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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Valentine's flowers

78 replies

ChampagneLassie · 14/02/2022 10:32

Even typing this I think the obvious answer is YABU. I LOVE flowers, and have always bought flowers for myself. DP encouraged me not to so often, not least so he could surprise me. A friend got a gorgeous floral display made for Valentines (reds, pinks, lots of roses), which I showed him last week and said how much I loved it. I contacted same florist and ordered bouquet for another friend from them (its not local to me). I told him this. Just received bouquet a very bog-standard bouquet of whites and yellows like something you'd send a aunt or thank-you to a neighbour. Not at all Valentinesy. And not as nice as my usual Freddie's Flowers which I've cancelled! I feel really disappointed. The really annoying thing is we've been here before, that a previous year I got something a bit...aged aunt and I was really upset about it and he ordered me something better. I feel like I'm being a bit childish / spoilt but I don't generally ask for much. I feel if he can't be bothered to get me really nice flowers I'd rather he didn't bother.

OP posts:
Aprilx · 14/02/2022 13:08

I didn’t really understand the post, what has you ordering flowers for a friend got to do with anything, I thought for a while you must have meant these were not to your liking.

To be honest, if yikes have a set idea on what specific flowers you want, you really might as well just buy them for yourself. I mean what is the point of pointing out exactly the arrangement you like and then saying “but me those flowers for Valentine’s Day”.

Aprilx · 14/02/2022 13:08

*buy

RoyKentsChestHair · 14/02/2022 13:11

@cherryonthecakes

Yabu to expect him to know what you consider old age aunt.

You need to be specific and explain you like red roses or whatever or even give him the contact details of the flower shop so he can order them bouquet that you like.

She literally showed him a picture last week and mentioned the site they were from.

YANBU to be disappointed that he hasn’t taken the huuuuge hints you dropped re flowers. I would start up your flower subscription again and then whatever he gets you next year won’t matter so much as you’ll have a lovely bouquet on the way too.

RoyKentsChestHair · 14/02/2022 13:13

@Stressedout1009

Yabu. Read a few threads today about women moaning about the flowers they received. Completely missing the point that they actually received something. Have a word with yourself op. Maybe the flowers you wanted were more expensive and he didn't didn't to actually waste money but got you something in between. You do sound very ungrateful.
But it’s not a waste to buy something beautiful that your wife will appreciate - he knows she likes flowers enough to have taken out a subscription to have them delivered on a regular basis. Surely spending a bit more on an arrangement she will love is worth every penny. It’s like saying why waste money taking her to a nice restaurant when he could get her a takeaway or go to McDonalds.
SilverHairedCat · 14/02/2022 13:14

I used to feel like this because DH has a knack for picking up out the half dead broken bunch from a bucket of beauties.

He's tried. He's tried to get you something you'll like. He's not aware of your exacting preferences, but he still tried.

It's like the dreadful cards my DH buys everyone, including me, for birthdays etc. I hate them, but he likes them and thinks they are cute or whatever, so I love him for that even if I think his taste is dreadful 😂

honeybeesknees · 14/02/2022 13:15

I agree with you OP. I remember a few years ago I really wanted a specific jewellery box. I’d told my sister about it, and she told me should would buy it for me for Christmas. But she actually bought me an obviously much cheaper version, which I didn’t like, and ended up getting rid of and buying the one I wanted originally. So now I just buy things for myself that I specifically want, and let people buy me surprises if they want to.

MrsGHarrison87 · 14/02/2022 13:32

This is a non issue. You don't love the flowers he got you for Valentines Day. Big deal. You can't expect people to be perfect and get everything spot on 100% of the time.

Original poster
ChampagneLassie · 14/02/2022 14:53

@Aprilx

I didn’t really understand the post, what has you ordering flowers for a friend got to do with anything, I thought for a while you must have meant these were not to your liking.

To be honest, if yikes have a set idea on what specific flowers you want, you really might as well just buy them for yourself. I mean what is the point of pointing out exactly the arrangement you like and then saying “but me those flowers for Valentine’s Day”.

The point of the friend was I was reminding him, by bringing it up a 2nd time, explaining what I did - ie phoned florist told them what was looking for. Not leaving till last min when all the best flowers are taken! Yes it was intended as a hint to find me something simmilar, but he clearly didn't take the hint! I get its not the biggest deal. I very rarely ask for anything / I put in effort of things he likes (he likes suprises for his birthday and fancy cakes), ordering some fancy roses is way less effort than I put in for him. And he'd got me to cancel my flowers so he could suprise me! Money not really am issue, he orders flowers as thankyou for people regularly and this just looks like it could be a thankyou bouquet to anyone. Funny on another thread on here people say my bar is way too low. I guess we're all individuals and the point is you hope you're partner pays, attention to what is important to you.
OP posts:
Moonface123 · 14/02/2022 14:57

Silent scream.

SocksAndTheCity · 14/02/2022 15:22

I know what you mean OP. I used to go out with a bloke who would send big bouquets on Valentines and birthday (and from a lovely local florist), but the thought and effort that went into them amounted to throwing the florist £30, asking them to make a bunch of flowers and send it to X.

There was nothing personal about them at all, despite him knowing that I liked pink, normally bought flowers that were all the same type or all the same colour, loved hyacinths/freesias and so on. 'Order flowers for Socks' was just another thing on the To Do list to get out of the way. They were always lovely (and definitely better than no flowers) but a bit more input would have been nice.

Pinkbonbon · 14/02/2022 15:33

Actually pretty surprised by the poll response op. There must be a lot of us jealous that a man bothered to send you flowers for valentines day haha.

I think its perfectly fair of you to expect something decent. It irritates the shit out of me when men consistently fail to take initiative and I think 'half assing' stuff is just as bad. Especially considering he fucked it up last year too. You literally showed him what you wanted and he still underwhelmed.

I think you've every right to be hurt.
And ppl can call you high maintenance all they like but the fact is he is choosing to date you, he knows what that means, so he should know he needs to meet those standards. And if he isn't willing to do that then...why should you settle?

MissConductUS · 14/02/2022 15:44

When my husband worked in New York City there was an amazing florist in Grand Central Terminal and he used to bring me a lovely bouquet from there once a week. I was really spoiled by it.

Then he took a job that didn't require commuting to the city, so I didn't get flowers as often, and when I did, they weren't as nice.

I was pretty peeved about it. Then I realized that I had no entitlement to special flowers, that he was a lovely husband and that what was important was the fact that he thought of me, not the quality of the flowers.

KylieCharlene · 14/02/2022 15:50

Oh, what an utter pig he is. So thoughtless.
How embarrassing receiving such shit. Whatever will your friends think!

Yoyokitten · 14/02/2022 15:54

YABU.... and bloody lucky to get anything

Pinkbonbon · 14/02/2022 16:01

@Yoyokitten

YABU.... and bloody lucky to get anything
But don't you think that that's a sad fact? That expecting something (let alone something nice) from your partner on valentines day is too much to ask for?

That says more about the shit quality of partners out there than it does about the op.

thewhatsit · 14/02/2022 16:02

Just be appreciative of the effort and have a chat with him in a week or so that you’re going to re-start your subscription as you like ordering the specific flowers you want and for him not to feel like he should order your flowers as it’s something you are picky about and don’t expect as a gift?

DH used to buy me flowers when we first got together. I think he was doing it because he thought he should. He doesn’t now but sometimes buys flowers now for the house (ie not specifically for me). He knows I don’t really like flowers and would never want to buy them myself so it’s not a good gift for me. I like gardening and I occasionally cut a bunch of tulips or whatever is in season from the garden myself - this I like to do but buying a bunch in from a florist isn’t really me.

thewhatsit · 14/02/2022 16:13

*But don't you think that that's a sad fact? That expecting something (let alone something nice) from your partner on valentines day is too much to ask for?

That says more about the shit quality of partners out there than it does about the op.*

I’m not sure I agree. He tried to get her flowers but he didn’t get the right ones, that’s it. He’s not a bad guy for this.
Personally I’m not a bouquet of flowers type of person so I’m sure I’d make plenty of mistakes if I were buying flowers for someone else, even if I tried my hardest.

I think the lesson in this is that the OP should go back to buying herself flowers and not want them from her DP as flowers are something she is specific about. There’s nothing wrong with this. I wouldn’t expect my DH to buy me a novel for instance, because we don’t have the same taste in books and try as he might he wouldn’t be able to accurately predict what I’d like to read 🤷‍♀️

Hbh17 · 14/02/2022 16:15

Well, to be fair, reds, pinks, roses etc are hugely tacky and cliched for V Day. Yellow & white is more imaginative and looking forward to spring, and sounds lovely.

Pinkbonbon · 14/02/2022 16:21

But how difficult is it to get the right flowers if your partner has literally shown you the ones they want?

I mean, hell, I think I'd be exctatic if a man bought me flowers of any kind but in this specific scenario I can see why op wasn't best pleased.

I just think its sad that instead of telling men to raise the bar and actually put proper thought into what the partner they chose wants, we are telling women to lower their standards.

He isn't five. And he hasn't only known her five minutes. And why shouldn't he want to go all out for the woman he loves? It's one day per year. I think he let himself down quite frankly. And I don't see why she should have to baby his feelings and let things slide when it seems he hasn't put much consideration into her feelings at all.

Bridgetina · 14/02/2022 16:22

I think all the hints stuff was probably completely missed. Telling your partner that you like some flowers someone else got isn’t the same as telling them you want to receive the same. I imagine he didn’t get what was being hinted at all and so just chose some flowers he thought looked nice.

thewhatsit · 14/02/2022 16:41

I just think its sad that instead of telling men to raise the bar and actually put proper thought into what the partner they chose wants, we are telling women to lower their standards.

I’m not sure raising the bar means teaching men to be better at buying flowers? Isn’t this just a massive gender stereotype?
Isn’t the issue in the OP’s case that she is very into flowers, wants them regularly but is happy to buy her own, but he feels like he should turn up with flowers as a romantic gesture every now and then? - surely just a frank conversation so everyone knows where they stand and get rid of this idea of his that he needs to do this. Replace it with something else - eg. I’d love it if you would every now and then surprise me with a restaurant booking .. or whatever.

There are so many people on MN seemingly annoyed because they didn’t get anything or didn’t get the right thing all because people don’t seem to talk to their partners .. or because they have poor relationships but have this crazy idea that their husband, who pays them no attention for the rest of the year, should show up with flowers on chocolates on Valentine’s Day and it’ll make everything else ok (to be fair - this does not apply to the OP just other V day posts today).

VainAbigail · 14/02/2022 16:46

I wish I could show you a photo of the heaps of gifts and flowers I got……. but there isn’t one to take.

SaltySocks · 14/02/2022 16:47

I think it would be difficult to pick a better bunch than you can especially if you are quite particular about what you want.

However, I do think that your dh is UR to encourage you to let him surprise you with flowers knowing that you are particular (ie if you can afford buy flowers regularly). Why can't he surprise you with something he's better at?

Suprima · 14/02/2022 16:55

Ignore everyone who thinks you should put up and shut up.

It’s really not hard to order a bouquet online or to phone a florist and be like ‘erm I’m a bit shit with this but can you do my OH a nice Valentine’s bouquet? My budget is x’

I bet you do so much for your family and you deserve a nice bouquet- not garage flowers.

ComtesseDeSpair · 14/02/2022 17:01

@Suprima

Ignore everyone who thinks you should put up and shut up.

It’s really not hard to order a bouquet online or to phone a florist and be like ‘erm I’m a bit shit with this but can you do my OH a nice Valentine’s bouquet? My budget is x’

I bet you do so much for your family and you deserve a nice bouquet- not garage flowers.

OP hasn’t indicated that these were thoughtless garage flowers though - just that they weren’t as nice as what she’d have chosen for herself.

I’m always shocked at how expensive flowers are when I buy them from somewhere that isn’t the supermarket - and with the likely Valentine’s mark up most flower retailers are going to have added onto their usual prices, it’s entirely possible the DP had a decent budget but what actually showed up for his £30 / £40 wasn’t particularly splendid looking.