Booking a taxi for 14yo daughter to get home from a club

[JakeDad]

I thought this was really simple and obvious but was surprised at the reactions, including from my daughter.

She's comfortable getting trains and buses on her own when needed, which happens regularly being in a rural setting, but the car is in for repair and I cannot get her home from a club later when the buses have stopped running at 6pm.

So I was going to book a taxi like I sometimes do for her older brother and with a trusted firm I've used for years.

But she said she was scared and decided to miss the club entirely.

Am I being unreasonable and am way off base with the expectations of an otherwise independent, smart, capable teen?

@BlingLoving

I think to be clear, the issue is that male drivers often feel quite comfortable saying things to female passengers that can make those passengers feel nervous and uncomfortable. Assuming you are a man, you have not experienced that. Often very judgey, aimed at the passenger herself or women in general, "ooh, if women are going to wear short skirts, what do they think is going to happen" for example. Or women are asked inappropriate questions about their lives/appearance/relationships.

I am not sure that how a driving company treats its drivers is going to manage for that. my first experience of such comments was as a young professional working in the City of London using Addison Lee - at the time, the main "corporate cab" company that firms laid on for employees working late/attending events.

Having said that, In 20+ years of also using black cabs, I think I've never had such a conversation with a black cab driver so maybe there is something about the culture of a particular type of service.

Agree with this. As a young woman I had many, many taxi drivers make seriously inappropriate comments to me. Even if they don’t take it further, it’s horrible and very confusing as you don’t know if they are just being an arse or if you are moments away from being attacked. No problem with buses, always felt very safe. Trains - depends on the situation.

Male friends just had no idea. They never see that side of things.

(Agree too this was never with black cabs, I like the set up there and always found them very professional)

It’s definitely a good skill to practice but with someone. At least these days she can take a picture of the ID. When I was young we just tried to memorise it!

I'm 33 years old and hate getting in taxis on my own. I'm not remotely fussed about public transport, though.

The vast majority of taxi drivers may be fine, but what happens if you get one that isn't? Not only are you trapped in a car with them alone, they also know where you live. It puts you in an incredibly vulnerable position. When I was a student and we caught taxis, we never ever left anyone in one alone - we slept over at each other's flats if we missed the last bus.

Bus and train drivers don't have your address and you are never in a position where you're locked in a vehicle alone with them. The two situations aren't remotely comparable.

Do you have a female only, Uber style service where you are? Perhaps Google to see. We have this and it’s the go to for my DD if she needs to book a ride for some reason. It’s women drivers and ours take boys up to 12yo and then female passengers only.

I would take taxis home when out on a Saturday with my friends as a teen. They would wait for me to cross the road and walk inside and then they would leave. Felt super safe. One of the few times I took a bus and had to walk part of the way a guy grabbed at my neck to pull a chain I was wearing, had to leg it and he gave up. But then I grew up in Spain, so may be different.

@Phos

Perhaps the 14 year old has been spending time on mumsnet.

Haha! I shall see what she says when she gets home from school!

I can understand your daughter's fears - as a grown woman I still only use taxis alone when I absolutely have to.

Slight derail possibly, but evidence here of how many adults wilfully misunderstand the fears that women have getting into cars driven by unknown men: www.heraldscotland.com/news/17631254.glasgow-city-council-blocks-plans-launch-female-only-taxi-service/

Great move there Glasgow City Council - surely a misunderstanding of the equality act.

@HoppingPavlova

Do you have a female only, Uber style service where you are? Perhaps Google to see. We have this and it’s the go to for my DD if she needs to book a ride for some reason. It’s women drivers and ours take boys up to 12yo and then female passengers only.

Nothing remotely Uber-like round here, but in light of the comments from some others, I've made a note to speak to the reputable local firm I use to see whether they have female drivers who can be specifically allocated for such a trip.

The specific point a few people have raised is that men whether they know it or not can often engage in conversation which is inappropriate or unpleasant, feels threatening, and so on... So, that may be something to be avoided, in any case.

I think if I ever won big on the Euro I'd open a female only cab service in my town/city - drivers and passengers female only, with a flat fixed rate of a fiver for lone females travelling alone.

The specific point a few people have raised is that men whether they know it or not can often engage in conversation which is inappropriate or unpleasant, feels threatening, and so on... So, that may be something to be avoided, in any case.

They do know it.

I'd far rather use a bus, train or even walk than get a cab because my social anxiety baulks at the one on one space.

Is it possible she has similar issues?

@DontWantTheRivalry

The specific point a few people have raised is that men whether they know it or not can often engage in conversation which is inappropriate or unpleasant, feels threatening, and so on... So, that may be something to be avoided, in any case.

They do know it.

And if they dont know it then they don't have the mental capacity to be behind the wheel of a car.

@Killermontstreet

I can understand your daughter's fears - as a grown woman I still only use taxis alone when I absolutely have to.

Slight derail possibly, but evidence here of how many adults wilfully misunderstand the fears that women have getting into cars driven by unknown men: www.heraldscotland.com/news/17631254.glasgow-city-council-blocks-plans-launch-female-only-taxi-service/

Great move there Glasgow City Council - surely a misunderstanding of the equality act.

Derail about taxis, not trains... haha...

Interesting story -- seems like they really are wrong on the legislation, though, as you say. I can't easily find any details of what happened afterwards. I'm sure I know of other apps that are female-only, be it taxi or other service, so I'd have thought it would be possible for it to be overturned eventually.

Her lawyer Stephen McCaffrey said he disputed conditions would be breached by the app, adding councillors disliked the concept itself. “I have appeared before many committees over the last ten years throughout the UK. The hearing this morning was the most hostile and dismissive I have ever been before.”

There was a petition started, but it seems to have gone quiet since, and discussion on mumsnet at the time, too.

I'm confused about what being smart, Independent or capable has to do with stopping yourself from being raped when in an enclosed space with a male stranger, but maybe that's just me.

In fact, I'd say her reluctance is proof of her intelligence more than anything.

I flew internationally, caught a train then a taxi at 14 - I looked older than my years and the taxi driver was a bit friendly, asking if I was heading back to uni (I had taken the train to Cambridge) etc. I was wise enough not to engage too much - it's one thing a driver making conversation with someone he thinks is 18+ but I didn't want him to know I was only 14.
My main issue when I order a cab is that you can't recognise it - they aren't standing there with a big sign with your name on it. I'm always a bit wary going up to an unmarked parked car and peering in to ask, snd I can readily see a 14 year old asking 'are you a taxi for X' and getting in to any old car. If the taxi was well marked as one that's different, but it can still be nerve wracking.
Your daughter made a decision and it was a good one for her.

@DontWantTheRivalry

The specific point a few people have raised is that men whether they know it or not can often engage in conversation which is inappropriate or unpleasant, feels threatening, and so on... So, that may be something to be avoided, in any case.

They do know it.

No, not always. I can give you an absolutely concrete example. Back when I was a young adult, I'd talk about something with literally no clue it was going to be upsetting and it was only by the person telling me I was wrong and why, that I learned what my mistake was.

That's not to say the majority are innocent or naïve -- but it highlights the usefulness in flagging it up. No one told me as a kid, it wasn't obvious to me otherwise, and only when someone told me that my remarks were problematic, did I see a perspective I didn't have previously.

I think spreading the understanding and demanding of men that they gain such perspectives and expect them to call out their male peers too is ultimately constructive for a better society as a whole.

@onedayoranother

I flew internationally, caught a train then a taxi at 14 - I looked older than my years and the taxi driver was a bit friendly, asking if I was heading back to uni (I had taken the train to Cambridge) etc. I was wise enough not to engage too much - it's one thing a driver making conversation with someone he thinks is 18+ but I didn't want him to know I was only 14. My main issue when I order a cab is that you can't recognise it - they aren't standing there with a big sign with your name on it. I'm always a bit wary going up to an unmarked parked car and peering in to ask, snd I can readily see a 14 year old asking 'are you a taxi for X' and getting in to any old car. If the taxi was well marked as one that's different, but it can still be nerve wracking. Your daughter made a decision and it was a good one for her.

You get a text with the car registration number on these days and can follow the car on a tracking app.

This is the opposite for me. My df is a taxi driver and I know he wouldn't harm a hair on anyones head. That, and the fact that all licenced drivers have to have an enhanced dbs would make me think it's one of the safer forms of transport. I know there are always outliers but generally I think I'd prefer to be in a taxi than on a train solely based on how safe I feel.

@Starcrossed2

This is the opposite for me. My df is a taxi driver and I know he wouldn't harm a hair on anyones head. That, and the fact that all licenced drivers have to have an enhanced dbs would make me think it's one of the safer forms of transport. I know there are always outliers but generally I think I'd prefer to be in a taxi than on a train solely based on how safe I feel.

Yes, this was my thinking.

@Starcrossed2

This is the opposite for me. My df is a taxi driver and I know he wouldn't harm a hair on anyones head. That, and the fact that all licenced drivers have to have an enhanced dbs would make me think it's one of the safer forms of transport. I know there are always outliers but generally I think I'd prefer to be in a taxi than on a train solely based on how safe I feel.

well quite, dd has been assaulted on a train and despite cctv the police were unable to trace anyone.

Taxis are very traceable and she has always felt perfectly safe in them.

After recent stories of sexual abuse by uber etc. drivers, no. No way I would book a taxi for my young daughter. In fact, my husband got so scared of these stories, that he said he will never ever ask me to book uber from work, when he takes a car. He will plan things around to pick me up always.

I have to take a taxi 5 times a week minimum. When my ds was 13 he would take a short taxi ride from our house to his guitar lesson and I tracked it on the taxi app. Thing to remember is that 99.99% of taxi drivers are not rapists, murderers or in the habit of abducting passengers.

The OP wasn't talking about Uber though. I would never use Uber.

I don’t feel comfortable on my own on taxis either. I certainly wouldn’t put a 14 year old girl in one.

UPDATED INFO

In light of some of the suggestions on the thread thanks folks! I've checked with the taxi firm I use, and have found out that as well as being a trusted local well-established family-run business (which feels nice but doesn't necessarily prove much more than my own experience of them), they also:

• are DBS checked
• offer female drivers on request
• many drivers old extended licences to do county council work too

So, these are some useful elements I can look at if the situation arises and again, and no doubt will chat with my daughter about all of this to see what she thinks along the way.

Thanks also to those who've offered insights, supportive comments, helpful advice, and clarified areas I hadn't thought of. Makes it worth asking on a forum in the first place, which sort of seems the point :)

I would have been uncomfortable even with my 14 year old DS getting in a taxi with an unknown man. I feel uncomfortable myself and i am a grown up woman. It may be irrational but I cannot help the way I feel.