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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He took her to where we went

133 replies

PigFaceForever · 16/02/2022 21:55

I was with ex for ten years. We broke up in 2018 and lost touch. Recently we got talking again and something is possibly rekindling. He dated someone which ended 18 months back for a while and took her to the destination we went every year for ten years. The same accommodation which a member of his family owns. I feel really sad about it that he took her to our special place. I know IABU but I feel so sad.

OP posts:
VelvetChairGirl · 16/02/2022 22:01

How is it a special place if one of his family owns it, sound more like a convenient cheapskate place to me.

Original poster
PigFaceForever · 16/02/2022 22:02

It's a beautiful place. One anyone might pay good money to rent for a few weeks and in a great holiday location abroad.

OP posts:
Cismyfatarse · 16/02/2022 22:03

We used to run an hotel and it was, sadly, very common. Bloke booked it with A and then brought B, and even C.

Lack of imagination. Unique place. Choosing partners who might all enjoy the same place.

Doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. A lot.

SmellyOldOwls · 16/02/2022 22:03

If you're sad before you even get back together then just forget it.

Original poster
PigFaceForever · 16/02/2022 22:06

@cismyfatarse. It's like they don't have any imagination to think of somewhere new! If I ever went back there with him I would just think that he had his ex there.

OP posts:
InThePresenceOfWeevil · 16/02/2022 22:21

@PigFaceForever

It's a beautiful place. One anyone might pay good money to rent for a few weeks and in a great holiday location abroad.
So I guess the question is...why wouldn't he?
T00Ts · 16/02/2022 22:23

our special place

I think you’ll find it’s his family member’s special place. If he has access to somewhere so beautiful and it’s presumably accessible and cheaper, why wouldn’t he take someone there?

Don’t fixate on his ex if you’re determined to rekindle what you had. But really my advice would be to never go backwards…

ohhooh · 16/02/2022 22:25

Meh, you broke up. His family member owns it, he can't just avoid it forever. If it's a lovely place to visit, why wouldn't he? You're clearly putting more emphasis onto the "special location" than he did if he was happy to take the new gf. If something is rekindling then does it even matter what he did in the last four years?

Lifeslooser · 16/02/2022 22:30

If it’s a family members place of course you would take current partners there, that’s just obvious.

It probably means more to you than it does to him.

KellyJonesLeatherTrousers · 16/02/2022 22:36

You split up. Was he supposed to turn the holiday place into a shrine to you and never take anyone else? YABU.

Flickflak · 16/02/2022 22:36

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

MrsSkylerWhite · 16/02/2022 22:38

So he loves the place. Was he supposed never to go there again?
Tbf, it was his special place before it was yours.

DockOTheBay · 16/02/2022 22:40

Its a place he loves going to and is presumably cheap as his family nenber owns it, why wouldn't he go there? Go somewhere less pleasant for more money in case he upsets his ex?

PurpleDaisies · 16/02/2022 22:41

I get why you’re upset but it’s not a rational thing to be upset about.

Traumdeuter · 16/02/2022 22:43

Yeah I think this is par for the course with a holiday let / second home owned by a family member. I’ve definitely done it!

Babymamamama · 16/02/2022 22:44

Your approach seems a little controlling OP whether you mean it that way or not. Are you aware of that?

lisaandalan · 16/02/2022 22:47

Most women are more sentimental than men, they don't think like that.
Also agree with another poster, he's a bit of a cheap skate taking them somewhere that won't cost much.

GooodMythicalMorning · 16/02/2022 22:59

My ex is doing this too. Even bought her the same Christmas present as he did for me the previous year. It's lazy imho.

Suzyinthesummertime · 16/02/2022 23:03

I can totally understand why you would feel sad about it but try to remember you weren't together at the time and had lost touch..

steff13 · 16/02/2022 23:05

You could choose a new special place.

Aquamarine1029 · 16/02/2022 23:07

You broke up for a reason. It's doubtful that reason has changed.

Itsalmostanaccessory · 16/02/2022 23:10

It is not your special place.
It's a family owned place in a lovely destination. Of course he is going to go there and of course he is going to take whoever he is in a relationship with. It's a lovely holiday in a beautiful place at a knockdown price.

Do you think he should never gone there there again? Because of you? No. That just isnt realistic and he has done nothing wrong.

thenewduchessoflapland · 16/02/2022 23:10

Sadly this is the case for many men.I'll never forget the heartbreaking sentiments of a work colleague I worked with at the time as she sadly reflected on the fact that it was Valentine's Day and the previous year she'd been taken to a beautiful hotel and proposed to by her partner and that year her ex was at the same hotel with the woman he's cheated on her with.

veganmayo · 16/02/2022 23:14

My sister owns a beautiful second home in a place I really enjoy visiting and I’ve taken different partners there over the years. Hopefully none of them consider it to be ‘our’ special place Confused

affairsofdragons · 16/02/2022 23:16

Actually you should be thankful because you've learned something about him: he's lazy and puts in minimal effort with the person he's with.

Taking whomever he happens to be seeing to the family beach house is easy ... requires no imagination or thought about who he's dating and what they might like.

Decide if that him treating you with his 'one size fits all' approach to relationships still interests you.