Sorry this is a long post, I didn't want to drip feed through comments.
My MIL has recently threatened me via a WhatsApp voice note sent to DP, calling me all the abusive names under the sun and saying how I need to be careful or she'd 'be paying me a visit'. This was due to an argument over WhatsApp I had with SIL, which was in no way aggressive on either of our parts, we just don't see eye to eye on things relating to my DS who is 6 months old. It was a disagreement that got heated, we were both a bit shitty to one another, and we agreed to not speak again for the forseeable. She then immediately ran off to her mummy to tell her we'd fallen out. MIL then proceeded to rant and rave at my DP all morning about how awful I am and how he needed to 'grow some balls' and 'make a decision', and then aggressively threatened me. I have her number blocked on my phone as I've found her way too stressful and demanding to deal with since having DS, otherwise I'm sure she would have contacted me directly.
I'd just like to say at this point that I don't have these kind of disagreements or fallings out with ANYONE else other than this particular family! They are all pretty unpleasant, and MIL has made many enemies over the years. I digress...
This isn't the first time she's sent abusive voice notes to DP. Just before Christmas she sent him 3 horrible voice notes, emotionally abusing him, calling him abusive names and threatening to smack him in the mouth. Not out of character for her, she's been awful to him since he was a child. She even admitted she thought he was a PITA as a baby. After Christmas she told DP that she doesn't give a shit about him, she just wants to see DS.
The constant breakdowns in our relationship with her always come down to her demanding that we bring our DS to see her, regardless of how inconvenient it is for us all, including the baby. She refuses to visit him at our house. We say no, we can't visit you today. She gets angry, DP gets angry, and I get stressed and wish I'd found a man with a nicer mum.
She has now said I'm not welcome at her house, which is obviously fine by me as I don't like it at her house anyway, but she still wants me to bring DS round to hers so she can see him. I'm the only one who drives at the moment, so I would have to drop him and DP off and then go hang around somewhere nearby and wait until I get a call off DP to come and feed him/pick them up. He still breastfeeds on demand for both milk and comfort - DS that is, not DP 😁
MIL will be supervised by DP obviously, but it feels very unnatural to leave my baby with a women who has threatened me and my DP and shown us nothing but disrespect since DS was born. I don't want to do her any favours by running my son around for her, and then disappearing off so she doesn't have to deal with me.
Also, her small house (1 bed bungalow) is always very chaotic and loud, with lots of people scrunched into the tiny front room, TV blaring and her older grandchildren running around screeching and not listening to any adults. The two times in the past I have taken DS round and left him there without me he's got very distressed, verging on inconsolable (he is never like this anywhere else), but MIL disagrees that it's because it's too loud with too many strangers, and that it's because I have babied him too much and he just needs to get used to the chaos.
DS spends 90% of his time with me, and sees his dad a few hours a day before he goes to work and then at weekend. He isn't as attached to his dad, so I don't want to leave him somewhere he has previously gotten very distressed, without being allowed in to comfort him myself.
So... AIBU?
YANBU - to insist on staying with DS if MIL wants to see him.
YABU - DP can look after DS fine for an hour or two on his own.