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Original poster

To never want to speak or see my nct friends again

423 replies

emzz89x · 15/02/2022 07:05

Good morning lovely people

Just came here for some advice.
Had my first baby 7 months ago and joined an NCT class whilst pregnant . We all had our babies around the same month. We all kept in touch during our pregnancy and became really good friends.

They all had girls and I have a boy. They are all breastfeeding but unfortunately probably due to my baby being born via an emergency csection and being over 11lbs I really struggled to feed him so I had to start formula feeding as that's what made him happy.
Anyway over the last 7 months .. I feel like they are making fun of me in every aspect of motherhood .. from making comments that I wouldn't understand what a tough night feeding a newborn is to the fact that my baby is so big due to me formula feeding etc
Yesterday I arrived home crying after one of them asked me if I'm scared that my baby might have lots of allergies due to being formula fed ... I mean WTF ! I fed him yesterday In front of them as he was really hungry and they all looked at me the entire time. Like I was feeding him poison 😩
I've been so low over this over the last few months... my DH suggests I never meet them again as they are toxic for me.. but how do I stop seeing them all of a sudden? Should I just stop going to these meet ups? I don't want my baby to miss out on having friends his age 😢

OP posts:
Topseyt · 15/02/2022 08:30

Your DH is right. Just stop going. You don't even need to explain why to them if you don't want to.

I exclusively formula fed all three of my DDs. Formula is perfectly fine. If any imperious, snobby twat had ever asked me whether I was worried about allergies then the answer would have been a loud and resounding NO.

Babies of that age don't have friends. I'd say that that is a concept that comes much later.

Stop making yourself miserable with a group of horrid bitches. There will be other local mother and baby/toddler groups. Ditch the NCT one.

rickyzoooooom · 15/02/2022 08:31

I had a similar experience. Never felt accepted by my NCT group.

In my case it was because I had twins - all their meet ups were cafes etc where they could hold baby in one arm and drink coffee with the other. Any time I suggested something different and more manageable maybe one or two would come. Never the whole group. I gave up in the end and joined a couple of church run playgroups where I met lovely people always willing to help, and where my babies could happily lay on a playmat, in a bouncer while I had a hot tea and a biscuit.

I agree with your husband. Just stop going.

Oh and please don't feel bad about formula feeding. Mine were formula fed and are absolutely fine, healthy, normal weight 4 year olds.

Blueuggboots · 15/02/2022 08:32

I dumped my nct group after a year. It was toxic. I've never looked back.

PigeonLittle · 15/02/2022 08:33

Toxic horrible people - there are so many wonderful support networks out there. Try a new baby group Flowers

Staryflight445 · 15/02/2022 08:33

Yes op, get out of there.
They all sound horrible and will be bitching about each other behind one another’s backs no doubt.

Let them think they’re above everyone else just because they breast feed. They really are not very nice.

KumquatQuince · 15/02/2022 08:34

Ditch the judgy bitches! They’re not proper friends. There’s loads of other mums out there who’d be much more supportive. Go to baby groups instead - baby singing, baby gym, baby swimming, there’s loads out there. You’ll soon get talking and make friends.

Your baby being the only boy might get a bit left out in the group as he gets older anyway. I was the only mum with a boy in my group and DS and I felt a bit on the edge. Partly because the mums were a bit judgy too and control freaky as well.

Don’t spend time with people who make you feel bad, they’re an emotional drain and really not worth it.

Skeam · 15/02/2022 08:35

You don’t need permission to stop seeing anyone, OP, and while I appreciate that becoming first-time parents can be very bonding, basically these are people you’ve known for under a year, not ‘really good friends’.

Look, the only thing you have in common with them is having a baby at the same time. My NCT group just didn’t really gel — we didn’t like each other much, and drifted apart within two months of the babies arriving.

And you don’t need to stick to your group — there will be NCT coffee mornings and the like in your neighbourhood, which will put you in contact with different people. I enjoyed those far more.

Funkyslippers · 15/02/2022 08:38

Is there not a single one of them you could politely message to say how you feel?

I breast fed both of mine and they slept through the night quite early but I would never judge anyone who didn't bf, I know how difficult it can be. I've been to a couple of baby groups that were extremely unfriendly and it really dents your confidence so don't waste any more time. If you can find a good one that will obviously help

Fimilo · 15/02/2022 08:38

They are not your friends, I would stop meeting/talking to them and go to another group. I have a 6 month old baby boy who reacted to breastmilk and is now on an amino acid based formula. So being BF isn't going to stop allergies. Congrats on your baby x

sjj257 · 15/02/2022 08:40

Wow these women sound awful! My 3 babies were all between 10 and 11lbs. First one wouldn’t latch on, ended up on formula after 3 days, second one latched perfectly but I was struggling with feeding constantly and having a 17 month old when my husband went back to work so he went on formula at 2 weeks. My 3rd I got terrible postnatal anxiety due to the hormones. I think breastfeeding made it worse so he went on formula at 2 months old. They are now 15, 13 and 5, all perfectly healthy, not overweight, no allergies. Do not meet these women again they are making you feel terrible. There will be lots of baby groups around, find some that they don’t go to and you will surely meet some lovely friends ❤️

Changingtides1234 · 15/02/2022 08:40

Stuff like this makes me so angry

No you’re doing nothing wrong
You should call them out on their nonesense
They aren’t martyrs for feeding, they are behaving that way- they chose to feed they shouldn’t make out they are special
Formula is there for so many reasons and it’s good it is, not just for stressed mums or big babies
These companies finance breast milk research, we actively learn more by their existence

I’m a breastfeeding mom and I’ve heard this nonsense so much.
Your a brilliant mumma you do you

If this were me I’d call them out on their silliness

As a teacher I don’t ask who was breastfed
But I can tell which parents read to their kids in voices
I can tell who let their children take risks
I can tell which parents think they are special and look down on others

Remove these people from your life xx

JustUseTheDoorSanta · 15/02/2022 08:40

Ignore the babies, they have nothing to do with NCT groups really. It's supposed to be a new group of friends supporting each other in their new life. You got some duds, so that's a shame. Never mind. Join mum and baby music group, baby sensory, gym, baby signing, whatever else you fancy. Say hi, be nice, go for coffee and see who you get along with you'll find your people. Block that WhatsApp group and if asked just tell them you felt it had run its course so won't be meeting up again.

Whywonttheyhelpme · 15/02/2022 08:41

I feel your pain, my DH friends wife was an NCT nut and completely put me off joining when I fell pregnant. Breast was best, only cloth nappies will do, baby led weaning is the only way etc. It was boring and tiresome listening to her perfect parenting. I did what I wanted and have two perfectly happy, healthy children that are doing well in school and eat a much bigger variety of foods than the friends NCT children.

These people are idiots and neither you nor your baby benefit from having their toxic attitudes around you. Your baby only needs you at this age but it is nice for mums to have support. Try looking at your local library or community centre for baby groups. I’m sure you will find some lovely friends with better attitudes.

Funkyslippers · 15/02/2022 08:42

Also did you reply when she asked you that? It just shows that not only is she nasty but stupid as well!

TabithaHazel · 15/02/2022 08:43

Sounds like they are a bunch of immature insecure mean girls and they have singled you out as their scapegoat to make themselves feel better. I'd ditch the lot of them, it'll do wonders for your metal health. And I bet you anything that once you leave the group they will turn on another of the group.

HalloHello · 15/02/2022 08:44

That is absolutely terrible OP. I breastfeed but have never encountered anyone with such a bad attitude to FF. You're doing absolutely nothing wrong here. I would immediately ditch those judgy awful woman and find a baby group.

Babies don't need friends their age, they'll meet other children at nursery etc so don't worry about that. Most people never even go to NCT, it's more for mums anyway!

Cakeandcardio · 15/02/2022 08:44

Nasty people. Sounds like they have some major insecurities of their own which they are projecting onto you. Don't take what they say to heart either - my baby couldn't be bf despite me trying everything! He has no allergies. Girl I know bf her baby for a year. Has been hospitalised due to allergies. So it's nonsense anyway.
Your baby will be fine without power babies just now. Go along to other groups and I'm sure you will meet other mums who are supportive. These women who think they are superior all because they were lucky that bfeeding worked out for them don't need to be in your life. Just cut contact completely. Don't reply to texts etc. Focus on you.

DiscoBadgers · 15/02/2022 08:44

I say this gently - are you sure they are actually saying things and judging you, or do you feel as though they are because you are upset that your experience of motherhood is different to theirs? I had a very similar experience with my NCT group at first as mine was the only FF baby and he is disabled. It turned out that it was me who was seeing perceived slights not them at all and 5 years later we are all still friends.

Isonthecase · 15/02/2022 08:46

Total cows, and that's being unkind to cows. I found this with baby groups in my old town, there was one woman who somehow just dragged down every group she was part of with her competitive parenting and never seeing her again has massively improved my life. Moved house and met loads of lovely people, especially once my eldest started school. It feels a bit sad giving up on NCT groups as you hear all these stories of lovely ones but if you have a dud you're best of cutting and running.

AgathaAllAlong · 15/02/2022 08:46

Agree, stop seeing them. NCT friends are for you, and clearly these horrible lot are making you feel worse. Your son will be fine. My DS spend most of his first year in lockdown, but once it was over we managed to make a little group of friends by seeing regulars at the park and joining playgroups. Church playgroups are great because they're cheap, informal, and there's often people who don't know anyone else so loads of chance to just get chatting to someone and exchange numbers.

I'd do it either what folk have suggested, not responding or vague "sorry can't make it" or tell them that you feel judged because of the formula.

By the way, I know you know but.... There is nothing wrong with formula!! It is not second best. It is what works for you and your family. Fun game, go to a playground and point out which 4 year olds were breast fed and which were formula fed.... Oh wait, it's impossible, because it literally makes no difference at all.

CrotchetyQuaver · 15/02/2022 08:46

They sound like a pack of bitches who bring nothing to your life. So nothing will be lost when you don't turn up to meet them ever again.

That is awful Angry

lunar1 · 15/02/2022 08:46

They sound like awful bullies.

If you child ends up with allergies it's not because you used formula. My babies were both breastfed. Both have food allergies, dairy intolerance, and one has asthma.

Nothing to do with the way I fed them. Babies are whole entire people with their own wonderful qualities and challenges.

Their children will have far more difficulties in life by being raised by assholes!

Hopingdb2 · 15/02/2022 08:47

Am I missing something? My baby is 5 months and formula fed im still up in the night feeding. Since when do FF babies sleep through because I'm yet to experience a full night sleep 😂😂 they sound horrible 😐 why are mums made to feel like they aren't doing as good a job as a BF mum? Every midwife app she would ask are you going to BF? I would say no and I'd get the sigh and the pitiful look.

PeonyRose80 · 15/02/2022 08:48

They sound like dicks, ignore and move on, no friends is better than toxic ones.
When your beautiful son starts school no one has a clue who is breast or formula fed.

YingMei · 15/02/2022 08:48

This is awful they are not your friends. I didn't particularly gel with my nct group - I had a girl and they all had boys and there was a lot of 'I'm so glad I had a boy first'. I was also the only unmarried one and there was a few comments along the lines of ' I'm so happy we were married before kids' They also used to arrange really expensive stuff like spa days that I couldn't afford to go on at the time. I joined a local mum and baby group - made some lifelong friends there. Find some new mum pals