To ask you to explain non binary to me (genuine question)

[crochetmonkey74]

I have a new non binary person on my team at work (I am a manager)
They present as female-very much so in dress and grooming, they have a very feminine name too ,they have told me that they are heterosexual and live with their partner. However they want to be known as 'they' and the pronoun 'MX'
I am happily doing all this, I believe everyone should be comfortable and I will address people how they wish to be addressed.
I'm a teacher so my new member of the team is continually being misgendered by the students (due to the incongruity of appearance and pronoun) we have other non binary more androgynous looking staff who are not misgendered.
My new staff member is a nice person but they are very aware of correcting people, and have already complained (not about me)
I'm keen to do this right and not offend but also despite trying to read around the issue, I cant find much about non binary females who present in a feminine aspect.
This is not a bait thread or a stealth moan. It is a genuine question. Anyone got any experience with this?

@labyrinthlaziness

I am rather nervous as they said middle aged women in jobs above them are triggering to them and they have been a bit grumbly about various things so I am treading carefully

Did they actually say middle aged women in jobs above them are triggering to them @crochetmonkey74?

I would report them for this remark to my manager, that is not acceptable as it is a discriminatory remark, surely?

I think you need more support to deal with this, that is a very unusual remark. It all needs recording with your manager IMO.

Yes, that is a direct quote and I have already logged with my line manager

@CecilyP

My new staff member is a nice person but they are very aware of correcting people, and have already complained (not about me).

Stop thinking that they are nice. They are actually very controlling; trying to control what they can't control and complaining when it's not happening. They are making unnecessary work for other people (people who are already busy) whilst expecting to be the centre of attention.

Nail on head.

It's a power play, nothing more

Well that's interesting because the OPs post directly above yours says

People have different interpretations of what "making a scene" means, quite clearly.

It's a power play, nothing more

Victimhood is all.part of the identity. Fix one " problem" another will arise. It will be never ending. Best off just saying no to begin with

People being who/what they feel.they are is not a problem. What is a problem I that everyone else is expected to bend to the will of one individual, lest they be "triggered"
Triggered to what I do not know but woe betide anyone who accidently calls he/she/they, and they don't like it. Offending person can find themselves on the sharp end of some very big trouble!!

I'd tell her that you identify as Beethoven.

it’s disrupting the education of the children by causing them anxiety and worry,

Then anticipate problems down the line from angry parents.

I'm a 'Ms'. The amount of times I was addressed as such in school? Zero. Did I complain? No, of course not. The children addressed me in the way they were most comfortable and only an arsehole would have corrected them.

@Ereshkigalangcleg

Well that's interesting because the OPs post directly above yours says

People have different interpretations of what "making a scene" means, quite clearly.

Yes and it's amazing how far the interpretations go when prejudice is involved.

@lifeturnsonadime

I'm very very uncomfortable that a member of the teaching profession is trying to coerce children in complying with language that doesn't reflect reality.

How can it ever be appropriate to teach children to say things that their eyes tell them is not true.

How can it ever be appropriate to punish them if they don't tell lies?

This also.

So basically, just you stereotyping and showing your prejudice along with many others here

I notice you haven't commented on the clear prejudice of the "non binary" person towards middle aged women in positions of power?

@DomesticatedZombie

it’s disrupting the education of the children by causing them anxiety and worry,

Then anticipate problems down the line from angry parents.

I'm a 'Ms'. The amount of times I was addressed as such in school? Zero. Did I complain? No, of course not. The children addressed me in the way they were most comfortable and only an arsehole would have corrected them.

Not sure you’ve read what I said in context. I’m saying the children shouldn’t be chastised for this nonsense and the non binary teacher should get a grip.

What happens if the children use the pronouns associated with this individuals sex? My ds struggled (as many autistic children do) to learn pronouns at all. This situation would be very very difficult for us to accommodate.

Victimhood is all.part of the identity. Fix one " problem" another will arise. It will be never ending. Best off just saying no to begin with

This. No matter what concessions, they won't ever be satisfied. They will just find more ways to make people dance to their tune. Because it's all about control.

Yes, sorry, Abigail, not directing that at You, just noting that if a teacher is disrupting education this will cause issues.

What happens if the children use the pronouns associated with this individuals sex? My ds struggled (as many autistic children do) to learn pronouns at all. This situation would be very very difficult for us to accommodate.

That needs to be part of the conversation the OP has with her staff member.

@WhatEvenHappened44
What prejudice?

@DomesticatedZombie

Yes, sorry, Abigail, not directing that at You, just noting that if a teacher is disrupting education this will cause issues.

Ah ok!! We’re on the same page……

@Whatwouldscullydo

It's a power play, nothing more

Victimhood is all.part of the identity. Fix one " problem" another will arise. It will be never ending. Best off just saying no to begin with

I am starting to think this- and it is destabilizing for my team too. We have quite a young meek female teacher on the team who was worried about her Harry Potter poster as it had been commented on- I told her she could keep it up - but it makes me second guess everything! I am feeling a bit intimidated and like I need to walk on eggshells

I am feeling a bit intimidated and like I need to walk on eggshells

I can imagine.

Well your duty is to the children.
You need to do what's right for them.

@x2boys

Do we really need , someone like this teaching ,young impressionable teens ,they ,need to get over themself,and accept they are not that special.

Absolutely

It feels to me like the staff member is setting up the scenario that they can't cope with being managed by middle aged "cis" women, unsafe, hostile etc etc.

Yes, that is a direct quote and I have already logged with my line manager

What did your line manager say to that @crochetmonkey74? I would be very uncomfortable if someone said they were 'triggered' by a person with x characteristic - any characteristic - holding a specific position.

You could make a complaint about that comment tbh, it is very far out of line.

@WhatEvenHappened44

Here's a question. How do you all feel about a woman correcting someone when they are referred to as Mrs instead of Miss? Only pure attention seeking narcissists that do that yeah?

Ah right, because that's exactly the same thing ...