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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think my child is too young for a sleepover?

316 replies

Newgalintown · 15/02/2022 11:32

My daughter is nearly 8. She is friends in a group of 3 of them. Both these girls parents have alluded to the fact they're planning a sleepover for their daughters' birthdays.

AIBU unreasonable to say DD is too young for sleepovers? I just don't feel comfortable with it - even though I know the parents well (one set more than the other). Equally don't want DD to miss out.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Tonsellectomjy · 15/02/2022 15:37

I was abused by a friends Dad as a child at a sleepover. Wouldn't let my DD go to one.

mathanxiety · 15/02/2022 15:37

@Newgalintown, your concern that you don't know the parents well is only reasonable if you are making strenuous and very active efforts to get to know a lot of your daughter's schoolmates' parents well enough to feel comfortable sending your DD off for the night.

If you're just sitting there fretting then I'm afraid you are letting unreasonable anxiety hamper your child's social development.

ParisNext · 15/02/2022 15:46

We have SleepUNDERS. It’s a phrase my American friend told me. Some children are happy at 8 and others not until they are teens. Mine love the idea but. It the reality once it’s time to sleep. So I collect them around 9.30pm. They still do everything including pyjamas etc but it’s avoids the upset phone call from another mum at 1030pm. Lots of parents have borrowed the sleep under as we have with this tween age.

hulahooper2 · 15/02/2022 15:51

My daughter went to a few where she joined in the fun until bedtime then came home , pre arranged , as she didn’t like sleeping over with non family members, would this work for you ?

Katjolo · 15/02/2022 15:53

Go with your gut OP.

worldvisa · 15/02/2022 15:55

Mine have only stayed with family.

sadly that does not equal with safety, the majority of abusers are close to the parents.

It's difficult, but it's not a life to ban all playdates or birthday parties without you present, all sleepovers, all sports clubs.

If the child is not interested, it's a complete non-issue but when they are so looking forward to them and would feel left out to miss them, bit mean to ban them as a general rule.

Lovemydoggie · 15/02/2022 15:57

Depends on the child My lot were at sleepovers from Yr1 and all was good.Some children have parents who work all day every day and it is not always possible to know the parents well.

SpinsForGin · 15/02/2022 15:58

My 7 year old DS has just started having sleepovers. It's about this age that they usually start.

Perpop · 15/02/2022 16:00

Friend works in child protection. She said the one thing she won’t let her kids do is sleepovers, too many stories of random adults/friends/family of the child they’re staying with ‘calling in’ that leads to abuse.

whateveryouwantmetosay · 15/02/2022 16:03

YABU

Scbchl · 15/02/2022 16:04

Yabu, eight is not too young but she's your daughter and its your prerogative.

Aisling28 · 15/02/2022 16:05

I wouldn't let my child go that young either. I don't think that's being overprotective either. I just don't see the need for them at that age. If they are uncomfortable or anything happened they are way to young to handle it or speak up for themselves. Especially when you won't know all their friends parents well. Mine wouldn't have phones at that young age either.
I don't think it means they have no freedom or interferes with their social development at all. Children need to have friends yes but they can meet them at playmates during the day. Children need to feel safe must of all.

Quornflakegirl · 15/02/2022 16:07

My dc don’t sleep away from home and won’t until they’re much older. They’re 10 this year and have never asked to sleep away from home.

RebeccaCloud9 · 15/02/2022 16:09

Sleepovers are my daughter's favourite thing and she is 7. We tend to only do them with 3 families we know well and the situation has never been arisen where sleepovers with a less known family have been suggested so don't know how I'd feel then.

So sleepovers themselves - totally fine in theory for NT 8 year olds, but you know your child and you know the situation.

Can you get to know the families better? Suggest a day out all together?

RedskyThisNight · 15/02/2022 16:09

The problem with only allowing your child to sleepover if you know the family well is that DD is at age where, as she gets older, you will actually start to know her friends' parents less and less.

So what is the cut off age that you are looking for when this becomes ok?

toomuchlaundry · 15/02/2022 16:13

@Quornflakegirl have your DC not done any residentials, cub camps, sleepovers with relatives? I know COVID has probably impacted some of these activities

Joystir59 · 15/02/2022 16:14

Anyone who isn't able to control their environment and leave a situation at will whenever they wish shouldn't be going on sleepovers. Including your 8 year old.

Joystir59 · 15/02/2022 16:15

Sleepovers are highly suitable environments for abusers.

HomeHomeInTheRange · 15/02/2022 16:15

YABU.

Joystir59 · 15/02/2022 16:16

And never happened back in my day until we were teenagers capable of extricating ourselves if need be and getting ourselves home.

Mo1911 · 15/02/2022 16:19

I think she's young too to be honest.

notagainnotagain · 15/02/2022 16:20

You know your child best. Only do a sleep over if she and you are comfortable.

My teen hates sleepovers.. thankfully her mother won't let her do them 😉

Duntelchaig · 15/02/2022 16:21

I was at boarding school at 8…

my DS had sleepovers from 7 but I remember being keen to host his 2 best friends first in a sleepover to see how they were then I was happy for him to go to their houses. I only knew one of their mums a bit and the other slightly better as her son was at the same nursery as well but no reason to think they’d burn the house down or upset him.

worldvisa · 15/02/2022 16:22

@Joystir59

And never happened back in my day until we were teenagers capable of extricating ourselves if need be and getting ourselves home.
you might have a different experience, it doesn't mean that primary school sleepovers are a recent thing! Quite the opposite actually. If nothing else, parents are a lot more cautious and protective today.
peboh · 15/02/2022 16:22

I don't think she's too young. Even if you're worried that she wouldn't tell the parents she was uncomfortable, usually they're pretty good at figuring these things out.

I also think you need to consider how left out she may feel if she wants to go, all her friends go but she isn't allowed.