[quote lynfordthecrab]@AcrossthePond55 my sister has been in contact with this cousin for over a year now. She only lives about 12 miles from me (the cousin), she even got her mum to do a DNA so we could discount cousins maternal side from the equation.
there are also a lot of links as to how her paternal uncles and my mother could know each other.
My sister did ask my mother last year when it first came to light and she muttered something about "what good is it bringing it up now?" and changed the subject so she knows something[/quote]
She knows, obviously. But is no doubt scared or embarrassed or something like that to tell.
I'd try myself, rather than letting my sister do it from abroad. Gently and carefully, of course. I'd explain how I'd like to know and that it is my business because it affects me. But also that it won't change how I feel about my father, who is the man who raised me, or what I think of her - I'm a grown up now, and I know about life.
It may be that, in some way, your mother would quite like to tell her story, now that your father is gone and can't be hurt or angry, but you'll need to find a way to make it safe for her to talk.
My own mother did Ancestry.com, and found a completely unknown half-niece. Her parents had both died by this time, as had her unknown half-brother. But it turned out that the other family had been aware of what had happened. My grandfather went awol during WWII , and was missing for quite a while, and it was during this time that he met the other woman. He was a fairly useless bloke, apart from being a deserter (of both my grandmother, this woman and the military). When she realised she was pregnant he had already left her, the other woman decided not to try and tell him, and got on with it, marrying a friend who raised the child as his own. They had other children and by all accounts a good and happy marriage.
My mother was born after all this, for a brief period when my grandfather returned to my grandmother. He died when she was small, and she never knew much of his earlier life, although she had later realised that he was not a great husband to her mother. A couple of years ago (ie 70 or 80 years later) my mother did her dna, found this niece and learned the story. They get on quite well and meet occasionally (living quite far apart, although the niece has a need to come to my mother's city sometimes)
Families are wierd, and DNA sometimes shows just how much!