Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Valentine's flowers

78 replies

ChampagneLassie · 14/02/2022 10:32

Even typing this I think the obvious answer is YABU. I LOVE flowers, and have always bought flowers for myself. DP encouraged me not to so often, not least so he could surprise me. A friend got a gorgeous floral display made for Valentines (reds, pinks, lots of roses), which I showed him last week and said how much I loved it. I contacted same florist and ordered bouquet for another friend from them (its not local to me). I told him this. Just received bouquet a very bog-standard bouquet of whites and yellows like something you'd send a aunt or thank-you to a neighbour. Not at all Valentinesy. And not as nice as my usual Freddie's Flowers which I've cancelled! I feel really disappointed. The really annoying thing is we've been here before, that a previous year I got something a bit...aged aunt and I was really upset about it and he ordered me something better. I feel like I'm being a bit childish / spoilt but I don't generally ask for much. I feel if he can't be bothered to get me really nice flowers I'd rather he didn't bother.

OP posts:
Dogmum40 · 14/02/2022 17:12

My husband and I don’t do Valentine’s Day at all, no flowers, cards , chocolates or expensive meals but I do send flowers to my mum on Mother’s Day and last year I spent 95.00 on a “beautiful “ bouquet that came with a vase and delivered in a huge posh box, it honestly looked stunning and huge online and when it got delivered it was half the size, they were half dead and not remotely vibrant and healthy ( I complained, sent photos and got a refund) so could it be the same case here as me, him thinking you were getting some huge gorgeous colourful bouquet but got flowers that can only be described as half dead from some poor souls grave ? Double check with him what he ordered and if they weren’t as described get in touch with them for a full refund ( the online florist I used initially refused to refund but I threatened going through the bank so they backed down)

BABAHOTEL · 14/02/2022 17:15

@Suprima

Ignore everyone who thinks you should put up and shut up.

It’s really not hard to order a bouquet online or to phone a florist and be like ‘erm I’m a bit shit with this but can you do my OH a nice Valentine’s bouquet? My budget is x’

I bet you do so much for your family and you deserve a nice bouquet- not garage flowers.

Who got garage flowers? Where did OP say she got garage flowers?
ThAtSnOtMynAm · 14/02/2022 17:39

I get where your coming from. It's taken me years of telling hubby what types of flowers I like for him to get it nearly spot on this year. We like what we like, not rude or childish. I don't want another 40 years of half dead tulips from the garage 😂

Gilmorehill · 14/02/2022 17:41

Start buying yourself flowers again.

ThAtSnOtMynAm · 14/02/2022 17:42

@Gilmorehill

Start buying yourself flowers again.
🤣🤣 did you not read the part that OP said she does buy her own flowers but her DH wanted to buy her some?
Gilmorehill · 14/02/2022 17:46

@ThAtSnOtMynAm I did indeed. She clearly loves flowers and it seems he’s not willing to spend what she would. Nothing wrong with her spending her own money on what she enjoys.

rosegoldwatcher · 14/02/2022 18:00

I once wrote ROSES on the shopping list.

DH went to the supermarket and returned with nothing. He argued that he hadn't known whether I wanted flowers or chocolates! (As if I would ask for sub-Lindt type chocolates!)

JaninaDuszejko · 14/02/2022 18:01

Just tell him to stop buying you flowers because you love your subscription flowers, ask for posh chocolates or booze or whatever you fancy instead. I think you have to be very blunt with men. I'm not keen on roses but my favourite flowers are daffodils and it's taken DH several years to realise I really mean it when I say 'get me daffodils for Valentine's Day, I'll appreciate them more than roses'. He buys me something else with the money he saves (got a piece of art today that I've had my eye on for a while).

Laiste · 14/02/2022 18:05

I'm on the fence with this one.

I'm finding the 'You should be grateful for anything he bought' a bit Hmm though. Really?

I suppose i'm trying to see this without the women/flowers specific. If it was traditional for the woman to buy the man a bottle of whisky for valentines and your DH happened to be a whisky connoisseur all the rest of the year - would you think - right, he's fussy about his whisky i'll buy him a brand i know he enjoys or ''try'' (Hmm) to buy some whisky by grabbing what ever says Whisky on the label?

Laiste · 14/02/2022 18:15

I think my view is coloured slightly by the year dear DH asked me what i wanted for my birthday and i asked him for a handbag. I showed him the actual handbag i wanted on the website (It was a dark red patent leather bag. Squareish with a little hoop handle).

Somehow he bought me a bag which would have been good as a saddle bag hanging on a camel. It was woven, half a meter square, beach bag, in shockingly bright colours and covered with tassels. I mean ....ConfusedHmm

It's a running joke between us now. But i still don't really know how he got it so wrong!

Suprima · 14/02/2022 18:38

Garage flowers is a derogatory term for a shit bouquet. A spray of auntworthy whites and yellows on Valentine’s Day when the woman you apparently love has hinted she would like something special is a shit bouquet.

My ex was very fond of these- and trust me, his ‘that’ll do’ attitude was not specially reserved for Valentine’s Day.

This isn’t about the flowers- it’s about thoughtfulness and care and making the person you love feel a bit special. He had the option to do that- couldn’t be bothered, or was the classic tactical incompetence so OP doesn’t dare ask next year.

BABAHOTEL · 14/02/2022 18:43

@Suprima

Garage flowers is a derogatory term for a shit bouquet. A spray of auntworthy whites and yellows on Valentine’s Day when the woman you apparently love has hinted she would like something special is a shit bouquet.

My ex was very fond of these- and trust me, his ‘that’ll do’ attitude was not specially reserved for Valentine’s Day.

This isn’t about the flowers- it’s about thoughtfulness and care and making the person you love feel a bit special. He had the option to do that- couldn’t be bothered, or was the classic tactical incompetence so OP doesn’t dare ask next year.

Crikey she should have him hung!!
LemonSwan · 14/02/2022 18:47

These mixed bouquets look great but they never last.

I am in love with the £3 packs of alstromeria atm. Last literally weeks!

peboh · 14/02/2022 18:53

@Suprima

Garage flowers is a derogatory term for a shit bouquet. A spray of auntworthy whites and yellows on Valentine’s Day when the woman you apparently love has hinted she would like something special is a shit bouquet.

My ex was very fond of these- and trust me, his ‘that’ll do’ attitude was not specially reserved for Valentine’s Day.

This isn’t about the flowers- it’s about thoughtfulness and care and making the person you love feel a bit special. He had the option to do that- couldn’t be bothered, or was the classic tactical incompetence so OP doesn’t dare ask next year.

Oh bloody Nora
Sciurus83 · 14/02/2022 18:56

YANBU. He knows you love flowers, he should know what sort of flowers you like given they were delivered regularly to your house. It's really not that hard. Just get your subscription back.

Sciurus83 · 14/02/2022 18:57

@LemonSwan I love astrolomeria too, such good value!

JurgensCakeBabyJesus · 14/02/2022 19:06

😂 the funny thing is I got a very valentine's bouquet and would've been much happier with a small bright spring bouquet rather than all the pinks, reds and purples.
I got something else too that's quite particular to me and I don't get upset by the colour of flowers so it's fine.

ComtesseDeSpair · 14/02/2022 19:30

@Laiste

I'm on the fence with this one.

I'm finding the 'You should be grateful for anything he bought' a bit Hmm though. Really?

I suppose i'm trying to see this without the women/flowers specific. If it was traditional for the woman to buy the man a bottle of whisky for valentines and your DH happened to be a whisky connoisseur all the rest of the year - would you think - right, he's fussy about his whisky i'll buy him a brand i know he enjoys or ''try'' (Hmm) to buy some whisky by grabbing what ever says Whisky on the label?

Whisky is actually quite a good comparison as it’s something which people who appreciate it are very specific about. DP knows I like whisky. He knows I like rare single malts in particular. He also knows that a lot of the single malts I buy, I buy for very specific reasons: usually because they’re a particular tasting note from a silent distillery, or they mark a particular event in the distillery’s history. As he isn’t a whisky connoisseur, I wouldn’t expect him to know that I’d prefer a Glenfiddich Snow Phoenix over a Lagavulin Feis Ile. I’d actually quite like to receive a plain old single malt from any distillery from him, even though it wouldn’t be anywhere near as nice as what I’d choose for myself.

If you really really like flowers but are in a relationship with somebody who is Confused about them, I’d expect it to be much the same. The DP seems to have made a reasonable effort here.

ComtesseDeSpair · 14/02/2022 19:33

(I am also quite aware that he knows very well I’d really like a Craigellachie 31, but has seen the price and is pretending that he hasn’t heard me Grin)

BunsOfAnarchy · 14/02/2022 19:33

YANBU OP.
Comments on here are odd.
Its not rocket science for a partner to figure out what you like if you show then pretty much what you want. It's the least I do for my DP.
He pointed out some shoes a few months back and rather than get a 'version' of them, or just something similar, igot the ones that he actually said he liked. Because he pointed out how nice they were. And I paid attention and remembered.

Its not about it being valentines or being grabby or that you 'should be grateful' (jeez, some people on here ugh).

Its just about basic listening to a partners preferences. Yes, the thought counts. But paying attention counts too!

BABAHOTEL · 14/02/2022 19:40

@ChampagneLassie what did you get him?

Original poster
ChampagneLassie · 14/02/2022 21:55

I got a bust of my pregnant body made a bit of an unusual gift but I don't think he really expected anything for Valentines. A few people mentioned whisky, for his birthday I got him (amongst other things) the whisky he likes which I think is a good analogy. Not just any whisky. In a personalised bottle. We're both generally quite thoughtful with gifts and he tends to get me presents without occasion. I do a lot of nice things for him. I guess this just fell a bit short. I know in grand scheme it doesn't matter.

OP posts:
LemonSwan · 14/02/2022 22:27

@Sciurus83

I know! I was so impressed with it. I have had them in the past as part of whole bouquets but when the rest of the bunch goes a bit dodgy you just end up throwing it all so never realised how fab they are on there own. This is a recent revelation!

I actually just love the simplicity of them. I think they look really effortless classy and 'understated modern country'. I keep mine in tall kilner jars and buying a bunch every week or so means I end up with fresh flowers in 3-4 rooms for no cost at all.

newnameforthis76 · 14/02/2022 23:07

Grow up and get a grip. He thought the flowers were nice, and he meant well.

Original poster
ChampagneLassie · 15/02/2022 18:29

In case of interest. I did end up telling him. And the ensuring conversation made me realise it wasn't really about the flowers. We're not on the same page about some bigger more fundamental things and I think the flowers (or his lack of attention to detail) on this hit a nerve. We had a bit of a talk last night and this morning and agreed we need to talk more about stuff.

OP posts: