Vegas and Strippers

[Hexagonmum]

So my DH is off to Vegas for his brothers stag do. There's a whole bunch of them going together which is fine as they'll have a great time.
My concern is I've overheard them on their video chat speaking of going to a strip joint.

I don't want my DH going to a strip joint, like what the actual fuck, just because it's a stag do doesn't mean they have to act like idiots and all excited about seeing strippers, it makes me sick as to how sleazy men are.

I spoke to him after his video chat and he said if all his boys are going to the strip joint he doesn't want to be the only one not going. I told him that I class it as cheating and for him to make his decision but not to lie to me and to tell me the truth if he ends up going or not.

I'm standing firm on this.

@mixum

OP, you will never know what he does thousands of miles away anyway.

Console yourself that it is "only" a strip club, but how would you know what, if anything else they might get up to? You won't and you don't.

Going to Vegas in the first place for a stag screams WTF, and OMG they are not there to look at the desert. You either accept/believe that he will behave like a monk or take off the rose tinted glasses and face reality.

He could always stay at home under your guard though I suppose....That's the only way to be sure he has the chastity belt on and well tightened.

What a horrible post. Must be nice sticking the knife in?

It's kind of par for course if groups of men go to strip clubs on a stag do,especially to Las vegas or Amsterdam,or some other big cities etc. All men, away from home, roaming around, drinking to much etc, and perhaps 90%of the men in the group,will be lured into a strip club,, and the others will follow. After all the booze, all thoughts of wives and partners at home, will be temporarily forgotten, and the fun time stag do will be all that matters for a while..

Cavorting naked women, and the wastage of money spent in these clubs, won't bother the men at this time. Lots of men enjoy watching stripper performances,it will always be the same everywhere, so no point in telling them they are not allowed to watch any strippers on these stag trips.

Years ago,I sometimes went for a drink in a local pub, with two women friends, in a largish pub where I used to live, and every two weeks,on a Friday night, they had two male strippers performing there. The first time I saw them in the pub, I was a bit shocked, as they ended up stripping down to completely naked, and dancing aroung the tables, penises swinging around all over the place, and inviting women to touch them all over, and put baby oil on their bodies and bits. Most of the women were shouting and laughing at the male strippers, and calling the men to come to their tables. It was all a lot more raunchy than the Chippendales groups., and all the women seemed to lap up the male strippers performances,

My ex husband, used to visit these places and use the services of sex workers ( before we were married). He was completely blasé about it and couldn't see anything wrong with it. The way he talked about these women was literally like they were objects he had paid for, for his gratification. He completely dehumanised them, when I found out and said I thought his attitude towards them was disgusting he honestly couldn't see what my problem was. According to him there were women you marry and then these other women who were there to be used and discarded! Absolutely disgusting attitude to have, left me completely gobsmacked.

Are you coming back to give an update, OP?

It's a stag do in Vegas of course there will be strippers ... I think you need to calm down personally I wouldn't be that bothered as long as there was no touching involved

I was going to say: only a problem if you eat them or kill them. But leather shoes are a problem for vegans despite nothing being eaten. And cows' milk is, although no one gets killed.

@AuntyBumBum

I was going to say: only a problem if you eat them or kill them. But leather shoes are a problem for vegans despite nothing being eaten. And cows' milk is, although no one gets killed.

Eh?

What leather are you wearing, that allows the skinned animal to wander around, unkilled?

And cows' milk, btw, doesn't happen without the mother cow having her male calves taken away - to be killed. What do you think veal is, @AuntyBumBum?

Thanks @ChargingBuck, I didn't know this. Out of interest then, in principle would it be ok for vegans to drink cows' milk if the calf wasn't killed? (They'd have to milk their own cow).

No! - vegans don't consume animal products. That means no dairy.

Thanks @ChargingBuck

Uggggh so lame, so DHs brother came over (the one whose getting married) we're all chatting away and my DH says to me let's talk about what you said about the strip joint, so I told BIL my opinion and how it will change the way I see DH, once again I told DH if he really wants to go to a strip joint he can but I will view him differently. BIL chimed in saying his OH is fine with him going as long as he doesn't get a lapdance.

Wtf is wrong with women who condone this?? How is it ok in your eyes???

If we really break it down, your OH will have cheated on you if he goes to a strip joint. In what normal world is it ok for your oh to be yards away or closer to naked women who are there only for their pleasure, the men are paying these women to give them naked dances, writhing all over them, your men are getting turned on by these ladies.
It's sick and sordid.

The women on here who say their DHs have been to a strip joint and are ok with it...are you just weak? Are you scared to face up to the truth? Are you submissive? Are you afraid others will think you're insecure and controlling if you ask him to not go?
I'm flabbergasted as your DH is CHOOSING to go there to get turned on sexually.

It's not about me being insecure, it's about me thinking I knew who my DH was, I won't be divorcing my husband if he goes but I will be keeping him at arms length and living my life the way I want without him emotionally. It's as simple as that. And I won't be giving him the silent treatment or anything negative, we'll be more like friends but he'll never have a say in how I choose to live my life. It might actually feel liberating, who knows.

So OP if your friends said we are going on a hen night to London and have booked to see the Magic Mike show would you just stay in your hotel room?

I would certainly not say I’m weak because I would be ok with my partner visiting a strip club on a stag in the same way my partner was fine when I went to see Magic Mike a few months ago.

Because we both know it’s not real, he isn’t going to run off with a stripper and if he does well more fool him and I’m better off without him

Obviously you can make your own decisions about your relationship but reading your perspective, especially your last post, has been interesting.

@1forAll74

It's kind of par for course if groups of men go to strip clubs on a stag do,especially to Las vegas or Amsterdam,or some other big cities etc. All men, away from home, roaming around, drinking to much etc, and perhaps 90%of the men in the group,will be lured into a strip club,, and the others will follow. After all the booze, all thoughts of wives and partners at home, will be temporarily forgotten, and the fun time stag do will be all that matters for a while..

Cavorting naked women, and the wastage of money spent in these clubs, won't bother the men at this time. Lots of men enjoy watching stripper performances,it will always be the same everywhere, so no point in telling them they are not allowed to watch any strippers on these stag trips.

Years ago,I sometimes went for a drink in a local pub, with two women friends, in a largish pub where I used to live, and every two weeks,on a Friday night, they had two male strippers performing there. The first time I saw them in the pub, I was a bit shocked, as they ended up stripping down to completely naked, and dancing aroung the tables, penises swinging around all over the place, and inviting women to touch them all over, and put baby oil on their bodies and bits. Most of the women were shouting and laughing at the male strippers, and calling the men to come to their tables. It was all a lot more raunchy than the Chippendales groups., and all the women seemed to lap up the male strippers performances,

I think generally women will giggle at the strippers. Cheer. It's more of an entertaining show where as men will be looking more if that makes sense.

It seems acceptable for women to see men but not the other way round.

I had a male stripper on my hen do. Had no idea and still cringe years later. I wouldn't have liked DH to have one though. How is that ok?

A strip joint, wow, so regulated it will probably be boring after a while, no different to the ones in London. I’ve been to a few & they are extremely boring, nothing to get uptight about, think you are over reacting by a mile. You are both adults & you should trust each other, it’s a bit of very expensive fun

@Womencanlift

So OP if your friends said we are going on a hen night to London and have booked to see the Magic Mike show would you just stay in your hotel room?

I would certainly not say I’m weak because I would be ok with my partner visiting a strip club on a stag in the same way my partner was fine when I went to see Magic Mike a few months ago.

Because we both know it’s not real, he isn’t going to run off with a stripper and if he does well more fool him and I’m better off without him

Obviously you can make your own decisions about your relationship but reading your perspective, especially your last post, has been interesting.

Did Magic Mike writhe in your lap? Did he take the hen into a back, private room? Did you and your mates get to sit and select which hunk you fancied and entice them over to strip privately for you while you waved money at them?

If I wanted to go out tonight to watch men strip for me, I don't think there's any club available. Whereas for men there's tons of clubs.

There's no comparison.

To be fair, the magic Mike show I saw years ago was pretty explicit. They then took a few women on stage from the audience (no end of willing participants) and performed quite graphic 'pretend' sexual activities with them. One woman was blindfolded and they bloke put a dildo on her shoulder abd encouraged her to open her mouth so she could 'blow' him.

I was wondering when uptight would get thrown in. Is pearl clutching going to make an appearance too I wonder?

Men who pay women to be naked or have sex with them are sleazy creeps

It's worse than cheating.

Cheating is with a consenting partner not exploiting a vulnerable woman.

I couldn't be with a man who sees women as disposable.

Going to Vegas in the first place for a stag screams WTF, and OMG they are not there to look at the desert

That is exactly what my husband would do.

@Hexagonmum

Uggggh so lame, so DHs brother came over (the one whose getting married) we're all chatting away and my DH says to me let's talk about what you said about the strip joint, so I told BIL my opinion and how it will change the way I see DH, once again I told DH if he really wants to go to a strip joint he can but I will view him differently. BIL chimed in saying his OH is fine with him going as long as he doesn't get a lapdance.

Wtf is wrong with women who condone this?? How is it ok in your eyes???

If we really break it down, your OH will have cheated on you if he goes to a strip joint. In what normal world is it ok for your oh to be yards away or closer to naked women who are there only for their pleasure, the men are paying these women to give them naked dances, writhing all over them, your men are getting turned on by these ladies.
It's sick and sordid.

The women on here who say their DHs have been to a strip joint and are ok with it...are you just weak? Are you scared to face up to the truth? Are you submissive? Are you afraid others will think you're insecure and controlling if you ask him to not go?
I'm flabbergasted as your DH is CHOOSING to go there to get turned on sexually.

It's not about me being insecure, it's about me thinking I knew who my DH was, I won't be divorcing my husband if he goes but I will be keeping him at arms length and living my life the way I want without him emotionally. It's as simple as that. And I won't be giving him the silent treatment or anything negative, we'll be more like friends but he'll never have a say in how I choose to live my life. It might actually feel liberating, who knows.

Read that back to yourself. Slowly.

You have far bigger issues than what DH looks at on a stag do, believe me.

@Hexagonmum

Uggggh so lame, so DHs brother came over (the one whose getting married) we're all chatting away and my DH says to me let's talk about what you said about the strip joint, so I told BIL my opinion and how it will change the way I see DH, once again I told DH if he really wants to go to a strip joint he can but I will view him differently. BIL chimed in saying his OH is fine with him going as long as he doesn't get a lapdance.

Wtf is wrong with women who condone this?? How is it ok in your eyes???

If we really break it down, your OH will have cheated on you if he goes to a strip joint. In what normal world is it ok for your oh to be yards away or closer to naked women who are there only for their pleasure, the men are paying these women to give them naked dances, writhing all over them, your men are getting turned on by these ladies.
It's sick and sordid.

The women on here who say their DHs have been to a strip joint and are ok with it...are you just weak? Are you scared to face up to the truth? Are you submissive? Are you afraid others will think you're insecure and controlling if you ask him to not go?
I'm flabbergasted as your DH is CHOOSING to go there to get turned on sexually.

It's not about me being insecure, it's about me thinking I knew who my DH was, I won't be divorcing my husband if he goes but I will be keeping him at arms length and living my life the way I want without him emotionally. It's as simple as that. And I won't be giving him the silent treatment or anything negative, we'll be more like friends but he'll never have a say in how I choose to live my life. It might actually feel liberating, who knows.

Yes, I have to agree with @TheRealityCheque here! This post is steeped in some crazy controlling weirdness.

Not only do you want to control the behaviour of your darling husband. You want to control your brother in law, your sister in law and now apparently the other women on Mumsnet! Other people have different views on this from you (including apparently your darling husband) and don't feel these levels of jealousy.

His views won't be any different if you stop him from going to see strippers. He'll still look at other women too. I reckon you'd better put a child lock on his phone, because lord only knows what he's watching on there.

@Babyvenusplant

A few years ago his best mate had a stag do and they went to a strip joint, he told them he wasn't going as it wouldn't be right and he went back to his hotel room.

Sorry op but I highly doubt that happened

I literally did this a few years ago. Well, when the rest of the group wanted to head off to the strip club I said goodnight and went off home.

In case that makes me sound terribly virtuous, I'm a tight-fisted bastard, and the thought overpriced drinks and strange women waving their tits in my face to get me to part with my cash makes me uncomfortable. It's just not my scene.

@Hopefullyoneday12....But.....you still married him???? So do you still see him in the same light????

@AuntyBumBum

I was going to say: only a problem if you eat them or kill them. But leather shoes are a problem for vegans despite nothing being eaten. And cows' milk is, although no one gets killed.

Strippers!

I always think that the women who defend their men going to strippers have really low expectations of men.