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Original poster

Vegas and Strippers

254 replies

Hexagonmum · 14/02/2022 00:15

So my DH is off to Vegas for his brothers stag do. There's a whole bunch of them going together which is fine as they'll have a great time.
My concern is I've overheard them on their video chat speaking of going to a strip joint.

I don't want my DH going to a strip joint, like what the actual fuck, just because it's a stag do doesn't mean they have to act like idiots and all excited about seeing strippers, it makes me sick as to how sleazy men are.

I spoke to him after his video chat and he said if all his boys are going to the strip joint he doesn't want to be the only one not going. I told him that I class it as cheating and for him to make his decision but not to lie to me and to tell me the truth if he ends up going or not.

I'm standing firm on this.

OP posts:
BABAHOTEL · 14/02/2022 14:48

@flowervest75

I can’t wait to go to America (especially Atlanta) and go to a strip club again. I had the time of my life😂

I think it’s a bit drastic to view it as cheating. It’s not as if he’ll be going into the back room for a private service is it? However if you’re not happy with it then that’s that. Hopefully he stays put and doesn’t go. Wouldn’t really be worth throwing a relationship away just for a few hours of fun

You may well be looking forward to it, but I don't suppose the women working there enjoy being trafficked, leered at and pawed by you are that excited about you returning.

Marvellous actresses these women though, but rest assured they think your pathetic and sad.

Do enjoy yourself, don't get too over excited and have a heart attack though!

I presume that after you got aroused that you go back to your hotel room to have a wank........ alone, because that's all your have is your right hand?

nancybotwinbloom · 14/02/2022 15:03

As far as I know my DH wouldn't go because of personal choice. That's what he has always expressed his views as.

I'd be so disappointed in him if he did and I'd lose my respect for him.

It would be a deal breaker for me because he knows my views on this also.

I wouldn't see it as cheating as such but I would see it as pretty shitty behaviour.

mathanxiety · 14/02/2022 15:06

...the ignorance & complacency of some women on this thread is astounding.

It's astounding, sickening, and very disturbing.

Bookworm20 · 14/02/2022 15:09

OP, I'd feel the exact same.

And its not because i'm 'jealous' 'insecure' ' a prude' or whatever other label people put onto women who find this so very grim. Its because I could no longer feel the same about a man who had intentionally watched possibly exploited women take their clothes off for a mans sexual pleasure. And he wouldn't have a clue if they wanted to or were being forced to.
It would be this indifference, that his pleasure trumped whether he was watching an exploited young girl or woman that would end the relationship for me.

And I would also label it as cheating.
Just because they are paying to watch, makes it no different than if he invited barbara from the pub to gyrate naked in our living room for him. Except, Barbara would be fully consenting. But that would be cheating for me too.

And for those comparing men visiting a strip joint and women watching male strippers must just be seriously thick or very misinformed.

Any women I know (not me, no interest in male strippers) have viewed male striipers, like magic mike or whatever 'as a laugh'. Its all a bit chuckly and embarrassing and naughty and A LAUGH.

Men visiting strip joints are not there for a laugh, they are there for their own sexual enjoyment and pleasure often at the expense of an exploited woman.

Its entirely fucking different.

nicecoffeecup · 14/02/2022 15:11

I've been to Vegas many times for tech trade shows. First times there I did end up going along to a few of these places (after a bit too much to drink!!). While, I had no interest in looking at naked women, I did find the experience interesting and a bit of fun (for me, no comment on the strippers).

However, there are a range of these places, and my perspective flipped 180 degrees. After ending up in one especially bad place I made the decision never to do again. I won't go into details, but it was very explicit, (it seemed to me) there was much more on offer, etc. never again!!

ChampagneLassie · 14/02/2022 15:28

@ChargingBuck Most of the men I know socially/work etc have talked of going to strip clubs on stag dos' so I assume this is the norm. I'm thinking this might be a generational thing (I'm almost 40) - perhaps I am massively out of touch. I personally don't have a problem with strip clubs or with he men using them. I do have a problem with sexual exploitation and I think that sex work should be legalised and better regulated. I meant it would be emasculating if he is going on a stag do' and he isn't able to join in b/c his OH says no. If I wanted to do something and my OH objected I wouldn't do it (i.e. not go on the trip at all), I'd find it embarrassing to go and then opt out for part of it. If my DD how would I feel about her stripping - hypothetically I wouldn't have a problem with this (but maybe check back in 18 years), I want to encourage my DD to make the best of herself and be entrepreiural and if she made good money and was happy I'd like to think I'd be supportive. I will ask her father this Q . I think it would be somewhat hypocritical if he thinks it is ok for someone else's daughter but not his own.

Onlyforcake · 14/02/2022 15:33

I'm in my late 40s i know a few guys recently and less recently married. The only one who's stag do took in a strip club was someone with a reputation for being a sleaze. It's no coincidence i suspect. Men who normalise this behaviour are not just "a certain age" more "certain personality".

Hillarious · 14/02/2022 15:39

I see this thread on the list and keep misreading it and think its title is "Vegans and Strippers".

StripStripHooray · 14/02/2022 15:57

@Tamworth123

Licensed strip clubs are heavily moderated by the council. The cameras and audio recordings often have to be available as part of the licensing agreement. They can be inspected at a moments notice. They send in undercover Council workers wearing secret cameras to proposition the dancers to see if they will perform extras, capitulate to meeting afterwards for money, or if drugs are available. They exist to make money for the owner, as well as the dancer. They are not going to risk getting their licence revoked from dancers performing extras.

This has been shown to be deeply flawed by exposes. There have been several.

Oh and I know Met cops who go into strip.clubs and brothels and use prostitutes so ...

It's a joke.

I agree. Dancers with free will, and dancers without don't tend to be working in the same environment. Or at least, in the 10 or so years I was in the industry, and the 15 or so my dh was, that was our experience.

Clubs as a front for brothels and straight strip clubs generally don't use or attract the same kind of dancers.

(I have also experienced journalists trying to create an expose whilst in my club. They didn't care about the safety or privacy of the dancers and were recording without consent.)

PurpleCarpets · 14/02/2022 16:11

@LottyD32

If op starts laying down the law, all that will happen is that when they get back they'll clam up stick to 'what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas'.

I'd jog him on now, save wasting more time on him.

The OP "laying down the law" seems to sum up quite well the odd controlling component there is to this reasoning.

By all means don't associate with people who have moral values that conflict with your own. But to force people whose moral values don't correspond to yours to act as if they do seems very weird to me, especially within a relationship.

DoNotTouchTheWater · 14/02/2022 17:06

I wouldn’t call it ‘laying down the law’. Personally I’d assert my boundaries. Although the fact I was having to have a conversation about why the sex industry is a red line, I’d say we were beyond saving.

He can make his choices. He doesn’t have to respect my boundaries or share my feelings. But he’s be choosing not to be with me.

Incompatibility.

YungBludForPM · 14/02/2022 17:11

I hate strip clubs, mainly because of the amount of exploitation of women that goes on behind the scenes.

I didn't want my dh to go to one when he went to a friends stag but I just didn't ask what they did. I know it's not a popular opinion but i can't be hurt by why I don't know - this does not excuse cheating in any form btw before anyone starts on that!

ChargingBuck · 14/02/2022 17:48

@YungBludForPM

I hate strip clubs, mainly because of the amount of exploitation of women that goes on behind the scenes.

I didn't want my dh to go to one when he went to a friends stag but I just didn't ask what they did. I know it's not a popular opinion but i can't be hurt by why I don't know - this does not excuse cheating in any form btw before anyone starts on that!

Hobson's Choice, but Id rather a man cheated on me with a consenting woman, than paid to exploit one whose consent he absolutely cannot be sure of.
samyeagar · 14/02/2022 18:29

When my daughter was getting married, the pre wedding shenanigans almost got the wedding cancelled, and almost wrecked a couple of marriages as well.

I just never understood the whole last fling before the ring mindset. I went and played golf and went camping with a few mates.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 14/02/2022 19:35

I wouldn’t call it ‘laying down the law’. Personally I’d assert my boundaries

Sounds about right to me
The first is dictating what they can do, but the second is being clear about how you'll feel if they do it - which means that the choice (rightly) stays with them

MorganKitten · 14/02/2022 20:22

Really wouldn’t bother me as I’ve worked in strip clubs, in vegas it’s the strip hookers you’d need to worry about

BABAHOTEL · 14/02/2022 20:40

@MorganKitten

Really wouldn’t bother me as I’ve worked in strip clubs, in vegas it’s the strip hookers you’d need to worry about
No you really don't need to be worried about them, what that they'll entice your perfectly innocent man into shagging them. He really didn't want to, but couldn't help himself, they made him do it!

I

ChargingBuck · 14/02/2022 20:44

@MorganKitten

Really wouldn’t bother me as I’ve worked in strip clubs, in vegas it’s the strip hookers you’d need to worry about
I think you're missing the entire point of most PP's objections @MorganKitten. Because unlike you, they're not worried that their poor innocent little men are going to be corrupted by sex workers. They're worried FOR the sex workers.
ImInStealthMode · 14/02/2022 21:02

A (legal and licensed) strip club is pretty tame compared to what they could be getting up to in Vegas, in fairness.

Personally I'd be more Hmm about the choice of (expensive, long haul, famously seedy and 'anything goes') location than the possibility of looking at some naked ladies.

Divebar2021 · 15/02/2022 06:51

@MorganKitten

Sounds like you had an interesting time in Vegas. What was your experience of the strip clubs and the women who work there?

NeverFlyCoach · 15/02/2022 07:06

Alas, those strippers have zero interest in your middle aged husband and his buddies. They’re there to make their money and do their job.

DryOldCaper · 15/02/2022 07:09

@NeverFlyCoach

Alas, those strippers have zero interest in your middle aged husband and his buddies. They’re there to make their money and do their job.
What a startling insight this is.

I don’t think the OP thinks her husband is going to sweep one of her feet.

And ‘alas’? Why?

ANameChangeAgain · 15/02/2022 07:40

Alas, those strippers have zero interest in your middle aged husband and his buddies. They’re there to make their money and do their job.
Bless them, we should all send our husbands to Vegas to support these hard working women, because the fact the the women don't actually fancy the men makes it all okay! Hmm

Foxglovers · 15/02/2022 13:03

@twiggy19

I wouldn't see it as cheating.

Just like watching porn?

It will be awkward for him if he has to say he isn't allowed

Or he could say he doesn’t want to participate in a sleazy activity that completely objectifies women. In addition to being disrespectful to his partner…lol. Why does it have to be “not allowed”
mixum · 15/02/2022 13:14

OP, you will never know what he does thousands of miles away anyway.

Console yourself that it is "only" a strip club, but how would you know what, if anything else they might get up to? You won't and you don't.

Going to Vegas in the first place for a stag screams WTF, and OMG they are not there to look at the desert. You either accept/believe that he will behave like a monk or take off the rose tinted glasses and face reality.

He could always stay at home under your guard though I suppose....That's the only way to be sure he has the chastity belt on and well tightened.