Booking a taxi for 14yo daughter to get home from a club

[JakeDad]

I thought this was really simple and obvious but was surprised at the reactions, including from my daughter.

She's comfortable getting trains and buses on her own when needed, which happens regularly being in a rural setting, but the car is in for repair and I cannot get her home from a club later when the buses have stopped running at 6pm.

So I was going to book a taxi like I sometimes do for her older brother and with a trusted firm I've used for years.

But she said she was scared and decided to miss the club entirely.

Am I being unreasonable and am way off base with the expectations of an otherwise independent, smart, capable teen?

@MorningStarling

I thought you meant nightclub and was a bit WTF?

I'm not surprised she's reluctant to take a taxi though, we live in a world where strangers are dangerous and she's probably been brought up being told that there's no way in hell she should get in a car with a stranger, which is what the taxi driver would be.

She's 14, not 4. Of course, because a pre booked taxi arriving to collect you is just the same as a random man stopping his car and offering you a lift home...

I've been the subject vile sexist comments. I've been leered at, groped in clubs, heard smutty jokes.

That's entirely different to feeling unsafe. The most scared with men is when they have not said any untoward comments.

A lot of women have great instincts for feeling at risk, and it's generally not from stupid drunk or borish men. That's not to say sexist comments etc should be allowed to continue but misogyny often isnt threatening.

No one told me as a kid, it wasn't obvious to me otherwise, and only when someone told me that my remarks were problematic, did I see a perspective I didn't have previously.

Most taxi drivers aren’t ‘kids’ though are they?

They are adult men who generally know the boundaries of what is and what is not acceptable to say to women - especially to vulnerable women who are sitting in their car with a male stranger.

No man who is grown up enough to be a taxi driver needs to told what comments may be problematic. Men are generally not stupid, they are not children and therefore they shouldn’t need to be ‘told’ what is and what isn’t appropriate to say to women.

Walking to and standing at a deserted bus stop or train station is far less safe that being picked up from a safe place by a pre-ordered taxi where you are given the name, car reg and are a regular customer of that firm.

She's 14, not 4. Of course, because a pre booked taxi arriving to collect you is just the same as a random man stopping his car and offering you a lift home...

No one is saying it is.

But they are both cars being driven by strangers

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

She's 14, not 4. Of course, because a pre booked taxi arriving to collect you is just the same as a random man stopping his car and offering you a lift home...

No one is saying it is.

But they are both cars being driven by strangers

As are buses and trains? Which people apparently feel really safe on.

And which have multiple people on, space to move away from creeps, options to disembark earlier because you feel less safe, usually CCTV and wifi for added security.

@JakeDad

UPDATED INFO

In light of some of the suggestions on the thread thanks folks! I've checked with the taxi firm I use, and have found out that as well as being a trusted local well-established family-run business (which feels nice but doesn't necessarily prove much more than my own experience of them), they also:

• are DBS checked
• offer female drivers on request
• many drivers old extended licences to do county council work too

So, these are some useful elements I can look at if the situation arises and again, and no doubt will chat with my daughter about all of this to see what she thinks along the way.

Thanks also to those who've offered insights, supportive comments, helpful advice, and clarified areas I hadn't thought of. Makes it worth asking on a forum in the first place, which sort of seems the point :)

Female driver is very good option. I would use one if I could. Only once I had lady driver. Rest of the time men talking to me :/

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

And which have multiple people on, space to move away from creeps, options to disembark earlier because you feel less safe, usually CCTV and wifi for added security.

Nope. All of those things will not make you safer. Buses and trains I would say are far less safe.

As are buses and trains? Which people apparently feel really safe on.

They're not remotely the same.

Buses and trains are public spaces with CCTV, multiple occupants and the chance/space to move. You can also speak to other people or the guard/driver for help if you're scared or worried, or you can get off at an earlier stop and ring for help, or go to a public place like a shop and ring someone.

You can't do that when you're trapped in a taxi on your own with nobody around to help you.

A taxi driver also knows where you live which adds to the danger (or perceived danger) - a bus driver or train driver doesn't know that.

Nope. All of those things will not make you safer. Buses and trains I would say are far less safe

That might be true of you but multiple people on this thread have said they feel safer on these modes of transport than solo in a taxi. Are they all lying?

Its perception isn't it

Turn it around, Am I lying, is my dd lying when she was groped on a train and couldn't get away.

@PigeonLittle

As a man you cant for a second have any comprehension about the vulnerability of a 14 year old girl.

Not from first hand experience no, but it's not a wild leap of imagination to know that some of my fellow men are absolute scumbags.

I won't be letting DS1 get a taxi on his own when he turns 14 in a few years time. If I can possibly help it neither will DW anytime soon.

I'm not criticizing anyone else's choice. You may know the driver(s) well due to them doing school runs etc, but a random driver? Hell no.

They're my responsibility and that's it.

@Comefromaway

Turn it around, Am I lying, is my dd lying when she was groped on a train and couldn't get away.

No one is saying trains and buses are risk free and 100% safe just that for some taxis present a greater risk and make them feel even less safe

It's almost like you are being deliberately obtuse.

Calln taxi firms for female drivers

@Comefromaway

Turn it around, Am I lying, is my dd lying when she was groped on a train and couldn't get away.

Of course you're not lying.

But that doesn't change the fact that many people feel more unsafe in taxis.

Why would I do that? I cannot comprehend what people have got against taxis. I'm wondering if those thinking they are so bad have actually booked on in recent years with all the things in place like DBS certs and tracking apps.

I'm pretty certain that dd's school would not have put kids in taxis on a regular basis if they were that unsafe.

My local train station on the other hand is unmanned, lonely, in a rough part of town and I would not want dd walking back from there alone.

DBS checks just mean the person hasn't been caught doing anything wrong....

You could say the same about the piano teacher, or the person leading the club etc etc. A random passenger on a train or at the bus stop is untraceable on the whole. A taxi driver there are records, registration numbers etc etc. Makes it much less likely they will do anything untoward.

Back when I was a teen me and my friend got a taxi home and the driver had that I’ve that we gave told him we needed the other side of the road where a path lead to the roads behind, we went though the path, down the road and hid in someone’s front garden to see the driver driving down the road I presume looking for us.

We didn’t get taxis after that unless with a bloke.

Even now I’m apprehensive with some taxis but I do use the same firm now with the same regular drivers and my ap tracks our vehicle and the number plate and vehicle description is text to me etc.

It’s not perfect but it’s as close as I can get to safe.

The vast majority of taxi drivers may be fine, but what happens if you get one that isn't? Not only are you trapped in a car with them alone, they also know where you live.

But you can't live lift thinking "what would happen if..." that's no way to live. You have to think "it won't happen to me" because chances are, it won't.

I'm surprised there are so few people on this thread that don't mind getting a taxi on their own. Maybe I'm naive in going walking on my own, running in the dark, waiting for buses at night or getting a taxi - I don't know but I know you have to presume you'll be fine in most situations as otherwise it makes carrying on with day to day tasks quite difficult.

I'm surprised at people saying public transport is much safer. I've had several incidents on public transport, called names, had to move as someone was so agitated, people inappropriately chatting. I'd much rather get in a taxi and then be busy, especially as in our city, the registered taxis usually have a barrier/the person isn't that chatty. My eldest came home age 12 from a bus ride and a person had called the whole bus to pray with him!

If you want to see all life, then get on a bus or a train. You can't easily move carriage or get off a bus if someone is already interested/targetting you. I don't think taxis are more risky than that, and waiting at bus stops and at stations can be quite awful as well.

I think it's the one on one aspect of it that a lot of teens don't like which is fair enough, but making out that taxis are unsafe and buses/trains are safe as houses, well, it just doesn't remotely chime with my experience of 100's of journeys in multiple cities all over the UK.

For those saying that CCTV makes you safer, this is not true, there are tonnes of CCTV footage of women being harassed or assaulted. Much CCTV is unmanned and only looked at once a crime has been committed, or wiped quickly anyway. It doesn't appear to deter criminality otherwise the most CCTV'd nation in the world, the UK, wouldn't have so much violent crime!

In a taxi, you have the knowledge of who the person is driving (the company will disclose this, the car number), the registering of the call, the taxi number which they have to display and details of who to call if you want to report them. I don't see how that's more dangerous than CCTV where no-one is watching and even if they were, they can't see verbal harassment or intervene.

As for those saying there's a conductor, one on a whole train and many have none! Buses don't have conductors, they have one driver and I don't know what you think he or she going to do to save you if you get into difficulties on the top of a bus, but you could move to sit near them which I usually do these days.

I just wonder if some people on here have actually been on a bus lately, there are a lot of troubled people around in public spaces, buses, trains, public parks, probably worsened by the pandemic. Really weird you find these to be safe spaces IMO.

@Comefromaway

Walking to and standing at a deserted bus stop or train station is far less safe that being picked up from a safe place by a pre-ordered taxi where you are given the name, car reg and are a regular customer of that firm.

Exactly. Plus numerous other factors.

There are lots of horrible risks out there, and I do everything I can to help my kids navigate them as safely as possible and to have as full and as actualised a life as possible.