He took her to where we went

[PigFaceForever]

I was with ex for ten years. We broke up in 2018 and lost touch. Recently we got talking again and something is possibly rekindling. He dated someone which ended 18 months back for a while and took her to the destination we went every year for ten years. The same accommodation which a member of his family owns. I feel really sad about it that he took her to our special place. I know IABU but I feel so sad.

He has the use of a holiday home in a lovely place. Is it reasonable that he would never go again after you split? Yabvu.

@SmellyOldOwls

If you're sad before you even get back together then just forget it.

This!

You're getting a lot of responses about how you are or aren't being unreasonable, but to be honest I don't think that's the issue here. You feel how you feel. But being sad before you're even back together should be pretty telling.

YABMU
Massively unreasonable.

We have a family holiday home, I've taken various ex's there, sometimes for several years. It doesn't make it 'our special place' even though there were some great memories there.

I also have a special place in France I go every year, I've taken various ex's there, I've gone alone loads of times.

Both are MY places and I'll take who I want to. Just as I'd go to new partners favourite places, whether they've been there with an Ex or not. I'd prefer to stay in different accommodation if they'd got married there or something, but even then it's not the end of the world, if it's somewhere amazing. 10 a penny holiday resort I'd rather go to a different one.

Maybe that acceptance comes with age though 💁🏻‍♀️

It's understandable that you feel hurt, I'd be mad as anything! Looking at it from the outside, it is probably laziness or thoughtlessness rather than anything else. Take care of you + don't take any nonsense!

It's owned by his family member - it wasn't your special place, it was convenient.

Sorry - I know that sounds harsh. But the connection to that place for him isn't 'you' it was 'family member'.

My most significant Ex, he got married in the place we'd always talked about getting married in, to someone who set about trying to break us up and had NO interest in the place ... that stung a bit. But meh, he was daft enough to fall for her shit & heartless enough to get married there. I didn't exactly feel sad when their relationship broke down 💁🏻‍♀️

We have a holiday home in the family which I've taken my husband to.

If we ever broke up of course I'd bring a future partner there, why would I not? It's our family house!

@Cismyfatarse

We used to run an hotel and it was, sadly, very common. Bloke booked it with A and then brought B, and even C.

Lack of imagination. Unique place. Choosing partners who might all enjoy the same place.

Doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. A lot.

This is such a weird take.

I have a favourite campsite in the lakes I've been to with every one of my partners (and various friends, my family many times, etc).

I go there because it's a quiet, hidden away campsite that never gets too busy, in a beautiful valley, and I've been going since I was a kid - if I 'choose partners who might all enjoy the same place' that's because I wouldn't choose a partner who didn't have some shared interests with me, and that includes outdoorsy stuff/camping?

And... yes, surely we do that on purpose?

If my favourite place to visit is a mozzie-nets-and-2-day-trek treehouse in Borneo I'm probably statistically less likely to choose a partner who prefers 5* luxury and all-inclusives in the Algarve.

If my favourite place to go is them Five Palm Jumeirah hotel in Dubai and I like to go there a lot, I'm probably not going to choose a partner who gives a shit about human rights or prefers backpacking round European hostels.

Because where we like to go is often an indicator of our personality or likes/dislikes, and of course we want to choose a partner who might have similarities there...?

Also I don't know why we need to reinvent our entire lives when we get a new partner and never visit the same location ever again lest we be considered unoriginal, seems like an odd thing to do.

Well it sounds like you had nice times there but it's actually owned by his family, so it wasn't really your "special place".

Presumably it's free/ cheap for him. Why should he stop using it just because you broke up?

You are overthinking.

@lisaandalan

Most women are more sentimental than men, they don't think like that. Also agree with another poster, he's a bit of a cheap skate taking them somewhere that won't cost much.

So only expensive places show affection? It’s cheap because his family owns it. He’s not stinging on quality. What’s the issue? Less money on rent means more for actual fun stuff

Some people are creatures of habit rather than lazy. Knew one chap who went to the same mediterranean island for c25 years. 24 years at the same hotel. Couldn't stop moaning on his return for the single intervening year when his DP suggested they tried a different hotel. Never again. He is a very talented and lucky chap who must have found the world's best island and hotel at his first attempt all those years ago. He also went to the same pub six days a week, ate the same meals and played snooker at the same venue every Friday night.

My parents have a holiday home, and have done for about 15 years. I went there multiple times with my ex, and I've been there loads of times with DH and now with our kids. It never even occurred to me that that was weird. DH and my ex both been to my parents' actual, main house too - is that weird as well?

also you sound like hard work he dodged a bullet.

If I had access to accommodation through family I wouldn't stop going somewhere I loved just because I used to go there with someone else. That makes no sense to me 🤷‍♀️

Im even more U than you....my ex works in London and has a weekend home in Cornwall. We started as friends at uni together and went most weekends and holidays for 10+ years, throughout our relationship. We hosted friends there, hosted family, Christmas's. We split and are still good friends. Recently I saw a picture of his new (lovely) girlfriend of 6ish months, sat in my reading chair, on the balcony, looking at the sea. Never felt heartbreak like it!! Not for ex though, for "my" house. I stupidly then looked at her instagram and its full of artsy photos of the house and all the things I bought over the years and set up.

He likes it. It's a beautiful place. His family own it. You broke up. Why wouldn't he continue going?! 🥴

@sanbeiji

also you sound like hard work he dodged a bullet.

How is that helpful? Are you just here to troll?

But she shared his life for the amount of time that he was in a relationship with her....so she's been in his kitchen, his bed (the horror!!) met his family, sat in his car etc etc, so yes of course they've been on holiday in his family's holiday home. Does he have to replace everything to start afresh with you? Honestly walk away, now while you aren't too heavily invested, if you're feeling like this now, however unreasonable it might seem there is a reason. Don't go back to this man when he's already causing you pain

This is something you need to accept, along with anything else he has done whilst you've been apart. It won't work if you don't, or if you bring it up in an argument in the future.

Eh? He went on holiday to a family owned accomodation, presumably before he met you and then after with someone else? You probably weren't the first person he took there- it was free accomodation, not a special place.

@MsVanDeKamp

Im even more U than you....my ex works in London and has a weekend home in Cornwall. We started as friends at uni together and went most weekends and holidays for 10+ years, throughout our relationship. We hosted friends there, hosted family, Christmas's. We split and are still good friends. Recently I saw a picture of his new (lovely) girlfriend of 6ish months, sat in my reading chair, on the balcony, looking at the sea. Never felt heartbreak like it!! Not for ex though, for "my" house. I stupidly then looked at her instagram and its full of artsy photos of the house and all the things I bought over the years and set up.

Awww that’s sad! I’d feel like the same. It may be ‘his’ house, but you decorated and maintained it. Similar to a marital home that while ‘bought’ by one party would be shared by both! Defo not U!

The OP however… had nothing to do with the house.

Anyway we can’t help our feelings, it’s just a bit odd she calls it ‘their’ special place. Oh well

Also to add it’s not really thé pont is it. It’s been 4 years, she still feels sad and something is ‘rekindling’.
House is a side issue

If this bothers you, are you going to wonder every time he takes you somewhere whether he took her there first?

Anyway, it's his family's special place and not exclusively yours. I agree that it's weirdly controlling to think so.

YABU to think about getting back with him if this is how you feel already.

He’s an ex for a reason….remember that.

If somewhere was my favourite place, that wouldn't stop being my favourite place just because I was with someone different.

He probably goes to the same Tesco with her as he did with you, does that upset you too?

My auntie has a villa in Spain and the whole family uses it regularly, as it's on a beautiful complex in an amazing location, so there's no way I'd stop just because my partner had changed. In fact that has happened as they've had it for absolutely years now.

We send them a crate of wine every time we go, they have free used of our caravan (alright, not as good haha but sometimes a UK beach resort is all you need!!) which they take us up on probably more than we go to Spain - it works for all of us, so why would I stop going?