7 coming to stay! Invited themselves ! To very elderly relatives !

[2beesornot2beesthatisthehoney]

So some younger relatives contacted my mum to announce that they were coming to stay with my parents. 7 of them including 2 children. To celebrate her 90th birthday! For 10 days!

She will have to get food in , contemplating a caravan in the garden, (because their quite large house is not really big enough for 7 extra) and do all sorts of stuff in preparation and whilst they are there. My parents go to bed relatively early these days , so their sleeping habits no doubt will be disturbed. When I heard , I suggested I would look at alternative accommodation Air B&B etc . Trouble is they live in a very rural area away from public transport but I did find one possibility.

Then another bomb shell . They are not intending to hire a car because they don’t like British roads . ( not from uk) . So the property I found is unsuitable as it’s a few miles away with no public transport links.

My parents now have 2 unreliable cars hardly go anywhere now and been shielding for the last 2 years anyhow because mum is CEV . (Explaining unreliable cars but that is another thread in itself) . So these relatives expect to be driven everywhere and collected from the airport too. And the 2 children are young enough to need car seats I think ( youngest at least , not sure of height of older one) .

It’s utter madness! Mum feels compelled to say yes because over the years they have stayed with that family though not them personally.

I think she should be saying no! Dad says “ they will muddle through” .

AIBU to somehow step in without it causing WW3 in the family?

@Integrity7

Why don't you offer to cook, shop, make beds, drive them and book the alternative accommodation? And lay some covid and other ground rules like quarantining 14 days before seeing your parents? It maybe the last time your parents get to see them or they may have an ulterior motive. Your parents are adults with agency.

Are you fucking kidding me or am I missing some balls deep sarcasm here? Why the hell should OP offer to do all of that when if they had asked her she would have said no? Her parents are of the age that they feel obligated but are unable to accommodate without impacting their physical and mental health. Rightly (IMO) OP has intervened as, you know, she quite likes her folks and would like them around for a bit longer whereas acting as AirB&B would probably kill them off! Self-isolation cannot be done to any meaningful extent due to them hopping flights (hard to isolate in a tin can!). There wouldn't be any chance for self-isolation before staying with OPs parents - or at least not for any meaningful length of time. I can't believe anyone thought this was a good idea! Just...no!

They sound very selfish

Your latest update about the trip to Italy is unbelievable - except it isn't. How you are restraining yourself from calling them and absolutely giving it to them with both barrels is beyond me and any self-control I would have been able to maintain.

I'm glad you have an ally in your cousin.

That is my point. If you want to protect your parents they will have 4 days clear of the quarantine would have to quarantine longer. I would also get them to do a PCR. And get air purifiers etc.

Check with her hospital but my betting - as someone with MS who has had 3 jabs. The party and other relatives are out until they have said goodbye to your parents.

You presumably had to not see them for so long because you were mixing with others?

Or is there another reason you don't want them there?

@ChickenStripper so we are all basically selfish cheap bastards abroad, is that it?

Your view on North Americans is really insulting.

@Integrity7

That is my point. If you want to protect your parents they will have 4 days clear of the quarantine would have to quarantine longer. I would also get them to do a PCR. And get air purifiers etc.

Check with her hospital but my betting - as someone with MS who has had 3 jabs. The party and other relatives are out until they have said goodbye to your parents.

You presumably had to not see them for so long because you were mixing with others?

Or is there another reason you don't want them there?

Have you actually read the OP posts?

@Pinkfluff76

Oh ffs this is why I have such bad feelings toward Americans!so brazen and selfish!

Don't be so ridiculous. None of my American friends would ever behave in this way. And if I have any generalisation about Americans, it's that they tend to be extremely warm and hospitable.

And anyway, these people are Irish but live in the US.

@2beesornot2beesthatisthehoney

Well they have read the latest strongly worded message

Oh lordy, what did you say?!

@Pinkfluff76

Oh ffs this is why I have such bad feelings toward Americans!so brazen and selfish!

Shall I judge the entirety of the UK on your post?

God I hate the Brits. So passive aggressive and rude.

Ridiculous, right?

By the next strongly worded, did you send another after you found out about Italy?

We found that when staying with elderly cousins who knew my Gparents well - in a land far far away & many time zones to count - we were frequently questioned by younger members of the family, sometimes directly & sometimes stealthily - about our home. Where it was, how close to London, how to long to get there and how many people could sleep there.

Once we’d twigged, my standard answer was that the family were welcome to sleep in the bathroom & the bus came though twice a week.

Went strangely quiet after that…

What waS your latest message?

@UniversalAunt

We found that when staying with elderly cousins who knew my Gparents well - in a land far far away & many time zones to count - we were frequently questioned by younger members of the family, sometimes directly & sometimes stealthily - about our home. Where it was, how close to London, how to long to get there and how many people could sleep there.

Once we’d twigged, my standard answer was that the family were welcome to sleep in the bathroom & the bus came though twice a week.

Went strangely quiet after that…

So you were happy to stay with family but didnt want to reciprocate?

Wow. They sound so selfish. I don't think they have even really thought about what they are asking.

what selfish and inconsiderate morons.
Batten down the hatches and tell them to bugger off.
Your parents don't need thhis at such an elderly and fragile age.
But that's typical of their generation "to muddle through".
It could finish them off and god forbid that happens.
These morons have one option, to find their own accomodation, rent a hire car and drive themselves around sightseeing.
If it causes WW3 so be it.
Your parents will thank you for stepping in and preventing an onslaught.

@Pinkfluff76

Oh ffs this is why I have such bad feelings toward Americans!so brazen and selfish!

Yes, certainly if threads on MN are any indication, there are absolutely zero brazen CFs to be found in the UK.

Ffs

She had heard the young couple with children had been invited to a party in Italy and were going to leave young kids with another cousin at my parents house and fly out for a couple of days

Your cousin had heard that these relatives were going to leave kids with other cousins
in your 90 year old parents’ house whilst they left the country and went to a wedding…. but didn’t think to tell anyone about it??

@Howshouldibehave

Well to be fair the cousin is their grandma but even so. That is the reason they want to stay , it’s near z( an hour away from ) the best airport .

Well to be fair the cousin is their grandma

I’m just stunned that your cousin/the grandma of these visitors felt it was ok for 7 of their relatives to impose on a couple on their 90s?! Nobody thought it was a…

A. Cheeky to just invite themselves
B. A pisstake to expect people in their 90s to host them and drive them around.
C. Or thought to inform you?!

The cousin just waits for you to ring her up and THEN tells you about the weirding in Italy. And THEN agrees it might be too much for them.

They are complicit here and it’s not very nice.

I am glad you are being clear, OP. Not because they are Americans, but because they are cheekfuckers who want to take advantage of your parents. Leeches like your American relatives and this lady's British brother (below) are to be found everywhere. www.mumsnet.com/Talk/feeling_depressed/4468359-AIBU-to-say-he-can-t-extend-his-holiday?msgid=115143185

I hope you have been absolutely crystal clear in saying No to this set up, @2beesornot2beesthatisthehoney - it sounds like they're taking the piss even more than was first apparent!!

Bloody chancers.

@Howshouldibehave

Well to be fair the cousin is their grandma

I’m just stunned that your cousin/the grandma of these visitors felt it was ok for 7 of their relatives to impose on a couple on their 90s?! Nobody thought it was a…

A. Cheeky to just invite themselves
B. A pisstake to expect people in their 90s to host them and drive them around.
C. Or thought to inform you?!

The cousin just waits for you to ring her up and THEN tells you about the weirding in Italy. And THEN agrees it might be too much for them.

They are complicit here and it’s not very nice.

Yep. I find this Bizarre too and agree you others you need rock solid boundaries, a good offense and ovaries of steel.

I work with a lot of Americans and 10 days is going to be close to if not all of their entire annual leave allowance once flight time is factored in.
I can tell you for free these guys are going to be "totally pumped" and "excited for" their jolly "to Europe" which they are planning on the cheap with zero fucks given because "leisure time" is at a premium for them. They wont go down without a fight.

My English cousin is not the grandma of the children . Their grandma is one of the American “ cousins” coming

My English cousin is not complicit , she just told me what was planned but because she was already opting out didn’t take it all in .

I am just wondering when the Americans were going to tell my parents about the Italian party? When they arrive maybe ? Thanks for the lifts from the airport , oh can you take us back again in a couple of days because we are galavantingoff to another party while we are here . Oh did we say we had come to celebrate your event ? Oh sorry about they still it’s nice to help family out is t it?

Actually I only realised last night that half way during this proposed stay is our 30th wedding anniversary. Due to covid and me being cEV etc I am really not sure if we were going to do anything . Depends on how it goes, but any small family celebration would be scuppered with these plans .

I was actually going to say the stress of this could finish them off but held back.

I hope they take what you've said on board? If not get incredulous. They really can't be staying.