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Original poster

Dads joining coffee group

499 replies

CaptainMyCaptainn · 14/02/2022 14:25

So I strongly suspect I’m being UR and probably need a resounding yes to give me a head wobble.

A weekly coffee / lunch meet up in a pub for mums started a few months ago. It was advertised as mums and mums to be and it’s been a great space to meet other mums and talk about everything from boobs and PND to holidays.

Someone recently asked if there’s a similar group for dads and then all of a sudden, dads were being added to the WhatsApp group and have started to come. Today, one came on his own as he left sleeping baby at home with mum. I personally think it changes the dynamic to have men but I think I’m being UR here. Just hoping that whilst I’m UR, it’s understandable.

Just to add, there are dads who come to other baby groups I go to and it’s completely ok, and I happily chat to them. But it’s this particular one where it’s more of a support group that feels uncomfortable.

OP posts:
GlendaSugarbeanIsJudgingYou · 14/02/2022 20:11

It's people like you who climb on their "women only", no place for dominating patronising men in our "women world" who cause for (some) men to happily reject their responsibility

Any father who rejects their responsibility, for whatever reason, was probably a useless prick to begin with.

Don't blame women for men's shitty behaviour.

JustBlethering · 14/02/2022 20:11

*of course I blame women to want to keep men away from being a father!

Why mums groups? Can't dad deal with babies for the first year?*

Are you being deliberately thick? There are occasionally mums only groups that are focused around breastfeeding and pre/post natal issues as these are things that only mums experience. There are many, many other mixed and dads groups. How on earth is a man not going to a mums group 'keeping me away from being a father'?

Stop being a numpty.

Are the 3 local dads groups near me keeping mums away from being parents?

Iwannabewherethepeopleare · 14/02/2022 20:11

@Confusedtraveler oh, hardly! I love spending time with my husband more than anything but if a place isn’t appropriate to take each other, we wouldn’t!

ldontWanna · 14/02/2022 20:13

And by the way, it's actually women like you that find excuses and make it women's fault when men underperform that lets them get away with it .

PleasantBirthday · 14/02/2022 20:14

of course I blame women to want to keep men away from being a father!

Is this really the power of mum's groups?

Monopolyiscrap · 14/02/2022 20:15

I can't possibly look after my kids love because those nasty mums will not let me go to their group.

Confusedtraveler · 14/02/2022 20:15

Don't moan about "equality" when you refuse to see that a dad has as much a place in parent groups as a mum, and it's high time to stop all these "mums groups" nonsense - until then, don't complain that women are seen as inferior and we have hundred of thread of this forum whining about "why is it always women".

It's because you are making it so, that's why. Makes it harder for the rest of us to be taken seriously, that's why that ridiculous outdated attitude pisses me off.

ldontWanna · 14/02/2022 20:16

of course I blame women to want to keep men away from being a father!

I asked this before.. is a mum that doesn't attend groups any less of a mother?

Can a man only be a father at a group?

Confusedtraveler · 14/02/2022 20:16

@Monopolyiscrap

I can't possibly look after my kids love because those nasty mums will not let me go to their group.
you are telling society that it's a mothers job, a woman place and men should be kept out... nice message, your daughters will be so grateful.
FOJN · 14/02/2022 20:17

How many rules of misogyny have we seen so far on this thread?

Dads joining coffee group
PleasantBirthday · 14/02/2022 20:17

You know we're talking about some mums having coffee once a week?

JustBlethering · 14/02/2022 20:18

@Confusedtraveler so you don't think women should be able to have for instance a breastfeeding group without men being there?

You didn't answer my question; are the 3 dads groups near me stopping mums from being parents?

Just off the top of my head within a 3 mile radius of me there are; 3 dads groups, 5 mums, dads, grandparents, childminders etc. groups and 1 mums group for breastfeeding support.

Those nasty, nasty mums stopping the poor menz from parenting.

FOJN · 14/02/2022 20:20

you are telling society that it's a mothers job, a woman place and men should be kept out... nice message, your daughters will be so grateful.

First part of your username checks out. I'm sure the mums here are grateful for your input and will give it all the consideration it deserves.

Monopolyiscrap · 14/02/2022 20:23

No we are telling men that not everything is about them.

Men face different issues as fathers, which is why fathers groups exist.

Iwannabewherethepeopleare · 14/02/2022 20:25

God I was sticking up for men by saying o could see why they’d join a mums group if they didn’t realise it was actually a group specifically for mums with no men invited there. But when it’s clear they are talking about periods, piles, mastitis etc, what mean would even want to listen to that?

GlendaSugarbeanIsJudgingYou · 14/02/2022 20:27

Not one poster has said that fathers should be kept from parenting groups. Quite the opposite in fact.

Just that they have no reason to attend a group specifically for mothers.

Confusedtraveler · 14/02/2022 20:29

@FOJN

you are telling society that it's a mothers job, a woman place and men should be kept out... nice message, your daughters will be so grateful.

First part of your username checks out. I'm sure the mums here are grateful for your input and will give it all the consideration it deserves.

wow, when you need to come to personal insults, the discussion is not going well for you is it...
Confusedtraveler · 14/02/2022 20:31

@PleasantBirthday

You know we're talking about some mums having coffee once a week?
in a PUB 😂

where presumably the owner is refusing access to any male client, as women are not comfortable discussing mother issues holidays if a male is present.

FOJN · 14/02/2022 20:31

wow, when you need to come to personal insults, the discussion is not going well for you is it...

I would argue that when you have to resort to manipulating what's actually being said and then attempting to guilt trip women for wanting a space for themselves then it's probably you it's not going very well for.

PinkTonic · 14/02/2022 20:38

I don’t see why a dad can’t be there and why men are so awful - a lot of women do end up having babies with men

As a man you don’t need to see why. Just accept that men change the conversation and the whole dynamic of the group and women are entitled to have space without them to discuss issues specific to women.

ChillysWaterBottle · 14/02/2022 20:41

@SomeOwlsCoo

The poor dad who came didnt know he would be the only one. It changed the dynamics but maybe it would be kinder if your group could help set up a daddy or couples group.

Seriously? Mums should "be kind" and set up a Daddy group? Can men not set up their own group?

This reminds me of when my dc were small (16ish years ago.) I used to take them to a local toddler group one weekday morning. Then they announced there was also going to be one on a Saturday morning. Perfect I thought, something cheap and local on a Saturday morning that their Dad and I can take them to. Only when we got there we were told it was for dads only. But there were mums there. I could see them. Turns out they were there to set up/ clear away/make tea and coffee and keep an eye on the kids while the dads relaxed.
So when I went to my midweek toddler group I paid 50p, supervised my children. Took my turn at making drinks, we were strictly limited to 1 drink each at the specified time in the specified room. Helped tidy up at the end.
When the dads went on a Saturday they paid 50p and sat around drinking unlimited teas and coffee whilst the volunteer mums kept an eye on the kids and tidied up.

Omg this is outrageous!!
FebruaryFest · 14/02/2022 21:01

Tbh Confusedtraveller I think I want to tell our daughters that despite the millennia of conditioning they don't have to centre men, especially not at the time of their lives where they undergo one of the biggest physical, hormonal and emotional disruptions they will know.

UnshakenNeedsStirring · 14/02/2022 21:04

Not unreasonable at all to want a Mums only group. Yes having a dad will change the dynamics. If dads want support they can start their own group. Its a mums group not a parenting group

Confusedtraveler · 14/02/2022 21:07

@FebruaryFest

Tbh Confusedtraveller I think I want to tell our daughters that despite the millennia of conditioning they don't have to centre men, especially not at the time of their lives where they undergo one of the biggest physical, hormonal and emotional disruptions they will know.
I completely disagree that men have no place to support their partner, no role to play and it's an unhealthy way to keep sending the message that it's a woman's area where men must be excluded. No one is saying that a man being present immediately means women must start behaving as his servants Confused

Simply finding it "strange" that a father would come along with his wife to have a drink and a chat about babies summarise everything that is wrong. Since when are women in a position of weakness the minute a male is around?

ldontWanna · 14/02/2022 21:08

@FebruaryFest

Tbh Confusedtraveller I think I want to tell our daughters that despite the millennia of conditioning they don't have to centre men, especially not at the time of their lives where they undergo one of the biggest physical, hormonal and emotional disruptions they will know.
And I'd definitely want them to know that they don't get to blame other women and use them as an excuse because those men choose to opt out of adulthood and parenthood.