The Op doesn’t say every time she’s seen her she smells of alcohol.
She said (correct me if I’m wrong) about 30% of the time she smells of STALE alcohol.
The leap to her being an alcoholic and so on, is huge.
That’s what I’m getting at.

I would like to offer an alternative to the hysterical - report her to the authorities posts.

Perhaps the woman likes a few glasses of wine and she isn't terribly hot on dental hygiene.

I cannot believe that so many of you would report her to the school. The world has GONE mad.

If you are so invested - grow a pair and talk to her directly.

🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯

[quote Blue4YOU]@Shuffletime
You are partly right (in my view).
Where’s the evidence this mother is an alcoholic?
The Op doesn’t say every time she’s seen her she smells of alcohol.
She said (correct me if I’m wrong) about 30% of the time she smells of STALE alcohol.
The leap to her being an alcoholic and so on, is huge.
That’s what I’m getting at.[/quote]

It doesn't matter. OP can only report the facts as she knows them. It's not up to the OP to investigate. The school DSL will do that. It might just be a simple phone call. It might be monitoring for a while and if no further suspicious then no action needed. It might be monitoring long term and recording long term to build up a bigger picture. Either way, it is absolutely the right thing to for OP to report it to school.

I am the child of an alcholic too btw.

where’s the evidence this mother is an alcoholic?
The Op doesn’t say every time she’s seen her she smells of alcohol.
She said (correct me if I’m wrong) about 30% of the time she smells of STALE alcohol

Do you know how much you need to drink to smell of alcohol from the night before?! Drinking that much several times a month is absolutely an alcohol problem, yes.

@Mummyford

Thank you for sharing - that’s v helpful!

@GADDay

I think luckily you don’t have any first hand experience of alcoholism - a few glasses of wine and not brushing your teeth doesn’t make you stink, it comes out of your pores when you drink that much.

You've had a name change fail, OP

@Curiousaboutthoughts

Presumably as someone said, a teacher would notice this anyway if it’s of concern to them

Way to go to wash your hands What if you are the only person who's noticed and didnt do anything about it? I am astounded at all the comments "if she's not driving, she's fine" etc. Really? If you suspect someone may have an alcohol problem whilst they are caring for children, you wouldn't think to raise a concern, so it can be investigated? That's how children get failed by the adults around them.

I’m a children's social worker. You’ve said the smell is strong, and you smell it regularly. You would be absolutely in the right to flag what you’ve noticed to the school safeguarding lead. I’m absolutely astonished at how many people here are trying to argue that you shouldn’t.

I’ve met parents who smell strongly of alcohol but never seen them visibly drunk. Often when you see what’s actually going on at home behind closed doors, it’s not a pretty picture.

To be honest it’s a safeguarding issue and school should be informed , they could monitor the children discreetly and can get help for the mum if necessary. You could send a letter anonymously, telling you are concerned .

[quote Mummyford]@favouritecardigan

Teachers having alcohol problems are not irrelevant. Like reporting a criminal to a 'bent' copper.

So are you saying no one should ever report anything on the off chance the person they're reporting it to has the same problem?[/quote]
This thread is a reflection on the a growing culture of busybody madness.

Report her they cried.

,,,, witches of Salem.

Confusing name changing going on here.

Where’s my name change fail?! I don’t think I have….

@curiousaboutthoughts

My mother is an alchoholic. So please don't make that assumption.

@GADDay no, this thread is a reflection of how society minimises alcoholism as 'just having a drink', minimises safeguarding as 'interfering' and shows a whole lot of ignorance and disregard for children's safety. It's pretty clear which posters have had safeguarding training and which haven't.

@GADDay

Apologies. But then I’m surprised you don’t know about different types of alcohol dependencies and stale
Alcohol smell etc

@A580Hojas

Please explain the name change problem? I have checked all my posts they are all under the same name….

@curiousaboutthoughts
No - how much do you have to drink to smell alcohol on your breath the next day?
@Shuffletime - did anyone suggest the Op needs to investigate?
The point I’m making is - or at least one point - this mum might have had “some” - quantity to be revealed by @curiousaboutthoughts - alcohol the night before the OP sees her.
Let’s say half a bottle of wine.
How many of you defending the report her idea have been on hen/social/work related social/party drinking events where a parent has had that much alcohol IN YOUR PRESENCE?
And how many of you called/emailed a safeguarding officer?
I’ll wait

[quote Mummyford]@favouritecardigan

Teachers having alcohol problems are not irrelevant. Like reporting a criminal to a 'bent' copper.

So are you saying no one should ever report anything on the off chance the person they're reporting it to has the same problem?[/quote]
No of course I'm not saying that. The poster (purple something- cba to look back)

@x2boys

If it's stale ,she might have drunk the evening before? Is she driving ?, assuming she's not over the limit ,it's not really anyone elses buissness .

I completely disagree it’s no one else’s business! My partner was raised by an alcoholic and several members of the family were aware and turned a blind eye, as a child growing up in the shadow of alcoholism has done him serious damage. I am not saying this woman is an alcoholic. I am just saying those kids deserve to be at the centre of this conversation NOT the privacy/rights of the mother. If there are concerns they deserve to be aired and dealt with if needed.

I don’t know units or amounts specifically but in my experience to smell so strongly of alcohol the next day you have to be seriously intoxicated the night before.